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A letter to NoOne

NoOne

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Oh, my dear NoOne,

What are you doing to yourself now?
Falling in love with an idea again, aren't you?
You know that doesn't work.
Don't fool yourself like this again.
Reality is not as sweet as your fairy-tale.
It never will be.

Try as you might to be someone else's dream come true, you cannot expect that of anyone else.
You already know this.
And it disappoints you.
That's why you create these ideas that you fall in love with.
These imaginary tales that you can envelope yourself in.
Hoping you won't be disappointed by something that isn't real.
But still you end up disappointed anyway by the fact that it isn't real.

You're in love with the journey to love.
You can say what you want about not feeling "in love" right now or not wanting to feel love for a while.
But the second you get a taste of that sweet nectar on your lips, you're like a manic addict.
Your veins expand and your heart rate increases as the dopamine races through you.
It's like steroids and you're a fiend.
You know how this is.
This isn't the first time you've done this to yourself.
Not even the second time.

That girl messed you up real bad, didn't she?
Left you addicted to the roller coaster.
Like some sort of emotional masochist.
Falling down, just for the joy of standing up again.

At least last time you didn't climb so high before you leaped.
You climbed real high this time.
And you think you've fallen most of the way down with what's happened so far.
You won't know unless you leap again.

That wasn't me trying to encourage you to do it.
You already know what I'm trying to say.
You're not entirely sure if you can stand back up after this one.
Let me tell you this:
You will stand.

That still isn't me encouraging you to leap.
But I know us better.
You will always stand.
And then you will climb even higher.
Because that's what we do.
We're fighters in that way.

Just make sure you rest and eat well.
You're going to need your energy.
I can't tell you what to do, only lend you advice...
I mean...
Who am I anyway?

Sincerely,
The voice inside your head


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Wow, this is the realest "letter to myself" that I've read in a long time. What other things make you climb and leap besides romance?

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@ChemFem Thank you!  It's funny this really is just how I talk to myself in my head.  It helps when I actually write it out for myself to go read again later.  I'm not sure if I climb and leap for many other things.  I do enjoy actual roller coasters, and I train in a sport where you tap to signal that you technically almost died (at least, that's my fun way of describing it, lmao).

It's not like I starve myself just to make food taste better or anything like that though.  This letter was sparked by a recent feeling with someone that I chat with fairly regularly.  I've noticed myself starting to really look forward to talking with them, and missing them when we don't talk.  And I don't know them *super* well since we've never actually met in person and probably never will.  I just enjoy our conversations, but the feeling I have when I get notifications from them, and feeling I have when I'm waiting for them to respond, and looking forward to their messages...I know for me that that's not a good sign.  It's that "butterflies" feeling of an early romance that I've found I really really enjoy.

And I'm supposed to be trying to give my bf a chance to fix things with us.

It's early enough to tone the conversations down, and I'm sure they'll understand, since they know my situation.  I just had to talk myself off cloud 9 before I floated too far away.

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