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About this blog

My musings as a bisexual woman.

Entries in this blog

Femme Lusting

Heather:  Dr. Doctor, I think I've caught something serious.  Something serious from a woman.

Dr. Doctor:  I'll try to help you.  Tell me, what have you been feeling that ails you?

Heather: I've been feeling so many things since I've come in contact with her...

  • I think about her everyday and many times a day.

  • I leap for joy at every opportunity I have to talk to her and to listen to her.

  • She upstages every women with her beauty that has captured my eyes, my mind, and quite possibly, my heart.

  • I am taken aback with our unlikely and serendipitous encounter.  What were my odds of finding a woman with the worldview and values that so closely mirrors mine?  Oh, how good she and I can be for each other!

  • I hope so dearly that she feels something special for me as I do for her.

  • I fear so dreadfully that she doesn't feel something special for me as I do for her.

  • I try to prepare myself for the devastation that may strike me in the event that she doesn't want me the way I want her.  I fight with my emotions as I try to accept my inability to fully prepare for these foreign feeling that have already blindsided me.  

  • I am captivated and terrified.

Heather:  Dr. Doctor, what should I do?  Is there a treatment for this?  What is my prognosis?

Dr. Doctor:  I'm afraid I don't have the expertise to handle your case.  Here is a referral for a consultation with my colleagues at the Shybi Clinic.

Femme Lusting

This is the story of how I discovered Shybi.

Two years ago, I became attracted to a local mother whose son attends the same elementary school as my son.  Her name starts with the letter "D", so let's call her "D".  For years prior to that, I'd see D at various school and community functions where we would chitchat about typical things mothers talked about, such as homework, extracurricular activities, etc. -- it was unremarkable.  I've always noticed her understated beauty where her sweet face was never masked by excessive makeup, and her body was naturally cared for by her healthy lifestyle.  However, I am sapiosexual (attracted to intelligence) and somewhat demisexual, so looks alone is not enough to attract me; I needed more.  Then one day at a kid's birthday party, I found out D is a biology professor at the local college and has recently been promoted to the position of Dean.  That immediately peaked my interest in her and got me conversing extensively with her.  I found that D is an exceptionally intelligent woman with passions and values that match mine.  Each conversation with her leaves me swooning and lusting for her.  I soon found myself obsessed with her.

I spent each day looking for bi clues and hoping she was secretly attracted to women as I am.  I downloaded the HER app hoping to find her there.  She wasn't.  I scoured the internet searching her name with lgbt related terminologies, to no avail.  Then I came to Shybi, also hoping to find her here.  She wasn't.  I eventually gave up and concluded she is straight.

However, in my dashed hopes for a special relationship with D, I remained here at Shybi where I am learning more and more about myself, and it was here where I discovered my identity as a bisexual woman.  From then on I've made further progress:  I admitted my attraction to D to my husband, who was surprised but intrigued to find that she was my type.  I also had serious talks with him about my expectations and my strict limitations if I were to develop feelings for other women in the future.  As an additional benefit, our (already strong) relationship became stronger.

Every time I see D, I want thank her for taking me to a place where I can further my journey as a bisexual woman, however I believe I will forever keep my gratitude a secret.

Dear beautiful D, in the off-chance you come to this site and read this blog entry, thank you!

Femme Lusting

In the past week, I had the pleasure of receiving compliments from a bisexual woman, and I was struck by how much more profound those compliments feel compared to the compliments from men or from straight women. When she tells me I am a beautiful person on the inside and on the outside, I feel her words deeply inside me in a beautiful way that I can't find the words to describe.

Femme Lusting

I posted this in a discussion but feel it belongs in a place of its own here on this blog.  Here's what I wrote a few days ago:

 

While I believe there are people who are truly bicurious, I have come to realize I am not.   As of yesterday I have stopped identifying as bicurious, and am now certain I am bisexual.  Here's how I came to this revelation:

1.  I used to think inexperience disqualified me as bisexual -- even when I am certain I am attracted to both men and women.  I think this came from the faulty equivalence I made to the common saying, "How are you sure you like/don't like something if you haven't tried it?".  The more I thought about it, the less it made sense.  Inexperienced (virgin) heterosexuals who are certain they are exclusively attracted to the opposite sex don't say, "I'm hetero-CURIOUS because I have never been with ANYONE."   So, I have to ask myself why I should hold myself to a different standard.

2. I bought into the myth that you can only be straight or gay, and that if you are a woman who has only been with men, then you are either a closeted lesbian, or a straight woman angry at or unhappy with their man.  Complete nonsense!

I think I have through the years inadvertently incorporated the very nuanced but very pervasive sexual stereotypes into my own identity.  It contradicted everything I know about myself and that is: I am bisexual.  I am most certainly, without a doubt, bisexual. (And happy to be one too!)

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