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It's not ever enough

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The title should be enough of a description of what I'm going to write, but I will expound on the meaning behind the title.

Yesterday I took her to the airport after having ten wonderful blissful days together. It's never enough time together to satisfy both of our longings and need for each other.

In just 3 short months we will say our vows and become each other's wife. Before that milestone happens, my youngest will graduate high school. She will be the last one and then it's off to bigger and brighter things for her future. 

It's only been a day and I'm an emotional basket case. Every time we have to say good-bye, the part of me that I need to be with gets ripped away again. The only thing that will heal this wound that gets reopened every time we have to part is for us to be together forever. 

Don't get me wrong I know we will have some struggles along the way, but every couple does. It's what strengthens and builds a strong relationship. We have been doing this now for four and a half years. We've done well and long may our relationship last.

Once we are married however we won't be able to be together yet. I still have to come home and work for another half a year or more until I can make enough to have some money to take with me when I move over there next year. Life will be much different than what I've been used to in the U.S. when I move over to the U.K. and there will be adjustments that will have to be made. I won't be coming back home after two weeks once I move over there I will be there. It's a huge change for me. My family will be here in the U.S. and my kids will all be here in the U.S. and I will have to get a job and still be sending money home to help out my youngest while she's going through college and figuring out her next path in life.

I'm looking forward to beginning our lives together as a couple. Waking up to each other, having disagreements and laughing about them later, being woken up by a cat sitting on my stomach or a dog trying to nudge me off the bed. I've already settled it that I will be the one to clean up the mess after meals are made because I'm shit in the kitchen but have better talents utilized elsewhere.

I like where our house is and I love the location. There are scenic views all around and a famous person buried in the graveyard that's across the street. So cool to be living there. I'm looking forward to cooler summers because I've lived in the heat all my life. I prefer cooler weather. I mean don't get me wrong, I'll miss the pool and swimming but I won't miss the heat and humidity. I'd rather be a little bit chilly than sweaty and hot all the time. I have the air on right now because it's a little warm outside.

I'm looking forward to going on walks with her and the dog and adjusting to being a step-mom to her daughter. 

I will miss my little space that I spend most of my time in here in my bedroom, but we'll sort things out and make a space for me so that I will feel comfortable. Just to clarify I will feel comfortable anyhow because we will finally have our home and be together in one place.

Hopefully everything will come together and on our date in July we'll be saying I DO.

I may get a chance to see her again in October but if not it will be another 6 months after we say I Do that I will see her again.

My heart is aching and longing for her tonight as I write this and watch her sleeping.

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