In the past twenty four hours, I have told someone that I believe I'm bisexual and think I have lost the person who made all these emotions come up again. I don't know what to do with it. I don't feel any better.
I thought making the confession to someone would help, and it didn't. Also, the person I chose to tell "Selina" is by far one of the sweetest, kindest people I know. She didn't even bat an eyelash, and she was so supportive. She's actually done much better with her honesty, going as far as telling a family member, while I have only told her. I didn't feel relief. Instead, I just ended up asking her why did I feel so screwed up? Why do I feel like there is something wrong with me?
I also told her about the girl that I care so deeply for, and she said that whatever I do...don't shut her out.
So, I picked up the phone again. I texted. I called. Only to have Harley completely ignore all my attempts at contact. I don't know if she started to get a hint of how I feel or what. Then, as I started typing, She contacted me only to tell me she has nothing to say. Fuck, I almost prefer she said nothing and left me to hurt in silence.
I don't wanna question her or get an explanation at this point. Whatever, I do or say will be wrong. I can't deal. I just gotta get my shit together for me, and I could give a shit if I pursue anything with anyone.
When I'm hurt, I shut down. It isn't healthy, but I will never again put more effort into any relationship than someone else does. It's pointless. Ends up scarring only me in the end.