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Showing content with the highest reputation on 10/28/17 in all areas

  1. 19 points
    I just wanted to make a short introduction. Glad I stumbled upon this website. Was being a little douche-y and browsing the forums for a few days before mustering up enough courage to actually sign up. Even though, one can be as anonymous as one wants on here, I am still feeling a bit nervous and cautious. Been married for 14 years with two beautiful children. Absolutely in love with my husband. Feel extremely grateful for my life and all that I've been provided. However, just like a lot of ladies on here (remember stalky me was reading up on you guys?!), I have always felt attraction towards other women since forever. I had casually mentioned that to my husband when we were dating and he had made comments like, "oh too bad, you missed your chance" and "let's have a threesome!" We both knew that was just a lighthearted banter going nowhere. Plus, we are not that adventurous. Over the years, we'd talk about who we found attractive and agreed we had the same type! Again, this was all just talk. He is a pretty straight vanilla guy who just happens to be open minded enough to have chats like that. Him and I have an incredible relationship, he is my best friend and our greatest strength is healthy communication. Well, I had a very honest conversation about wanting to have an experience with a woman before I turned 40. Like a goober, I was hoping he'd give me his blessings and maybe even help coordinate! In reality, that conversation got quite intense and I think at that point, he may have realized that I was serious about it ...I had always been serious about it. He basically said that his biggest fear was that I'd leave him for a woman and he will be devastated. That broke my heart. And I kept reassuring him that, that wasn't going to happen. I have told him several times and I've meant every bit of it, that he is all the man I need or want and what I am curious about is something he can't give me. Our last conversation on this topic ended with him saying that he would like me to be happy and we have one life to live so if I want to experiment, I'd have to do it in secret. He wouldn't be able to be ok with it. I don't want to hurt him but I also agree with him that I should be able to experience what I think will bring me joy. I have found certain people attractive off and on throughout my life. I am finding it to be true more so now than before. I have never been with a woman before but I have a very strong feeling that I will love it provided the stars are aligned and the chemistry is there. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I can't see myself being the initiator. I am hoping it'll all happen organically. That's the only way I can justify it with minimal amount of guilt. Guilt. That's another topic for another day. Sigh. I have NEVER admitted to being bicurious to anyone other than my husband so writing this post has been terrifying as well as liberating. Thanks for reading and thanks for allowing me to be part of this community. I promise to keep my douchery to a minimum! Cheers.
  2. 7 points
    I am going to add my two cents to this topic while I have the opportunity (busy weekend). I have been married for 5 years now and hubby knew from the start I was into women. He would help me check out females when we would go out and at first we would just talk. Getting used to the idea while showing him that he is my number one. Any insecurities, I would talk to him and remind him how important he is. Basic fear of getting left for a woman, which is normal male or female in a relationship at some point. We even had a threesome which didnt end well cause of the immaturity and mixed feelings on their part. Now I have a huge crush (make juicy post about later) of a temporary manager at work and he pushed me to go hang with her after she got off from work on her last day. Needless to say we talked for 5 hours nonstop. Now my husband has opened up to me that he is also bi. And i get to return the accepting supportive behavior that he showed me. Main thing is, communication and taking your time. And don't be sneaky, be open!
  3. 6 points
    In the bi/lesbian world, among women of all ages, 'cute' is usually meant in a very positive way, to mean attractive, and it can definitely mean 'hot' too... In fact, I haven't ever heard it used in a negative way...and it's usually said with a particular emphasis, as in 'She's really cute' (emphasis on 'really cute'), or 'She's cute' (emphasis on 'She's')... I'm sure you get my point... So, you seem to think that women are saying you're cute because you look younger than you are, but that may just be your perception...and the issue concerning women not realizing that you're hitting on them is probably something separate... You really don't need to try to change your appearance to attract women... Just relax and be yourself, because there's nothing more attractive than a woman who is confident, and comfortable in her own skin...
  4. 6 points
    You ladies with supportive husbands are so, so lucky. I didn't realize until years into my marriage that I wanted (needed, craved) to be with a woman. About a year ago, when I finally kissed a woman for the first time, I couldn't keep it in anymore. I finally just kind of blurted it all out to him, and I honestly didn't think he would think too much of it... but he completely flipped out. Long story short....he considers it cheating, doesn't think he will ever be able to "be okay" with it, is deeply hurt, and is very resentful. We have young children and want to stay married (not just for them; we've been together for ten years and truly love each other) but our marriage has been terribly strained for the past year and a half. Sometimes I think that if I just had his blessing to explore this, then my life would be perfect. Not sure what my point is, other than to say count your blessings & don't take your amazing hubbies for granted! lol
  5. 5 points
    I am mad,mad at myself mostly for letting her be like this with me, for allowing her having this manipulative behavior.All my life, I spend all my life feeling less because she made me feel like this,took me years to love my image, my body and realize there is nothing wrong with me.FUCK I am MAD.Everytime I tried to do something she managed to convince me that I can't do it because she knows better, because she is so selfish and don't want to be alone and she doesn't care what the fuck I want.Always live by hers and society's standards, always go with her mood.Well what about what I want?how I feel?my life depends from her and I hate it, I hate that she has this power over me and I am really ashamed of that.And why do I stay?I keep coming for more hurt, more manipulation. I think I am a f..ing masochist,that's the only explanation I can give.She doesn't even know me, the real me,she thinks i am the person she tried to make.I am so tired of listening to her that i zone out,she talks and talks and i just don't care to listen and because she is in love with labels i am the person that doesn't care about anything.Well i have news i care about everything,she just made me not to show my feelings.I managed to hold my reactions and how i feel because i don't want to listen to her rants and confrontations and because from when i was child i knew that she wouldn't listen,so why bother.What does that make me?i am guarded because of her,all my life I m listening what the world will say from her,all my life I am compared and judged, well fuck you I am not my sister, I am not my cousin,I am not the stupid neighbors kid,I am me with my short hair and my jeans and my flaws and insecurities,ME, without labels,perfect in my imperfection,living in my head, in a world you can't and never will understand.
  6. 5 points
    This all resonates and having "made it to the other side" I can say, create your fate. My experience started very similarly in that I opened up to H about it as a fantasy, he was supportive. At first the rules were very clear "full disclosure" and in the beginning I didn't have awareness as to why it would be hard.... I began crushing on a best friend of about 3 years. We met Bc if our kids. Things moved very quickly once I had a green light and in the beginning it was fine to share Bc much of what we did was relatively innocent (kissing). As soon as I realized that our chemistry and connection was well beyond an experiment.... I stopped disclosing and her and I ended up having a whirlwind romance that was only for us. It imploded Bc her H caught wind and it was pretty devestating. But I learned a lot from it. I was able to have conversations with my H informing him that should I go down this path again I wouldn't be able to share, I'd need this for me and over time, he agreed. Needless to say, after 7 months of torture and rebuilding a friendship, her and I held on tight to boundaries... but finally did crumble. Moral of story, sometimes you have to make things happen and when you want something so badly and all the signs are pointing in the direction that yes indeed you can have it, make it happen. Life is too short.
  7. 4 points
    Hi everyone! I am a bisexual woman, surrounded by a lot of close minded people. And I am just looking for a save place to rest and be myself. I am married, to my wonderful supportive husband. We have been married for 5 years now. He is also bisexual but not as comfortable as me. I am an outdoor, animal loving... unique person who loves good conversation...and coffee. Hi!!!
  8. 4 points
    I appreciate that my husband is doing some reading and investigating on his own. Even though we're not discussing me acting on anything for a while, I know he thinks about it. He's seen that some people do gendered monogamy and he sees that as a possibility.
  9. 4 points
  10. 4 points
    It's not a question of preferring one over the other. I want both. I want to give. I want to receive. Both are important. Why would I choose one over the other? I might have some preferences about how. I want her to give on her knees. For her, giving is an act of worship. I want her to receive on her back, because for her, receiving is an act of surrender. She's surrendering to the pleasure and the sensation I give.
  11. 4 points
    Came out to one of my oldest friends today. Every time I come out to someone, I feel more free.
  12. 4 points
    don’t sweat it, cute is hot! the right person will be totally attracted and mesmerized by cute! well... at least in my opinion...i dig cute be you!
  13. 4 points
    Touché, dear @ChemFem ! Women can ejaculate too...but it would be pretty damn difficult to do that prematurely...
  14. 4 points
    Agh...I'm going through this right now and I'm struggling with what to do about it. The conversation hasn't been going on very long so I'm still giving him time to adjust. And giving myself time to work out what it is that I really want. *have all of the hugs* Sorry I don't have any advice to give. I just totally relate to your feeling like a ball of crazy. I feel one myself right now with almost the exact same questions. Maybe our journeys will help each other...? I guess, just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in this feeling/experience. This, too. It feels like it just crept out of the darkness and slapped me in the last few months. Maybe the unhappiness in my current relationship opened the hole to these old suppressed feelings. Who knows. I know I've felt this before, but I was single at the time and just never found the right girl. I ended up dating a guy, and then another guy, and then this current guy.
  15. 4 points
    After 27 years, I finally came clean with hubby about my curiosities. It was the most painful thing to admit to him. He's a very old fashioned guy, and basically close minded. It's been 7 months, and when we have discussions, it still twists my gut to talk about it. But he has given me the freedom that explore alone, and once I'm comfortable, we will explore together. I can totally relate to you.
  16. 4 points
    After my last tattoos I told myself I wouldn't get any more, but part of me really wants the deathly hallows tattooed somewhere. I do pretend sometimes that my lightning bolt tattoo (for my kids - their initials are AC DC) is a harry potter one haha
  17. 3 points
    We already have a number of things we do on our own, we worked hard to each have something of our own outside of the marriage in order to not loose ourselves in the "we" (if that makes sense) so his worry about me spending time away from him is because we already are quite busy. That's why I think it will have to be baby steps to see what he is comfortable and where his boundaries are. I am hoping though that taking it very slow and keeping him in the loop all the way though will make him feel included and a part of the process, and then we'll just take it one step at a time and see how we're both feeling. That's at least the plan, haha! We'll see what actually happens but I'm really really hoping it will all work out ok
  18. 3 points
    Family. They mess with our minds all through our childhoods then absolve themselves of all blame for the consequences. They criticise, ridicule, withdraw support when we need it, disown us, turn community against us, try to make our decisions for us, they are that all encompassing power that we can’t seem to get away from no matter how old we are. You are not alone in this depressing and frustrating dilemma. I have lived with this all my life. I have stood there like a dumb ass while my father proceeds to insult, criticise and verbally abuse me. I have had him force descisions on me that I have lived to regret. I have studied at college to get him to like and respect me. To no avail. Only recently have I finally found the strength to walk away from an approach, to walk away before the hurtful and demoralising words start, to show him that his power is at last waning, that I am beginning to find freedom, peace and sanity from the over critical, manipulating, non caring and selfish family. I will no longer be their scapegoat. It’s a lifetimes work Kairi and I wish you well with it. x
  19. 3 points
    It's far better to be clear from day 1, and not to get into any potentially compromising situations, because those can quickly get out of hand... At the risk of being controversial (yet again), I should also point out that male influence in such situations can sometimes lead to women doing things that they wouldn't consider otherwise. Men can be very gung-ho generally, and particularly about sexual matters, which can lead to women feeling pressured or pushed in some way. There are plenty of examples of this on Shy, where male partners have 'encouraged' women to have sex with other women in front of them (in a seemingly beneficent way, but actually with their own ulterior motives), or to have a threesome, when that isn't what their female partner has actually wanted. (If that's what you really want, then go for it, but I'm talking about finding yourself in a situation that you haven't planned and really don't want.) Back when I was in relationships with men, I frequently found myself in that kind of situation, because my male partners knew that I was bisexual and considered it an opportunity to have two women at once, or to watch two women having sex, and that usually signified the end of that relationship for me. Frankly, it got to be a real bore, and ultimately contributed to my decision to be with women only...and it's a common tale among bisexual women I know. I wasn't married to any of those men, and obviously being in a marriage or LTR with a man is a different dynamic, with different issues and aspirations, and so forth, but I just thought I ought to mention it, as you are venturing down an untrodden pathway and might find this advice useful.
  20. 3 points
    It can be done but it’s not easy or at least it wasn’t for me. Hubby knew what I was doing but was resentful at times because it took time away that I could have been spending with him. I also had to endure homophobic comments from him. Bearing in mind this was a long time ago now. Overall though it never took from the love and commitment we had for and to each other and indeed our sex life benefitted as I found libido increased I was just so full of love for him and her. It did unfortunately end in tears between her and I and we broke up after a year and a half but do I regret the experience? No.
  21. 3 points
    I think it's a good thing. When referring to my crush, I'd describe her as cute. She's also beautiful, gorgeous hot, sexy, and fiiiine as hell. But if i was making a comment to her about herself, I'd probably tell her she was cute or pretty. During a regular conversation, that is. Sex is a different story
  22. 3 points
    Oh yes we are. We are very interesting
  23. 3 points
    So...threesome chick is ghosting us. Dh is disappointed. I'm not too heartbroken. Couple chick has continued to be sweet and flirty via text, and we've set a date to meet and have a drink (this Sunday!). I'm happy about this, even if just for a potential good friend who I can talk with about bi/poly whatever stuff. We talked about doing a double date too as soon as we can fit it into our schedules.
  24. 3 points
    @FarmHer thanks for the post! I really want to feel empowered, but it is quite a process. But the more I read the more I do start to feel that I am heading in the right direction to find my truth. @NoOneThank you also for posting. As everyone else has been posting, this is a feeling that won't go away. I remember telling my mom in the laundry room when I was around 14 that I was into girls, and she said it was a phase. Well, this phase has been happening for over 20 years now. I hope that your relationship works out and he gives you the opportunity to work things out. Please keep me posted as it seems we really do have a lot in common right now! haha
  25. 3 points
  26. 3 points
    Let's try to stay on-topic, ladies. One of you are welcome to create a spin-off thread. OP, I agree about being wary of women who send nudes right away. Have you spoken to her at all yet? Verified she's real?
  27. 3 points
    Aww thanks a lot @Cute&Curious, that's an awesome welcome I've already read through quite a few threads in the forum and as you said - I can literally hear my thoughts, feelings, worries and so on in so many of them and just reading them is already such a help. Yeah, I'm really lucky that is have sucha supportive husband, often times I'm actually my own enemy because I overthink everything to the point of giving myself a headache, haha! But I've not got some books to read thanks to you guys and so much more of th forum to read through so I finally feel like I'm making a small step towards figuring this out, at least getting a bit more clued up about things So thanks to everyone for the warm welcome and all your suggestions ^_^
  28. 3 points
    All interesting points. I'm learning a lot...I think. To continue my original thread, though, threesome woman got back to me today and sent me a nude photo. This is moving fast! I don't even know what to do right now!
  29. 3 points
    Would it be different if he were okay with her sleeping with other men as long as there was no emotional involvement? Are friends with benefits only okay as long as it's a male? Or should we all only sleep with people we're committed to regardless of gender? It sounds like the women she's involved with are on the same page as she is, and as long as feelings are taken into consideration and communication is abundant, i don't see this as objectifying women. I care deeply for the woman I'm sleeping with, and really don't desire any other woman now that I'm involved with her. But that doesn't mean i want to divorce my husband and marry her. And i don't want to sleep with another man. My husband has stated that if i wanted to, i could because I'm in charge of the decisions i make, but that he'd feel more insecure about himself and whether he's satisfying me than he does with me sleeping with a woman. Because he has a penis and he'd like to believe his is enough for me. He does not, however, have a vagina, so he can't help me in that arena, and therefore doesn't feel his penis is inadequate because a vagina and a penis are very different things. So while objectification of women does happen way too much, i would hesitate to describe every instance of this as objectifying women. Details are key before we jump to conclusions.
  30. 3 points
    It has been very hard to find a girlfriend while being married. Not to say that I have not had a few but it is still hard. Not many women want to get attached to someone who already has a life partner unless they are in a similar setup(which comes with another set of difficulties). At the moment, I'm not looking for another gf but I did start using the app FIESTA to see if I can make some friends. From what I have seen though, it is mostly used for dating and you have to verify who you are so there is less chance of being catfished. You could try it out! As far as how I've met my past girlfriends, well Shybi isn't a dating site but I happened to connect with a really wonderful person here and we began dating. It lasted only a year but we are still very good friends. The girl before her sort of just fell in my lap and was a horribly flaky on/off situation that went on for about 5 years. There were others before that that just sort of fell in my lap and one stalker turned lover. So truthfully it's just random.
  31. 3 points
    Yep you sound like one here, lol! Looks like you have a lot on your plate at the moment but not too bad compared to others. How are you handling the break up? Is there a possibility of reconciliation? And if there is, how are you going to make your bisexuality happen with this guy who doesnt want to share? That's major and I'm asking because it would certainly affect your exploring if you don't have a clear head. For example, you might end up meeting an amazing woman who's really into you, only to be crushed by you because you are not sure or a lot of things are happening in your life and you can't focus. Then, bam! Let's call it quits. This is just for you to think about before you do explore. Having said these, I fully agree on everything @FarmHer said. Do it. Your bisexuality is part of you. It will keep coming back to let you know, "hey, I'm here. Where is she?"
  32. 3 points
    Some days are better, some days are worse. Look for the blessing instead of the curse. Be positive, stay strong and get enough rest. You can’t do it all, but you can do your best.
  33. 3 points
    I have a Harry Potter related tattoo(the word always on my forearm) and a simplistic logo for the game Kingdom Hearts on my other forearm. I want to get many more game related tattoos. Video games have been a big part of my life and I want to eventually make my own
  34. 3 points
    So very sad. Reminds me of Alanis Morrisette's song 'Perfect.' You should be so proud of yourself. You see right through it and dont feel the need to fit her expectations. Next time you see her, make sure to mention how awful her hair looks, and suggest maybe getting her teeth fixed and wearing longer blouses because her presence is embarrassing you infront of your young, cool friends. (Lol) A dose of her own medicine probably wont work and will just make you feel guilty afterwards. But its fun to daydream, eh?
  35. 2 points
    Some further work is required behind the scenes after the recent software update. There are a number of things that require 'fixing'.
  36. 2 points
  37. 2 points
    my mother mylady is overprotective,and all that over shit she is not forcing decisions but she manipulate you to get you where she wants.And if she doesn't like the result she manipulate you again to make it look like it was your decision. I accept everything tho i now what she is trying to do since the beginning because that's how i have learned to do to keep my sanity .That's what i learned to do since my grandmother was forcing me to sit on a table for over five hours so she could control me.So she could show how powerful she was to a seven year old!
  38. 2 points
    Don’t be down...cute is good. Every time I’ve thought of a person (regardless of gender) as being ‘cute’, it’s because I’ve found them attractive in some way. For me personally, what differentiates me calling someone ‘cute’ vs ‘hot’ has more to do with personality and overall demeanour. As @BenedettaC mentioned, there’s nothing more attractive than a woman who is confident and comfortable in her own skin. I associate ‘cute’ with sweet and kind, perhaps even a bit shy, more on the softer side...which I find very appealing. ‘Hot’ is more confident and bold, take charge, has a certain amount of edge...ofcourse this is only my own personal perception. I’m sorry people talk down to you, they can only do that if you let them. The more confidence you portray, the least likely you’ll be talked down to.
  39. 2 points
    Backgammon is a great game if you actually wager on it. The stakes don't have to be high. Ten dollars a point. The luck element means an amateur has a shot at winning.
  40. 2 points
    Agreed Kairi. However, I have read numerous posts on here about women having their cake and eating it too. Partners are aware and accepting, women are spending time with their girlfriends. I can’t help but wonder and wish for such possibilities.
  41. 2 points
  42. 2 points
    People who say it's just a phase should be prepared for a barrage of questions about when they're going to outgrow their heterosexuality *eyeroll*. @function808 all the hugs for you. You shouldn't have to feel guilty but that doesn't magically mean you don't.
  43. 2 points
    It’s crazy how much can be said without words.
  44. 2 points
    I wouldn't rule out any of the above. I'm trying to get a friends with benefits situation going at the moment. Marriage is probably the least likely thing. I'm working on a divorce right now. I don't know if I'd ever want to get tangled up in a marriage with anyone going forward, but I don't know.
  45. 2 points
    Just be you. Dont change for someone to like you like that.. the right 1 will
  46. 2 points
    I wrote it in another thread (this was a duplicate one). My bad, lol. She ran after her dream with reckless abandon, a woman purely engulfed in fire.She took no prisoners, had no fear, and ran after whatever she desired.This woman, intent on leading, pursued a dream that she had held dear,but little did she know, all that she ever wanted was so very near.She blazed a trail to victory, amassing large sums of recognition and wealth.She carved herself a physique of her own, on her way to perfect health.She made herself a name and always stood out in a crowd,her loved ones reveled in her success and she made them very proud.And as she accomplished her goals and amassed many triumphs, she saw a finish line much closer in view...so she reminisced on all her successes and realized that now, they were much different than she once knew.See, it wasn't the money, the fame, the accolades or even a certain prize...it was the human connections that she had forged which had made her feel alive.It was that her very being was embedded in the hearts of the souls she had touched,people who also held her very dear and valued her very much.These people would look back, too, and think of her as well,and when they did, they thought of her so fondly, their hearts began to swell.Her greatest achievements were those lives she had impacted and the memory rested in their mutual hearts,connections that even though may have been dormant, were never truly too far apart.This woman, intent on leading, never had to run too far or overly pursue...all that she wanted was in her from the start, and now a little is in me, because of you.
  47. 2 points
    I'm getting a Dungeons and Dragons tattoo soon, should look something like this ........
  48. 2 points
    I have personally had the most success online, but yeah, there is A LOT of sifting through the fakes and flakes, and a lot of rejection, not hearing back from people, and the like. You just kind of have to keep an open mind, be out with those around you, and suss out anyone that interests you. When I was married, we were searching for a triad (my then-husband wouldn't have it any other way, but that's how he is about anything that's not centered around him). We talked to several women (and a few fakes), met up with a few, dated one a few times and had one 6 month relationship. As for how it works, it depends on the terms you and your husband agree to, and what the other woman wants. Really, your lack of experience doesn't mean as much as you think it does, in terms of your search. Be clear about how you feel about women. Is this something you want to try once, or do you already know you're interested in women and you want a relationship? Are you seeking something where you can meet up regularly? Would your husband be involved? Look at ads for women who are in your situation, because many of them include this stuff in their ads, and you can see how they address it. It can even be helpful for when you're conversing with a woman you might be into, so that you're clear with her. I often recommend reading The Ethical Slut by Dossie Eaton before pursing anyone. There are other books, too, but this is the one I personally have read.
  49. 2 points
    I can only feel sexual with a person after I've bonded with that person, so no, I would not pay to have sex with a woman. I have always been envious of people who can fully live in-the-moment and have carefree sex (paid or unpaid).
  50. 2 points
    Hi #No1Crush. Thanks very much for the recommendations. We went out in Soho that weekend - looks like we'll have to do it again to try the places you've suggested We were briefly in She twice, at the start and the end of the evening. It wasn't exactly what I expected - in the basement and pretty small. It was empty early in the evening (rookie error!) At the end of the night, it was packed and people were having fun. It was club night - not exactly our/my thing (my friend would probably be more up for it). We'd definitely go back there on another sort of evening. We also went to Ku on Frith Street (much nicer venue; not many women around though) and Freedom (very trendy; far more men than women; didn't seem to be much chance of getting talking to people there). We also looked in on a pub during the daytime (Retro Bar), which seemed like a friendly sort of place, with as many women there as men. A bit disappointed that there aren't more lesbian bars. Very glad to have your suggestions for next time!