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When I'm Hurt...

justonekiss

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In the past twenty four hours, I have told someone that I believe I'm bisexual and think I have lost the person who made all these emotions come up again. I don't know what to do with it. I don't feel any better.

 

I thought making the confession to someone would help, and it didn't. Also, the person I chose to tell "Selina" is by far one of the sweetest, kindest people I know. She didn't even bat an eyelash, and she was so supportive. She's actually done much better with her honesty, going as far as telling a family member, while I have only told her. I didn't feel relief. Instead, I just ended up asking her why did I feel so screwed up? Why do I feel like there is something wrong with me?

 

I also told her about the girl that I care so deeply for, and she said that whatever I do...don't shut her out.

 

So, I picked up the phone again. I texted. I called. Only to have Harley completely ignore all my attempts at contact. I don't know if she started to get a hint of how I feel or what. Then, as I started typing, She contacted me only to tell me she has nothing to say. Fuck, I almost prefer she said nothing and left me to hurt in silence.

 

I don't wanna question her or get an explanation at this point. Whatever, I do or say will be wrong. I can't deal. I just gotta get my shit together for me, and I could give a shit if I pursue anything with anyone. :resent:

 

When I'm hurt, I shut down. It isn't healthy, but I will never again put more effort into any relationship than someone else does. It's pointless. Ends up scarring only me in the end.


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Does Harley know of your sexuality? What have your exchanges been like lately? Not that I expect you to tell me :P but if they've been off something is underneath all of this.

 

Give her space. There's no point hounding her. Honestly, if she didn't respond at first, it's clear she doesn't want to so your only hope is she comes round in her own time. This isn't a reflection of you unless you could of unintentionally hurt her, but you don't strike me as the type.

 

You could message her and say you're sorry if you have and if she wants to contact you in the future, you'll be at the end of the phone. Then the balls in her court. But I wouldn't waste time blaming yourself, I don't think her behavior is because of your actions, reactions like that always say more about the other person than you...

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So Harley did end up contacting me, and I just blurted out that I'm struggling. She asked with what, and I told her I think I'm bisexual. Secretly, I wondered if this was the problem. She was having a family issue that had nothing to do with me. Harley also told me that would happily kick anyone's ass who judged me for this, adding she's bisexual. I was so confused. Still am. I haven't told her how I feel about her, but I've at least managed to tell her that truth.

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