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The Pain of Being Bi

When I came home I was feeling really emotional because it is not often I go out to meet strangers for coffee.  Today I met three wonderful people.  In fact, over time I have met several wonderful women in the lgbt domain..  What has upset me today, and every time it happens, is when I get to share my story. 

You know, the funny thing is it amazes me that the lesbian women I have met, more so the lesbian couples, are really loud about their sexuality and topics around intercourse while sitting in cafes or restaurants?  I always find this quirky, but that’s my issue, anyway back to my story.

So these ladies who are introducing themselves will say all kinds of things, and how they ‘discovered’ women and never looked back.  Yep.  I get it.  And am totally supportive of them.  The group was formed to be a supportive group for all women within the spectrum, the only criteria is that they are women who like women (however that may be).

I am not forthcoming with my story because the same things happens each time.  So instead, people will ask me questions, direct questions, about me liking women and then I have to explain.  It is here that I see the recoil in their body language and face.  Just the simple words ‘I am bi’ makes many cringe.  And then I have to go into the bigger explanation about how I love my husband who is a great husband, yes he knows, yes he is supportive, no we don’t share women, no I am not looking for a woman, yes I have been with women, yes I know my sexuality, yes I am comfortable with my sexuality as is my husband… and on it goes.  It makes me really sad that I can’t be accepted, fully, without all the extra explanation that goes into it.

It hurts.  It really hurts to have people screw up their face at those first few words.  Yet once they get to know me, they are fine with me. 

I would love to live in a world where acceptance for who you are comes before all else.

Entries in this blog

HeartChakra

Em

Oh how I wish I could converse with you Em

Sit opposite you and intertwine our fingers, and have out hearts beat in sync 

To see your pupils dilate, to hear your breathe, to smell the pheromones

Oh how I wish we could talk

Talk of our parents... dive right in to your brain

Your ability to know without speaking

Discuss our past, and present without a care for the future

Oh how I wish we could talk

And be

In each others presence

And delicious awareness

Oh how I want to touch you on all levels

To hear you whisper my name

To curl up in your arms

To wipe away my tears

Oh how I wish we could talk Em

I really want to see how much you have grown

And show you how much I have been set free

HeartChakra

Is it bad to not want to help clients who can’t help themselves?

Is it bad to have a deep desire to want to go home but the only way home is via death?

But this is my home, for now.  And I really dislike it in this moment.

FB pics of dogs being skinned alive.  Animals chained, caged and tortured.  Seal pups left to leave a bloody trail when they slither over to their mother without their fur.  Monkeys caged at the dinner table and heads smashed so we can eat fresh monkey brains.

We are the sick bas*ards and I want to go home.

A longing to see old souls that you connected with in this lifetime and wishing they were still around, partly thinking lucky them and partly thinking why them since they were the good ones.

Is it bad to want to shut down and shut the world out?  Is it?

The amount of cruelty, bigotry and greed.

Mother Earth crying out to be saved, dirty waterways, piles of plastic and rubbish.

Let’s fill up our pockets with man made crap called money, so we can buy more man made crap. 

The banks hanging us by the balls.

Why???

Will we ever learn to save ourselves when we let the world around us crumble?

Its okay we have outer space to screw up.  No. Wait.  There is already too much junk up there floating about.  Managed to ruin that too!

Love, lust, greed, hate… I think we have left it too late.

Is it bad to want to shut down and shut the world out?  Is it?

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