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  1. 11 points
    Forgive my sudden intrusion. Re-entry is what this is. I joined many years in the past and have rolled, tumbled and endured gushing wounds along this path to self-acceptance. I wanted... perhaps, even, needed that bright, shiny label. I was so eager to uncap the pink, purple and blue marker and spell my name on a white, fat sticker that I could fix above my heart: bisexual, here! I have learned that it's not so simple. I remember when I joined and I look back on the confusion, the fear, the titillation, the joy in finding others like me. I remember leaning over and looking down straight into the depths of my own uncertainty and wondering if it would be right to jump. And I did. I fell through darkness and light. Happiness and misery. I fell again, and again and again and again. And when I landed, and spat shattered teeth into my palm, I swore it was over for me. I swore that I would never venture outside of the neat little fence I set up for myself around this hut of isolation. It's too much trouble, I said, My heart can't take it. And yet... Sometimes I miss the connection. I miss having a reason to check my phone early... when the birds first chatter their sweet songs, accompanying the slow birth of the morning sun. I miss inside jokes, texted in the late afternoon. I miss pictures of self, taken for one, and one alone. I miss sending something that, when opened, would bloom a brilliant smile across a sweet face. I miss being wanted, desired. I miss the anticipation of heart-bursting ecstasy, signified by a lopsided red circle on a kitchen calendar. I miss sifting through a pile of sappy nicknames. I miss pinning the ultimate love song to her lapel and smiling, feeling my heart beat hard enough to vibrate my chest whenever I would hear it. I miss remembering every wonderful, stupid little detail about her. Like her favorite brand of perfume. Or the first time she heard her favorite band live. I miss breathing out warm passion and hearing it echoed back, in perfect sync. I miss all that, and more. Damn it. Sometimes, in small and large ways... I really want a girlfriend again.
  2. 8 points
    @HeartChakra Thanks for your honest and very raw account of how that kind of prejudice made you feel... I'm sure that lots of women on this site have encountered similar attitudes among lesbian women (I know I have)... Sadly, there is definitely a big divide between lesbian and bisexual women...not in all cases, but it seems to be a general tendency, internationally and in all age groups... Sometimes it even goes as far as being prejudiced against women who have had boyfriends (or even just one) early in life... To some extent, this is a product of very negative views of men and their behaviour, and institutionalized male behaviour, or patriarchy, in general, among lesbian women...and so women who are bisexual are seen to be collaborators or traitors in various ways, or to be tainted or subservient by virtue of their sexual exposure to men. This lends itself to the notion that heterosexual and bisexual women prop up and facilitate patriarchy, which oppresses women and excludes them from power, and therefore makes equality impossible...and this causes alot of resentment among women who have divested themselves of men in their personal lives... (While patriarchy is definitely a serious problem for women, I guess we should ask ourselves what would happen if the world was run as a matriarchy... I doubt that it would signal the end of inequality among human beings, just less sexism directed toward women...and that's why we need to aim for equality and a balance of power, utopian dream though that may be.) I was on the receiving end of this when I was younger and openly dating women and men, and then on into my 30s, when I had stopped seeing men and was living a lesbian lifestyle...with the result that I tended to become friends with other bisexual women, and with lesbian women who were open-minded and not discriminatory... I really didn't have any choice, because I just couldn't abide by that kind of attitude, which can be very hurtful, and which I also found very childish in various ways (unless it originated from an experience of sexual abuse)...and I had no desire to be friends with people whose general disposition was to be that narrow-minded and prejudicial anyway... This is the way I have functioned ever since, with good results... These days, if I do encounter prejudicial attitudes of that kind, I try to confront the person in a light-hearted way, with a bit of humour, if possible, and usually end up pointing out that if they really care about women, and women's welfare, then they should really think twice before trying to make other women feel badly about their sexuality, and who they are...
  3. 7 points
    I have been meaning to write a new blog for a while and update things a bit haha My life has changed in so many ways since I first found this site and most of it for the better. The most obvious reason being I found a girl and fell in love. I suppose I should start at the beginning. I am from a very small rural community that is conservative to the core. Not settling down and having babies is just not how things are done here. Struggling with feeling attractions to girls wasn't the norm. See I was rejected for years. Never got asked out. Never got hit on. Finally dated a few guys after high school and it wasn't much. It was then I met my first gf. I was so starved for affection and attention that it didn't matter what hell she put me through because it was better than the alternative. This went on for a couple years until something terrible happened to me (I do not wish to add details). It cost me my job/career, what social circle I had and nearly took my sanity. I was immediately put on antidepressants and a mild sedative. With what I'd experienced the doctors thought it best to protect me from myself that way. About 6 months later I made the choice to stop it. I was shell of myself and I hated it. For me feeling nothing at all was worse than feeling bad. Throughout this time my gf stayed with me but her behavior didn't change. It was only at that point I realized that it was a toxic relationship. That I was only hurting myself by holding onto someone like her. Someone who wanted to use me for money and stability but couldn't be bothered to be faithful or even say a kind word most days. So I ended it. After that I started to pull my life back together. A close friend of mine started to show a romantic interest. I knew she was bi and she knew about me. She listened and supported me. She helped me through difficult times and even dropped the L word. Turns out she only wanted me for my body. This all left me with a bad taste for relationships. At that point I wanted to be alone. I found a job and moved nearly 800 miles away. I worked hard and played harder. I did things just for myself. I went on a vacation for the first time in my life. I went skydiving and zip lining. I ran obstacle races and went dancing til the clubs shut down. And I did it all without a relationship. I found a sense of peace. I was starting to feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. Then there was the issue of my sexuality. Only my one brother (also bi as it turns out) knew about me. I was in a position where I could maybe explore my feelings and be a happier more open person. That's when I found shy's. Being able to read these forums and discuss topics that relate to so many things in my life was fantastic. It made me feel like I wasn't alone in how I dealt with my feelings. Then I met Rocky... I was in the chatroom. No different than any other time. Except this night she was there. She was witty and funny and a riot to talk to. I decided to take a peek at her profile and be her friend. I thought she was an absolutely gorgeous and wonderful woman. A delightful soul that I very much enjoyed being around and chatting with. One day she put up a post. She said she felt useless and miserable. I reached out in a pm. I'd stood in those shoes before and I knew it's a dreadful place to be. So we began to talk and we've never stopped. My reaching out blossomed into something incredible. I'd been single for years at this point and I wasn't looking for it but I found love. My dad's health had taken a turn and work was starting to dry up so I moved back home. That was almost 3 and a half years ago now. Since then my relationship with Rocky has grown. She has met most of my family and we have become engaged. To my family we were "friends" but It was during this past Christmas holiday while she was here that my mom decided to clear the air so to speak. She flat out asked if Rocky's family knew we were in an intimate relationship. It was an awkward discussion to say the least but now it's all out there. Most of my family know and are just fine with it. My one brother and dad are homophobic. At this point my my brother knows and had a meltdown when my mom accepted me without batting an eye. My dad does not nor do most friends and other family members. Being in such a small town makes it difficult but I prefer my private life to remain just that. Private. To end this I would like to thank whoever reads all this to get to this point. I know it is long winded. Throughout my journey I have had this safe space to express myself. A place where I don't have to hide who I am and who I love. This site is an amazing source of support and I truely hope that those who are looking for it can find it here as I have. T
  4. 7 points
    "The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity." – Ulysses S. Grant Hi Family, Today, I would like to talk about when you find a new love.........everything is running good/smooth on all cylinders, then life hits you like a semi-truck, at full speed! "Real life" like ill parents, mental health issues, depression, sick children, expensive car break downs in the middle of buck nelly no-place, friendship bloops and blips, job changes, personal health issues, divorce, financial challenges, and other crises that can strain and perhaps even break up an otherwise solid relationship. Nothing like life coming in and screwing up your good thing.........right? During mid-life though, when we are supposed to be living our best lives, these swift kicks up the pants can be extremely distressing (especially for us seasoned beauties). We are trying to get our grooves back (which is my interest at this stage in life), and here are these competing interest staring you in the face. In a new relationship, sometimes you question whether your new love will be able to stand all of your rain. Well in my opinion, in a loving, mature relationship................when one has a problem............you both have a problem. For those of us in shiny, new, relationships with no issues.........do you ever stop to think about what you'd do if you or your partner had life issues that prevented you from seeing each other, making love to each other, even talking to each other at times? How would you handle these unexpected competing interest? Do you/will you stand firm, or do you tuck your tail and run? Do you/will you gripe, complain, and add more stress? Are you selfish.............or selfless? Are you a giver..........offering love, kindness and support? Or are you a taker..............yet another person attempting to suck the very life out of the relationship and woman you claim to love and cherish so deeply? " The true test of a person's character is how they stand during test of adversity" – Unknown This year alone, my new partner and I (of only a few months) have had so many challenges, it's literally unreal. Our lives are in constant transition it seems..........all awhile we are still trying to get to know each other, love on each other, and learn one another. Some of these life challenges belong to us............and we own them (i.e. divorces). But then, there are those unexpected challenges that come from nowhere fast to interrupt what should be an otherwise smooth time for us during our getting to know you phase. Our attitudes are "no matter what...........we are going to ride this out so that we can be together." We have chosen to look at the entire picture, long-term..............instead of only looking at the challenging moments. We take time to check on each other, and we assist each other with our problems. Sometimes it's just the brainstorming on how to solve some of our challenges and obstacles that makes our love stronger. I am competing with real life, and I want to win. I want her to win too. I want US to win at all times together. I am of the mindset that if WE continue to be selfless and work as a team.........WE can win. There is no "I" in teamwork. We women carry so many burdens and bags it's a damned shame at times. And not just our own bags and burdens, but also the bags and burdens of our spouses, children, parents, extended family members, good friends, acquaintances, and/or our jobs.........................It's hard carrying all of those bags and burdens alone. If you're fortunate enough to have found "Ms. Right," and she's a good Ms. Right, then you understand her value and worth. You understand and appreciate her in ways that most men can't comprehend. Most men simply don't have the capacity to do so. You as a woman know how it feels to have carried all those bags for years all alone. I finally know how it feels to have some help carrying those bags now that she has entered my life. It's like she is a mirror of myself...............she treats and supports me in a way I have wanted and wished for for years. If you have one of these special ladies in your life and she's stepped up to the challenge instead of fleeing like a bat outta hell when life decided to compete, don't forget to return the love! One day.............it will rain at your house. It's nice to be able to have someone to bring an umbrella to the rain shower for ya! Be the partner or lover that you have always wanted and deserved. For those of us who have decided to put do away with Joe, and snapped us up a beautiful, sensual, strong, voluptuous, loyal Jane.............you better appreciate her. A strong, beautiful woman walking next to you during life's adversities in my opinion is better than money and gold. It can be very difficult to survive lots of curve balls in a new relationship, especially for us middle aged beauties. When life deals us competing interests that attempt to impede our new relationships.....be a contender instead of a quitter. Try being/thinking selfless, instead of being selfish. If she's weak...........you be her strength. When she's too tired to love herself..............love her. When they've sucked all the life out of her...............you be there to fill her right back up. That's what true love is all about. In return, she'll remember all of the love you gave, and pour into you during your weakest moments. Love is patient...........and love is indeed kind. One last but important note. These aren't instructions for ANY woman...................these are life lessons for THE right woman. This won't work for any gal............it has to be the right gal. Choose wisely ladies. When life competes............play to win. True love is too hard to find these days, especially for those of us middle-aged sisters recently embracing or bisexuality. Live free, love freely, but don't forget to carry an umbrella for the rainstorms. Take very good care of your lover, as she is also your friend! " Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. – Publilius Syrus " Have a great evening! DIY Queen
  5. 7 points
    I'd say attration is non-linear and some people don't like labels. If I had a friend who said the same thing, I would believe her. She would have the right to define herself based on her beliefs. Often it is the external world (society/social norms) who place expectations and labels on people and expect them to fit into a stereotypical box. Some people are attracted to one person for whatever reason and have no desire to look at others. I would categorize myself as being one who is not attracted to women (or men) at this point in time even though I have a husband. Hence attraction not being linear or simple, purely because we are complex beings. The older I get the less I yearn for another being because I am happy in my own company and enjoy what I do have in my life as well as being grateful for everything in my life. Gratitude is important in my eyes. Helps keep me grounded and empathic towards others who have less.
  6. 7 points
    Although joined a while ago not really been around, but now I feel like I'm really starting to accept who I am and it's liberating and finally shared with a member of my family, her response was so supportive made me realise I can just be me.... so this is kinda a journey and new chapter for me....fab to see so many like minded ladies So, Hi
  7. 6 points
    EEEEK, I got approved for my new apartment today! Super excited!!
  8. 6 points
    Last night I went out for drinks and dancing with my crush from where I used to work. I was supposed to go several times in the past, but for whatever reason it didn't work out. Last night everything fell into place. Everything was going the way I wanted to. I felt good, happy. We had fun on the car ride to the bar, laughing and joking around with the other girl that came with us. We got our drinks and found an area to stand and talk, watching people dance. It was nice, it was relaxing. I felt so, so good. Later on into the night the girls wanted to dance, but I was too nervous and didn't have enough alcohol in me to work up the courage. I happily held their drinks so they could dance however. And man, seeing my crush dance? That was probably the highlight of my night. She would make eye contact with me as she danced, smile or wink at me occasionally. Made me feel so good, so happy. After we were ready to leave, she drove us back to our meeting spot to pick up our respective cars. She gave me the longest, nicest hug before I left. She told me to text her when I got home so she knew I got there safe. She is so so sweet, and so so nice. But the way her face lit up any time we talked about her husband? She is so head over heels for him and I couldn't be happier for her. In the past I've misread her, thinking she was interested in me. And I do think she cares for me and maybe even means it when she says she loves me when I do something silly. But not in a romantic way. She's a terrific friend and I'm completely content keeping it that way. It's the closure I needed, and now I know things won't happen with her. But I'm not sad about it. I actually feel happier. I don't have to second guess what I'm doing, I don't have to worry about flirting. I can just be me and have fun with my friend without feeling awkward or pressure. I'm happy to have her as a friend.
  9. 6 points
    Thank you so much for posting this so I could reminisce!! I thought I would share and hopefully you get a little enjoyment out of my story (because I got a lot of enjoyment out of yours - thanks for taking the time to write the details). This reminds me sooooo much of my first strip club experience!! I knew going in that I was going to get a few lap dances. After 6 lap dances I finally found my favorite girl. She was so fucking amazing; dominate, confident, and skilled at total seduction she completely eliminated my ability to resist. I was sucked into the movement of her body. Luckily I had a dress on, and when she spread my legs I didn't give a shit who could see between my legs. I let her have her way with me and I couldn't keep my hands off of her. She probably let me touch her more than she should have, her breasts were amazing and her nipples were so hard in my mouth. When she would grind on me and put her ass in my face, she would take my hand and guide it up the inside of her thigh and push my fingers under her G-string so I could feel how soft and wet she was there. My favorite and most memorable moments were when she kissed me (probably the best girl kiss I've ever had) and then she rubbed her breast down my body all the way between my legs until she was kneeling before me. Then on her way back up she would run her lips up the inside of my thigh, and then she totally surprised me by pushing my dress all the way up and running her tongue up between my labia and over my clit flicking it a few times. Thank goodness for crotchless panties! It was so hot we were drawing a lot of attention (or so I was told after the fact). The guys around us were cumming just watching us. This was the first time a girl touched my pussy and it was groundbreaking for me. I don't really remember my first time having sex with a guy, but I remember all the details about this first. Obviously successful strippers learn how to work their clients and make a connection by making the client feel special; however, she went way above and beyond what I had paid her for and provided a much more specialized and intimate experience for me compared to the dances she provided for men I watched her with just before me. I remember her trelling me how she loved the taste of my pussy, and that she wanted more. Well she got more; I went back the next night and got a private room with her (what can I say - she is good at her craft). Afterwards she invited me to her condo for sex. I figured if she invited me into her personal life, and offered free sex, that she meant what she said and had a true attraction to me.
  10. 6 points
    To to be fair, I wasn't complaining people were married. Just feeling ain the minority amongst a lot of women married to men and exploring their sexuality. I still feel extremely lucky that I was single when I came to terms with my sexuality and met the wonderful @Callie T (who WAS married, and actually commented on this thread telling me I deserve someone great!). And lo and behold, here we are! 5 years later things are pretty different! Happily married, living in England and coming up on our 3rd wedding anniversary!!
  11. 6 points
    Hello Family, It's been a long time since I've been here. A lot has happened in my life. I met a beautiful woman (here), and since the first time we made love..........things have happened fast. Nothing that we initially decided upon in the relationship rules has stood. We had a friend/lover (aka friends with benefits) kind of relationship that changed pretty much within the first 30 days to something much more than we ever anticipated. We have changed so much, but I am happy to be in this place right now. It hasn't been without bumps, bruises, and some drama.............but we are still here. I noted a few things about my journey about going from being bi-curious to bi-sexual and married, to bi-sexual and in a committed relationship with a bi partner. Hopefully my "Mid-Life Kink" experiences will inspire others. . Life Changes I am in love with my partner, and we have come out to a few of our close associates. We both have divorced, at different times and for different reasons (she initiated hers, my husband initiated mines).........I have moved in the short-term to another state (our already long distance relationship is longer...but we are putting in the work to make it work for us). I cut my hair...........new life, new hairstyle. Transition Transitioning and being bi (having been heterosexual, married, and have adult kids) is kind of difficult. I feel strange, but free. Deciding who to tell about my new partner, when to tell, and how much to tell is something I've never had to worry about before. As a free-spirit, open-being...........I have a hard time trying to explain to people about who I am now because of the homophobic rhetoric and cultural issues. Evolution I am evolving each day. Learning about my new beautiful partner. Learning how to share my life with a woman. Learning how to love and be loved by a woman (which feels so good I must say). We have so many things in common. She is a great lover and friend. Loyal and dedicated. I feel blessed to have someone so kind, thoughtful and most importantly is keenly aware of what this woman needs. It is so much different from being with a man............or a bad partner. I feel as though I am evolving into who I should become at this stage in life. I am sad that I didn't learn this about myself until I turned 45 years old. No matter the age, it is never too late to learn, change, and evolve. I am planning to live my best life now..........with her. Navigation It's been a very long time since I've dated. Having to get to know a person (and be vulnerable so that my partner can learn me) is challenging at times. I (we) have rolled up our sleeves and committed to doing the work. Learning how to communicate with each other, reading body language, listening for tone changes..................it feel so natural. Again, not like having to guess what's on a man's mind, what did he mean by his actions, etc? It's night and day...........but still the newness of navigating "woman speak" is new and an adventure to say the least. I am glad I have a patient, respectful lover and partner who is as vested in us as I am. Imperfectly Perfect It means just what it says. We are two imperfect people, attempting to have an imperfect relationship.............and that's PERFECT! Imperfect bodies (middle-aged women will know what I mean), imperfect lives, imperfect characteristics. We are flawed. We know it, we appreciate it, and we respect these things about ourselves. We live day to day, and we don't place any undue expectations on each other or the relationship. We are able to live our lives, learn about each other, and cultivate the relationship. Stop looking for perfect, it does not exist. Perfect for you does............go find it. Sex The sex is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is AWESOME!!! We try new things, we sext, we have the some of the same "risque" desires which is so liberating. No boring...........conventional, missionary sex! We are spontaneous and we both like that. We are hitting on all cylinders in the sex department. I discovered her honey hole..............and I haven't looked back. Can't stop...............won't stop! Middle-aged sex is the best sex of my life! Friendships Since we have come out to some of our friends...........we have received mixed reviews. Some long time friends are happy..........understood how miserable we each were, and approve of our happiness. One or two of our friends (hers) are confused.......are more concerned about marriage facades, children unable to bounce back from divorced parents..............financial implications rather than emotional well-being. Then we have long-time friends who are territorial about another female taking her place, wanting to know how they and their friendship is going to fit into this new relationship situation. My bestie imposed physical contact preferences so that "she" wouldn't be uncomfortable. Who does that? Another friend of my partner is jealous because now my partner isn't as "fun" and "available" (the friends' words) as she used to be. As long as she and her friend were able to vent about how horrible their marriages were, it was fine. Now that my partner is deciding to take a risk and do something with her personal life (besides wallow in misery), her friend is can't deal anymore. Each one of us (my partner and I) had a friend that was kind of upset because we weren't sexually attracted to them.........go freakin figure! While the good coming out situations were good, the bad situations were (and still are) really taxing and draining to both of us. If I have rules, then she too has rules. If her friends are unhappy, which makes her unhappy, then I too shall be unhappy. I had no clue women could be so bitchy and territorial when their friends come out as Bi or lesbian. These situations have really opened my eyes to how selfish, mean, and territorial some women can be to their bi-curious and bi-sexual friends. Still learning how to navigate these minefields. but we aren't letting anything deter us. You'd figure at mid-life you'd be done with childish shenanigans.............the actions of people never ceases to amaze me. Communication I have learned how vital communication is again. After being in a long marriage where I wasn't able to share my feelings, I am in one where I can share any thought I choose. I am finding out how important communication is, especially in a long distance relationship. Communicating throughout the day maintains our emotional and mental connections, even when physical connections/intimacy isn't possible. I value and treasure my communication channels with my new love. If it ever changes,,,,,,,,,,I will know there is a dead cat on the line! At this point in my life, I've learned that communication is vital for relationship sustainability. Stop talking, the relationship dies. Period. And lastly, Vulnerability I have had to learn to be vulnerable. Having been a foster kid...........I had learned to detach and not show feelings or emotions. It was a coping mechanism. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. With my new partner, I decided even before finding her.............I wanted a partner that I could trust. One that I could be vulnerable to and with. I have had a few moments that I had to allow myself to be vulnerable to my partner. She was right there for me. Supportive all the way, all awhile understanding how different and hard it was for me. I appreciated that about her.....and it made me love her even more. It's going to be a long road, and a slow road, But I am happy to be on it. She has a good spirit, and the right spirit. I know deep down I made the right decision. At this stage in my life I have withheld my feelings and emotions, cared for others and been neglected. I now what I have so missed. I am happy thus far with myself. Again, I don't have any expectations, I just know what I need. I am pleased with the results. I hope those older women here on Shybi are able to find and enjoy this other side that has been dormant for so long. Live, laugh, and love. Take a risk, and don't beat yourselves up if you make the wrong choice. This is a great place to learn and teach. You are not the only one feeling the way you feel. Congratulations for taking steps to achieve your happiness! Middle-age doesn't have to mean death........................it could be new life. Best Wishes, DIY Queen
  12. 5 points
    Had I known how much of a good time I'd have getting my first lap dance...that woulda been one of the first things on the "to do" list when I first came out as bisexual and hadn't had any physical (romantic) contact w/a woman. Oh. My. God. I had been to a strip club here in SoCal for the past two weeks, but didn't have the courage to ask for a dance. Since my ex-husband is the only person I truly trust seeing "this side of me," I had gone w/him, so the strippers really stayed away from us and we used the time to get acclimated to it and take in the scene. This weekend was different. My female friend's boyfriend was celebrating his b-day and a group of 8 of us decided to go and get dinner, visit the strip club, then hit the downtown scene. Well, we didn't get past the strip club experience, it was so fun. My ex had vowed on our last trip there, that we'd get lap dances this time. I was skeptical. We arrive at the club a little earlier than what we had been getting there at and it's packed. We get seated at a reserve table, order our drinks, and take in the show. All of the strippers are called on-stage for line-up, so we can so who's there. They disperse and head towards the crowds of men and stay away from our female dominated table. About 30 min. in, a stripper wanders over and heads towards the b-day boy, but his girlfriend/my friend wasn't having it...she wasn't gonna let him get one, but I yet and point to my ex. "He'll take one!" and he rebuffs her, being as shy as he is. Assuming that I'm his wife/gf, his stripper asks my permission and where I want him to get the dance (at the table or in the private guest area). My friend is insistent that we all watch him get one, but I don't think that's cool, so I tell the stripper to take him to the area for the private dances. She leads him away and two songs (and $60 later), he comes back with a huge grin on his face. She seats him, but he's whispering something to her and he's pointing at one of the strippers that I've had my eye on. They talk for a bit, she leaves, and he smiles. Right as my stripper (Brooke) walks up, he leans over to me and says, "Have a good time." Brooke is a bit confused about who she's giving a lap dance to. I'm feminine as is my female straight friend, but the other ladies there are also gay, but more on the masculine side. I pop up and' she's confused. "What am I doing for you?" I lean in and say, "You're dancing for me tonight." She gets a huge smile on her face and says, "Yessss, I am!" and she guides me to the private area and leads me to the very last seat in the back. I'm nervous, my legs are shaking and being as though I've never had a lap dance before, I kinda don't know what to do, where to put my hands, if I can touch her and so on. She jiggles her butt in my face (this is her go-to move that she also does on stage as the music is cued up) and tells me, "Let's wait until the song is over so you can get an entire dance." Once the music starts, she spreads my legs further apart and sticks her knee in my crotch and starts to dance for me. "You can grab my butt if you want." And I do. She's so soft, smells so good, and is in awesome model shape. She is in the best shape out of all the girls in the club. "I love your tits" she says and runs her hands and down my breasts. One minute later, I peak over her shoulder and I see my female friend's eyes over the partition and then her fist pump in the air, followed by a bunch of hollering. Her hands are all over me, I can't begin to tell you how soft her skin is. I get more and more into it. She begins to moan in my ear and sniff my neck and angles me into a tribbing position. For the next two songs, I'm in absolute heaven. I trace my fingers along her back and hold her close to me. She feels me up a lot and our lips are really close together. It takes all of my restraint from not getting carried away. When my songs are over, she gets up to lead me back, but she stops and says, "Girl, my knees are shaking, I have to sit down." And I take the opportunity to pay her right there. I give her a good tip and she smacks my ass as I walk away. Oh, My. God. Why didn't I do this before when I was really "aching" for it. Minutes later, the club is filled with very feminine women who look like they are on the conservative side and very pretty. I haven't seen this before in the past few weeks. The women are more into what they are seeing than the men. The guys are on their phones, while the ladies are the ones eye fucking the strippers. They're really into it. One gorgeous girl in the audience gets up and begins to grind on another girl in the crowd and everyone is screaming, because they're both very hot. One of the last dances of the night is the stripper who danced for me and she does a really good job. Halfway into her dance and very tipsy, I find myself front stage, competing with other men, throwing dollar bills at her feet. She stands up towards me and blows me a kiss. I'm cracking up laughing, but having a great time. I wanted to tell the girl who was grinding on the other one, that I think she's f'g hot (she screamed bisexual to me, even though she was there with a guy) but that didn't end up happening because after my stripper cleaned up during her dance, that hot chick got into a cat fight with another hot girl where they were both sitting, front row. That kinda ended the night for us, but f-ck, I had so much fun. I hope when we go back it's alive with even more women, because that was awesome (and all of those girls were totally turned on by the strippers, so the odds of approaching one of 'em and exchanging numbers is more in my favor). The end. Lol.
  13. 5 points
    Isn't this something that we fight against? - people thinking that our bisexuality isn't "real" - if someone says they are bisexual - until they tell me otherwise I am going to believe them. To do otherwise is bi-erasure and I am not at all comfortable with that. And as for bisexuality being the easier option - I wholeheartedly disagree that it is easier than being either straight or lesbian.
  14. 5 points
    One more thought about the gender element- I wonder if experience plays a role in the "genderedness" of nonmonogamy. If a woman has had several partners of both genders prior to marrying a man, for example, does she feel less of a need to date women while married? Even for an open relationship? And if she wants an open relationship, does she feel more drawn toward women or does that matter as much? From what I have seen here, few of the women who are married had much, if any, experience with women prior to being married, thus have a strong desire to be with a woman while married, and rarely express the desire for another man in their lives. Just musings...
  15. 5 points
    My relationship with my bisexual self has always been a rocky, roller coaster ride of emotions. I've always felt attracted to girls but as a young teenager I thought it was just a weird side effect from being sexually abused by a (female) friend from the age of 7 to 12 (when she left town). I hadn't told anyone of the abuse so had no support or counselling for it and just had to deal with on my own. My abuser had also isolated me from all the other kids so, as a result. I didn't have any friends. When she left I was living a very lonely existence. When I went to boarding school (an all girls school)for year 11 and 12, I had the opportunity to meet new people and finally make some friends. I surprised myself by accomplishing this quite easily as I had always felt very shy and socially awkward. One of these friends who I became the closest too happened to be a very attractive girl. We really 'clicked' and liked all the same things and laughed and had a lot of fun together. Teachers used to get our names mixed up because we were always together and we would often talk about how such close friends we are...almost like sisters. (Neither of us had a sister, only a brother, and it was something we both wished we had). After about a year, I started developing feelings for her. We were both 16 at this point and I was fully aware of how gorgeous she was with her beautiful blonde hair, big blue eyes, long limbs and ample breasts. I would sometimes think "I wonder if she thinks I'm attractive too". I was confident enough to realise I was attractive but I didn't think I was at her 'level'. Anyway, there was one moment when we were babysitting for one of the teachers when we were watching TV. I was sitting on the couch and she was laying down along the couch with her head in my lap. She had wanted me to stroke/play with her hair (something I'd done at her request many times before) and it was turning me on. In a sexual way but I was also feeling a deep love surge up inside of me and I found I was wishing I could tell her how much I loved her. I wasn't watching the TV, I was just mesmerised by her and her beautiful body in her t-shirt and shorts. I was resisting the urge to lean down and kiss her...at one point I very nearly did! I was just so scared that it would ruin our friendship if she didn't have the same feelings as me and that she might possibly tell people that I'd tried to kiss her. I was so grateful to finally have a real true friend and I didn't want to mess it up. It turns out that a few years later, she dumped our friendship for no apparent reason and I discovered she wasn't a true friend after all. It completely broke my heart. I was inconsolable as if it was a romantic relationship that was breaking up and I slowly came to the realisation that I had been in love with her. It was then that I realised I was bisexual. For years though, I felt like it was something to keep well hidden and be ashamed of. Until my boyfriend (who ended up being the father of my children) and I got to talking about fantasies and the topic came up. He was really turned on by it and I started feeling like it was an interesting part of who I am instead of a shameful part. I felt this way about my bisexuality for many years but now I have children. I have two boys (aged 12 and 14). Their father and I split up about 8 years ago and I've been parenting them on my own for all this time. He was never a very 'fatherly' type of dad (never changed a nappy or bathed them or took them to the park when they were little) and when we split up he became even less so. He also always had a drinking problem and anger management issues which got progressively worse and has now become quite a mean and selfish alcoholic. As a result, I have become very important to my boys and they look to me for their moral guidance, advice and support in everything they do. I've had to be both Mum and Dad to them and constantly try to teach them how to be a good person in the world. I've dated men from time to time over the last 8 years (a few which became actual relationships) but I've come to realise over the past year that I'm past all of that and if I was ever to be in relationship again, I'd want it to be with a woman. I have been hurt by men (physically as well as emotionally) too many times now and am no longer interested in dating men. I have always brought my boys up to have an open mind and not be prejudice against anyone. For their sexuality, religion, skin colour, likes/dislikes, anything! I've always told them that everyone deserves respect until such time as they do something that proves they don't deserve it. And I've witnessed them living this philosophy to their very core. They make friends with everyone and anyone and don't even see skin colour, religion or sexuality. When they tell me about a new friend they've made, it doesn't even cross their mind to mention anything like that when they tell me about their friend. I find these bits of information out when I get to meet them in person. Having said that though...I'm wondering if that wont apply to their Mum. I think they might be really embarrassed to find out that I'm bisexual. It makes me feel that I can't start looking for a relationship with a woman. So where does that leave me? I suppose I should just stay single until they get older? I'm just really glad I have found this site where I can talk to people who understand and wont judge me. This post has turned out to be quite lengthy! If anybody had the stamina to read it all the way to the end...I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
  16. 5 points
    Wow, this was an interesting read. I find non monogamy fascinating, I've been meaning to read "The Ethical Slut", some day I plan to. I live a very traditional life in which monogamy is the only form of marriage. I'd never been exposed to alternate possibilities, being a member on this site has opened my mind to all sorts of things I never imagined possible. I fear I may be amongst the double standard group of women that @BenedettaC mentioned above. Partly because I don't yet understand the complexity of non monogamy, which is why I know I'm not ready to explore it. I selfishly admit that the idea of non monogamy had never entered my mind until I realized that I wanted to explore women. But that realization came from realizing how lonely I felt within my marriage. Like many of the couples in the article, I love my husband, sure he drives me crazy sometimes, but I dearly love him, and I want to grow old with him. But there are certain aspects of our relationship that have gotten lost, or maybe nothing is lost, maybe I've changed, maybe I want something new, something that was never there. I like the term @femmekat used above...gendered monogamy, only assuming I know what it means. I'm the girl who dreams of having a relationship with a married woman who's only exception to her monogamous marriage is me, and she's the only exception to mine. If my husband was to make that same exception I'd want the same scenario for him. I think my mind is somewhere between monogamy and polygamy, if there's such a thing. Since joining this site I've learned so much about myself, my desires, my sexuality, even my personality. My views on many topics have and continue to change as I learn and grow. I enjoyed reading this article, thanks for sharing it @celeste teal
  17. 5 points
    As someone who is in an open marriage, that is a very interesting read. It's nice to see that it, eventually, works out for them. My husband and I have gotten so much flak for our relationship, it's nice to see it can work.
  18. 5 points
    Was gonna take a longer break than 2 days, but I actually think this place is good for me. I have a habit of wallowing in pity and isolating myself. Being here keeps my mind busy. Maybe I'll write another blog or something..
  19. 5 points
    An unexpected glimpse of getting what you want So far, this story has only been told by yours truly. Are you ready to hear from the Cheerleader? Here is a first person account from her perspective of what came next: And so it seems, that the stars started aligning in such a way that the two women finally could glimpse a bit of what it would be like to finally get what they wanted.
  20. 5 points
    Not all married women are like this though... Not hinting at anything. hahaha Just stating the obvious. We may be like unicorns and very hard to find but some of us know exactly what we want and are as upfront as any single lady about feelings.
  21. 4 points
    The cover story for the current NYTimes Magazine is about open marriages - this is a pretty high-profile exposure for the lifestyle. Is this going to be the next major area for social change, after the revolution in LGBT acceptance? Is an Open Marriage a Happier Marriage? What the experiences of nonmonogamous couples can tell us about jealousy, love, desire and trust. by Susan Dominus May 11, 2017 https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/11/magazine/is-an-open-marriage-a-happier-marriage.html?_r=0
  22. 4 points
    I appreciate her support. When things are hard she always makes me feel like I'm never alone. I appreciate her patience. When I'm being a handful she always seems to keep her cool and lets me know she's still there no matter what. I appreciate her kindness. How she always goes out of her way to be sweet to me. Just a phone call in the middle of the day just to say she loves me. I appreciate the little things. Like when I'm in pain she holds me. Kisses my forehead. Gives me massages. Brings me tea. Wraps me up in a blanket when I fall asleep. Whispers sweet things in my ear. Rubs her nose against mine. Nuzzles my neck. I appreciate her humour. How when I'm down or sad she sings to me, or dances, or pulls silly faces to make me smile. I appreciate her love. Because I've never known anything like it. To be able to see how much someone cares about you just by looking at them. I appreciate her.
  23. 4 points
    I find it really is all about paying attention to her signals. Is she getting wetter? How does she sound? How is her body moving? Is her clit getting more swollen? Her vagina getting more open and receptive? I've also found that the same woman may not like the same thing twice! Sometimes I'd have to start from scratch after going through all the usual stuff that worked! But 99% of the time we'd find something that she liked. The first time, I remember that she wasn't particularly good at performing, but I loved performing it on her. She was definitely into whatever I was doing. As for the porn, check out my thread about porn with women who actually sleep with women. I HATE seeing long nails and male-centric GOG porn. I'd rather see a woman actually enjoying herself. Frankly, most of what I do you wouldn't be able to see from a camera.
  24. 4 points
    Although I already knew all of this I enjoyed reading it. This is pretty huge for you, I know you don't like to share. I'm proud of you for facing so many difficulties and obstacles in life head on with such strength. You're the most amazing woman I've ever known. You make me a better person. I'm so grateful to this place for bringing you into my life. I love you x
  25. 4 points
    Two months ago, I would have said I'd never join a site like this. Even admitting to myself that I was bi curious was a forbidden thought. I feel kind of brave for taking the step, and thankful that there are so many great women on this site.
  26. 4 points
    I've read somewhere that once your finger is inside move your finger in a come hither motion. I told my husband this years ago and OMG would love to try it out with my future lady love
  27. 4 points
    Hi! I'm new here. I have been married for 17 years, and running from my feelings for women almost all my life. I have come a long way in coming out and accepting myself in the last few years, but the journey is not over! I look forward to learning from others on this site, and I hope to make some new friends.
  28. 4 points
    So, a few years ago now when I first became a moderator here I decided to write a blog explaining my life to date, my journey if you will. A little background on the woman who'd become your new mod. But, after deciding to leave shybi shortly after, I deleted that blog along with my profile before I left. Looking back at that now it seems kinda foolish, mostly because I didn't back up a copy before I erased it, and because of that here I sit at my keyboard once again. At the moment I'm trying to remember what I shared, but my memory isn't my best feature so I guess I'm starting this from scratch. So here goes... This will likely be my only blog, like an extension of my profile if you will. Just to let you all know who I am and why I'm here. Maybe I can help some of you with my story in the process. I'm not one to overshare usually, not with strangers anyway, but I do like to use my experiences in life in order to help others, so I'll try to do this without going into too much detail. My story began like a lot of women here, growing up I always felt different to the other girls. I was very close in age to my sister and cousin and so the 3 of us were brought up like siblings and spent most days together. When they'd have dolls and pretty dresses, I'd have cars, climb trees and get dirty. Now I don't want to sound like your typical uneducated idiot who believes girls should have dolls and boys should have cars, I believe in giving children whatever toy most interests them, there's no girl or boy toys in my house, but at that young age it made me feel like I was different because I wasn't your "typical girl" like them. As I got older they started to discover make up, and do each other's hair, and I'd be out playing sports and not giving a crap about how I looked. All my friends were boys, I did try and make friends with girls but I just didn't feel comfortable being around them because they didn't like what I liked. It wasn't until I was 12 that I finally became best friends with a girl. She was nothing like me, she loved make up, and boys (something I'd never even thought about). We would spend a lot of time in her room listening to music which was something we both loved, and talking about whatever pop star we had a crush on. I didn't really notice boys at that point, but I went along with it because I wanted her to like me. We did everything together, we were always together, then I started to develop feelings, for her. At that point I told myself it was wrong, that it wasn't how things were meant to be. In the end I became really jealous every time she spoke to any other girls, and maybe that became more and more obvious to her, then after a while we were no longer friends anymore. I was devastated. Told myself I'd not let that happen again and went back to making friends with boys until my late teens. I think this was the realisation for me that I was different, but because I felt it was wrong I hid it from everyone and tried to push it down inside me hoping if I ignored it long enough it would go away. I was 19 before I got into my first serious relationship with a man. I never really trusted them to be honest, things had happened in my past that made me very wary of them, and so it wasn't easy for me to even talk to them never mind trust them. We met over the phone, we started texting on some chat function our phones had back then. It was 2003 and not a lot of people I knew had the internet, nor did we have the flash phones we have these days. He was very sweet and kind, he told me his story, I told him mine, we connected in a way I never had with anyone else and we met after talking for 11 months. He travelled around 200 miles to come see me where I live, he met my family and was the perfect gentleman. Everyone loved him. I had an inkling back then that even though he was this wonderful amazing man that loved me no matter what, that something just wasn't right about us. I put it down to my anxiety and having little experience with relationships. I'd struggled many years with health issues, which I told him all about, he understood when I told him about my depression and anxiety issues, because he himself had them too. But when it came to my physical health issues it was a new thing for him. But he surprised me, he was completely understanding, accepting, and patient. You see I've had a genetic connective tissue disorder called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome since birth, you hear about it a lot more these days but back then it was unheard of. I suffered with daily joint dislocations and pain, not to mention all the other wonderfully gruesome stuff that comes along with it. It didn't phase him, he was there during surgeries, hospital appointments, medication trials, he saw me go through some of the worst years of my life. He was also the first person I told about my attraction to women, again it didn't phase him at all. He was completely understanding of my admission that I was bicurious, which is essentially what it was back then, and told me that as long as I was always honest with him and never unfaithful, he had no problems with this. That's when things started to turn kinda pear shaped in my eyes. He kinda gave me that acceptance that I'd always looked for, and I started to notice women a lot more after that. I would often comment on a beautiful woman when I was with him and he'd laugh and agree. Then it progressed, once again I made a female best friend. I was new to the internet and we kinda met online, we spent many years being the best of friends, telling each other everything, sharing stuff that girls share with their besties, but we never actually met which I think helped me avoid temptation. It took a while to develop but I started to have feelings for her. So I went to my boyfriend and told him, he made the odd joke here and there and referred to us as "the lesbians" when in our company. We'd just laugh it off, sometimes I would make a comment that was maybe overstepping for him but because she would respond to it, in a jokey fashion, he seemed okay with it. I crushed on that girl for so many years, but like the previous friend we drifted apart. She moved on with her life, got a boyfriend, and we just stopped talking as much as we used to. I was so sad, it was like I'd ended a romantic relationship. My boyfriend could see it too, he tried his best to even help us reconnect but it never happened and so I just moved on with my life too. Had a big surgery after that and he was my rock through the recovery, learning to do things as simple as walking again, but as always was very understanding and patient. He asked me to marry him shortly after, and I said yes. Fast forward to the day I joined shybi, it was 2011 and myself and my fiancé had been together for almost 8 years. We were happy enough I guess, things never did seem right but I thought maybe it was because we'd been together a long time and relationships do change over long periods of time. I didn't talk to him anymore about my feelings for women, I kept it all bottled up inside and hoped it would go away, after all I was engaged now and so what did it matter. But the years took their toll on me and I found myself more and more unhappy. Then I found this place. I was randomly looking online, searching the terms "bicurious" and "bisexual" and I guess trying to understand it. That's when I came across this place. It was like an Aladdin's cave I must admit, I was incredibly keen, ask any of the old mods here what I was like haha. It was like I'd finally found a place I could be me. I didn't want to come over as depressing, nor did i want anyone to know of my disabilities, and so I decided to create a persona, and that is when "Rocky" was born. I was a huge flirt, I think I hit on every girl who showed an interest in me. I posted all over the forums too, I had finally found a place full of women like me. I wasn't here to find someone, I wasn't here to hook up or date, I was simply here to be myself without judgement. Even if I did come across as trouble, and got in trouble a few times, I loved every second of it. I think the ladies here started to get to know me too, they saw through my mask and discovered that underneath it all I was actually a really kind, caring and understanding individual. People would come to me with their problems and I'd always do my best to help out. I became a permanent fixture here after only a few weeks and I'd never been happier. Now I don't suppose she'll mind me talking about it here, I won't give names or details, but after only a few weeks it happened again. I met someone. We flirted, we talked, we got to know each other, and we soon realised we were very alike. Our lives similar in creepy ways, our hobbies and interests were mirrored in each other, even our boyfriends looked alike, and we soon realised we could tell each other everything. We became the best of friends, we knew there was more there and we often discussed it in detail, but in the end we knew that nothing would ever happen because we both wouldn't leave our partners, and mine wasn't open to anything outside the relationship. Not to mention she was American and I never thought there was a chance we'd ever meet. But we became best friends, and our boyfriends became friends too, and then our families, after a while it was like we'd always been in each others lives. But deep down my feelings for her clouded my judgement and I made foolish mistakes that cost me her friendship, and my relationship, on multiple occasions. I shared with her how I couldn't hide who I was anymore, and she supported me in whatever I wanted to do. So I told my boyfriend that it had happened yet again, but this time it was different. I wanted more, I'd overstepped boundaries, I essentially betrayed him and went behind his back, not in a physical way but emotionally. He was crushed. We talked a lot after that, I think I was finally able to get across to him that this wasn't just a curiosity, but this was me, and had been me this whole time. He told me he'd forgive me, that we could make it work if I was more open and honest with him, but I wasn't to seek out a woman again because he couldn't handle that betrayal again. I agreed at that stage, I told myself I couldn't lose him even though at that stage I realised that maybe I'd become more dependant on him than anything. I told myself no one would want me the way I was and he did. Why throw that away? Guess what, you guessed it! It happened again. But this time it was different. After being here for a while I decided to leave shys, I continued my friendship with the girl above outside of shys, and even though I've put her through a ton of shit over the years I'm pleased to say we're still friends. But I couldn't stand being here anymore. I could see all these women talking about their experiences, their girlfriends, and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I got on with my life and tried to forget about the place. Then one night, I got into a conversation with my friend from here about our relationship, it was always kinda odd, and people would often ask us if we were dating we were so close, but I felt I could still talk to her about my feelings. That night we talked about how my feelings were still all over the place, that even though I'd gotten over this crush with her, I still wanted to be with a woman. I was miserable and I didn't know what else to do. We talked about it a lot and she told me she'd support whatever I chose to do, and with that, I decided to come back here one night and see if my old friends were still around. I logged into chat on December 5th 2013, I was approaching my 30th birthday that month, and my 10 year anniversary with my fiancé. I didn't recognise anyone at first, then a few familiar faces popped in and it was like I'd never left, and there she was. I'd noticed that all the girls in the room were flirty and outgoing and so my old persona sneaked back in pretty quickly, I started to flirt with everyone in the room I think, I'd been gone a while and I was like a kid in a candy store I guess. But she stood out, to this day I still don't know why her name caught my eye. Something about her just drew me in and I found myself wanting to know more about her. She was the quietest in the room, not really talking much, and maybe that's what intrigued me a little, she wasn't falling victim to my charms like everyone else haha. I tried my hardest to get her attention but she didn't really respond. Then I asked a question, so where is everyone here from? Everyone replied, and then she did, Michigan here.... My first thought was oh no not another one You see the girl I mentioned above was also from Michigan and I made some stupid joke about how I had a thing for women from Michigan. She laughed and went back to being quiet. I did my usual stupid chat stuff, flirted, virtually dancing with the others, think I virtually stripped at one point, but she never said a thing. So I decided I was gonna send her a PM. The reason I had for messaging her was a stupid one, and was all I could come up with, but it got her attention. We chatted for a little after that and then went back to the main room where she started to join in a little more. After the night was over I left her a "Hey you" kinda message on her profile and she responded. From that moment I knew this wasn't your average attraction, after all I had no idea what she even looked like. For the first time I was drawn to a woman before I'd even laid eyes on her. This was a different kind of connection. We talked on and off numerous times after that night. I'd log on to see if she was there and when she wasn't I'd log out again. She wasn't around for a little while after that and I found myself asking around to see if anyone knew where she'd gone. No one knew. Then one day she came back, I didn't ask where she'd gone or what she was doing, I just told her I was glad she was back. I got a little forward after that and asked her for a photo, at this point I was already hooked and I told myself I didn't really care what she looked like because we'd connected in other ways. She told me she didn't share her photos here but she'd pm me one. I was so nervous, what if she wasn't what I usually go for? what if that would be a problem? I loved her personality already, and as much as I don't care about looks, I felt that some kind of attraction had to be there. I opened her message and saw her, she was adorable. I told her right away, I think it made me even more keen to pursue her. But I played it cool this time, I wasn't about to ruin this. Then one day in January of 2014 I made a status, a status that was seated in my depressive nature, she responded in a caring concerned way and told me if I ever needed to talk to message her. She told me later she never thought I'd take her up on the offer and was pleasantly surprised when I did. We got talking, not much, just bits here and there but in private. I showed her my weird bendy joints, mostly I was curious about how she'd react. It didn't phase her, at all, she'd worked in the medical field and anything of that nature didn't scare her off, she seemed more intrigued than anything. So I made the choice to ask if she'd like to chat outside of shys, she was like... Sure! Where? And I said how about WhatsApp? Here's my number, add me, I'll be there. She told me later that she didn't think I was serious, that a girl like me would give her the time of day, that she tried to call my bluff and she was shocked when she found out I was being serious. And that's how Tbare and I began. Outside of shys we became inseparable, we talked every day, we'd call each other, skype, and those feelings I had for her only grew. This was unlike anything I'd ever felt before and at that point I knew, I was gonna have to come clean yet again and tell my fiancé. Only this time I wasn't sure what I was gonna do. This time I couldn't just cut ties and apologise, this time I couldn't push it deep down and forget. I was in love, and it kinda felt like the first time. My boyfriend slowly saw my relationship with her develop over time. He told me of his concerns but I just shrugged them off and said everything was fine. He knew it wasn't. I knew it wasn't. Then one night she told me something on the phone, some bad news, and I broke down in tears. I was genuinely sad for her, I was a mess when my boyfriend walked in and saw me sitting there in a puddle of tears. He had no idea what was wrong and just hugged me in silence. Eventually he asked what was upsetting me so much, and I flat out told him that this girl was going through something and I wanted to be there for her, the fact that I was stuck here and I wanted to be there with her was making me miserable. I didn't want her to be alone. I loved her. I think that was the night we both realised we were over, we were distant after that. I guess we went through a separation, he said he needed time to think before we sat down and talked about it. I saw this as an opportunity to spend more time with her and that was when I knew that my relationship with him was over. Shortly after this the woman who I loved most, my grandmother, my best friend, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. 6 weeks to 2 months they told us at the hospital. As I was the only one not working in my family I stepped up, I was gonna take care of her like she had done me when I was a kid growing up with so many problems. I gave it my all, I was on 24hr call, feeding, toileting, changing, I saw my nana go from the strong independent woman I admired and loved turn into a shell. It broke my heart. I was there for everything, good and bad, we got to spend the most amazing 6 weeks together. But they were also the most heart breaking of my entire life to date. I didn't want to put her through the knowledge that my relationship was over, she'd loved this man like her own grandson for over a decade, they were the best of friends. He was heartbroken when he found out, but agreed we would keep up appearances while she was still with us. He visited her when he could, he'd hold her hand and talk to her for hours, he'd hold bowls under her while she puked up whatever meds they gave her that day, he helped me take care of this amazing lady and for that I will always be grateful to him. During the 2 months my nana was sick I decided to introduce her to T, I kept thinking she isn't gonna get to meet this amazing person I want to share my life with. They had to know each other. So I told her all about her, her life, her family, our friendship, she was always so intrigued about her and always asked about her and how she was doing. Then they spoke on the phone one night while I left them to go do dishes, I came back to hear them both in fits of laughter. They got along well. Then she stopped laughing and said to her, I wouldn't say this if I didn't mean it but you're a very beautiful girl, and I'd love nothing more than if you were my 5th granddaughter. That was exactly what I wanted to hear, even though I never really knew if she knew (She asked me on several occasions why myself and my boyfriend had split up, and I kept saying we hadn't) I always told myself that she did and she accepted her and us. Even if she didn't, or wouldn't have, it didn't matter after that. My nana loved me and nothing would have gotten in the way of that. I was there when she took her last breath, I held her hand and told her I loved her. Was the hardest thing I've ever done. T was there for me every day, talking to me, listening to me, sometimes just hearing me cry for hours on end. She gave me the reassurance and the strength to get through it all. She was my rock and I couldn't have done it all without her. On the day my nana died my fiancé showed up to see her, but it was too late for him to say goodbye. I reached out to hug him and he pulled away. I asked him if I could please have a hug, that's all I wanted, he eventually obliged but instantly pulled away. I asked if we could talk, he said it was too late and that I'd made my choice. I guess I just wanted a chance to make a clean break, to talk it all out and say what needed to be said. But he wasn't up to listening, and to be honest I don't blame him. To this day I feel guilt ridden over the whole thing, he was a good man, and I'm not the type of person to hurt anyone. I care too much to ever hurt someone. Yet here I was hurting the one person who'd been there for me for over a decade, no matter what. I wish I could go back sometimes, not to change where I am now, but to change how it happened. I'd have the decency to tell him straight. The last thing he said to me was, we all make mistakes in life, that he has made his fair share too, but we made these mistakes to learn from them. That he hoped that what had happened meant that I'd learn from it and never do it again. I promised him that. He walked away after that and we didn't speak for a long time. It's been 3 years now and we're finally in a good place, we can talk and be friends to an extent, and we still help each other out when we can. I truly hope that he finds someone who is worthy of his love, because like I tell everyone still, they don't make a lot of men like him anymore. My relationship with T only blossomed after that. I went to visit her 4 times in America, which was terrifying as Id never flown before. The first time was in the fall for 2 weeks, second time in the summer for almost a month, the third time again the following summer for almost a month, where she got down on one knee and asked me to be her wife, and then last but not least the fourth time for a month over the Christmas and New Years holidays. We struggle with the distance like any other couple in a LDR, but we make it work. We just had our 3 year anniversary and we couldn't be happier. I have truly found my soulmate, the person I want to spend my entire life with. But at the same time I found myself, which was the most important thing in all of this. We continue to grow as a couple every day and our love for each other has never failed, and it's been tested so many times. I know that she is my happy ending, and I will always do my best to progress forward and get closer to the day we can be together permanently. My family love her and have accepted my relationship with her, although it took some time, and her family love and accept us just the same. We're always gonna encounter people who think we shouldn't be together, and sadly we've known of a few, but the most important ones, and their opinions, are the only ones that matter to us. I thank this place every day for her, she is my reason for all that I do. I fight harder, I achieve more, and I never give up, because of her. She has had such a profound impact on my life, and I have never loved anyone like I love her. She makes me happier than I've ever been, and I hope that I can always make her proud of me as we go through life together. She is my reason for getting up every day and fighting the hand I've been dealt, and I like to think the support, love, and adoration that I have for her has made her more accepting of who she is, and how far she's come, because she is truly an amazing, strong and beautiful woman, and I couldn't be luckier in life than to have her by my side. So I guess I wanna finish this blog (If you've gotten this far) with this, don't be someone you aren't. Don't portray yourself to be anything less than the amazing, unique, individual that you are. We are all blessed with this ability to see the beauty in people, no matter the gender. I think that's a pretty amazing ability to have. So why hide it. I know there are women out there who can't be open and honest to everyone they know, and that we live in a world where this is seen as something wrong in the eyes of many, but never hide it completely. I tried and it ended in disaster. It wasn't until I accepted who I was and embraced it that I was finally able to be happy. Even if the only place you can be open is here, be open, be proud, and never, ever, see it as a curse. I hope not only I, but others who read this, can learn from my mistakes and go on to use this as a way to make their life better. Rocky x
  29. 4 points
    I've had a very rough few days... Something I say pretty often. More so these days. When anyone asks "How are you doing?" "How have you been?" "How's life treating you?" It's sometimes answered in the negative, awful, but mostly in a vague "Yeah fine" kinda way in order to avoid anyone probing for more. I don't see my accomplishments, what I've achieved, how far I've come, how much life has changed for the better, all I see is the darkness. Depression has been a cloud looming over my head for as long as I can remember. I often think if it wasn't for the pain him and I would have parted ways a long time ago. But then there's my BPD too, borderline personality disorder. It's often described as the emotional equivalent to third degree burns. Mix them both together, add chronic pain with no relief, and you get me. A train wreck. Maybe a hot mess is a nice way of putting it. But a mess none the same. Now I'm gonna try and focus on the positive for a moment, otherwise this will become a pity party real quick. The simple things most people go about doing every day, getting out of bed, showering, getting dressed, making something to eat, walking... They're all things I struggle with. If I've done all those things then that day is considered a success, a good day. I say this as I lie on my bed in my PJs, having not eaten because that was too much effort today. But the reason for this is because I was productive the last few days. I went out of my comfort zone and achieved something I never would have thought to ever do. I used my own initiative and progressed forward. So the pain I'm enduring now is partly because I did something good, something worthy of the pain that comes after. But how do you deal with the pain that's there not because you pushed yourself too hard and achieved something, but because this is something you have to deal with most days, something there isn't a magic pill for, or some form of relief, something that causes your mental health to deteriorate. What do you do when the pain is so intense that you feel like the only way to make it stop is to not be here anymore. That's happened to me many times before. This happened last night in fact. No one else was around and I thought to myself, I just want it to stop, who would care if I wasn't here anyway? I wasn't alone though, because I had my other half on the other end of the phone desperately trying to make me see the good things I have, how things aren't always gonna be dark, how bad days happen but we have to pull through them. She told me how she'd left her comfort zone and endured things she never thought she would because they positively affected us and our future. She told me how closer we get every day to being together every day. She stayed awake with me til late making me see that I am worth more than I believe I am. That I am loved, and needed, and appreciated. Even if I don't see it. She told me of how I've touched people's lives in amazing positive ways, including hers. That despite my negative upbringing I have worth and purpose. I reflect back to 2014 today, a particular day in January when I felt so worthless and useless that I made a status here because I hated myself so much, and I needed to vent that anger somewhere. I think about how that status brought into my life the caring wonderful woman above. How my depression and negative feelings brought something positive into my life, and how to this day she continues to be the positive to my negative. So maybe I suffered that day for a reason, maybe I was hurting so bad that it made me reach out in order to find something amazing. Maybe what I'm going through now has a reason, a purpose, maybe it doesn't, but if I don't stick around I'll never find out the answer. I'm often amazed at how kind people are to me, especially here, with their words and gestures. I find myself wondering why. I'm quite a moody, isolated closed off kind of person, who isn't particularly fond of being social. From my long conversation last night with my lady I've discovered something, that no matter how awful I feel, no matter how much I want to close myself off and be that moody awful person, I'm not. I put on a smile and I throw myself head first into people, I reach out and help, I offer my advice, my time, and this makes me see myself in a more positive light. Then this action is returned to me tenfold. But I've only now just seen it. So maybe being me isn't so bad after all, because it makes me a better person to those around me. It makes me, me.
  30. 4 points
    Moonlight. It's so layered, so sad, so intense, and is a perfect illustration of the sexual identity complexities African Americans struggle with. It's one of the first movies I can say I feel like I can identify with. All the the things that led up to one finding out who they really are........ It touches on child on child sexual abuse, abusive parents, bisexuality, curiosity, love/ first loves, abstinence, and long-lost love. So many subjects. It's sad, and beautiful.
  31. 4 points
    Right now, I'd just like to find a friend who understands how I feel, and won't look down upon me for being me. I would like to meet someone who feels the way I do, and can talk about it. I'm married, and hope to stay married. But if an opportunity for experimentation came along, and my husband was ok with it, I might be open to that. Women can also love each other without sex. Why does it all have to be so complicated? Why can't people just accept people for who they are?
  32. 4 points
    I don't tell anyone anything that doesn't concern them directly. If it's none of their business I see no need to inform them of things that are deeply personal to me. No one needs to know this stuff, and telling them serves no purpose unless I'm seeking some sort of emotional support, which I may or may not get anyway. In any event, it's not worth going into personal details with others when the payoff is so minimal.
  33. 4 points
    I put this in a blog but golly I have no idea where it ended up... a bit of a rant I guess... When I came home I was feeling really emotional because it is not often I go out to meet strangers for coffee. Today I met three wonderful people. In fact, over time I have met several wonderful women in the lgbt arena. What has upset me today, and every time it happens, is when I get to share my story. You know, the funny thing is it amazes me that the lesbian women I have met, more so the lesbian couples, are really loud about their sexuality and topics around intercourse while sitting in cafes or restaurants? I always find this quirky, but that’s my issue, anyway back to my story. So these ladies who are introducing themselves will say all kinds of things, and how they ‘discovered’ women and never looked back. Yep. I get it. And am totally supportive of them. The group was formed to be a supportive group for all women within the spectrum, the only criteria is that they are women who like women (however that may be). I am not forthcoming with my story because the same things happens each time. So instead, people will ask me questions, direct questions, about me liking women and then I have to explain. It is here that I see the recoil in their body language and face. Just the simple words ‘I am bi’ makes many cringe. And then I have to go into the bigger explanation about how I love my husband who is a great husband, yes he knows, yes he is supportive, no we don’t share women, no I am not looking for a woman, yes I have been with women, yes I know my sexuality, yes I am comfortable with it and so to is my husband… and on it goes. It makes me really sad that I can’t be accepted, fully, without all the extra explanation that goes into it. It hurts. It really hurts to have people screw up their face at those first few words. Yet once they get to know me, they are fine with me. I would love to live in a world where acceptance for who you are comes before all else.
  34. 4 points
    I feel like sending this to the married woman I just ended confact with. She could stand to read and memorize your very wise and practical advice,. Great tips @DIYQueen
  35. 4 points
    YogaGirl...after reading the final paragraph of your post I realize that I am very much like you... I also need a genuine emotional connection and want to feel close to that person. This is all very new for me. Right now my marriage is ending (my choice) and I've gotten very very close to an old friend whose life (and lifestyle) include FWBs and honestly I am having a rough time accepting it. But then that makes me feel clingy and immature; so many are so happy with it. I can see both sides. Thanks for the food for thought.
  36. 4 points
    I just want to find chemistry with a sane, mature woman who is not a crazy train wreck? Is that soooo wrong?!!!! Ha!
  37. 4 points
    I am not married but wanted to weigh in from the single perspective and someone who just ended a wishy washy situation with a married woman and I was her first time. It is extremely hurtful and completely unfair to lead someone on emotionally. I have a thread in the Singles thread that details what happened. No matter if you are married, single, FWB, curious, etc. just be honest with her and do not use the other person for your own sexual experimentation. And please, please, to the married and committed women out there, check yourself before you wreck yourself and your marriage. If you tell your partner you plan to be intimate with a woman, you all need to be on the same page. It can be very confusing and even after being sexually intimate with women, I still am learning as I go. Even if you aren't sure of your feelings, it really helps to share emotions and communicate with each other.. Set boundaries and be explicitly clear as to what you both want or do not want, and if you are not on the same page, as others mentioned, someone gets hurt in the end. I know my advice may come across as harsh, but no one deserves to be treated as an afterthought or fed paltry emotional crumbs. After being on the receiving end (and have been with a few married women) I speak from first-hand experience. Be direct and talk it all out out before you are sexual with each other.
  38. 4 points
    I am not married but was involved in a FWB situation and it did not end well between us. I mentioned her in another thread. We became friends when I was curious and we even met up the first time but I was too scared to do anything. We lived a few hours away and then she moved out of state. It worked as long as it did because we were friends above anything else. We were intimate on and off over the years but she dated and had both male and female lovers and she was always honest so for me it was fine and didn't see each other a lot. We had a lot of fun, just hanging out, drinking wine and it was more like a girls weekend when we spent time together. She is bi but has primarily dated a series of loser men over the years nd the straw that broke the camel's back was I sent her a naughty text with a teasing photo. So her loser, jealous BF sees the text (total violation of my privacy) freaks out that and accuses of her of cheating on him with a woman...so then she tells me I am not allowed to send texts like that anymore and she no longer is openly dating different people. I understand monogamy but the way she responded was like it did not matter how I felr or the fact she has a jealous dick if a boyfriend who is so insecure he has to read her texts. She also completely blew off for this ahole who was abusive and crazy possessive so I ended that friendship. It made me sad and hurt. I was not surprised but she knew me longer than him and we were good friends for years. I would never ditch a female friend for a douche like him ugh. It really depends on the boundaries, emotional maturity and the people. For me, in the long run FWB does not work because I need a genuine emotional connection and want to feel close to that person. I love sex and am a very sensual person but need more than just physical sex.
  39. 4 points
    I think it really depends on what you're expecting. I had a male FWB for 10 years, but our communication between "get togethers" was minimal. We were genuinely there for each other, but most of our catching up was several hours of talking after furious sex, laying together and going deep into conversation. We would NEVER have dated each other, and feelings never crept in, at least for me (I don't think for him, either). We only spent one night together, and it was weird for both of us (though nice falling asleep together). We didn't really hang out outside of sex, except to grab a drink or dinner prior to sex. The one time I've had a FWB that was a female, we were both single, but both had major life entanglements that kept either of us from wanting to be in a relationship. Plus, we had relationship history, and we knew there were barriers that would keep it from working in the long run. However, I think because we were in pretty constant communication, feelings eventually crept in, and we ended up dating for about a year. Ironically, none of the original barriers were what broke us up. So my point is, if you DO want to have a successful FWB arrangement, it likely will need to be a bit more emotionally removed than a BFF+FWB. You may want to look for women who are also partnered/married who seek the same thing. You two can establish a connection and friendship, but with a clear boundary about what you two are. Just be aware that too much communication, overnights, etc start to invite feelings that go beyond FWB.
  40. 4 points
    It's complicated. Well..............it can be serious, but as long as you both are in committed relationships.........It will never be complete. You'll be loving her, wanting her, yearning her, while lying next to the man you loved so much you decided to cohabit with. If you're planning on trying to maintain both relationships you should have a discussion sooner rather than later unless the two of you have agreed it's not the best situation and you will keep your relationship a secret which is cool too. You have to do what's best and safe for you. If you are weighing which you'd rather have more.............then I'd consider that first and think of all the pros and cons before deciding to spill the beans. There are a lot of things that could happen, either way you will take risks. Some calculated, and some impulsively. Nothing wrong with that either. I say go with your gut and your heart. If it doesn't work out, at least you followed your heart and won't have to live in wonderment. Live before you die. In the end...........you are the only one that has to live with every decision you make. (to pursue or not to pursue.........to tell or not to tell.........to go all the way or not). Good luck and keep us posted.
  41. 4 points
    I'm also married, love my husband, love sex with him - but I'm very curious about a relationship with a woman. It's a strange feeling in a way, but after being on this site for a few weeks, I'm beginning to feel like it's quite normal. I wish there was a way to experiment without feeling like I was cheating on my husband.
  42. 4 points
    The issue of women who are in a heterosexual marriage, and often, on top of that have a child or children, but also desire a sexual/romantic relationship with a woman, appears in all sorts of incarnations, under a variety of headings, here on Shy, and is clearly a practical dilemma for many. While some are out to their husband, others are not, and among the latter, these women often say their husband would never understand or accept their bisexuality, so being honest and open is not an option. But while we can all sympathize with bisexual women who find themselves living an unfulfilling life of heteronormality, I think that those who are married, and especially those with children who still live at home, should think very carefully before becoming involved with another woman (especially one who isn't married), with or without the knowledge or consent of their husband, because things could quickly become much more complicated than you may think they will... Polyamory works very well for some people...but they seem to be a minority...and there are many bisexual women out there whose desires compel them to become involved with another woman without really thinking through the possible consequences...with the result that a HUGE DEVASTATING MESS occurs for all parties involved... ...and some women on Shy actually manage to convince themselves that cheating on their husband (i.e. having a secret affair or relationship) with a woman is not the same as doing so with a man...as if, because a woman doesn't have a c**k, it doesn't really count... Not only is that line of reasoning totally ridiculous and self-serving...but it is extremely offensive to all bisexual and lesbian women, and is something that I have often heard heterosexual men say when they are threatened by female bi and lesbian sexuality... So married ladies, please do think very, very carefully before seriously pursuing your desire for a woman... It's one thing to take a risk and possibly cause injury to yourself in the process, but quite another to expose another woman to that risk because you are married...and there could be very serious consequences for your marriage, which you need to take onboard before you get involved with anyone else, not after the relationship has progressed to the point where serious feelings have developed between you and your female lover... ...and that's my thought for the day...
  43. 3 points
    I have a sexual bucket list (doesn't everyone?) There are some things that are pure fantasy but maybe with the right person if like to give it a go... Others are just things I want to do... 1. Phone sex with a woman 2. Kiss a woman 3. Sex with another woman - this has been there a long time but difficult to make happen in reality 4. A threesome - did two guys and me a long time ago and it was hot but would like either a guy and another woman or two girls 5. Skinny dipping in the moonlight with someone Fantasies: 1. Maid and servant... Would love to play this one out and be told what to do 2. Being fingered at the cinema... Always wanted to do this or to do it to someone else lol 3. Sex with a stranger - you know meet up, have a drink, have sex, go home kind of thing... No idea whether it would be very fulfilling but it's on the list 4. Sex in the woods (maybe not full sex but something) or maybe combine 3 and 4 lol 5. Being a bit naughty in the taxi on the way home There are other things which I'll add if I think of them. Ok I've shown you mine, now show me yours ;-P
  44. 3 points
    I say everything and anything is possible!I don't like labels and I don't feel the need to label myself,I am me.
  45. 3 points
    Or poly-erasure, if she's thinking that bisexuality means that a bisexual person should be totally satisfied in a monogamous relationship with either a male or female, and that desiring anything outside of that means the person is not actually attracted to the person they are with.
  46. 3 points
    First off it's completely normal for your husband to find this such a turn on. The same way it is completely normal if he didn't. In my situation my partner at the time found it a turn on but anything more than fantasy hurt his feelings or made him feel unloved. There's opinions from one end of the scale to the other. All are normal. At the end of the day this is about your curiosities and you need to find out if he's comfortable with that. Best thing to do first is talk with him, explain that your desire is to learn more about yourself and your sexuality. Without his presence. See if he is still okay with that. Some partners are only willing to give it the green light if they think it's gonna mean threesomes or some involvement. You need him to fully understand your thoughts on this first and foremost. If he's still okay with that then you can progress forward, communication is key and you should always talk to each other and share what you're thinking and feeling. I'm demisexual I guess, I can't be with someone sexually without some form of emotional connection. When I first started thinking about exploring I wondered how I'd go about it if my emotions had to be involved. How would I be able to explore if I couldn't be with someone just for sex. I considered some form of poly arrangement maybe, where I or both of us could have another significant other, but that scared me too because like you I was scared of falling for the woman and losing my partner. In the end it didn't matter because he wasn't open to me exploring. But it sounds like your partner is more willing which is a good sign. Maybe he'd be open to you having a girlfriend if that's what you wanted, if you needed that emotional connection, or a friend with benefits, then there's the emotional connection of the friendship. It's never easy starting out and figuring this all out, and I truly hope you find the ideal situation for you. Maybe some of the ladies here in your situation would be better suited to answer, but I just wanted to leave you a little something here. Never apologise for long posts, I for one like them We get to know the ladies better that way. Welcome to shybi, I hope you find our site useful.
  47. 3 points
    Our long term dog resident who's been with us for almost 2 years, and was considered for euthanasia a couple of months ago has been adopted and is going home on Wednesday. It's kind of fantastic
  48. 3 points
    You're one of the good ones for realizing to get more you sometimes have to accept less first. If more women got that, we'd all find it much easier to get along!
  49. 3 points
    I google everyone within the first few minutes if possible. I've had people tell me that I'm paranoid but the times I've googled with a hunch, always right. I've only had it twice but I basically messaged them with like I know it's not you.. then continously pressed video call til they broke. Can we just stop and say how dumb and messed up it is to talk to a veteran about the military when clearly they knew not enough to talk about it. You wanna fake being a porn star fine,but don't fake being an active service member, it's actually f***ing disrespectful. Sorry, people are assholes and flaky. Honestly it worries me how much people want or think they can hide online, it's not a substitute for being a human being with a personality. Unfortunately it's part and parcel the quicker you get the vetting out the way, the quicker it is to narrow the pool down to people that might want to actually show up in person and genuinely want to get to know others. You're a smart woman, stick at it and you'll get there as cliche as that is!
  50. 3 points
    Give La-Femme a change to get all updated done 1st b-4 you hate the new forums. It will take a while for us all to get use to it but it will be better in the end.