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Way Back When

Violetta

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When I all I wanted to do was leave home, leave the arguments, leave the small town, the small mindedness. So I did it, I moved to London. Little did my family know, I moved there to be with the woman I loved. I lied with every inch of my body and I hated myself, a coward. I had this whole story of how she was my 'best friend' she accepted that part of me..we had 2 great years together but grew apart, we remained friends for years after and we both jumped in and out of relationships/encounters, I look back with fondness and memories of happiness and I'm so glad we knew each other but I still can't help to think I was hurting her the whole time, by not being honest and open. So this is how this whole thing started ... me being a closeted mess. I still lie about that relationship...

This is an extremely brief introduction as I intend not to bore you with too much detail, but you get the idea? Right? 


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Yeah got the idea. You likely did hurt her by being closeted, but hopefully you can learn from your mistakes. Also moving to be with somebody is a big step, so don't discount that.

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Yeah exactly, she fully seemed to accept it, I was young then but looking back that must have hurt her as she was fully out... older and hopefully wiser!?? 

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You are not a coward. We choose to do things that seem right to us. At that time that's what you thought was right. Sometimes we end up hurting people without wanting it. Moving to a big city and leaving a life you are used  and taught is a brave thing

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As @kairi said, you are not a coward. Only you can truly understand the situation you were in. You did what you felt was in your own best interest and what was necessary to get your life in a better place. There is NO shame in that. Having the courage to change your situation is incredibly brave and something you should be proud of. 

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You've reminded me of one of my first posts here about how I wished I'd been braver and true to myself. 

But you were braver than I was. You took the step to go somewhere unfamiliar to be with the person you loved, regardless if how you handled it.

You did what was right at the time, sometimes you have to protect yourself, and thats ok. It wasn't the right time then, but you'll know when it is and it will work out. 

Don't regret what happened back then. Time is precious and you're getting back on track now. That's what matters.

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Thanks for all the comments, I guess looking at it that way I was brace, to a certain extent... I'm not sure I'm brave now though ....

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Bravery isn't a personality trait, it's a behavior. You can still find ways to be brave.

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You are a beautiful strong woman.Believe it.Being here and revealing yourself is brave,You are surrounded by amazing women here that understand and try to help ,take what you can because the support and the openness we find here is not something we get even in our lives and in the world.  :)

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the best thing I did was to join this site... I'm grateful for it... just when I though I was going crazy ... 

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