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Ugly Duckling Syndrome?

Note: I said I WANT a girlfriend. I can survive without another partner, but I would like to have one.

 

Honestly, and I know I keep going back and forth with this, but if she wanted a triad, I'd give it a thought. I don't know if I want another triad after being burned by the last woman. She totally went about it the wrong way. Right now, I'd rather have a V-type poly relationship. V dynamics work well. All these men keep talking to me, and I'm like, "ugh...bugger off!" Forgive my language. Anyway, I'm so irritated that women don't see me in a romantic way. Especially ones in my area. It's like I'm the cool person to hang out with, but not a girlfriend. I sound like a single guy who has been friend zoned several times (if the term friend zone bothers you, then you and I have totally different meanings for the word). 

My last girlfriend lived in the perfect location. She was only 30 minutes away from me, and she understood my wants and needs, and she wanted to make sure I was happy. Why did we break up? She did not have time for me, and she felt horrible for it. I told her that I would be open if we met later on in life at the right time. So there's that, but I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket either. I am looking online and offline and it just...ugh. Oh well.The story of my life. I end up finding the unavailable ones that want to be in a relationship or they don't know what they want and have never met someone who was sure of what they wanted. That's what I'm famous for. I tell you the truth that I'm looking for a relationship, and that I'm serious. Apparently, seriousness is a turn-off. Well, I don't do bullshit or games. I've tried to play the game, but my ex-girlfriend understood me. She admired my honesty and stated that people aren't used to being told the truth in such a way. They mistaken it as being too much, she took it as being up front. Now I know I'm not crazy. I mean what I say and say what I mean. 

Anyway, sitting here feeling not so pretty and listening to "Blue" by A Perfect Circle now. I guess I'll go play a game. 

Namaste, ladies,

Bella 


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 Huge hugs.  I don't identify with all of this,  but i get that rejected feeling and not being quite good/ pretty/ whatever enough.  

I guess I didn't have enough male validation in my life or something, so even though I know my husband adores me, it's not enough. And I hate that. I hate that I am desperate for men or anyone to find me attractive.

Thank God for therapy.

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That's annoying. It's good that your ex was honest that she couldn't devote enough time to the relationship, but sucks that nobody has arisen to take her place. Also you're super attractive so it's not an ugly thing.

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20 hours ago, ChemFem said:

That's annoying. It's good that your ex was honest that she couldn't devote enough time to the relationship, but sucks that nobody has arisen to take her place. Also you're super attractive so it's not an ugly thing.

Thank you for your compliment. Yeah, I can't seem to find someone who is serious and sure of themselves to be with me. 

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I think she was right, people aren't used to honesty. Probably because of their own insecurities. But I'd much rather be around someone like you, that doesn't stand for BS.

I would say don't rule out anyone because they've put you in the "friend zone." I ended up marrying someone I friends-zoned. Sometimes it takes just a simple gesture to see someone in a whole new light. If you're interested in someone, show them by making them feel special.  

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1 minute ago, amsterrock said:

I think she was right, people aren't used to honesty. Probably because of their own insecurities. But I'd much rather be around someone like you, that doesn't stand for BS.

I would say don't rule out anyone because they've put you in the "friend zone." I ended up marrying someone I friends-zoned. Sometimes it takes just a simple gesture to see someone in a whole new light. If you're interested in someone, show them by making them feel special.  

See, I do make them feel special, which is why they leave me...it backfires. I even ask them how they're feeling and if it was ok to make a certain gesture. I back off if they say no. I'm very considerate. (she even said that to me)

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1 hour ago, BellaMynx said:

See, I do make them feel special, which is why they leave me...it backfires. I even ask them how they're feeling and if it was ok to make a certain gesture. I back off if they say no. I'm very considerate. (she even said that to me)

Sounds like you re pretty awesome. Someone will see that. Just don't lose hope. 

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17 hours ago, amsterrock said:

Sounds like you re pretty awesome. Someone will see that. Just don't lose hope. 

Thank you, dear. I appreciate that. 

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On 10/11/2017 at 9:10 PM, amsterrock said:

Sounds like you re pretty awesome. Someone will see that. Just don't lose hope. 

Totally agree with this.  You seem super cool.  I also friend-zoned my current bf, but that's something I HAVE to do before I can be intimate with a person.  Everyone passes through the friend-zone first.  lol.

I wish the world had more of your honesty.  It would help get past a lot of the bs that happens in the dating scene I'm sure.  With my current, I told him from the start basically "here is how things are for me in this moment, what I need, what I want, and what I have to offer" and let him decide where to go from there.  Like a darn job interview. haha.  It's still very much like this with him and he appreciates it.  So I know there are definitely more people out there that will appreciate your straight forward honesty.  I definitely do.

<3

 

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34 minutes ago, NoOne said:

Totally agree with this.  You seem super cool.  I also friend-zoned my current bf, but that's something I HAVE to do before I can be intimate with a person.  Everyone passes through the friend-zone first.  lol.

I wish the world had more of your honesty.  It would help get past a lot of the bs that happens in the dating scene I'm sure.  With my current, I told him from the start basically "here is how things are for me in this moment, what I need, what I want, and what I have to offer" and let him decide where to go from there.  Like a darn job interview. haha.  It's still very much like this with him and he appreciates it.  So I know there are definitely more people out there that will appreciate your straight forward honesty.  I definitely do.

<3

 

Thank you! It's so hard because there are a lot of people who have hurt me in the friend zone area. I have also been used before by someone who wasn't sure that they were bisexual or even into girls. And so unbeknownst to me, they decided to "take me out on a date." In which they pitied me and paid for my dinner, my drinks, and then let me do some other activity that has nothing to do with sex but I won't mention it online; hence, the reason why I will never date someone with the extension "flexible" attached to their orientation. Anyway going back to the main topic, since I went on a gigantic tangent, it's hard to believe that someone would want to date me even though I'm honest. They think that I'm lying or that it's too good to be true.

I have a kind face--my friend and I were talking about this the other day because she thinks that since I have a kind face, people think, "okay, she looks harmless and nice. She'll let me experiment with her!" Then it all goes downhill from there.

In a nutshell, I have been cursed with heartbreak after heartbreak. The people who do want to date me are unavailable or not my type because we are completely different. This is in terms of compatibility. They are completely wrong for me.

Oh, my life is so complicated.

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9 minutes ago, BellaMynx said:

Thank you! It's so hard because there are a lot of people who have hurt me in the friend zone area. I have also been used before by someone who wasn't sure that they were bisexual or even into girls. And so unbeknownst to me, they decided to "take me out on a date." In which they pitied me and paid for my dinner, my drinks, and then let me do some other activity that has nothing to do with sex but I won't mention it online; hence, the reason why I will never date someone with the extension "flexible" attached to their orientation. Anyway going back to the main topic, since I went on a gigantic tangent, it's hard to believe that someone would want to date me even though I'm honest. They think that I'm lying or that it's too good to be true.

I have a kind face--my friend and I were talking about this the other day because she thinks that since I have a kind face, people think, "okay, she looks harmless and nice. She'll let me experiment with her!" Then it all goes downhill from there.

In a nutshell, I have been cursed with heartbreak after heartbreak. The people who do want to date me are unavailable or not my type because we are completely different. This is in terms of compatibility. They are completely wrong for me.

Oh, my life is so complicated.

I feel ya!  Life is complicated.  Why can't we just like, have a lion pride with 50 ladies and 1 dude for protection and reproduction?  Hahaha!  But yea, I've allowed girls to flirt with me when they aren't sure what they want, but nothing more.  I guess that's where the honesty and straight forwardness helps.  If only other girls knew how to be that way instead of stringing you along.  You are not a Bath & Body Works tester bottle!

It's funny that you say that about the kind face though.  Most people think I'm at least 7-10 (sometimes more) years younger than I am (late 20s).  And I smile a lot more than I guess is reasonably acceptable, so I get passed off as just a kid a lot (which, tbh, I enjoy and I probably am, lol). 

Maybe your kind face and honesty come from having a pure heart...it definitely sounds like it to me.

*hug*

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51 minutes ago, NoOne said:

I feel ya!  Life is complicated.  Why can't we just like, have a lion pride with 50 ladies and 1 dude for protection and reproduction?  Hahaha!  But yea, I've allowed girls to flirt with me when they aren't sure what they want, but nothing more.  I guess that's where the honesty and straight forwardness helps.  If only other girls knew how to be that way instead of stringing you along.  You are not a Bath & Body Works tester bottle!

It's funny that you say that about the kind face though.  Most people think I'm at least 7-10 (sometimes more) years younger than I am (late 20s).  And I smile a lot more than I guess is reasonably acceptable, so I get passed off as just a kid a lot (which, tbh, I enjoy and I probably am, lol). 

Maybe your kind face and honesty come from having a pure heart...it definitely sounds like it to me.

*hug*

I suppose. Lol! I am quite bubbly at times and then I can be serious immediately after. My friends think I'm fun and stuff, but new people...well...I don't think they understand me at first. I'm so weird! Ha ha! I end up having more friends than suitors and suitoresses? LOL! I totally made that word up. Lol. But anywho, yeah, I also get mistaken as a younger gal too (25 as opposed to my actual 33 and in 3 days 34)! Happy birthday to me! Perhaps, a pretty girl will come my way and want to be serious for a change. That will be my wish, but damn it...according to Disney's Cinderella, I can't tell a wish or it won't come true...FML...LOL! I'm always doing it wrong! Lmao! 

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5 minutes ago, BellaMynx said:

I suppose. Lol! I am quite bubbly at times and then I can be serious immediately after. My friends think I'm fun and stuff, but new people...well...I don't think they understand me at first. I'm so weird! Ha ha! I end up having more friends than suitors and suitoresses? LOL! I totally made that word up. Lol. But anywho, yeah, I also get mistaken as a younger gal too (25 as opposed to my actual 33 and in 3 days 34)! Happy birthday to me! Perhaps, a pretty girl will come my way and want to be serious for a change. That will be my wish, but damn it...according to Disney's Cinderella, I can't tell a wish or it won't come true...FML...LOL! I'm always doing it wrong! Lmao! 

Is that from Cinderella?  I know I always believed it, but I never knew where it came from.  lol.  We weirdos deserve love too!  I guess just keep putting the energy out there and the universe will attract your desires...or something like that. lol! 

Early Happy Birthday!!

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14 minutes ago, NoOne said:

Is that from Cinderella?  I know I always believed it, but I never knew where it came from.  lol.  We weirdos deserve love too!  I guess just keep putting the energy out there and the universe will attract your desires...or something like that. lol! 

Early Happy Birthday!!

Thank you! Well, I do know that Cinderella was telling the birds this when they asked her to share her dream. Lol! So I just quoted her. Yes, nerds and weirdos need and deserve love too! he he! Positive energy to the universe and beyond! I will try. He he, Thank you again. 

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There actually is something to the idea that if you tell a wish it won't come true...I recall reading some psychology research that said telling people about a goal can in some circumstances make it harder to accomplish. Apparently talking about a goal may trick your brain into thinking you've already achieved it ergo you no longer need to try. This is why the people who won't shut up about the book they're writing at parties still aren't finished years later.

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2 hours ago, ChemFem said:

There actually is something to the idea that if you tell a wish it won't come true...I recall reading some psychology research that said telling people about a goal can in some circumstances make it harder to accomplish. Apparently talking about a goal may trick your brain into thinking you've already achieved it ergo you no longer need to try. This is why the people who won't shut up about the book they're writing at parties still aren't finished years later.

Wooaahh...gonna keep that in mind.  Thanks!

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On 10/13/2017 at 7:50 PM, ChemFem said:

There actually is something to the idea that if you tell a wish it won't come true...I recall reading some psychology research that said telling people about a goal can in some circumstances make it harder to accomplish. Apparently talking about a goal may trick your brain into thinking you've already achieved it ergo you no longer need to try. This is why the people who won't shut up about the book they're writing at parties still aren't finished years later.

You have a point there! I'd love to see the articles on that! <--Psychology nerd. He he! It did take me years to finish my book. Lol! 

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