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Dual Needs

amsterrock

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I heard it said once that you can't expect one person to fulfill all your needs. Humans are very complex beings. We need social interactions, emotional support, intellectual stimulation, physical touch, etc, all to varying degrees. It is unrealistic to put the responsibility on one other person to fulfill all those needs. That is why in addition to our life partner, we have other relationships. One friend enjoys the same books, a family member understands your quirky humor, a neighbor shares your passion for gardening. All of these relationships are necessary to our well-being. 

The struggle with being bisexual (in my experience) is that our physical needs by nature can rarely be met by one person. I love my husband. He grounds me. He makes me laugh. He builds me up, and supports me when I am weak. He listens, and shares his heart. And I am so grateful for him every single day, but he is not enough. I know who he is and I enjoy that person. But I do not expect him to be everything for me because that is an unrealistic expectation. He knows this and understands this (in his own way). Hopefully my relationships keep me sane enough to make it through till tomorrow. 

 

 

 


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I like what you said. It's unrealistic to expect anyone to fulfill all of our needs. Bisexuality just adds another layer of complexity.  I've read a few articles that indicate that bisexuals are  not well understood by most people, especially if you've only ever been with the opposite sex.

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This recognition of needs is one thing that led me to pursue an open relationship. But that may not be appropriate for your circumstance. Best of luck finding something that works for you.

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It's these kind of thoughts in the wake of my before & after cheating that has made me rethink monogamy. Not that I necessarily want an open marriage, but we're fed such a rosy picture of life and the truth is that complete, long-term monogamy is really hard. I'm not saying it can't be done, but it takes a lifetime of choices and struggles in between the awesome times. 

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