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An arrow can only be shot forward by first being dragged backwards

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So last Sunday my ignoring my mental health caught up to me. I had a minor meltdown that started at work, then continued and only got worse. By Sunday evening I was still there texting my boss asking for Monday off, then by Tuesday night I was texting him telling him I needed any time off in the next week that he could spare. When I spoke with him Tuesday on the phone he gave me ALL WEEK off and didn't put me back on until the next Wed (tomorrow). I spent most of early last week either high on Anti Anxiety pills or sleeping. It ended up being a pretty major meltdown. By Friday I was able to go a whole day without any meds and by Saturday night I had made up my mind to quit my job. My husband has been encouraging me to do so for a few months. Things are good at his job. It's not that I don't need to work, I do, and I will. Just not  full time right now. Or in management, which is causing me so much stress I can't reset on my own. I'm not one of those people who can leave her work at work and my son and my husband have paid the price for it. The Christmas season in retail almost killed me, and I was so busy with my new at the time girlfriend that I just kept pulling energy I didn't have out of somewhere and I think it finally caught up with me this past week. Surely our breakup  didn't help, but it wasn't the cause. This was a long time coming anyways.

Saturday I had had a float (sensory deprivation tank) and a massage scheduled for some time. I had very much been looking forward to it and by now I needed it. The hubs decided to book a couples massage, and it was wonderful to be able to take a couple hours off and reminding myself that it's okay and life should be fun too, not just stress, all the damn time. By Sunday morning I knew I was going to quit, but was going to discuss it with my boss on Monday, even though I didn't return until Wednesday. Well I ended up having a conversation with him on Sunday and told him I was quitting. He must have assumed I woulnd't have been able to give him a notice, he seemed very surprised when i said I was going to do my best to work a week or two, whatever he needed. He asked me to finish the week through Sunday, then called me toady and said he only really needed me tomorrow and Saturday. He's trying hard to make sure I know he cares and is trying to do what is best for me, and that he is not as concerned about the store. On top of all that, he told me he intends to pay me every bit of paid personal, sick, and vacation time I have saved up before he terminates me in the system. Once again,  got off the phone in tears.

Tomorrow is my first day back after 10 days off and only 1 of 2 days I have left of work. I have no idea who knows if and when I'm leaving and who doesn't. I'm not looking forward to this. I can't wait to be done so I can unwind completely. Let the job go, let the effort go, let the emotions go (it's where I met her), and let the stress go. I think I'm going to go back to a season merchandising job I worked for a local nursery. No boss on site, very flexible hours, outside summer work so free tan, and I get to play with plants all day. Win win win win.

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