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Showing content with the highest reputation since 01/20/18 in all areas

  1. 16 points
    Shybi is a truly unique space. When I rocked up here. I’d had a fair bit of experience in the obvious areas and the meaningful ones too. But I wasn’t comfortable. At first I thought this had nothing to do with my sexuality. I assumed Shybi was a meet up board by the way. Didn’t read the about or the rules. I obviously realized in a few seconds! I remember think oh well, nevermind. I was starving that day and overtired and my casual date had cancelled, but I stayed and read a few topics and thought - hey, I can reply to that! My life was a bit of a mess but I hadn’t connected that my sexual being and even my ability to love a person could exist fully, while still feeling pain, stress and shame about living an almost split life as a result. I’d actually shut down communicating with the people who mattered, just enough to keep us going along - it’s possible to be well matched with more than one person, only to realize that all of you need to work on yourselves as individuals and that compromise in a relationship can become self-sabotage without you even realizing. So I stuck around went through some harder times - AKA the cryptic status updates, for any of the older members who remember! Somehow supporting and interacting with you all made me feel useful. Despite having quite a lot in my life at the time, I didn’t feel that. Over time, your thoughts, feelings and experiences started to have this affect on me. As some of you were questioning yourselves and sharing your journeys, I began to look at myself and saw that I did have insecurities surrounding my sexuality, I responded and supported in the way that was and still is most authentic to me and I was surprised by how natural that felt. By being here, I was able to reconnect with myself and remember that my sexuality is part of me, it’s not an add-on that I need to sideline or usher away, I’m not the shout it from the rooftops kinda woman, but I am excited by the prospect of living, loving and experiencing again. The diversity here has enabled me to understand women better. Sounds silly, but since joining Shybi I understand and empathize more - I often don’t agree but I think without even realizing it, I was repressing parts of myself. Although I’ve always struggled to relate to women from a young age, the opposite of what many of you say, and that’s improved too. I’ve been on here 4 years? So I’ve had time to slowly work things out. Having said that, all of my close girlfriends are similar in nature and we do pretty much cover the spectrum and I’m lucky to have that, but I hadn’t talked to them about anything personal/relationships in years. Pretty ironic, you’ve gay and bisexual friends and it never comes up? Well it did and I was once pretty open, but I spent about half a decade, essentially locked in internalized homophobia. I didn’t see it setting in and so it’s no big deal they stop asking and you talk about other things. For me it came from a place of now your female, non-white, from a low background and it doesn’t matter that you’re almost totally fine, you’re still gonna be registered disabled and you won’t get picked first, second or third - so you can’t be bisexual as well, sorry. If you want to succeed while hitting every point of intersectionality, something’s gotta give. I’d constructed a fragile sense of self-worth from the only part I had control over. But then one day last year I woke up in hospital, half a decade had passed and while I’d survived, I hadn’t live. I’d been relentless in my pursuit that I failed my way to success, but the rest of my life was empty. I spent the rest of that year not just building a life, but building myself. You can do, go and change as many times as you like - it's gonna happen anyway might as well get on board! Now I've got choices, I'm well, I'm content and who know what's out there? Surely, in the long-term, in order to become the best version of yourself, you’ve got to accept the whole package and work it out as you go along. It also happens my package includes an obsession with building things, vision and how to make things better. Shybi has made me better, you've all made better so I’ve gotta accept that hopefully it'll work out in the end too. I don't want to watch it happen. I would immediately fund the site further, if I thought more of you could see what I see. But that’s ok - Shys is a wonderful place if you give it a chance in any state. @la-femme has changed so many lives, I really hope she lets you give back to the site and everyone comes together. Now feels like a good time for me to leave the island. I’m starting a new chapter offline, so perhaps it's a sign, that I’m ready. With any luck they’ll be a new and improved site for me to check out one day and if not I truly appreciate the time and the space, spent here with all of you.
  2. 14 points
    I've found a lady who actually understands me. She is decent and loves me and I do with her. We have no secrets from each other and we are true to our word with one another. She's taken the big step of introducing me to her mum and brother. She's never done this before. We've both come from rubbish situations where we are rebuilding ourselves after difficult previous relationships. We are now doing this together. It's early days but all the signs are good for us both. Here's hoping this continues as I've been burned badly before with a woman and it almost destroyed me. For the first time in a long time I feel positive again for the future. Hope it continues.
  3. 10 points
    I just want to show my girlfriend off to the world. I'm so proud to be hers. She's such a wonderful person. Just absolutely amazing. The way she thinks... the things she does... I've never met another person so closely similar to me, but so very much themselves. Trusting me with her heart whenever she needs to spill it out to me. And she does it so honestly and unapologetically, and accepts my heart when it needs to spill as well. She has so much love to give unconditionally. She's so talented and hard-working and caring and rational. God, is she rational. I love it. We have the same love language. We value and appreciate the same things in a relationship. We're playful and clever together. She amplifies everything about me. I love deeper. I laugh harder. I sigh every other second. With her, I'm so much better. She inspires me to be more. And I do the same for her. She flew into my life so unexpectedly, and I showed her the sort of caring and lasting friendship she was longing for. What she's given me in return is too much for words. And I tell her everyday. She tells me everyday. We write letters full of I love you's just to try to capture some of this feeling, but it's just not enough. Her heart is so pure. Her voice makes my knees melt into the pavement. She has me wrapped around her finger and there's no one I would trust more to do so. Barely any time has passed, but I feel like I know her so well. I feel like I've known her for ages. Like she was a part of me that I never knew was missing and now I can't live without. As many times as I've been in love before, this is so much more. She loves me as much as I love her. We were once the only ones putting effort into our relationships and now we are both putting our effort into this relationship equally. Neither of us is used to it, and both of us appreciate it so much. There's so much that can be felt from a single caring action. We understand that. It's the little things that matter. I just needed to spill this out to someone. It's so difficult to contain how happy I am about her.
  4. 9 points
    It's really pointless to keep discussing the options and possibilities of what can be done until things are more solidified with the server and the site. Once things are stable and in la-femme's control, she can then take into account all the suggestions that have been made and decide from there. Thank you la-femme for all the personal sacrifices that you've made over the last 13 years since the site began. I for one am grateful. I agree with you that you should be careful of who you give or share your admin duties with because it's a position that should come with respect for you as the main admin and willingness to see things from a neutral and objective point of view and only use the harsher measures to moderate if it is deemed necessary, such as filtering out men who try to disguise themselves as women and try to join the site. Also being able to deal with other things that may come up between members. I'm sure when everything becomes more stable that you'll be able to make the right decisions as to who you'd want to help you form an admin team. The good thing about you being the main admin is that if someone does do something stupid but it's not obvious to you, others can see that and make you aware of it, then you can take measures to remove them or just take away their ability to have access to those parts of the site. There's a whole different group of women that are on the site now than even 8 years ago and I'm sure there are some out of the new crew that might be willing to at least moderate. I'm looking forward to where the future leads the site and just a side note, there are those of us like myself, who have stayed with the site through everything and didn't give up on you or the site because it's about loyalty and friendship, not just how it can benefit you but how can it help and benefit others that struggle and have questions about their feelings. Here's to a new and exciting future for you and for the site you created. This is your baby and like all babies the site has changed and grown but it will only get better.
  5. 9 points
    The donations are still in Paypal untouched for now until 1and1 get back to me tomorrow. If nothing comes of it, and the site closes all will be refunded. I can't thank everyone enough from the bottom of my heart who donated. Truly.. and I hope things are sorted in the next few days. I'll keep you all posted. I'm not long back from a 12 hour shift so apologies for not being able to clarify sooner. A few other clarifications :- Social media is killing off discussion/debate forums and has been for a while now. End of story.. However... women who find us here do NOT want to appear on social media. I understood that from the start and named the site accordingly... and it's also why Facebook/Twitter and all other social media icons are removed from the forum software. Too many are afraid that they share or out themselves accidentally or someone else does and cannot take that risk. Facebook and other media links and referrals are also needed now to rank highly in the internet stakes. But it's really not an option for this site and probably never will be. The internet has moved on since 2005 when this site started. The ethos of this site cannot since it's about being a safe harbour. Once moved we'll still be with the same hosts we've been with since 2009. Like an old mobile phone contract that hasn't been updated and you end up paying far more than new customers for the same or better services,... personal financial difficulties aside.. that's where Shybi has been for the last few years. On a 'bronze' server for nearly £250 a month, when newer clients were on the platinum for much less. I cannot afford £250 a month at the moment the new server is less than half that. The site may well end up moving again... but at the end of the day my appeal went out because whatever happened I did not want the site to end due to a few months financial difficulties. Better things for me are hopefully just round the corner ( new job fingers crossed )... I couldn't just let the site go down to a few skint months and that's why I reached out. Chat rooms etc... well IPB have closed even their own native and fully integrated chat rooms now. Things like that are another area dying off thanks to social media and messenger services. Other things such as 'clubs within forums' and many other progressive features are afoot in IPBoards now. But there's not point in harking back to wishing things were as they were on the net in 2010 or 2013.. Chat rooms etc can surely be done again, but integration with the database and safety is somewhat more problematic these days given that even the forum software makers have given up on them completely. IF things work out tomorrow with 1and1 the site will be ok for a while. I cannot do much about the site's fortunes in relation to Facebook groups and Twitter chats... but I do know for those that find us here and stay for a while, that this site has been worth every penny I've spent on it since 2005. Thanks once again SO much for the donations. They'll be put to the use they're intended within the next few days or refunded in full. Keep your fingers crossed. LF xxx
  6. 9 points
    Ok so what happens now? I think we all agree that this site is valuable and we’d all like to see it thrive...how do we as members make that happen? It seems clear that our current admin no longer has the personal resources to maintain the site...no one faults her for that, but how can we help. Is it a matter of someone(s) purchasing ownership of the site? Does @la-femme have a long term goal in mind? There must be some goal, otherwise why ask for donations to pay the ‘ransom’ to move the server and save the site (for now)? She obviously has interest in keeping the site alive, and so do we, together what can we do to initiate change? Do we really just sit and wait and hope for the best?
  7. 9 points
    Be honest with him. Being with a woman alone is SUCH a different experience than a threesome. If you cave to HIS desires, it then becomes about him, and you start to resent him. And as @unknown said, you start to feel like you have to perform sometimes. Plus, you don't want to risk him feeling left out, and it's always on the back of your mind, even if for a moment it's just you and her while he sits back. I was married to a man who said ok to me being with a woman if we dated her together. He ended up REFUSING to let us be alone together, which was all I really wanted. It made it REALLY hard. The whole thing ended up really complicated and high drama. My marriage ended a year after we split with her, for other reasons. She and I ended up reconnecting later, and let's just say we had some "unfinished business." I'm glad we did, even though we're not together anymore. I wish it was a freedom my ex could have allowed me, but he has a tendency to make EVERYTHING about him, including this. Now that I am free, I exclusively date women (well, one woman), and it's MUCH better for me.
  8. 8 points
    I would love to open up to my husband about my bisexuality. He would be thrilled and would immediately start pressing me for a threesome. Here's the thing...I don't want a threesome. I want the opportunity to explore my sexuality with a woman without a penis getting in the way ;). I'm worried my husband will see this as a rejection. But I don't want to be with a woman behind his back either. Sigh...
  9. 8 points
    The past week has been rough. Yesterday was the 3 month anniversary of my husband's death, my mind has been everywhere, I had a dream that really shook me, and I've felt exceptionally alone. One of my husband's long time best friends, N, (who he dated in Junior high before she realized she was a lesbian.. She also works for my mom now) has been checking up on me every few days, and i had a really good,much needed talk with her about everything on my mind. Talking with her has pretty much kept me sane the past few days, she knew my husband for most of his life and she's completely non-judgemental. I told her about our situation with my girl and her husband, and how my husband's death has affected us, emotionally and sexually. I told her pretty much everything actually. She mentioned that my mom and sister wondered about my girl, considering she was so attached to me throughout the arrangements and the physical lack of distance between us, holding hands, arms frequently around each other, etc. My family is very Republican, religious, etc. Having a lesbian employee who pushes every boundary they have has helped open them up and become more accepting and question why they have certain values imposed by the church rather than thinking for themselves. I'm still uncomfortable with my parents knowing I'm bisexual and that my husband and I weren't monogamous. Though I'm thinking they may be onto me after N told me they'd mentioned something about my girl. Fantastic. N casually mentioned my (previously) teetotaling dad likes whiskey, which blew my mind. I texted my sister for verification and she confirmed that my parents now drink every so often (doesn't sound like a big deal unless you're familiar with the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement, even a drop of alcohol is of the devil). I said "all those years of hiding liquor and wine bottles when we knew they were dropping by, now this?" Sister said "they knew you drank, Ambrosia. They know you smoke too. They don't care, all they care about is you being happy and healthy. I feel like i can tell them anything" i told her i knew they know now that i smoke and drink, and i feel like i can tell them most things but not all. She asked me what sort of things? Not pills/hard drugs or anything, right? I told her definitely not, i barely take aspirin let alone pills or hard drugs. So, i told her I'm not straight. And H and I weren't monogamous. She asked, "are you and (my girl, she's G from now on) a thing?" I told her we used to be. She asked what happened, and i told her H died and the remaining three of us didn't know if or how we should proceed. She said "So you like dudes and girls?" So i told her the entire situation, our dynamic before he died, the bits of the night he died that I've always omitted because i didn't want to admit to anyone that we were in something deeper than just two couples hanging out. She took it much differently than i expected. She didn't treat me like I was a freak. She told me how sorry she was that I lost both H and my sexual relationship with G through all of this, empathized with me on how hard it must be to be dealing with such a complicated and heartbreaking situation while also living with G and her husband. She asked questions, what my relationship is like with G's husband (dear friends who don't sexually engage directly but aren't afraid of being naked in front of each other and love the same woman in different ways), if we ever traded opposite-sex partners (we didn't), if H ever slept with other women (we looked, but never found one), if I think the 3 of us will continue (we've discussed the possibility). I feel lighter. Accepted. Honest. I also admitted I've been casually hooking up with M, simply because my sex drive has been out of this world. She didn't judge me for that either. She listened and made me feel validated as i explained to her all of my feelings on the situation and how fucked up it is being 30 and diving into the single world for the first time in my adult life, especially since I'm on the opposite side of a deep, meaningful relationship that ended in death and have no interest in finding another, unlike a lot of singles who are hooking up with the intent of finding a partner. She validated my lack of desire to be with anyone romantically ever again, and assured me that i could be fulfilled without romance as long as I have meaningful friendships (which i have so many). Most people don't do that when i tell them I don't ever want a serious relationship again. They tell me I'll change my mind, I'll meet someone, the right person will come along despite my being adamant that I'm just not interested in coupling up and settling down again. I appreciated her willingness to listen to my wishes and not try to convince me otherwise. Today has been cathartic, after a super difficult and emotional week.
  10. 8 points
    I think it’s important to consider what new members think, too, because it takes having new people joining for the site to stay alive. Just as there are active veteran members, there are active new members, and we need to be able to draw new members in. I totally agree that an admin team would be great, hopefully with a mix of strengths. Since we ALL have lives outside this site, I have to imagine it’s a lot for any one person to manage at this point. Like what @wolfbigrl88 said, part of what I love about this site is being able to help others who are struggling. Over the years we’ve seen several members just blossom and come out of bad situations or just realize who they really are and grow to be okay with that and eventually meet the right woman. This is a tight knit community, one that I can’t imagine would be matched anywhere else for this subject matter, and certainly not as welcoming of new members. At this point, @la-femme, what would be helpful from us to keep things going and to take some of the load off your plate?
  11. 8 points
    I'm not really willing to go into my own personal finances right now. I don't think it's appropriate and it's a little bit invasive never mind screenshotting them.. However site costs are as follows Shybi has been hosted by Unitedhosting since 2009. It's on the 'Gold server' package listed below but paying an extra £20 per month for extra GB's of space. https://www.unitedhosting.co.uk/dedicated-hosting/managed-dedicated-servers . So yearly I've been paying roundabout £3000 a year to keep the site going and free for everyone. About £25,500.00 over the last 9 years... wow. That's really weird seeing it written down like that ! £25k... For me it had just become a monthly bill that came out of the account every month like clockwork and I was so used to seeing it in among all the monthly bills. I didn't really think about it even when things for my own finances got tighter.. The ads in the past helped a bit, but haven't really brought anything much in for the last 3 or 4 years. They're so old and outdated now. While I recognise there is a need for more admin people here. Especially as I don't have the time to spend the last few months. It's always been the same old story when it comes to appointing them, like with moderators. The drama ! When someone is put into place when others don't want them there, or would like a chance themselves, or don't think they'll be any good at it. My very first co-admin here went on a massive deletion spree when she fell out with a few members.. she banned them all. I was unaware and this went on for a period of about a year when she disliked anyone or she felt slighted by any member. It was only when I was contacted offsite that it came to my attention. We nearly lost many members who went on later to become moderators here. Naturally, since then I have been very reluctant to invoke similar drama, or to place the site in that sort of deletion happy/suck up to Admin or else type places since then. But I am open to it ( all going well over the next few weeks and the site is safe ) if it can be done with little fuss and with a consensus. There's nothing worse than logging in here to see several messages all really annoyed with the latest possible moderator choice, threatening to cancel accounts if X gets picked etc etc. The future changes are up on the IPB forums to see. The new 4.3 is due out soon. Featuring clubs, paid memberships etc etc . This will be the direction the site is most likely going in.. a sort of mini facebook/twitter/social media platform featuring groups with different interests yet self contained within Shybi itself. I need also to pay IPB subscriptions every year. Lets secure the site firstly. Yes I'm willing to appoint more Admins and yes am open to ways of supporting the site financially. Yes I'm open to changes within IPB forum software constraints. But no, I won't be singing any contracts.
  12. 7 points
    Disclaimer: I have no real right to start this thread. But things have to start somewhere. Everything below is personal opinion/thought and I encourage all of you to have your say. As many of you know/see there is an announcement banner at the top of the site for urgent donations and while those have been met it won't hold the site for very long at all. Now earlier on I posted in the chatbox with no right to do saying that because the quota had been met you shouldn't donate. It's not so much that I don't want you to, it's that I want you all to think carefully before you do. I was quick to donate because of my belief in the value of Shybi. I'm sure we all have our own feelings about the site and how our journeys have progressed because of this wonderful resource that @la-femme has run singlehandedly for a decade. I am truly grateful for this and I admire her for continuing to do so even though she has/is personally suffering as a result. For the site to move forward, it's going to need money, that's obvious. But for us as members this brings up a lot of questions and possibilities. There's also many ways that funding can be obtained in the long-term, but in the short-term if admin is reliant on us, we deserve a say and should not just blindly give without clear knowledge of what we receive. The digital world has advanced considerably since Shybi began. The only slight advantage I have here is that I do have some knowledge in this area. While some of us helped out today, we should have a say in the shaping of the site and we can't blindly give money and hope for the best it's not a solution and also there's always going to be current and future members who can't make financial contributions so it really is a case of coming together to make this a truly useful, accessible resource for those of us already here and all women who type bisexuality into a search engine. I am personally happy to support the site going forward, but I'm by no means writing this to impose myself as a leader - which makes this rather ironic But I do want to see the site grow, and remain because it's important and I will accept more responsibility if need be. Change is coming whether we like it or not, only by discussing it will the site be able to move forward. After giving my donation today, I felt sad not just because it could be lost, but because I've personally known for a long time the site wasn't at it's best - we've all been spoilt by having this place. Our site is a sinking ship and we can only help save it by taking a real interest and speaking up.
  13. 7 points
    I have been following this thread since it started. As someone who only recently joined the site, I haven't felt knowledgeable enough to comment on the history or practices. However, I thought now was a good time to offer my perspective. I am not going to claim experience with website management or the financial workings required. I came to this site because it offered me a supportive like-minded community. The fact that it was free to join was an added bonus to me. I like that it was more private than social media since at the time I was only out to a few friends. For me, paying a small monthly fee would be justified to keep the site running if it means the privacy that many have sought would remain in tact. I do think that transparency should be considered if a fee is imposed. I also agree with others with the suggestion of a committee approach to site management. It would ease the burden on a single person and perhaps make a good site great. I personally don't feel I could vote for the committee since I don't have the established history. Not sure my thoughts will change anything but there it is.
  14. 7 points
    UPDATE : - I "think" we're going to be ok. I called yesterday again and after a bit of clarification and finding of old account/contract numbers the person I was speaking to said they would be happy to reopen the account so I can gain access as long as the payment was made. He did take my paypal details over the phone... but I got this email today asking me to once again phone and provide the details needed which I will shortly do. So hopefully and with much fingers crossed. Things will be sorted properly with new cloud hosting and access to the domain name once again. I do have to ask for a bit of leeway in when I can get back in here and update as at the moment I am working for an agency and am often out on 12 hours shifts at a few hours notice. So I can't always be on hand to instantly update etc. I do apologise for this. I am currently awaiting a start date for a new permanent job in the NHS which will be much better suited to my own family life and worklife/balance. Anything NHS however as regards paperwork.. those from the UK will know, seems to take forever. So am in a real limbo land at the moment. It's one of the reasons I didn't want to let the site die. I AM in a horribly insecure place right now re finances but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'll address other points made on this thread shortly, but wanted to let you all know where things stand as regards immediate financing.
  15. 7 points
    So, I echo the sentiment of what this site has been for me for these past years. It was a place I found when I was looking for myself. I could finally relate to others going through similar situations. Its now a place I come for a mirad of reasons and advice. I do run a website, but it's not forum based. I'm familiar with behind the scenes work, as well as coding. I would be happy to contribute. I got to thinking about reaching out to similar places and seeing what their plan of attack is for revenue and management. I know one thing is, the Admin has to be around and contributing. I'm thankful to La-Femme for getting this going, but it seems for reasons she is unable to keep going with it and I understand. The financials should not solely rely on her. Maybe the mods are for doing the other admin jobs, but how many do we have? I see BiTriMama doing an amazing job,thank you for that! I just took a peek and see the shybi guy admin all over the place. It wouldn't hurt to ask him for some insight. I do agree that a monthly membership would scare many away. The donation button used to be used though, and every little bit helps. I hope that shybi can not only survive, but thrive. I would love to give back!
  16. 7 points
    If there were some way to make more than one person the admin of the site so that not all of the cost falls on just la-femme's shoulders, that might help. I'm sure that there are a few of us that would be willing to share or help out with the responsibility of overseeng the site. There could be key donators that could help keep the running so that others wouldn't have to pay a membership fee. I also think that the chat room feature needs to be brought back because that's what made the site more interesting and fun to come to because we all had fun talking to each other. Maybe that could be something that could also be covered with a base of key contributors that would be willing to pay for that extra feature to be added? This doesn't have to be such a burden to la-femme, especially when there are a few of us who would have the time to help with the admin duties of the site. This site could also generate revenue as Hungry has pointed out. I know for me I'm not looking to make money off of the site, I'm so glad it's been here and has been free but a lot has changed since the birth of the site and good sites cost money to run. If enough of us were to give a consistent amount each month, we could have a great site. Thanks for your suggestions Hungry and for voicing your opinion. We do need to consider as a group where do we go from here and how can we make this a better site.
  17. 7 points
    Hi ladies. I am very new on here. A little nervous. I am married and my husband has no idea how I feel. A friend told me to check out this site. I am so glad I have. I thought I was a freak. I had a short relationship with a female years ago before marriage. My feelings have never changed for women and I'm at a place in my life where I am confused as hell. Lol I see here I'm not the only one. I'm so glad I am here.
  18. 6 points
    I'm going to climb up on my high horse and say things some are unlikely to want to hear. None of the following should be taken personally. This is not a personal attack on either @la-femme or the Mods and should not be taken as such. It comes from my experience and observation. To give this some context, I have both Administered and Moderated forums for 20+ years. I know how they work and have experienced how they fail. - Thanks to Facebook, many forums are dead or dying. Shybi is fortunate in the era of social media to still be relevant and attract sufficient traffic to remain viable. It has that special "something" despite the current poor layout of the site and yes, the quality and value of discussion has fallen significantly in recent times (which likely explains the loss of many longer term members), yet the site continues to attract new members. If Shybi fails, it will be from the inside out: Ongoing funding is clearly an issue to which there are a number of possible solutions. An issue that I'm not going to attempt to address here - sorry. Day to day operation of the site is what I would like to address and there are a couple of appropriate aphorisms: A forum is not a democracy. It is the personal universe of the site owner... and Admin is Queen Bitch of the Universe! She sets the laws which all of us have to abide by. A successful forum requires leadership from an Administrator who is present, active and has vision for the future direction of the site. Administration is not a straightforward task. The back-end operation of the forum is quite technical and it is very easy to do a lot of damage, intentionally or not. The Administrator who is usually the site owner, has a personal idea of what the site should be and relinquishing a degree of control requires an extreme level of trust in the person chosen. @la-femme has experience of giving Admin status to the wrong person and is rightly wary of appointing anyone else. Moderation is a thankless task with no real job description, taken on by volunteers. But and it is a big but, if you do step up you must be willing to be present, do the job impartially and to the best of your ability. If you don't have the time and can not be present or impartial, don't volunteer. If you are currently a Mod and don't have the time or can not be present or impartial, step down graciously. Admin must also be willing to dismiss ineffective or disruptive Mods. There will always be disagreements among any group of people and the worst thing for the membership is to see infighting among the Mods. There have been times when it has been all too obvious that all is not well in the Moderation team. Keeping the number of Moderators to the smallest workable number is perhaps the best way to keep disagreements to a minimum. Moderating the Moderators is one of the Administrator's most important functions! That's all. Climbing down off my horse now...
  19. 6 points
    16. Papercut In your dream, you nibble at her neck once and she hums - her throat faintly vibrating under your lips - and you smile. There’s this sweet smell you take the time to taste with a faint lick, this scent that has followed her around and twisted your thoughts for so many years. You find it gliding over her warm skin and you can’t help but smile some more. It’s so soft, the scent of her, so subtle and so faint, it could never be heart-wrenching like some other smells are, yet it has always had your heart stutter in such a strong way whenever you could catch it. Rare and powerful; mesmerizing. You nip at her neck a little higher, just below her ear, slow and lingering; breathing-in deep. That scent, you could recognize it anywhere. It smells a little like yours, a little like some sort a distant dream that you couldn’t hold on to. And even as she’s right there, clenching at your hips with every bite and every stroke you lay upon the side of her neck, Ice still smells like she’s too far away. You drag your nose across her jaw and find her lips, kissing her while you press your brow to hers, and your hand glides to the back of her head, fingers getting lost in silky strands. As your lips part to catch her tongue, you breathe in deep once more and pull her closer, pressing your body to hers, and you don’t want to acknowledge it but it’s there, this papercut upon your heart. The full weight of what you’re doing hits you straight to the chest – once the 12 Hours are up, so will you be. So you kiss her with the passion of thirst, knowing you might never get the chance to kiss her again, and the papercut stretches, faintly at first, until your whole chest is burning. You keep your brow against hers, pull away and lick your lips, breathing shallow and cheeks burning. She catches your bottom lip between her teeth and pulls at it, and it’s enough to have you stumble into another heated kiss. There’s a little blood machine going haywire within your ribcage, pumping like crazy. It expends, the papercut, with every powerful beat of your heart, turns into a distant heartbreak, and it sorta hurts. For the first time since you stepped into this room, as you rock your hips without meaning to and moan against her lips - as arousal resumes its unstoppable swell and as your heart starts to beat out of your chest - it occurs to you. You might not be all that okay once this is over.
  20. 6 points
    We watched the Olympic Mixed Doubles Curling tonight and I've a new celebrity crush - Anastasia Bryzgalov from Russia. She and her partner won the Bronze medal.
  21. 6 points
    What about optional subscription? While the site needs to be accessible to new people and some people have privacy concerns about making payments, I (and presumably others) would be willing to pay a small regular amount, especially in return for an area in which to post with more privacy.
  22. 6 points
    I am definitely NOT good at handling the back-of-house, technical stuff with this. I do think that a required fee would keep many, if not most, members from ever joining, at the risk of their husbands seeing the charge. But I also agree that ads may also risk privacy. Having a place to donate, like we once had, might help some, though I realize donations were always sporadic. Many public WiFi networks block this site for adult content. I’m not sure if there isn’t a way to circumvent that, as I’m sure that reduces traffic some. Keeping things fresh, like activating the chatroom again, would help keep traffic going, IMO. This site certainly means a lot to me, like it does to many of us. Here’s hoping for the best.
  23. 6 points
    I think it is great to hear how wonderful Shys has been. I also think it is important to focus on information in this forum. Shys will not stay open on memories and hopes. If we can create a list of responsibilities and financials, we could figure out roles (maybe they stay the same, maybe they need to shift) and come up with creative and/or conventional means of gaining capital to support the site. We need a map so we know what we are working with. Is there anyone here who can start to provide that kind of information? (I mean no disrespect to la femme. In fact I think it would be beneficial, since she has made so many sacrifices for this site to exist, if she is able to communicate her vision and what goes into this operation so that we can support her in breathing new life into this wonderful space).
  24. 6 points
    I have been a member of shys since 2008. In the 10 years ive been here ive seen it go downhill year after year. A site which was once incredable with a busy chat room, debates, close friendships being built up and regular meet ups is now a shell of the site I used to love back then. It feels unloved and like its been forgotten by those who own and run it. I and so many others who have been here since near on the start would love this site to be what it once was but to do that its going to need a group effort and work not just money thrown at the costs it takes to run every month. This site used to be 'home' to me. The people on here got me through the hardest times of my life from realizing I was mostly gay, my friends suicide, my marriage falling apart, having my heart broken and I even met my wife here. So to say this site has changed my life is an underatatement but ill admit when I saw the post earlier I wasn't surprised as ive felt the site slowly dying for such a long time. If this site does stay alive then I would happily help in anyway I can but I do feel this would need all this sites loyal members to help in some way or another.
  25. 6 points
    i understand what you are trying to articulate. I never thought i could or would have “romantic” feelings for a woman - but that all changed when the right one came into my world. for me - the romance started after the initial physical attraction & interaction. i never ever expected to get romantic feelings for a best girl friend - but it happened and to be honest....as a previously “straight” woman who has been with the same man since 18....it took me by complete storm BUT is one of the most fulfilling feelings i’ve ever felt. we get to be bff’s and add all the cheesy, romantic, feeling exchanging gestures we want and always seems to lift us up. AND the kissing.....it’s a highlight ;)
  26. 6 points
    Hi everyone, I just wanted to post to say how relieved I am to finally find other women who are on the same journey as I find myself on. I'm from The UK and I live in about the least LGBT friendly area of it, although I'm originally from Brighton, which is the complete opposite. There is very little, (none!), local support or advice here for people in my situation, so to find this site has been amazing. To cut a long story short, (The long version can be for another post!), I am a married Mum of 3, I've always known I'm attracted to women to some degree, but have spent my whole life trying to ignore it. The last 6 months I've finally faced it & had a couple of experiences () with women stupidly hoping it would 'scratch my itch' & it would go away. It did the complete opposite & I am now starting to face up to my true sexuality, which is somewhere between gay & straight but I haven't quite worked out where yet. Its so nice to finally not feel like I'm the only one, & the relief of being able to say the words 'I'm bisexual' is unbelievable. I've a long way to go on my journey, but knowing I have a safe place to share my thoughts & feelings about it is fantastic, so thank you! xx
  27. 6 points
    ‘Below Her Mouth’ has the hottest lesbian sex scenes I’ve ever seen...my personal opinion. Here’s a link...I think... https://m.xhamster.com/movies/7489589/natalie_krill_and_mayko_nguyen_in_below_her_mouth.html edited to add... ok I just realized this clip is long, sort of a compilation, don’t be thrown by the beginning (it's not a reflection of the movie)...keep watching....I promise you it gets better
  28. 6 points
    I can relate. Freedom versus Control of your sexuality. I'm in a similar pickle. I've agreed to swing to please him but it's opened pandoras box for me. It feels canned and performed for me instead of freely exploring my sexuality. I now have several people to pretend with and to try to bring pleasure to. I can give you advice that I myself need to hear...... Your sexuality belongs only to you. Do with it as you choose. No one owns your body but you. Only you know your husband and how to handle him. Good Luck.
  29. 6 points
    A good friend of mine came on to me a little over a month ago. It wasn’t that shocking as we have fooled around in the past. But I “thought” she pulled away from me, so I pulled away. Come to find out she thought the same thing. Pretty much just a bunch of miscommunication. I have been chasing someone else for a really long time, finally just got tired of it and decided to let it go. Tired of getting my heart broke all the time. So the friend comes on to me and she pretty much makes it impossible for me to say no. We sleep together a few times and she tells me she wants a girlfriend. Everything that came out of her mouth could of easily came out of mine. Trying to figure out how this can actually work as we both have families. We have both talked about what we want. Everything has been going great. Only problem is we have been drunk during all our encounters. It’s easy when you have been drinking. Sober it’s another ball game. I expressed I want to sober, she was all for it. She comes over yesterday morning. We were both so nervous neither one of us even mentioned anything. We sat there for a good 4 hours and just made small talk. It got down to the last 30 mins we had together. I finally made a move and kissed her. A little awkward at first. Just bc we didn’t really know how the other one was feeling. Kissed a couple of more times and then she said let’s go to the bedroom. We kiss for a minute in the bed (still with clothes on), then she sticks her hand down my pants, omg! I think I could if lost it right there. It felt amazing!!!! I wanted her so bad at that moment. This is when I did someting I have never done before. I jumped on top of her and went down on her. Never done that to a girl before. She had done it to me a few times but that was a first for me. Then she returned the favor. We only had a few minutes so we ended up having to end way before either of us would have liked. She comes up to me and says “well we did it sober” lol. We talked about it later on that day and expressed all the things we couldn’t before that happened. It’s so nice to have someone that wants the same things as you and is willing to express her feelings as well. I think this maybe the start of something great! The girl inwaa was chasing after for so long, is still around but strickly a friend. I never thought I would be able to get over her and I’m sure there maybe some struggles later on but I feel like even her and I are in a good place.
  30. 6 points
    All of the above advice is relevant and useful, but there's one thing you always need to remember, which is that there isn't a one-size-fits-all rule for how to express romantic interest in a woman, or for how to ask her out. You really do need to pay attention to all of the variables, and to find out a bit more about her, because there is a huge difference between someone who is an out bisexual or lesbian, and someone who is just curious or still finding her way. In the case of the former, it's usually just a matter of whether she's available and into you too, but if it's the latter, then things could be far more tricky, and there is more of a possibility that she's just engaging in meaningless flirting for fun (or experimentally) or could get scared and run (or gaslight you) if you come on too strong. Also, if you do express same-sex romantic interest in a work colleague and she has a bad reaction (some women engage in the heinous practice of flirting with other women, then retreat into a homophobic mindset if they get a serious response, mainly due to their own unresolved sexual identity issues), then you need to be prepared to be outed to other work colleagues (sad but true). What are the give-away signs on Ms Crush's social media that she's into women?
  31. 6 points
    I found shys on a random google search one evening and was soon hooked. I had finally found a place where I could be open about my emotions for the first time in my life! It’s liberating! I have connected with some of the most amazing people who have made me open up (something I really wasn’t used to), they’ve listened to me on my down days (there have been many). We’ve laughed and shared stories and experiences, and every single interaction has made a huge difference to my life and how I’ve handled things along the way. I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to listen to me pouring my heart out even when you had your own problems to deal with so for that I am eternally grateful. One unique lady became very special to me early on. I felt that magnetic pull towards her and I wasn’t sure what or why I felt that strongly, but I did. We hit it off quickly. So much in common, the same interests and desires. Everything just clicked into place. She was all I could think about. We messaged every day and grew closer and closer. We were both open with our husbands, but sadly, they both became very insecure with our connection, which, to be fair, was stronger than either of us had ever experienced before, although we never told them how strong, I guess they could tell. As much as we love our husbands, we grew to love each other too and it consumed and scared us both. Despite their insecurities we had to see each other, with their consent, never crossing the line, and sticking to the firm boundaries that husbands had set. If you were hoping for a raunchy shys story, this isn’t it. It was however, the most romantic and loving relationship I’ve ever experienced with anyone before and I’m fortunate enough to have a best friend at the end of it too. It’s been 11 months since our first messages and we’ve become so close, even if friendship is all we can have. The connection we made is unique and special and I’m a better person when I’m with her. I’m forever grateful to this place for making that possible. So while her husband can’t bear the thought of her being with anyone else, mine is coming around to the idea. The journey I’ve been on with my marriage is a post for another time but he has been truly amazing and in an odd way it’s brought us closer. Lots of communication and trial and error, which has been really hard at times. In the end it all comes down to one simple but crucial point….that he must always feel like he’s my number one priority above anyone else. I neglected him at times and I see that now. He accepts I may have relationships with other women if the opportunity presents itself, as long as he never feels like second best. Sounds simple enough right?? I thought so until I fell in love with a woman. It’s…..intense! I have so much to learn. So this is where I am now, a year later. I finally accepted who I am, I’ve dipped my toes in a world I was afraid of for a long time and found I’m quite at home here. I just need to figure out what I want, and I'm working a little harder on my marriage because he really is an incredible man. Right now this is just a big thank you to the people who set up this wonderful site and allowed a highly supressed bisexual to express herself in ways she never thought possible. I hope it helps others too.
  32. 5 points
    17. Take Charge; I Can’t Breathe In your dream, you don’t realize it right away, how she sets a beat, how her body moves like waves, wanting and undulating in such a subtle way. The hands she has at your hips press into you and move to your back, your shoulder blades, only to drift back down and struggle to cup your ass. She pulls you closer into her, a little harder, and you think you hear some sort of soft grunt that has your heart stutter. It happens quickly, then, too quick for you to notice; one second you’re on her lap, the other your back is against the mattress and she’s towering over you. She flipped you over and you’re left dizzy and wanting, breathless and aroused. She only seems surprised for a single second before it’s her turn to slot her thighs on each side of your hips and slink back down, tilting your chin up with the angle of her mouth, one hand moving next to your head and the other landing on your bare hip. She seems impatient in the way she devours your mouth and grabs at your side – pulling a sigh from your lungs, and it makes your head spin enough that you forget all about the impeding heartbreak. There’s nothing you can do to stop your hands from finding her waist and pulling her closer to you. The cloth under your fingertips makes you groan; she’s still so very overdressed while you lie under her in just your underwear. You pull at her clothes like it could change anything, and bite at her lip, only to have her glide away and lower, printing feverish kisses to the column of your throat. You find her waist again and, in one desperate attempt to get her closer to you, your hands glide to her hips and you pull her down. It’s instant and like a well-known trick, the way her pelvis rocks in one smooth arc and right into you in one powerful motion, hips rocking just once as she presses her core against you and breathes a faint, girly moan. Her free hand travels across the flat plane of your stomach – you only notice it when she nips at your collarbone hard enough to pull a full-blown whine from your lips and you feel the need to focus on something other than her mouth unraveling you. The pull fueling her fingers become hesitant as she starts to move upward, fingertips gliding over each of your ribs until they bump against your bra. Her lips still at the crook of your neck and you smile in a shiver. “You should have taken that off”, you tease, and, before she replies, the hands you had at her waist pull and twist, push and turn, until she’s the one with her back to the bed and you’re straddling her.
  33. 5 points
    A moving document of an incredible journey. Thanks for opening up about what the site has meant to you in good times and bad. Sexuality is an important part of our identity, but it's a particularly difficult one to incorporate in a healthy way. Wishing you the very best in the next chapter of your life.
  34. 5 points
    thinking that i don’t want to say goodbye to Shy. i’m so freggin grateful for all of the awesome woman i’ve met through this forum who have become not only a support system to me, but trusted friends. Hopeful that this powerful community of like minded women (who have the resources) and have benefited from the community will step up and keep it going. i also want to say a huge Thank you to them women who have donated their time to making and protecting this forum on a daily basis to make it the amazing, safe space it is for all of us to be our true selves. From the bottom of my heart...thank you..
  35. 5 points
    Date tomorrow! Wish me luck! (or just to be not awkward)
  36. 5 points
    I'm not sure how to answer this. So much content. I think a bit the same as being a Bisexual woman I think of it as I appreciate men and women. Yes, I grew up with the idea that homosexuality was wrong so any feelings I may have had were certainly suppressed. I had no real feeling sexually for a woman until I was older. I guess I never thought about it. I've only been with 1 woman, a brief affair that just happened. From that, it opened my mind and the door to so many possibilities. This woman was the real deal, I was so in love with her, not just a quicky but... it had to end. At 18 it's natural for you to be wanting a man as in a marriage partner, it's expected of you and you expect it for yourself but the curiosity to be with a woman is there, I think we all feel the same. Some ladies just accept it and move on while others burn for that feminine touch, that smile that melts your heart. It's burnt into our minds from young that a family consists of a man and a woman and 2.5 children, but that's not the case now. We all deal with in our own way. Being Bisexual to me is a gift, we can appreciate men and women. We are really the lucky ones.
  37. 5 points
    Depends on the mood! I'm hoping there is a woman out there who can appreciate someone who looks like a girl, but acts somewhat like a boy at times - I've got lots of years of being in denial to catch up on! ;) At least I can come out at my own pace, as I doubt anyone would ever suspect I was anything other than ruler straight. xx
  38. 5 points
  39. 5 points
    Take your time and come to a decision that feels right for you. It doesn't sound like swinging is the solution - even for most people who are more open to it find the dynamic difficult to navigate. Have you asked your husband about his thought process in deciding that your sexual revelation means openness and options for him too? I think an open relationship is often a good solution for many couples but communication needs to be at the forefront of that for there to be any hope. Don't be afraid to state what you want and need from him/your relationship vs. any relations you and him outside of that. I often see women struggle most with saying what they want as though they owe their partner a choice in the matter, your sexuality is a fact - there's no choice in that. It's what you choose to do that's optional. Don't sell yourself short in the early stages hoping you can make changes later, it's better to tackle the tough stuff early on to give you both the best chance at happiness as indviduals and a couple!
  40. 5 points
    I've been gone a while, I'll post more about the past 3 months later. The last time I posted, my husband had just died. I was raw and inconsolable. I haven't healed yet, and I don't think I ever will. But the idea of trying to find my new "normal" is getting easier. Sometimes I can almost get mildly excited about being single and completely free, I've never had that in my adult life... really in my life at all. But most of the time I walk around with a giant void feeling in my chest and just wish I could go back to what was familiar and comfortable and meaningful and loving. I want my love back, more than anything in the world. I'm just recently accepting that I cannot, ever again. It fucking hurts. Anyway. Pushing emotional stuff aside for now. I've experienced something fairly odd the past month or so.. I've definitely heard of a decrease in sex drive during bereavement, probably having to do with sorrow, physical and emotional exhaustion, inability to focus on anything but the lost spouse, etc. I'm suddenly experiencing quite the opposite. I do experience extreme sorrow, inability to focus, exhaustion, and a myriad of other fun things. But if I'm not battling tears and feeling lonely and generally hopeless, and I can manage to find a relatively good headspace (which is slowly getting more frequent), all I can think about is sex. I crave it, I'm ravenous. I've always had a pretty healthy sex drive, and I've noticed it increasing within the past few years. And I suppose the fact that 3 months ago, I had an exceptionally fulfilling sex life that seemed to be getting more and more exciting, only to have it taken away from me suddenly might play in (husband and I were hooking up with my long time crush/best friend and her husband for a few months before he died, now I'm living with them and we haven't slept together since... so i lost them both at once basically and that opens up a whole lot more emotions than i care to get into right now). She, her husband and I have recently discussed the possibility of eventually resuming, though we're not sure how it will go considering we're missing a big part of the dynamic we're used to. The four of us had developed a pretty fucking awesome thing together, and they were with me when i found him, so the remaining three of us are scarred... and honestly probably have PTSD. So we'll see how intimacy goes. I think it will be emotional for all of us at first, possibly a trainwreck. I know it's never going to be the same. I'm afraid it's going to hurt actually, at least at first. But everything i experience lately already hurts, so... It doesn't make me feel guilty considering sleeping with them (her, really, I won't be with her husband), when my husband was alive, we all did it together and i don't believe he'd expect me to stop sleeping with her, especially since i can't sleep with him now either. They were my two exclusive partners, all I ever wanted. He always encouraged my relationship with her, and the night before he died, he was even drunkenly telling her how she and i needed to have more one-on-one sexy time together to get used to each other's bodies and how they respond to reach other (which embarrassed me at the time...) One thing that i can't decide if I'm a horrible person for or not... shortly after reality started to set in and my libido freaked out on me, i was hanging out with a close guy friend of mine and my husband's, M. We've always been platonic, like "bros" (still are, with a caveat), he and my husband were close friends, we referred to each other as work spouses when he worked at my bar (basically everyone had a work spouse back then, i also had a work wife who was kind of my work husband's other work wife... just realized i was poly at work too! haha) and he's going to be my neighbor for a couple of months until he moves. Anyway, we went out to the bar, had a few beers, went back to his place to smoke and have a couple more beers, and i was gonna call a ride home, like we've done for several years. I honestly assumed that my first sexual experience after his death would end up in tears... I've been both dying for it and dreading it. Anyway, M and I were talking about girls or something (M always calls me a lesbian.. I've given up on correcting him), and he said he loved eating pussy. I told him I did too (he knew that already). Then he looked at me blankly and this exchange happened: M- "want me to eat you out?" Me- "are you being serious?" M- "yeah." Me- "...oddly, I'd prefer dick right now..." M- "are YOU being serious?" Me- "yeah" M- "....wanna go to my room?" Me- "yup" Which was pretty cool. No stupid dance around the topic, no pointless flirting, no pseudo-romantic bullshit at all, just to the point, try to get each other off and that's it. Perfect. So i also discovered I'm definitely bi. I always assumed if something happened to my husband and he was no longer in my life, I'd discover I was a lesbian all along, and that I happened to fall in love with a man. Nope. Still like the D. I don't have romantic feelings for M at all, only strong friendship feelings like I've had for the past 6 years, since i met him. I'm not even sure I'm physically attracted to him, actually. His body's kinda bangin (especially digging the copious amounts of tattoos and somewhat muscular build), but his face just looks like a friend, any other dude, which is a weird mix of "oh damn..." and just... comfort and slight awkwardness. We've been clear from the beginning that it's just sex (he and i both have good track records with sleeping with friends and remaining friends after benefits end, so I'm not concerned about ruining the friendship with weirdness). We've also decided to keep it secret... most people in our community understand (and participate in) sex with friends... but not many (if any) have been widowed so they likely don't consider that sex drive doesn't die with the spouse, especially when we were in a consensual non-monogamous relationship to begin with. Totally fine to start comfort banging after a breakup, but widow sex seems to be universally taboo, which is stupid. I still need to get off, and i get sick of doing it myself. So i guess I don't actually feel guilty about that either, i just don't want our friends to assume that after a meaningful, decade-long relationship with the love of my life, I'm just moving on, or that M's swooping in on an injured lamb and taking advantage of my vulnerability, when we're merely engaging in mutually beneficial banging with a friend. Definitely not into dating this guy (or anyone, honestly), and he's not into dating me either. So not afraid of the feelings thing either. I know there will be inevitable warnings about how these sorts of things don't work out. I don't expect, nor do I want it to "work out" in the typical sense, but i know our friendship will remain after the physical aspect has fizzled. I know me, I know him, I know us. Anyway. So yeah. Apparently life is generally empty, grief boosts my libido, and I'm not completely grossed out by penises that aren't my husband's. That's what I've learned lately..
  41. 5 points
    It sounds like maybe you and M are finding comfort in each other and your connections to your husband, and this is one way you're both processing your grief, and that's okay! I would guess that the first time you DO fool around with your couple, it will be emotional for all of you, and you'll feel the void of your husband not being there. Again, that's okay. You can all talk about it in advance, and even during. Sometimes grief sex like that can bring you closer and be very intimate. It's a very different dynamic. If you all can get over this hump (pardon the pun), I think eventually you'll find a new normal that's the three of you. Do they know that you're sleeping with M? Don't be afraid to cross the bridge into sex with them. They will probably treat you like you're fragile, so if that's not what you want, talk to them about it beforehand. Lots of communication. As mentioned above, everyone grieves differently. I think probably for those of us for whom sex is a means of intimacy, it's natural that the sex drive goes up when you're craving comfort and affection to heal. Plus, with how things were sexually in your life when you lost him so suddenly, and how much connection you've experienced through that kind of intimacy, it all makes sense in my mind. There's no one "right" way to grieve. You have to go through your own journey. Sending you big hugs! I'm glad you have people around you that you can lean on.
  42. 5 points
    Toys would never evaporate from a same-sex relationship, it couldn't happen unless I'm going to willingly accept half measures for the rest of my days! I've had better experiences but in the long-term, I couldn't honestly get fingered the majority and still say that I'm totally fufilled. It's the other sensations/pressure, there are also more specific reasons why I want that sexually that you're not gonna get unless you have sex with me Maybe if you knew what those were you'd understand my view a little more. I need a woman to understand how I'm built sexually the same way I would be open minded when it comes to her pleasure. It's not a male-centric thing - it is just the action required.
  43. 5 points
    Yeah, sometimes I want to be out to people not because I'm interested, but just because I want community. And that can be a little hard when you're married with kids because chances to casually drop it into conversation don't often come up.
  44. 5 points
    Well, it could be that she's comfortable being open (at least with friends, maybe not random strangers) about her sexuality and is just making relevant conversation. Or it could be that she's taking the opportunity to specifically communicate her sexuality to you for whatever reason. I know that's not particularly helpful, but it really isn't much to go on.
  45. 5 points
    People marry for a myriad of reasons and for me sexuality is not the best reason. (I've been married too many times.) For some people, maybe for most people, they settle for what is most important to have in a marital partner and accept the rest. I would not push anyone to tell or do anything in their marriage that they are not already freely doing themselves. I don't think it is fair or realistic to expect any one person to be our everything. Your friend is in the marriage for her reasons AND staying true to herself by keeping her tribe close, remembering who she is. As a bi maybe she is getting the best of both worlds. Bravo for her!!! Finding balance is tricky. Maybe your friend is incredibly happy with her life exactly as it is. I would be happy for her.
  46. 5 points
    To be honest, heavily duting policing the rights of other people to be free in their sexuality is a bit silly. It sort of then nullifies and mutes the following kinds of women: bi women who are married to or in a relationship with a man. If two bi women have a casual relationship with each other, but each also has a male partner, are they using each other as sex toys if their bond is not emotional and if it becomes emotional between the two women, then that's cool, it's up to them to negotiate it with each other and their male partners. If a woman occasionally has threesomes if she is with her male partner, are they both using the person if female as a sex toy? If a woman has a casual relationship with a man, is she using him as a sex toy and is he using her as a sex toy? If that relationship is between two single bi women but is not committed, are they using each other as a sex toy? If a person is a swinger, or a member of the fetish community and identifies as bi, is everyone they sleep with if not in a committed relationship with them a sex toy? If a person is a man a woman, a trans or a gender-queer and they then have sex with someone who identifies as binary male or female and it's casual, are they using them as a sex toy? We could go on and on.
  47. 5 points
    So I did it, came out to my mum over the weekend whilst having dinner with my bestie and her encouraging me to, couldn't ask for a better response, she's one in a million! I'm lucky to have such a cool mama! Love her I do!
  48. 5 points
    I’m so happy I found this site!! In the few hours it’s been since I stumbled upon it and joined I’ve never felt so hopeful in my life. I’m glad there are so many woman in the same boat as me and are sharing their thoughts and feelings. I finally have a place to be me without the fear of being judged.
  49. 5 points
    I need this so badly :( Ugh...my body is literally aching for it right now.
  50. 5 points
    Yes it went really well! We’re going to meet for a drink in the evening next week so who knows!