Long time no see! Since last blog, I've become really honest and less tolerant of a lot of things. I've been in consistent therapy (meaning weekly), and I've tried to set up boundaries to get myself in the most positive, peaceful place possible.
As it comes to Ivy, she knows everything and slowly made an issue of it. She knew I had a crush on Harley and used it against me when it was convenient for her. I gave her a warning, then she did it again so I asked for some space.
I know that Harley and I probably aren't going to be together. Though she no knows how I feel (even responded gracefully and with utmost sweetness), she deals with life differently than I do. She cuts people off completely instead of allowing people to support her; she tells me that I'm the only person she trusts and needs around. But what her actions say? They are vastly different from her words. To protect myself, I know that I need to create some space between Harley and I.
Thankfully, Selina and I still talk as often as possible. She's a total sweetheart, and I appreciate her beyond words.
The most important part of this blog, outside of these key characters in my life, is that I told my mother about what I really want in life. I sobbed uncontrollably and told her everything. I admitted that I have no idea where I'm going to end up or with who. This wonderful woman, one of the true angels in my life, said, "I'm sorry you've been carrying this alone. You could never disappoint me because I love you. If this is what has got you down, please let it go."
While some areas in my life may be dark, while I still may walk around with a huge question mark above my head, that was a huge light and weight off my shoulders.