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Live life or let it happen to you

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LizzySizzles

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The last 6 months of my life have been very, very busy for me. I see from my last entry that life has changed more than I had anticipated but it was all necessary changes and most for the better.

 

The surgery went well, everything was fine. I returned to work with no problems and have had no issues since. I have only one ovary now and no tubes, so I still have periods (UG) and so far the one ovary has been enough to keep my body supplied with hormones. My period last month was the first since the surgery that wasn't exactly on time. When I was a young girl, before I went on birth control at 17, my periods were always erratic and unpredictable. I suppose there is a chance that after all these years I would go back to that. I'm late now, but not worried. Everything is working fine. I am noticing more about things probably affected by hormones, in addition to other things, that I am addressing as they come. I have less of a need to cry so often. I still need to, but I don't cry so easily either. I have found a little bit of confidence in my job and am finding it a little easier to stand up and do what needs to be done, instead of being worried how people will feel about working with me. I'm finding that having a regular, dependable schedule that guarantees me one day a week home alone is required to keep my mental health in check and that I have suffered not having it during this busy holiday season. This is the first retail job I have worked in management, and the first I've worked during the Christmas season in many years. I am very, very exhausted and my mental health is in need of some time and repair. I'm also finding myself much less apologetic about needing this time, it just is. I can't control it and I won't try.

 

Our home situation has changed, we are now living in what was my mother in laws house. It's not far from where we were, so we could keep our son in the school he loves. But we don't love the township, the board members, or the police. None of them did what they said they would do. No one cared that my husband, son, and I were harassed and traumatized. These people weren't just assholes, I don't even have words to describe. I kept telling myself that they were obviously unhappy with their own lives and decided to spew their unhappiness on us because it was convenient. I'm slightly concerned because at my work a situation came up that I ended up renting to someone I work with. I'm concerned for a number of obvious reasons, and there is a small part of me that believes those neighbors will be so eager to prove that WE were the problem they won't be assholes to anyone else. I do worry though, I don't want the neighbors over there to find out I work with her, I'm afraid it will cause them to start their shit again. I am finally, finally, after 18 months of this mess, starting to heal. I'm broken by the township, the lack of care, the police who didn't do anything for us. My heart still needs healing. But I'm not afraid to drive by my own house anymore. I don't take a different route home in fear that these people are trying to find me. Progress has been slow, but I think the longer this other girl lives there and doesn't have an issue, the faster the healing will go. It's also nice to have someone renting the place, because even though I'm not making what I could off of it, at least the payment is covered. We can focus on making payments here we actually live and stop taking advantage of my mother in laws kindness and willingness to help. We will be tearing out the bathroom soon, hopefully.

 

I say hopefully because my husband has found work and it's been a good job, however he works a LOT of hours. We don't see each other often and even when we happen to have time home together during the week, he's either eating, showering, or sleeping. Poor man, The job he found is an hours drive away, and his alarm goes off at 4:20 every morning. He's working somewhere between 60-70 hours a week some weeks. It's also outdoors work. In Michigan. It's frigid out right now, our highs are in the single digits. Usually this weather comes in February, which makes me think we'll get round 2 then. But for now, he's cold and tired. No working in the house yet. My mother in law is happy in her new place, and I just realized this week that I get to start planning my vegetable garden again, for the first time in over 2 years. It will be such a huge help to my mental health to have a garden again, I miss it so much. It's been too long and I'm losing my love for plants and I hate it. I can't wait until I can go outside and weed the veggies, smell the tomato plants, track the progress of the zucchini. I am outrageously excited to have a garden again. It's almost embarrassing. We've also found out that as a perk of being a supervisor at his new job, my husband can borrow pontoon boats from the lot over the summer. Even if that only means once, it's a chance we wouldn't have otherwise! So we are looking forward to that as well.

 

Progress, progress. Changes. Forward movement. Things are happening. Live life or let it happen to you. It's your choice.


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It sounds like you have been through quite a lot. I hope 2018 is kinder to you. May your upcoming year be full of joy and tomatoes.

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