So, I am back.
Finally really truly back, and not just peeking in.
For how long I cannot say. Because, I always get swept away by life, but somehow I always find my way back here since I discovered this website.
I suppose I like the sense of community about this place, and it's naturally welcoming nature.
And I know I have friends here.
But I live with this blot on my personality. This evil little voice that likes to whisper my own flaws, and lie about my inability to rise to being a worthwhile human being.
It says stupid things at odd moments. Such as "you're being a bother"" or "No one can really understand you, so why even try?" Or "No one really cares, they don't -really- know you, why should they?" "You're just here for their entertainment." Yadda, yadda. I think you get the picture. Such drivel will eventually drive me back into my shell and away from people. I won't lie and say every time. Sometimes it's just life events. or the fact I just plain don't want to socialize. Or that I'm an introvert, who can get exhausted by too much social stimuli, and being married with it's own whirlwind of life drama i have to take on with that (his and mine) life can just be a bit overwhelming at times, to the point it feels like the last thing I need is to be social with anyone else.
I think the main reason I'm finally breaking my silence here after so long is because I'm finally starting to feel a return to my sense of self that I've not felt in ages. I finally am coming out of the Dark Blanket cast by the Shadow of Depression, and feel like I'm walking in the Sun again. How long this more positive frame of mind will last is beyond me, but I hope it sticks. It's been a rough few years where I've been forced to check out on a lot of things, and I really want to make up for lost time.
If you are one of the people I chatted with before and I skipped out on you, I am sorry. If you are a friend (old or new), I will try to do better at staying it contact, but if I don't please understand it is nothing negative to do with you. If I have a problem with you I will tell you so. I don't run away from conflict. I just have a habit of returning to my shell every so often to reflect on life and heal like any true Cancerian. But don't take that to mean I don't care. And I think you'll find with some prodding you can goad me back out again.
So here's to hoping to get the chance to see more of you all soon.