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Loneliness

JadeBleu15

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This emotion has been plaguing me for years off and on.  For some reason, all of a sudden it's rearing it's ugly little dumb meanie head.  I feel so lonely in a room full of people, at home with my family etc. I am not sure what to do about it, I know the reason I am lonely, I think I do anyway, the secrecy of who I really am, not being able to live my life as myself, the burden of being the saint in the family the one who holds everyone together, this role as made me very tired of trying to be perfect for everyone else, I am sick of it quite frankly.  I am sure many reading this can relate, always putting other people's needs first, making decisions based on other people's feelings, the list goes on and on.  The time is coming very near where I will reach my breaking point and hopefully it won't be to bad for the folks in my life, or it might?? LOL I am not sure yet. Normally a very level person, but everyone is human and have their own individual breaking point, I am close to reaching mine.  So if you hear of an explosion of some sort of a mysterious kind in the world, it may just me reaching the point of my break LOL.

I am very thankful for this site and forum's like this one, being able to release some of what is inside me that I have not dared to breathe, its been an awakening of sorts for me.  I for the longest time though, I was the only woman in the world who had feelings like these, I felt like I was going absolutely Cray Cray LOL... its so refreshing to know that I am not alone in how I feel and I am normal. Of course definition of normal can vary from person to person, but for the most part I am a normal woman who just happens to think other women are extraordinary in every way.  That what I feel and have felt has been felt by many many women before me and many many more after me.

I am feeling better already as I type this, I think who ever said, writing down your feelings is therapeutic was a genius.  I think that is all Ii have right now until next time I thank you for reading this rambling... 


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I can also relate. I have been feeling so lonely recently as well. Not sure what to do about it. I know part of it is that I have this secret that I want to let people know about but yet afraid of how it will affect my family. I'm trying not to dwell on the other reason I'm so lonely right now.

Anyways, I hope it gets better. Sending happy thoughts your way!

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I'm sorry you feel alone and like you have to hide who you are. You're right you will eventually have all you can take of hiding it and you'll let it out. The time that will happen for you I think is when you end up in a relationship with a girl and it becomes serious because then you won't want to hide it. I didn't tell my mom or let her know until I was in my relationship with netty. Even now I think mom has a hard time with it but she's getting better with it. Just hang in there when the time is right you'll know but if you never tell, well that's your choice and don't let anyone bully you into thinking that you have to tell them because you don't.

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Thanks Wolfie I really appreciate it. Just waiting to get my last kid out of high school and go from there, even its just to be alone for awhile.  Very happy for you and Netty. 

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Yeah me too my daughter has two more years of high school then once she graduates, I'm moving over there to Scotland to be with netty.

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I can very much relate to this.  It can be suffocating to not be open and yourself. Not just because you aren't seen for who you are, but also because there is no option to fully live it and thrive. Just to be silly and sweet and real in your own skin when you need too.

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I don't know if I'd describe it as lonely, but I feel stiffed. I want to be able to be completely open about how I feel, who I admire, what rocks my boat.  Why can't I say that i think a woman is hot or sexy or attractive without people being upset or bothered by it - or worse, feel the need to mock.   I just want to be me.

 

Edited by CuriouslyMarriedWoman
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2 hours ago, CuriouslyMarriedWoman said:

@wolfbigrl88  How I envy you!  Not only did you find the person of your dreams, you get to move to Scotland.  Wonderful for you and Netty.  (I love Scotland)  Hope time flies quickly for you.

Thank you and yes she is the woman of my dreams and she'll be here in a few days woo hoo! I'm also looking forward to moving over there to be with her.

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