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Showing content with the highest reputation since 03/21/2019 in all areas

  1. 10 points
    @Mariazena178 and @these-broken-wings(TBW) - Why in the world would you assume that sex with a woman per se would automatically be earth-shattering? Or that women are interchangeable, and that therefore sex with one would be as good as with another (such as with a woman with whom you are in love)? At the risk of stating the obvious, a woman, like a man, is a human being, and, as I have said here on Shy many, many times before, should not be regarded as a sex object that will make all of your dreams come true, regardless of who she is, and your interpersonal chemistry with her. You aren't necessarily going to have amazing sex together just because she's female and you've been fantasizing about having sex with a woman for a very long time (and especially not if you've never been with a woman before, so lack any experience in that regard). I hate to say it, but this kind of mythologizing is reminiscent of teenage boys who spend copious amounts of time in their bedroom, masturbating to porn and longing for the day that they will finally get to have sex with a real live woman... While fantasizing is part of human nature, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that, such intense longing can...and often does...lead to the sexual objectification of women, by both men and women. So, next time you contemplate your high expectations of sex with women in general, consider where those expectations are coming from...and try to get a grip on reality.
  2. 5 points
    I came out to my husband last week. It was definitely the scariest thing I've ever done in my life, and he was AMAZING about it. It's funny because I freaked out immediately after I told him and he was the calm one lol He said that something in the back of his mind always wondered if I liked women, but he dismissed it which surprised me. He knows me better than anyone ever has though so I probably shouldn't have been too surprised. He said he was happy I told him and told me that he loved me no matter what. That same night we talked about my struggles with my identity, women I've had feelings for in the past, and which celebrities I find attractive. It was very, very surreal to have a conversation about those things out loud. I've been pestering him and asking if he's still ok every other day lol I just want to keep the line of communication open and told him that I will answer any question he has 100% honestly and not to hold back if he has any or if he's feeling weird about anything. It's all still pretty fresh, but things have already started to feel "normal" if that makes sense. I'm really seeing our relationship in a whole new light, and we're definitely the happiest we've been in a long time.
  3. 4 points
    Congrats to Lori Lightfoot! The new Mayor of Chicago, an African-American woman and openly lesbian! The third largest city in America now has a lesbian Mayor.
  4. 4 points
    I've been on the site for a couple of days, and already feel I've found the right place to be. Its only the last few months, when my best friend came out to me as gay, I was able to express to him my desires towards women. I have never so much as kissed a woman, and never heard of the phrase bicurious before, but by his own revelations, has given me the confidence to explore how I feel. My husband and I aren't really close any more, and now my kids are getting to the age where they don't need mum, its time to concentrate on me.
  5. 4 points
    I think there is actually more agreement here than disagreement between all parties – and I believe seeming disagreement arises from a “misunderstanding of terms”. In this case the key term “objectify.” I believe @BenedettaC was dead on right that both men and women objectify women, but that is because of my understanding of what objectify means. And I believe, @these-broken-wings(TBW), you feeling that she was personally “attacking” you (and she wasn’t really) came from your understanding of what objectify means, as I think you attach a harsher connotation to the term, and viewing it as such, her words might indeed sound to you like an uncalled-for terrible personal attack. Or such is my perspective as a third party looking in. So, we have to define our terms. To engage in anticipatory sexual fantasies is, by definition, to objectify. So I disagree just very slightly with you there @myladylove, though I do understand as well exactly what you are saying. I would say that both men and women engage in objectification. Men are certainly rather more expert at it, more commited to it, engage in it quite a bit more often, and over the course of the history of society, managed to institutionalize and normalize “objectification of women” – the Miss America pageant, Playboy magazine, etc etc etc ad infinitum. But if a bisexual or lesbian woman should, by chance, gaze at a picture of some lovely lovely lady, (whom we know nothing about, other than that she is lovely) admiring her figure, and begin (dare I put it crassly?) to drool just a bit – well, technically, how dare we excuse ourselves and declare “oh, but we are not like men.” We are not like men in the degree and preponderance of it, but we do still do it. So, I have objectified women. Because I have fantasized about women. I have never, in the real world, actually had the opportunity to engage in a sexual relationship with a woman. But there is no doubt in my own mind, since there is no doubt I have over the years certainly been that “teenage boy masturbating to porn and dreaming of the day…..” (grimace, ouch, but it is true).... that were I to have sex with a woman……well, I would have set myself up for disappointment due to the intensity of my fantasies, and so the only question would be, would it be just mildly disappointing or hugely disappointing and a total disaster? And it would be nobody’s fault but my own. But – and this is important – it is a forgivable fault. Objectification is not a crime, it is just a trap of our own making and the means by which we cause ourselves pain. You are 100% right @these-broken-wings(TBW) that we should “try to understand the other person’s perspective.” But, that is a two-way street. So does everyone see what I mean when I say I think we all here are actually more in agreement than not, and that the seeming disagreement or hurt feelings has more to do with misunderstanding of terms and misunderstanding of perspectives? Such is my view, anyway.
  6. 4 points
    I agree with Bendetta on this one. Fantasy is never the same as reality, that's why it's called fantasy. I think in order to have the mind blowing sex you've been told about and read about, you need to have a connection and chemistry with the person you're with. You have a connection with your husband so it's satisfying like it should be. The reason why my first experience with a woman went so well is because we had that connection and that chemistry. I wasn't sure how it would go for me the first time but it was amazing and I wrote about that experience in my blog. Some women can have great first time sexual experiences with other women and not have that connection, especially if it's just sex to them, but that's not the norm. Hope this helps
  7. 4 points
    I think honestly it depends on the expectations thats brought into it.. if you have high expectations before you experience something new theres a chance of being let down. my first time with my gf..was my first time with a woman ever and it was amazing not that I had expectation but I was with the person I loved and It was both of our first times. We remained open minded and thats what all mattered. I hope you both have better luck with future women.
  8. 4 points
    Other married (or those in a relationship) tend to understand the situation when you want to stay married but also have some female intimacy.
  9. 3 points
    I have not been able to stop thinking about what it would be like to be with a woman. I've had these thoughts before but just recently have I actually wanted to know what it would be like in reality. The thought of being naked with another female turns me on so much. I have found myself searching for pictures of breasts often, and thinking about how much I would like to kiss and touch them, and have mine touched by a woman. I'm still not sure I would ever want to really act on it - I'm married - but the thoughts are so good.
  10. 3 points
  11. 3 points
    My thought is ... what if some people just don't pair up so well? This could be true for any pairing, regardless of gender. I wouldn't define myself by one experience, or even one pairing. Unless you found great meaning in that experience or coupling. I think we're all different in so many ways. Worth mentioning is that we should never settle for less than we deserve, less than we want. So if your first experience didn't 'wow' you, I'd suggest to keep looking for the connection that gives you what you want.
  12. 3 points
    I have not read the book , but have grown up in the Church and with a very close relationship with God . I don’t believe all the church views or interpretations , as the Church is man created and has morphed throughout history . I take what I need for my spirit and leave the rest . I do believe Jesus came to show love and tolerance to all . Love is love regardless of gender , race , or culture . It is man who sets restrictions on love not God . This is my opinion and everyone has their own take . I respect others even if I don’t agree and hopefully they too will respect my views .
  13. 3 points
    I’m definitely not going to judge you ...until I met a woman online I now I have feelings for and got to share a couple of intimate days with her I’d never have thought I’d be that person who could cheat in their husband. But now I honestly think If i could just see her on occasion and my husband never find out I’d be happy with that
  14. 3 points
    What's the boldest thing you've ever done to hook up with a guy or girl you were interested in? I don't think I've ever been so bold really but I did have a ("straight") friend that I found attractive. We'd never talked about my status really and one day, we were at her house chatting and she was complaining about not getting enough (referring to dicks) so I took the opportunity to tell her that I'd be happy to help her out. Soon after that she had the first girl/girl experience she didn't even know she was looking for. How about you guys - any interesting stories?
  15. 3 points
    I’m a little confused as to what you were expecting, being that it was new and also, that encounters with males aren’t always “earth shattering.” What was it that had you expecting more? My first few sexual encounters with men were alright. Actually, that goes for most of my male encounters (in the past) with the exception of serious relationships (and 13 year marriage) or the one or two guys who took the time to ask me how I liked to f-ck. My first few experiences with women were the same, but there was more emotion involved in it for me. That’s what set it apart. I usually orgasmed with my husband, as well. Just took a while for me to find the right match (w/a woman) and I didn’t really have any expectations going into it (mostly, because it was new and I had nothing to compare it to). For the sake of curiosity, I looked up sexual objectification: Description Sexual objectification is the act of treating a person as a mere object of sexual desire. Objectification more broadly means treating a person as a commodity or an object without regard to their personality or dignity. ———————————————————- Do I objectify? I’d say that’s limited to Instagram models, porn, and an occasional jaunt to the strip club. In real life? No and I’ve done my best to watch how I speak about/treat women. And if someone speaks like that around me in my everyday world (tone/intent/choice of words are everything), I will always voice my displeasure and a discussion will be had. Then again, I’ve become more and more particular to the energy of the people I choose to have in my life and also who I choose to exchange sexual energy with.
  16. 3 points
    Welcome @Chelle and @Tess004 and @Mariazena178! You've come to the perfect place to explore those feelings.
  17. 3 points
    I was at a 2 day Continuing Ed conference. Due to congested traffic, I arrived late and had to take a seat up near the front. The girl I seat next to was nice. As the conference unfolded . we shared notes and compared practices at our individual clinics. After the end of the first day, we both went on our on way for dinner. That night I was bored and went down from my room in the hotel to the bar. The saw was super crowded, after looking around I spied a seat at the bar and went to take it. As I sat down I noticed for the first time that the woman sitting next to me happened to be the same lady I had sat next to at that days conference. Over a couple of drinks,we began talking, first about the today's CE sessions, then about our nursing experiences and about our families. As it became late and we each settled up our bills, I took a deep breath, swallowed hard and asked if she might want to come up to my room for a night cap. She ended up staying all night and the next night as well. She and I have been friends and lovers ever since.
  18. 3 points
    Hi, I am late 30's, 2 kids, married for 12 years. Recently realised that for the first time I have feelings for another woman but it feels like there are so many hurdles that I need to overcome. So relieved to find a forum of people who are or have gone through something similar!!
  19. 3 points
    I met and married my wife i met on here. We was both Moderators on shys. :)
  20. 3 points
    You get to label yourself poly, or bi, or anything else you please. It's other people who would label you otherwise. You get to be yourself, no matter what other people say about you.
  21. 3 points
    Married woman here and have the special friendship with another married woman. Balance is key, navigating priorities and jealously is important and normal.
  22. 3 points
    I dont think it’s selfish to want both of them. Everyone has different reasons for staying married, and love is the best reason of them all. Equally, you are entitled to have a fulfilling relationship with a woman. Sometimes deciding what is the best thing for ourselves is a difficult decision to make. I hope you find what is right for you. But don’t feel guilty about the decision you make. X
  23. 2 points
    I can certainly relate, having been in a similar situation. Be very careful with your hearts and your husbands'.
  24. 2 points
    I'm not one for liking too much hair. Well groomed every time. Hair free, even better.
  25. 2 points
    I struggled for such a long time with cognitive dissonance as I came to terms with my sexuality over the last 10 or so years. Wanting to be with a woman in so many ways and anytime I thought this would never happen due to being married already (before the awakening as such) it would make me weep! I certainly did not want to end my marriage to have these experience with females so I looked at other options while protecting my marriage. I could not open up my marriage completely especially as my DH is monogamous (But I dread to think what would have happened to our relationship if I had pushed polyamory in order to have a relationship with a woman - it does not bear thinking about as I think my heart may have broken) However after many years of conversation, some late into the night, I found a way that works for us. Gendered Monogamy - I will stay married (and very happily so) to my DH and not have relationships with other men however I will have a relationship with a woman too (only 1 woman at a time if I am lucky enough to have found someone that clicks). I have done this in the past and it is still not 100% perfect of a fit for me but it is something that sits with me much better than totally open polyamory. It is only due to my bisexuality and the fact that there are things (not always necessarily sexual) that my DH is just not able to provide and there are strong needs that surface from time to time. If DH was bisexual I would like to think I would find it in my heart to have the same arrangements for him too.
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