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This Is Me Doing Some Thinking....

I have been meaning to do this for awhile and so here it is...there have been a lot of things going through my mind and one of my main things is that I need to focus on me and not my job that I don't want but need for the money....I spend a lot of time at home thinking about work and that needs to stop....

 

Anyway. On to my mind-

 

1. This week is around the 7 year anniversary of when I realized I wasn't straight. I thought I was a lesbian with a crush on my gay best friend and we went to a fall dance together and it was after hanging out with his friends that I realized I wasn't straight...it led to an awkward week because I had that floating around in my head and even though he was my closest friend at the time, it was a struggle because I knew that if I brought it up to him, it would reveal my feelings I had for him... Well, fast forward a week and we had everything out on the table and were closer than ever, one of his friends told him I liked him and so he already knew... He was also the only one who said he was proud of me after I came out to my mom and so this time of year I start thinking about him and how our friendship started my self discovery....

 

2. I need to create a work life balance and leave work at work. Right now I want a better job and have to find the motivation everyday to go. I have been applying for jobs and getting really good at the interview process and I am trying to focus on what I want instead of focusing on a job that I don't really like. Right now there is a lot of drama and people getting caught up in what another coworker is doing and I hate the fact that I am there mostly because I am there for the money and try to stay focused on my next job that I want.

 

3. It has been nice not thinking about my former crush- the one I have been blogging and posting about, I admit, I do think of him and now I am hoping that it continues not hearing from him. I feel it's good that I don't dream about him and don't even want to hear from him...I do check periodically to see if he has called only because I have had a few unknown calls and no voicemail. So who knows? About the only way he could get in touch with me is my work email and all I would have to do is delete that..soo..I am just glad that he is at another school that Is out of my area and that I won't be applying for...so that's one awkward situation off the list...

 

4. I'm also to the point where I focus on myself more and not so much others, although there are times that I get anxious around other people at work. Ever since I stood up for myself, the drama queen hasn't told me what to do like she was before. I stay to myself and do my job and leave after. I am also to the point where I don't mind keeping things to myself and having my own interests and not minding being different from people around me...well, that's kinda sorta...sometimes are better than others.

 

5. I am realizing that I keep thinking about women and have found myself checking out girls. I also have had the need to be more social at reach out online and start connecting with people at least online. I am limited to online as I get to know myself and would love to make like minded friends to chat with. I tried to keep things to myself before and it just didn't work. I figure the more I connect with others, it will help me to accept myself.


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Glad to hear you're on the road to becoming more confident in yourself. There are a lot of great women on this site and being on here has helped me with my confidence. I met the love of my life on here and have enjoyed chatting with the women on this site. My fiance and I used to enjoy being in chat together. Just hang in there and keep doing what you're doing at work. It's best to steer clear of the drama, trust me I know about this one. Focus on your job, yet take time to focus on yourself.

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Thanks for the words of encouragement!! I totally agree with you on meeting new people on here- i may have to try the chat on here since i haven't done that... I am realizing that it would help me tremendously to focus on the positive at work...that is something i am constantly working on...

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