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Showing content with the highest reputation since 07/19/2018 in Posts

  1. 10 points
    I did have a relationship with another woman while I was married. So here's my perspective. I would be willing to pursue a relationship with a married woman. She's an adult, and competent to decide for herself if this is something she wants. and is willing to engage in. If she wants to be with me, and the attraction is mutual, then as far I'm concerned I'm OK with it if she is. That having been said, a couple of cautions apply. First, you have a great responsibility to not blow up her life. That means respecting her privacy and discretion absolutely. She may be taking some risk to be with me, so be aware of that always. Second, you have to understand and accept that however much you come to care for this woman and however much you enjoy being with her, you can never be first in her life. The odds are there's no HEA in your future, so you have to accept an HFN. (Happy Ever After/Happy For Now. The terms come from the romance novel genre.) If you're not OK with this, then don't start down this road. Finally, you both have to be clear on where this is leading. Maybe this is just you're lovers while you can be, and offer each other emotional support, warmth, smoking hot sex, or whatever. But you have no expectation that she's going to leave her family for you, and neither does she, really. If you both decide that she should leave him for you, then maybe that happens, but neither of you should expect that as a realistic outcome. Go into it knowing that it's temporary, and you have to be on the same page about this.
  2. 8 points
    Hey girls, been a while since I posted anything on here, but... ...it seems I have achieved the impossible A couple of weeks ago, myself and my fiance confessed to one of my oldest and best friends that we had feelings for her. Especially from my side - there had always been a little something between us but I never really knew what it was or what to do with it. There's been lots of confusion, a couple of freak outs and loooooads of communication but it would seem that she's officially our girlfriend <3 I still can't quite believe it! I'm totally smitten with her and it's been amazing getting to know her in this whole new way, it was a challenge to go from friends to more but I'm so glad it's happening. Sadly we live 220 miles apart at the moment so now I'm missing her like hell, but it'll be worth it to see her again. The vibe between the three of us is amazing and we seem compatible in so many ways ;) Can't believe my luck!! So ladies, you never know what could happen
  3. 8 points
    I just needed a outlet tonight to say how sad I am right now . A month ago I got a call from a sheriff in Atlanta to tell me he was sorry but my twin brother was found in his house and had passed away . It was a heart attack and he lived there alone . He was not married and no partner ...he was gay . And because of this my sister and I had to be the one to go tell my 88 year old mother she had lost her son . My brother had been a first respondo his whole life . The majority of it he was a life flight paramedic . The month has been a roller coaster of emotions . I had to sign to have him cremated and go down to bring him back home to Michigan . The out pouring from his medical community has been amazing . And the people who have messaged me and told stories of how much he taught them and how he was always so compassionate with his paitents has been so comforting . They already had a memorial in Atlanta and dedicated the helicopter heli pad in his name ....at the Atlanta Medical Center ....he most recently had been working back there in the ER ...and had worked there on and off for years also. Now this Sunday is our memorial to celebrate him ...and I have been making boards and things for his friends and family to see and I have to say it is so hard sometimes as I put another picture on the reality hits me again and there I go crying again . I am just sad and needed to share it ....He was a amazing brother ...son ...friend and paramedic and I will miss him terribly .
  4. 8 points
    I've started the process of coming out! Have spoken to a pal who works for the council about work etc.I'm also going to Pride in Inverness with Episcopal Church who will have a big presence there. My kids know I'm bi too. I'm not going to wave a big flag but I will start to tell people I trust. I feel absolutely fabulous. Have spent today alternatively grinning and sobbing. What an idiot. Anyway love you all. Couldn't have done it without you. xx
  5. 8 points
    What do you feel that you need to resolve with this? It sounds to me like you'd be more satisfied being with women over the long haul, with the occasional flirtation or even make-out session with a guy. Do I have that right? You might even be able to have that with the right woman. Also, you can appreciate an attractive guy without wanting to bone him. Even my lesbian-identified GF notices the occasional objectively attractive guy. Male attention is very overt compared to that with women. It's a very different energy, driven by significantly more testosterone. It's understandable that you'd want that sometimes. There's no shame in that! Fantasizing about a prince is I think something most of us grew up with. It's such a big part of our culture, how could you NOT grow up thinking about that? Even those of us who are happier with women often grew up thinking this way. That's part of the struggle when you realize you'd rather be with a woman. There's a lot you're giving up with that, and all your visions that you grew up with are changing or abandoned entirely. Learn to accept yourself for who you are and how you feel. It really is okay!
  6. 8 points
    Married, single, whatever, it depends on each person, what they want from the relationship, how they balance both relationships (if they are also married) and most importantly that you're both on the same page! If one wants more and the other can't offer that, or can't handle it because feelings become deeper than they anticipated, it's not going to work. For the single woman whose considering dating a married woman......we have a lot to offer......we just can't give you everything.....even if there are moments that we wish we could. And if you do enter into it, do so with love and respect for that person and their family and understand that you will have to be second to them or it will never work.
  7. 8 points
    On the drive home, I went through a range of emotions. I was mad at myself for sleeping with somebody so soon. Then I was sad that it was more sexual than romantic. Then I worried that I would feel cheap and used if she never contacted me again. But she stayed in touch. Prior to our real life meeting, she asked me to try to email her at least once a day to explain my wants, fears, and feelings. After we met and had sex, she hoped I would continue the journals. And I have. It's nice to have that kind of connection with someone. I can't completely shake the feeling that I did something so out of character and that it was not the way I envisioned my first time with a woman. But I'm almost 40 years old. It just needed to finally happen.
  8. 7 points
    This is all assuming that rationality prevails, and a coup de foudre doesn't occur... As a general rule, I'm a very rational person...but I know very well that sometimes it just doesn't matter how rational you usually are... It can all very easily go right out of the window if the right woman comes along...married or not... I'm a firm believer that rather than there being 'the One' for each person, there are quite a few different 'Ones' that we might encounter in life...and whether they are married or not really doesn't come into that interpersonal chemistry... So, if/when that happens, try to keep your head screwed on straight, if you can...
  9. 7 points
    @Yogagirl34 I'm so sorry to hear about those difficult experiences you've had. Speaking as a married woman who recently had a relationship online with a lady I absolutely considered to be my girlfriend - I completely understand your wariness about dating us! For my part, I think I would be wary about dating a single girl. The imbalance of our situations would worry me, and the potential for her to get hurt. My girlfriend was also married with kids, which made things a little easier for me. We both had lots and lots of other commitments, so when either of us had to take an extended break from messaging because of family stuff, the other would understand and not feel neglected. Don't get me wrong, we were deeply in love, but we still kept one foot on the ground because we had to. Neither of us was ready to break up our families, uproot our children and move them halfway around the world to be together - I doubt any relationship could emerge beautifully intact from that kind of wreckage. And we both understood that what made our connection so lovely was the fact that it wasn't real, not in the by-turns wonderful and utterly boring way that marriage can sometimes be. We were escaping our real lives, it was a euphoria-inducing fantasy... …. which is fine if you both have something to escape. Because even though it CAN be very monotonous, and slightly crushing in a gender inequality way, marriage and family is also very grounding, and warm, and reliable, and safe. I felt more comfortable knowing that I was with someone who had all of that for herself, and who wanted from me the exact same thing I wanted from her. That and no more. I wouldn't want to keep a single girl emotionally tied to me when she could be out looking for a better prospect. I wouldn't want to feel like I was constantly letting her down or giving her less than she needed. But if it did happen - I know how these things can just strike you - then at the very least I'd be super honest, right from the off, about what my limitations are. That said, I'm not sure it would achieve much if both of us were becoming infatuated.
  10. 6 points
    RULE # 1 - NEVER share everything to my husband. RULE #2 - NEVER share the intimate details with my husband RULE #3 - NEVER confide and make my husband a sounding board. Find a friend to do this (or share here). RULE #4 - when sharing (“there’s a woman...”), I talk to my husband like it’s a matter-of-fact professional business without showing emotions like being too keen or excited. Be brief and straight to the point. RULE #5 - meditate and gather the sexual energy in me to satisfy the emotional and physical needs of my husband in bed. Make love. Have sex. Make love. Have sex. This is to assure him that I am present and will always be. I cannot do this all the time especially if I’m physically stressed from work. The point is, this works for my husband. These are the rules I made for myself. Like many of you, I had stumbled once and I learned that my husband wasn’t immune to jealousy and insecurity despite of knowing how much he accepted me. Over time, I have developed a certain way on how I communicate with him about my sexuality and active interest in women. We both understood the meaning of “privacy” and even if he wanted to know more, he wouldn’t want to have it if I feel compelled to do it. When you are compelled to do something, then you are not free. He doesn’t want me to feel that I am a prisoner of our own relationship. @Curious Jane Maybe my rules can help you to craft yours one day or apply them in the future. I fear that you have to give yourself and your husband a considerable time to heal. Even if he’s saying positive things now, consider it, as his guilt and love for you that is kicking that’s why. But you don’t want him to feel any bad feelings, right? Letting you do things when in fact he’s not fully accepting it. Build the trust again. Reassure him. This will take time and effort. Your Mistress, if she is wise and is after your well being (which I mentioned on another thread), will let you go to sort out your relationship. If she continues to see you and does not give a damn, “it’s not my problem,” then this domme is greedy and doesn’t really care about her sub. My two cents. All the best.
  11. 6 points
    I feel for you @Curious Jane. And i understand as I had a very similar experience and I think a lot of married women do. It's so great that you can be open with him but he has to be really clear what his boundaries are. I fell into this problem myself. When i told my husband I was attracted to women he joked about it, said it was no big deal, I could experiment if I wanted, asked for a threesome etc. Then when I entered into an emotional relationship he couldn't handle it. I hadn't even been physical with her but he got incredibly jealous, insecure, and when we spoke about sex he said he would only be ok if he was involved, which wasn't an option. I actually did ask him if he wanted to open the relationship, because, as @Maggie51 said, it wasn't fair to expect him to be ok with me sharing my time with someone else and for him not to. Tbh, I wasn't totally comfortable with that option but if it meant me being with her, I could handle it. He wasnt comfortable with that anyway, so also, not an option. So i think my advice would be to seriously think this through....do you want her enough to open up your marriage and allow your husband the same freedom, or do you want just him, forever, as promised. Can you put your needs and desires aside for him and keep it monogamous, or do you risk it all? Only you know the answer to that. You also say you're afraid he'll fall in love with another woman, but what if YOU do?? Believe me, if the sex is good and you have a great emotional connection too, you could realise what you've been missing all this time and find it hard not to want her completely. It might not be this particular woman but if the right one came along it's highly possible, so you can understand why he might be worried right now. Some will tell you communication is key and you should talk and then talk some more, get him to open up. They're right, of course, but from my experience I believe if he's insecure right now, there won't be much you can do to convince him otherwise and he'll always be looking for signs you might wander elsewhere. So talk to him now, find out exactly where you stand, and fix it while you've got the chance.
  12. 6 points
    Does anyone else just love clever or playfully challenging significant others? Or maybe you are one? I'll explain. I'm a very independent and self-motivated person, and I always have been. No one has really ever had to tell me what to do very much when it comes to getting through school and general life things. I've been guided, but not exactly told like "You need to go do XYZ". I've also not known many people who can out-logic me (in non-sense conversations or otherwise), or mentally challenge for long periods of time, or leave me speechless in banter. I've realized that in dating in general, I'm pretty stubborn about small things in a playful way, and so many of those that have tried to tell me what to do, usually just get a giggle and a "you're cute" sort of response out of me. Not intending to be disrespectful to them, but in being playful and hoping for them to step up to the challenge. Most of my ex's have failed at that challenge. Like, I always "win". My girl now though... completely different story... like, she often tells me when it's getting late that I should probably go to bed (because if she doesn't say it, I'll likely stay up all night until I'm talking gibberish in my half-sleep, just to spend more time with her). It usually ends up in "Babygirl, you need your sleep" with a pouty face that I can't argue with (not that she wants me to go, but she does want me to take care of myself). Or sometimes we'll just be teasing each other with banter to the point where she leaves me with no comebacks and I'm just in awe of her ability to do that. I think just the fact that she can do that, makes it so... I don't know the word... satisfying?... maybe... when she tells me what to do. "Fold your laundry and then you can call me back when you're done" kind of stuff just makes me want to drown her in kisses. My brain (and probably my facial expression) is like "Did you just tell me what to do? Really?" and she has this look like "Yes, I did, so do it." I just LOVE that. And I'll do the thing as she's told me to with this sense of satisfaction even though I just "lost". Just like "Agh! You're adorable and sexy and yes ma'am!" I could lose to her for the rest of my life and be grateful for having the privilege.
  13. 6 points
    It strikes me that the answer to this question has everything to do with what you're looking for. Interestingly (to me), most of the single women responders are looking for a long term partner that they can make an emotional investment in, and they expect exclusivity. Wisely, they don't think married women are good candidates for this because they already have a long term partner and exclusivity isn't in the cards (unless the married woman is having marital difficulties and may be a single woman soon enough). Many, not all, married women are looking for FWB relationships. They don't want to leave their husband and family but want a physically intimate, but not an emotionally intimate relationship with a woman. Another married woman with the same objectives would seem to be a good opportunity for this. I didn't actually count, but it seemed to me that the single women that wanted a FWB relationship were in the minority. For those that are open to that, the right married woman might be a good choice. But, as always, the trick is to be clear what you want, and to carefully and gently tease out what your potential partner wants. All of this said, if I were a single woman, I wouldn't think my odds would be very good with a married one. Ame
  14. 6 points
    Everything said here so far just goes to show that it’s often very difficult, and even totally impossible to define and label our sexuality. The sexologist Alfred Kinsey made an effort to do that back in the 1940s with his now-famous ‘Kinsey scale’, which at the time it was devised was considered quite revolutionary, but even that type of approach is totally inadequate, as there are as many different shades of lesbian/gay, bisexual and heterosexual as there are people in this world, and a person’s sexuality may actually be quite fluid and change over time. In my experience, the best way to go in terms of defining and acting on one’s own sexuality is to try to be as in touch with your own emotions and sexual attractions and inclinations as possible (i.e. to try to clear your head at times and be totally honest with yourself, difficult though that may be), and to act accordingly, refraining from engaging in sex that makes you feel uncomfortable (mentally, emotionally or physically), or getting romantically involved against your better judgement (i.e. because it’s expected of you and/or you are pressured into it). Finding men/women physically attractive doesn’t necessarily mean you want to have sex or a romantic relationship with them. Alternatively, wanting to have sex with them (as a member of a gender, or even as an individual) doesn’t necessarily mean you want to have a romantic relationship with them. Of course, you could be totally confused about how you actually feel, in which case it’s difficult or impossible to make a rational judgement. If that’s where you’re at, then paying close attention to your comfort level is extremely important. That has always worked for me.
  15. 6 points
    This chimes with me, up to a point... my head spins when I start trying to disentangle how much of my attraction to men (over the years) has been a culturally learned thing rather than an innate hardwired thing; less 'wow, that guy is so hot!' and more 'wow, that guy has so much cultural status that his attention would make me feel really good about myself!' God knows what the answer is, I guess we need a geneticist and a developmental psychologist to weigh in and clear it all up for us xD I guess you don't question it when you're having good sex with men, and I have had great sex with men in the past. But right now my attraction to men feels very fragile and easily spooked and easily unlearned. Also, picking up on what @BiTriMama said about noticing attractive people... in my experience it's quite hard to know whether you're looking at people in a wanting-to-bone them way or a that-person-is-objectively-attractive way? The culture we've grown up in makes us assume that if we take a long look at a guy it must be some kind of sexual attraction we're feeling and I think I've assumed that in the past when it wasn't really true. And on the flipside, quite often when I look at a girl I have no clue if I fancy them or just vaguely appreciate their prettiness. In the past I've tended to assume the latter, but I think that a lot of times it was more the former but I just didn't acknowledge it. Our unconscious is pretty good at killing thoughts that feel threatening in some unfortunate way.
  16. 6 points
    I am a married woman and I feel like I have to contribute my experience in this thread. One with another woman and another with a single woman. I had to turn down (with huge effort) a booty call set up with a local bisexual married woman that I met on a random encounter last year. It's like, "hey hun, I'm in town, you wanna bang?" It's probably okay if sex was only what I was looking for but not. At least, she was clear in the very beginning what particular situation she thought only worked for her to keep her marriage intact and at the same time still be able to satiate her craving for women sex. Initially, the single woman who I was dating briefly was okay and didn't mind that I was married. It was after a short while when she realised that she's wanting more and more of me. She wanted me for herself only. The first one, I thought we had a perfect chemistry but I found out her ideal situation was not matching my moral compass. The second one, I thought was perfectly fine in the beginning but then she realised that it's not her ideal situation. I still don't know what to make anything of these at all. The more I think and analyse women, the more I fail. Hahaha!!! So ironic because I'm one of them. So, nowadays, whatever! I don't care if you're married or single. If we can create perfect moments, if we can be even once or twice be honest with each other on what really feel at that moment. If we can be genuine in bed wanting each other not only for the sake of sex but because YOU want ME and I want YOU, then, that's good enough for me. That's good enough because I will not be perfect for you in the real world and you will not be perfect for me, either. But the moments we create will be. Because it is ours in our limited perfect time. Yesterday, I was talking to a very wise good friend about my growing affection for this certain woman. I asked her if she thought that I had a penchant for self-torture. She said, "no, I think you have a penchant for romantic ideals which isn't dangerous, just means you don't wanna quit sometimes." Hmm, yeah.
  17. 5 points
    @MrsLovett Your penultimate paragraph touched me so deeply - your descriptions of how you feel when you see her, and think of her, were so perfect. I recognise them all. It reminded me of a fragment of poetry by Sappho (31). Thousands of years may have passed since she wrote it but love hasn't changed one bit... That man seems to me to be equal to the gods who is sitting opposite you and hears you nearby speaking sweetly and laughing delightfully, which indeed makes my heart flutter in my breast; for when I look at you even for a short time, it is no longer possible for me to speak but it is as if my tongue is broken and immediately a subtle fire has run over my skin, I cannot see anything with my eyes, and my ears are buzzing a cold sweat comes over me, trembling seizes me all over, I am paler than grass, and I seem nearly to have died.
  18. 5 points
    Well that sucks. Maybe he thought he would be ok with it but when it actually happened, he wasn’t? How much did you tell him after it happened? Did he keep asking for details or did you feel like you needed to talk to someone after it happened and so you told him? i’ve been in a somewhat similar situation. Well not the bdsm part, but starting to see a woman while married. My husband said he would be cool with it and he was. It’s also different in that she lives thousands of miles away and I mostly communicate with her while at work. But we talk daily and are very close. he met her and her family and has been ok with me going to spend weekends with her. Because of the distance that happens only a few times a year. He has never asked to join in, not even jokingly. He has joked about me running off with her the morning before I got on my flight to go meet her alone the first time. He also never asked for details afterwards. i also would be ok (in theory, no idea what I would think if it actually happened) with him seeing a man or a woman like that on the side if we discussed it before and talked it over. i don’t know if I have any specific advice for your situation. But I would have an honest conversation with your husband and explain why you need this and that you have no intention of leaving him. i would also examine why you have issues if he wanted to have a similar experience. It’s of course completely normal if you do, but I would spend some time thinking about why. And this not only to figure out why you would have issues with him doing it but also to be able to be more compassionate to his fears and know what kinds of things would make you (and therefore maybe him) more comfortable with it. Thats the best I got
  19. 5 points
    Good point. I agree with this I'm going to use a couple of words here that you don't hear a lot, which are 1.) Competence and 2.) Authority. First of all, if you are looking for a Dominant, then you're about to trust this person. A lot. Better hope they're competent to look out for your health and safety. So that person needs to look to you like someone who knows what they're doing, and someone who is sane, sober, grounded, an they have actual skill with their toys. An older, more experienced person is more likely to have that vibe. The other word is Authority. You don;t look dominant because you dress up in spike heels and fetish wear. (You may in fact look ridiculous.) Knowing that you're more experienced, more accomplished at life in general, makes it easier for them to accept you as a person with authority in a way that no costume is ever going to give you. So when negotiating a scene and the person's limits, I can ask questions in a way that suggests that I feel entitled to the answers. OK, well, I am entitled, because I need this information to make it good for them and to keep them safe. Do they have allergies or medical conditions I need to know about? Is there a history of abuse? What fantasies does she have? How often does she masturbate? When did they last have an orgasm and how did they have it? This is an interrogation, and she's going to give up a lot of very personal information about herself. Answering these questions is really the beginning of her giving up control, and my life experience and demeanor helps to enhance that. And finally, when the time comes to give orders, I know how to sound like I'm used to giving them, and expect them to be accepted. When I tell her to take off her clothes, (And yes, I want her to take her own clothes off)., I'm not going to just bark out an order. I can exert authority.
  20. 5 points
    It would be a red flag for me. Sounds like she's fishing for compliments because she's really insecure. I haven't got time for that. She obviously got defensive when you called her out as well. Red flags!
  21. 5 points
    I've been in a few of these. None of them ended well; some ended horribly. I vowed never to be in one again. But then I met this amazing woman who's half way around the world and I am back in one. I suppose it depends on what you mean by "relationship" and what your objectives for one might be. Please don't ask me. I have no idea. The two of us struggle over this. But she pours happiness into my life like honey. Being with her might be a bad idea, but it's the best bad idea I've had in a long, long time. Ame
  22. 5 points
    Run @caliwoman Run, you do not need wishy washy out of the gate - too many good people out there to waste time wth someone so oblivious to your feelings or common courtesy when in a get to know u phase.
  23. 5 points
    So much nope! I only have a minute, but she sounds like someone who has “high standards”-ed herself into being single forever. No one will ever be good enough for her. And how dare YOU reject HER. Yup, another narcissist (or similar brand of crazy).
  24. 4 points
    Hi everyone. I joined the Match dating site a couple of weeks ago and a lady got in touch with me pretty quickly. She's my age, never been married. A proper Gold star lesbian. She's really nice. We talk on the phone everyday about literally everything. She's in Glasgow which is about 4 hours away but I'm down there a fair bit visiting my kids. We are trying to organise a meet up in the next 4 weeks. Not easy between my work and her shifts. Anyway I told her I was bi and it was a bit shaky for a day or two but its ok now. We have loads in common and I really like her and I think she likes me. So keep your fingers crossed? I am trying to be patient although I am also horny as fuck! Sigh.
  25. 4 points
    Well, I have rather Epicurean taste...so when entertaining a lover, I set out to indulge her by serving her favourite culinary delicacies, fruit, chocolate (and combinations of those, like chocolate-covered strawberries), and Champagne or fine wine... Everyone loves to be spoiled, and delicious food and drink stimulate the senses, so are erotic, and function as an aphrodisiac... In terms of sex itself, don't worry about putting on a performance to impress her... Just try to relax, and get in tune with her, and as @grneyedgrl said, do what comes naturally.
  26. 4 points
    I'm so glad I found this site. I signed up yesterday and have mostly been reading through different posts. I feel like this is the right place for me at this precise moment. I feel safe. I have always felt attracted to both men and women for as long as I can remember. As early as pre-school days I would say, but it wasn't until I was 21 that I had my first experience with a woman. Although I knew I had done the right thing by giving in to my instinct and following my heart's desire, I felt an instant tidal wave of shame afterwards and I don't even know why as I have been raised by a very understanding and open minded family. From then on, I have had several different experiences with extraordinary women I have fallen for ( love has always been present and I have never got involved with a lady without having developed romantic feelings towards her). The shame gave way to acceptance eventually, however I kept being secretive about it as the relationships never lasted long enough for me to gather the courage to come out to my family ( my friends were always fully aware) and I met and fell in love with my current husband 10 years ago. My sexual preferences were never openly discussed with him at the beginning as I believed at the time that meeting him was the end of an era, or a phase. I did not feel attracted to any woman - or any other man- since I met him and I have always been faithful. Although never mentioned, I hinted many times that I had previous experiences with women and, although he has never told me, I can feel he is also bisexual and has never acted upon it. Our marriage is not perfect but it's good enough for us. We have a deep emotional connection although the physical side of things has been quite neglected for the past 11 months. A few months ago, I developed a crush of massive proportions for a female coworker who I had never thought about before in that sort of way. I had always liked her at a professional level and thought she was an interesting person who I'd like to know more about until one day she came to my office to talk about a project and her hand accidentally touched mine over the computer's mouse...I blushed intensely- I could feel the heat in my cheeks!-I realised I couldn't stop preening , touching my hair and stuttering in her presence! I had never felt so socially awkward before. The revelation that I was emotionally and sexually attracted to her came to me as hard as a hammer hit as this is the first time in over 10 years that I have to acknowledge my latent bisexuality but now things are different because I'm married and committed. The feelings for her have grown exponentially during this past few months. She's made me realise- without even knowing it- that I cannot deny who I am anymore. I need to gather some courage and speak out and finally decide which kind of life I want to lead. Do I believe this could be another phase? Unlikely... She is a single woman and I don't think she realises the nature of my feelings for her and I don't know if I want to act upon them yet without having cleared my mind before and decided whether to come out officially to my husband or not. I believe she's straight but she's never hinted it or mentioned any boyfriends or male love interests in the horizon ( she hasn't mentioned girlfriends either, though...). We are quite friendly with each other and there's a definite energy between us. A kind of a palpable warmth. Call it spark or chemistry... All I know is that I feel almost "drunk" with desire when I see her , my stomach becomes a cage full of butterflies wanting to escape and I feel like my heart could explode every time she smiles at me... I don't even have to physically see her to trigger all these crazy, marvellous feelings: sometimes seeing her name on an email does it for me! I honestly don't know where this could lead... it's early days of my re-discovery journey. But even if nothing ever happens and we stay friends I will always be thankful to her for "reminding" me who I truly am and made me realise that's it's never too late to re-direct one's life, if need be.
  27. 4 points
    When you go to the gym, do you check-out women? It’s so hard for me to keep my eyes from popping out of my skull, especially when the woman is wearing those thigh high socks... ugh. My knees go weak.
  28. 4 points
    worse... the unattainability, and the risk involved in pursuing a relationship, can even feed into the chemistry, right? As the married party, when you're typing 'I love you' to your secret girlfriend, or exchanging with her the kind of messages you need to type one-handed ;-p, the fact of what you're both risking, your constant longing for what you can't have, the potential fallout if those messages reached the wrong person, all of that can massively intensify the feelings on both sides. One's wet panties don't always align with one's moral sense ;-p and mother nature in her infinite wisdom seems to have made recklessness an aphrodisiac, god love her. happens to the best of us xD
  29. 4 points
    This happens with men too... I have a friend who works in an all-male environment, and is a totally out lesbian in her 40s, and when she first began to work there, the men (of various ages, 20s - 60s) would make a point of trying to make her feel uncomfortable in different ways, in order to intimidate and shame her, because they were intimidated by the fact she's an out lesbian, and in some cases because they were homophobic... They would speak VERY lewdly about women (dates they had and what they 'did to' the woman in bed, or just observations about women who came into the shop and what they would like to do them), or ask her which one in her lesbian relationship was 'the man'... So, one day, two of the worst offenders thought they would have some fun at her expense by taking out a soft-core porn men's magazine and showing her a photo of a beautiful, very well-endowed topless woman and asking her what she thought... Well, that was an ENORMOUS mistake on their part, because she wasn't having any of it, and without blinking, grabbed the magazine out of their hands, to take a closer look, then said, 'Mmm... She's gorgeous! I love huge tits! She looks just like one of my exes... Can I have this?', then walked away, soft-core mag in hand. After that, they stopped trying to intimidate and shame her...and the younger ones started asking her for advice about women!
  30. 4 points
    I'm having this fantasy of being there at the party. The person explains the strap, and what it's for. Woman #1: OMFG! How could anyone use that?? Me: Well, if I was using it, I'd probably put her in doggy. That way I can pull her hair, slap her ass. I can .use a vibe on her clit at the same time. Woman #2: I could NEVER use something like that on another woman. Me: You could try usingit on your husband, then. After putting him in doggy, or course. I mean, I would have SO much fun! And since I think they might just be protesting too much, I'd see if I could maybe get one of the protestors to go out with me after to this wine bar I know...
  31. 4 points
    “ Confidence isn’t about whether or not people will like you. It’s about you being perfectly fine if they don’t .” “Be confident enough to know that somebody else’s opinion doesn’t become truth about who you really are . Never allow the power of what people think become more powerful than what you know. Find peace in this and then you will find confidence “ Tailoredmotives
  32. 4 points
    Defintely don’t want to jack this discussion - and I respect your reaction to my post. I missed some detail that made my post very general - so i think your points are valid. Men can be dopes ✔️, my H couldn’t be a mind reader ✔️ (100%) What i failed to articulate was that once i realized what it was that began to fall short (beyond the physical needs) with my H and asked for those things... he didnt “get it” as his interpretation and delivery of what i asked for was different than what I needed and asked for. Led me down a path of trying to compartmentalize what can be achieved and accepting of what cannot in a human being. The outcome becomes what u and your spouse make of it. Tying this babble back to @Curious Jane - if u can sort through emotion and jealousy with H and establish boundaries - u can perhaps set his mind at ease - but that is an action speaks louder than words phenomenon and happens over time following good dialogue. My advice - put a lot of thought into what u want and need and don’t be afraid to ask for it and try not to settle if it doesn’t feel right.
  33. 4 points
    Hey @Curious Jane ive been down this path with my husband too. I had a green light but he needed detail and i couldn’t offer detail. I tried to offer an open-marriage with rules of be safe/discrete and considerate, but that didn’t fly. The conversation went from a fun, safe space to a point of contention (over time)...Jealously reared it’s ugly head and rightfully so bc what i thought was merely a physical attraction with someone i already had a comfort level and connection with (a female bestie of mine) turned out to offer me so much more (then physical). my mind was blown at the basic needs i was not getting fulfilled emotionally, romantically in addition to physically. i didn’t even know i had or was missing these needs until they started to be fulfilled. This reality was really hard to navigate and sadly for me resulted in mostly a conversation ender. While he was eager and pushing it in the beginning bc he wanted me to have the experience and he looked forward to hearing about it, I no longer felt “safe” discussing the topic. if i am being honest, this definitely opened my eyes and created a wedge in my marriage and taught me about that the fear of falling for someone else can be reality, transparency is really hard in these dynamics and maintaining my own personal balance is key to my navigation. Good luck, if u can, keep talking. if there was already a crack in the foundation between u and H prior to this- be mindful of ur inner feelings and be aware when u feel things start to change in both your relationship and mind.
  34. 4 points
    Hi. This was posted on a fb group I belong to. Hope it gives you a laugh- especially the "angry furnace!" http://www.lotl.com/Advice/9-Things-You-Know-When-You-Come-Out-Later-In-Life-2342/#.W1fe49qhDKY.facebook
  35. 4 points
    The only thing I can say, in the most completely objective context, is that it sounds to me that you are echoing his concern as well. you say know that you won't fall in love or harm your marriage, so isn't it equally possible that he won't either? I'm not suggesting that you should have to include him in your experiences with other women, but it definitely sounds like you two are not on the same page and if you choose to keep seeing her under these circumstances, until he is ok with it, it will affect your relationship negatively.
  36. 4 points
    @Sithandra - I agree with everything you've said...and in the case of young men attracted to older women, I would add that they're also allured by the prospect of being in a sexual/romantic relationship without the usual demands and expectations common to one with a woman their own age (co-habitation, marriage and children). For both young women and men, the younger>older attraction really comes down to three perceived attributes of older people: 1) confidence, or being comfortable in one's own skin (which is very sexy indeed), 2) life experience (not only with regard to sex, romance and relationships, but life in general), and 3) accomplishments (personal and professional). I recall that, when I was younger, that was what it was really all about for me...and I have heard this many times from young people I know. I can still remember the realization that, for me, being with an older, more experienced and accomplished person was far more sexy and fulfilling than being with someone my own age... With regard to the pursuit of older women as Dominants or Dommes by much younger women, it's really just taking things one step further... They might be looking for a sexual mentor skilled in the 'erotic arts', who will show them the way, and with whom they can push their current limits (i.e. an erotic 'student- teacher' relationship), or they may simply want to fulfill their D/s fantasies or needs (which alot of people - both women and men - do have), and they stand a much better chance of finding or achieving that with an older woman. (Good advertising, eh?)
  37. 4 points
    A couple of thoughts here. First, younger guys attracted to older women. There can be a couple of things going on here. First, maybe they think she's an easier lay, or something that they got from fantasy, or porno, or whatever. I mean, their reasons might not always be good ones. But, and this a very important but, there are good reasons why he may attracted to an older woman. (Who will figure out pretty quickly if his reasons for pursuing her are the right ones.) She knows who ahe is, she doesn't play games, she knows what shew ants, and she's not afraid to ask for it. Compare this to what he may have encountered with a woman his age or younger. And let's be honest here. She may in fact be smoking hot and is probably better in bed, because she knows herself, and knows what she liked and what turns her on. so if he's open to that experience of being with an older woman, and I'm not just talking sex here, then maybe for the rest of his life she's going to set the standard. We don't stop being beautiful at 30. This is fact. With a younger woman/older woman, I think it's a little different. Women are inherently more gender fluid, and in general are more open to experimenting when they're younger. (Note: All general rules have specific exceptions, which is why they call them general rules) Yes, I have in fact encountered this, and I think what happens is that a woman is more likely to be attracted to someone who is confident, has their life together, is accomplished, is maybe things that they wish they were. And this may especially be true when she's younger, and still finding her way forward. So maybe you have a young woman who's a bit gender fluid, even if she doesn't realize it yet, and she can be attracted to another woman, then maybe she's more likely to really start feeling the vibe with someone older, confident, accomplished, and able to navigate this big scary world. Add to this the fact that society is now more accepting of same sex attractions, and you probably have more situations where a younger woman who's maybe open to a same sex relationship, or at least to experimenting, may just encounter a woman she wants to experiment with. And this woman might just be older. An alpha female if you will.
  38. 4 points
    I feel the exact same way. I find men very attractive, but do not have the desire to have sex with them. In my current relationship I look at my partner and find him attractive but can not enjoy being sexually active with him. I remember when we first started dating I was obsessed with kissing and hugging him, but it got to a point that I started holding back because I didn’t want it to lead to more sexually. Fast forward to current time we barely show any effection. It’s more of a lets have sex for your needs. I haven’t really been with a women and I’m always afraid what if I was to have the same reaction to her. Maybe it’s the way I’m built. I guess I’ll never know unless I try.
  39. 4 points
    I agree with BTM. This doesn't really need resolving. You're attracted to who you like whether that be emotionally, physically or sexually. If it helps I have the exact same feelings as you. I always looked for that one man who was gonna sweep me off my feet. Have a family with. Get married. All the things most young girls dream of. When I had that I was just unsatisfied. I'm attracted to women physically, emotionally and sexually but with men it's just physically and occasionally emotionally, there's no urge to have sex with them. I can appreciate a beautiful looking guy, see his big arms, his dark hair, maybe tattoos, and think wow, he gorgeous. But I never think wow I would love to go to bed with this guy. I'm demisexual so I do need to be emotionally attached before sex anyway but even when I get to know the guy I still didn't want to sleep with him. There's just no urge at all. With women it's a whole different story. I tried to ask myself obsessively if I was gay and not bi, it really ate away at me. Then my gf told me something once, and it really spoke to me. I will quote her, she said.. "I don't feel the need to know "who I am". As I said. I love who I love. I'm not defined by a category or a number or a type. I'm sorry you feel as though you have to fit somewhere like that" That passage alone made me think that she's right. Why does it matter what and who I'm attracted to, and in what way. Can't we all just be open to the possibility. It's great that you see the beauty in both sexes, regardless of how far each attraction goes. Just enjoy being able to see the beauty in everyone
  40. 4 points
    You know, it occurs to me that you've already written the message you need to send her, you've just posted it here instead of sending it to her. That it feels like fate that she finds you after all these years, and that she was courageous and always cared about you, but you were too unsure of yourself then, that you're afraid of fucking this up, and afraid that this will lose its steam and nothing will come of it, and that you don't know how to flirt online, but that you really like her. And if what you've already written in your own words doesn't work, then nothing will. See? you're better at it than you know. Now go tell her.
  41. 4 points
    I would not be okay with that. That's settling to me. I want a relationship. I want to be that person's special someone and I want her to be mine. It's pretty simple. I just want a regular monogamous relationship. I just happen to be a woman who wants a woman for a partner and not a man.
  42. 4 points
    Yes to all of this! It took me awhile to realize that my "appreciation" for some girls was actually attraction, especially after growing up in a very conservative environment without any LGBT role models. It's funny, we share a property with some other folks, and one of our neighbors is, like, model hot (and is super nice). When he walks around without his shirt on, both my GF and I take notice! LOL But we both have ZERO desire for the dick (and are monogamous).
  43. 4 points
    I still love my girlfriend today,she came out to me about something this afternoon.Been together for a couple weeks still going good.It was about her past.Came to see me and asked me if we could talk and I said sure.Walked to the back deck and we sat down.I asked her what is it and she looked at me right in the eye coming out.Said she was born male and is a post op MTF transsexual.I looked at her and said I still love you regardless to her.GF was relieved I accepted this right away and sees I am an open minded person.Plus I saw she was being honest to me telling the truth.
  44. 4 points
    She told me to close my eyes and led me to her bedroom. She told me to get on her bed, on all fours. I glanced back and saw that she was putting on a strapon. It might have killed the mood, but I asked her if it was clean. She said absolutely. It looked brand new, actually. ( And we had discussed fear of STDs prior. She is in medical research and it's important to her to feel/be safe, too.) So, I'm on the bed, doggy-style position when I feel her ease it in. It felt incredibly amazing. She began thrusting slowly and I was in such an erotic state of bliss. I surprised myself when I began moaning loudly. I was already getting close to climax. She told me to get on my back, then began doing me missionary style. She had that same sly look on her face. We made eye contact as she thrust in and out and that drove me wild. She stopped. I begged her to keep going. She asked if I was her slut. I wouldn't have thought I'd like that, but in the moment I breathlessly said, "Yes, I'm your slut. Please fuck me." "Good girl," she said. Then kept going. I couldn't keep myself from yelling out in pleasure. I was about to climax again when she stopped and laid down next to me. She began to take the strapon off. I knew what she wanted when she spread her legs. I had never gone down on a woman before, but I didnt hesitate. It seemed to come pretty natural. I licked when she told me to lick and sucked her clit when she demanded it. I loved the reaction I received. She came pretty quickly. She began to rub me, but then told me she wanted to watch me get myself off. My orgasm was so intense that I gave myself a migraine. We talked for about 30 minutes after. She was so easy to talk to and she said she felt the same way about me. She explained that there were other things she wanted to introduce me to, but she also wanted to take it slow and careful the first time.
  45. 3 points
    I've just rediscovered this heart-felt, moving song from the French-English ensemble, The Night VI...
  46. 3 points
    I believe you are probably correct... you probably feel like you can’t completely let go with a woman. But in my experience when you allow yourself to , its the most amazing sex ever . The best I ever had was when a woman and I were so intune with eachother and completely let go ...the sky was the limit... both found pleasing the other so hot ...she even got me to the point of squirting and made a point to get me there each time. So find the one girl you feel comfortable with. You won’t regret it
  47. 3 points
    all of this resonates and took me two years to be settled with it. i am married and this discovery on my part has helped to explain and make sense of so much in hindsight. On paper I created the perfect life (based on society norms and what was expected of me)....& then she came along (as if she fell out of the sky and into my life at the most conflicted and vulnerable time) and unaware of it, challenged everything i was “taught to want”... and in a way i guess i did the same for her. Feels good to see responses above and know that there are so many in the same place, with the same clarity and preferences.
  48. 3 points
    I had my first sexting experience with a woman recently and I couldn't believe what an absolute turn on it was! I didn't think it could get me going. I have to agree, it depends on writing skills, and I guess I got lucky. Every once in a while she will text me something super naughty and it drives me wild. And knowing that my texts to her will get her going is a turn on in itself.
  49. 3 points
    I agree with @BiTriMama and this is how i discovered something beautiful with my best friend... i was honest and threw my most vulnerable self out there and i consider myself to be a very lucky girl
  50. 3 points
    My husband has been aware of my sexuality from very early on in our relationship, personally I couldn't be with a man who wasn't understanding & supportive.