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Showing content with the highest reputation since 06/11/2019 in all areas

  1. 4 points
    There's so much back story and I'm trying not to write a book. I've been married to the same guy for 28 years. Recently during a rough patch in my life, I found I found a journal I wrote in 15 years ago and I was horrified reading through the pages. It was like I was watching the same movie although now I'm almost 49. It seemed like an IMPOSSIBLE situation Having come from a long line of alcoholics (which I have somewhat successfully managed to avoid to this point in my life) my conscientious thoughts were this time I was going to figure it out or I would give in to the alcoholic tendencies and give myself an excuse for never figuring it out. In the journal I talked about going to marriage counseling, the counselor wanted to meet with my husband alone for a few sessions and after one of the sessions he came home and said "Cindy (the counselor) said I should come home and ask you if you might prefer to be with a woman?" I never answered him, I couldn't. I also wrote about the fact that we don't have sex unless I drink and if I would not have gotten pregnant, if I would have gotten married to him. Kids and marriage wasn't in my plan. I was only 20, scared and desperate for someone to love me and accept me the way I was. He promised to take care of me and he's lives up to that promise everyday which makes this more difficult. I worry about and monitor my drinking and the fact is for 28 years there may only be a handful of times we've had sex without alcohol and it wasn't great, now if I drink enough it can be amazing but sometimes I don't even remember. Actually other than my husband all my sexual encounters with guys have been under the influence of alcohol. I decided at this point in my life I don't want to get to the end of the road with that question unanswered. I've started allowing myself to be open and to pay attention and if I'm honest with myself there is absolutely "one of my committee members that thinks women are hot". I'll have to share more with you about committee members, that's actually what I used to tell my husband about what I was dealing with. His response "me too, we have something in common." I'm so grateful to have found this site because I have to figure out how to keep moving forward, and it's nice to know I'm not alone. I don't want to read the same story again 15 years from now.
  2. 4 points
    Judging here. To me, if the girls are doing it for themselves and it's authentic, all power to them. If they're doing it to get something from a man/men, that's the patriarchy at work - somehow women's enjoyment of each other can only be defined by its effect on men... It reminds me of a recent attack on two lesbians in a bus, who refused to 'perform' for male passengers and were subsequently beaten up. Some men seem to feel that they can 'own' what women do with each other. Women do not exist purely to be defined by men. #smashthepatriarchy
  3. 4 points
    To the OP, I've been exactly in your shoes. My husband identified me before I told him and is very supportive. I too felt like I was being selfish, but my husband and I have had several conversations about this, and to this day I do not regret being polyamorous. Give yourself some time to think and continue to have discussions. Talking about it helps. Everyone else has said exactly what I would have wanted to tell you. Especially when Isroses discussed the possible misconceptions that men have. Many do not understand female relationships. They can be quite intense and often give you something that you lack in your current relationship. Though you can have double the love and happiness, you can also get double not so great times as well. There was one time where both my girlfriend and my husband were angry at me (over some unrelated issue) and I felt awful x 2. Those are some things that you can think about as well, but I will say that you're not alone. Many women here feel similarly if not the same as you. Give it time, continue talking to your husband, and I think you'll be fine.
  4. 4 points
    I went through/am going through a very similar situation and honestly my advice is to just talk to her open and honestly about everything you're thinking and feeling because you might be pleasantly surprised by her response to a lot of it. If she's openly bi then believe me she likely not going to be bothered by much if any of what you tell her. I feel the same way about my friend and like you I didn't want to hug her sometimes because I was afraid I wouldn't want to let go. The same goes for holding her hand, touching her leg and kissing her. We have had plenty of conversations about how we feel and right now she's not in the same place as I am but has absolutely no problem with me holding her hand or flirting with her whenever I need/want to. I've told her that I have always craved physical contact from a close friend and she's the first one I have ever been attracted to and felt incredibly comfortable with. I hope that my experiences helps you a little bit in figuring out how to proceed. Believe me I understand how difficult all of these feelings are to figure out.
  5. 3 points
    Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all, And sweetest in the gale is heard; And sore must be the storm That could abash the little bird That kept so many warm. I've heard it in the chillest land, And on the strangest sea; Yet, never, in extremity, It asked a crumb of me. Emily Dickinson (painting by John Gould from A Monograph of the Trochilidae, or Family of Humming-birds. 1849-1861)
  6. 3 points
    Hi new to this site and so glad to find it. I'm a 40 year old, happily married mum in the UK. I've been attracted to women since my early twenties, perhaps even younger, but never done more than silly drunk kisses. However recently I find myself wondering about exploring my sexuality more. Would be great to be able to chat with other people in similar situation, as I can't talk to my husband, friends or family. Other chat rooms have been an horrific experience, I hope I've now found a safe place! Thanks for reading ☺️
  7. 3 points
    I think everything you said here is true. It can be very scary and you can feel uncertain about everything. But then you get this wonderful feeling of excitement and freedom too. Like you can finally be yourself. And that is truly amazing.
  8. 3 points
    Happiness is in the little things in life. Maybe first you should start appreciating these and then you will see the big picture. Do you know what's the most important thing to be happy about? Life. Life is so precious and if we stop for a while to appreciate everything that is in this world, small things like the smell of grass, the summer sun that comes out early in the morning, the blue sky that we see every single day, appreciate the walk we'll go one evening and all the smells and emotions will bring we will be happier
  9. 3 points
    Oooh, those are excellent questions. Put it this way; I wouldn't want someone to be my friend if they had expectations of me, because I'm not here to live up to their expectations. I think first and foremost is defining your relationship and relational boundaries, together. Have you asked her what kind of relationship she would like/tolerate/be open to? If you've told her you to want to be intimate with her and she hasn't been transparent with her intentions, would you want a friend like that? What kind of relationship are you looking for? Friends with benefits, a lesbian relationship, or someone to talk all things gay with? Open communication is the key for any relationship (intimate or otherwise). Good luck and keep us posted!
  10. 3 points
    If I was single, that would be the perfect way for me to meet someone too. Just out and about doing normal stuff and then, suddenly, you see her and she sees you. Wonderful.
  11. 3 points
    I assume everyone reading this thread will be pleased with this news (no spoilers): https://variety.com/2019/tv/news/gentleman-jack-bbc-hbo-season-two-renewal-suranne-jones-sally-wainwrigh-1203224567/
  12. 3 points
    I’m so thankful that my daughter came home from school after doing her final maths exam and said that it was easy. She has struggled with this subject over the years and the happy look on her face when she said this was priceless.
  13. 3 points
    Hello! Some of this may be about meeting a future potential lover/partner. Some of it may be 'just' mama-guilt! Lots of us feel that we shouldn't have our own interests outside of our marriage/family. That somehow seeking fulfilment elsewhere (I'm thinking creativity, sport etc) and having a life outside of marriage and a family isn't a good thing. As Mamas we can very easily feel guilty or that we're being selfish about all sorts of things - society reinforces this idea. Just throwing that in the mix. ;)
  14. 2 points
    That's great advice. And great to hear your husband is very supportive. It gives hope to others here as well.
  15. 2 points
    Many different fantasies. But a reoccurring one for me is that I go to a spa for a full body massage and the gorgeous female masseuse ends the massage with an oily rub of my clit and pussy. Sliding her fingers inside me. Until I cum. Then she acts as normal. Covering me with a towel and leaving the room. Makes it an interesting experience when I actually do go for a full body massage a complete tease and total let down
  16. 2 points
    I've been navigating this psychological quagmire for over 20yrs now and there really are no clear answers .I go back and forth between thinking we can be the exception who sails through this smoothly to acknowledging just how complicated life has become . I thought talking about it would be the hard part, got through that, then acting on it, got through that. Now how does my husband fit in, a bit more complexity there. Processing, guilt, jealousy. Going through periods of apathy and just not caring at all about anything. Over drinking to cope at times. Coming to the realization that something will probably always feel like it's missing while at the same time acknowledging how blessed I am to have a wonderful life partner who accepts all of me and loves me to pieces despite how neurotic I am. I've adopted the one day at a time approach now. With regular check in conversations to see where we're heading. When you're young the idea of being a hedonist and just experiencing everything seems so enticing but as you age you really learn to value the small things. Having someone who is your friend to grow old with for example. I really hope the next generation knows they have options. I think that's the issue for us in this last generation of questioning. We didn't realize we had a choice. No one told us it's ok to be gay. I was brought up to find a nice man, settle down and have children . Being with a female partner was just not an option offered. I tell my husband all the time that I wish we'd taken time to explore when we were younger. I wish I'd had the opportunity to be young and free , kiss girls , explore my sexuality and I wish he had too. We were married at 18 and we've been together since I was 15. Some vital steps were missed and because of that we've had to do our exploring and curiosity seeking together which was at times painful. I often wonder if I'd had the chance to sow some oats, get it out of my system in my youth would we have found one another later and been happier, more at peace. Or would my life have taken a completely different trajectory? It is what it is now and I couldn't imagine my life without him but I still question if it's completely fair. One day at a time is all we can do.
  17. 2 points
    Don't you just love the dating site ads on tv where beautiful young woman meets beautiful young man and off they go on their date.....but that's what advertising is all about..to make things appear far more glamorous than they are in reality for one purpose and one purpose only..to get people's money. I never go on those sites anyway I am happily single and if a nice girl walks past I will just smile at her and if she smiles back that's like getting your foot in the door so to speak.
  18. 2 points
    See, that person makes poly people look bad. I am upfront whenever I make my profiles. I tell people I'm poly and if they're not open to it, then pass me by. This is funny because apparently, my brute honesty is the reason why I can't find any dates. They should have been up front and said that they had a significant other so they wouldn't waste your time.
  19. 2 points
    This is another quote that really stood out for me. "In retrospect, I see that this was my education, the one that would matter: the hours I spent sitting at a borrowed desk, struggling to parse narrow strands of Mormon doctrine in mimicry of a brother who'd deserted me. The skill I was learning was a crucial one, the patience to read things I could not yet understand." From Chapter 6, Shield and Buckler, p.69 This summaries the entire book for me: the looking back at her childhood in a search for understanding and meaning, the struggle to follow the example of her brother, the feeling of alienation after he left home which foreshadows her future alienation from her parents, and the insight into the requirements necessary for true learning - hard work, determination, curiosity and patience with oneself during the process. I work as a volunteer helping seniors learn the basics of computers, tablets and cell phones and they all exemplify the above learning "necessities" to such an extent that I'm constantly inspired; the moment I read the above passage I thought of them.
  20. 2 points
    My kids both know I'm attracted to women and that's all they know. Kids don't need or want details about their parents sexuality . I told my oldest at about 14 , he's now 23. My youngest figured it out sooner by about 12 . It was not a big deal with either of them .I told them I follow the heart not the anatomy. We never discussed monogamy or lack of. They've seen women at the house but I've introduced them as friends and never shoved anything in their faces. We never had sleep overs unless the kids were away. My kids have been active in the LGBTQ community with me .Walked in the Parade every year from about 10yrs old. I really doubt it affected them in any way .
  21. 2 points
    I can not imagine going months without sex with my husband. I've had two kids, we move every three years, my husband has done five combat deployments and actually is diagnosed with PTSD. There is no excuse for neglecting each other . Make time, be a priority to each other .Kids, depression, Life, Stress , some times you just have to make it happen . Tell him I'm horny let's go. The more sex you have the more you'll want. The less time you make for sex, the less sex you'll have. Sorry to make it sound so simple but to me it is. I have gone through low libido times, I make myself get into it. It starts forced but at some point you get into it it's inevitable. No marriage can survive without intimacy. If he seems uninterested, sit his ass down look at him and say I want to have sex with you and then we need to talk about some things. Don't let your needs be ignored. Tired my ass. Excuses are like assholes, everybody has one. Relationships require work from both sides but if you become apathetic your marriage will end. Make a pact to have sex twice a week whether you're into it or not. Make time to connect and talk about things. Men are dumb as dirt , take the lead save your marriage and it will empower you to discuss your feelings for women together. I can not get over the young couples not having sex. I have never gone a week without sex in my married life unless my husband was deployed and even then it was dirty pictures and sexy emails. It only gets boring if you let it. Make time for date nights, grab a quickie when you can sneak away from the kids and for heavens sakes do not sit in apathy feeling rejected, step up and ask for what you need. I am woman hear me roar!
  22. 2 points
    Someone changed my work phone sat nav voice to a lady with an Indian accent. She gets so ferocious when she wants me to leave a roundabout. It makes me laugh every time.
  23. 2 points
    @Secretlycurious Same! I haven't been on in a while, but just getting back on here and knowing that other women get turned on is turning me on
  24. 2 points
    What would be interesting to know is if there are many older women who like younger women Sometimes I wonder what a younger woman can provide for an older woman. She would have less life experience, less life knowledge. Is the attraction mostly from a younger woman towards an older woman.
  25. 2 points
    Same. Been watching lesbian porn lately and it's the only thing that arouses me. Haven't been with a girl since elementary when we were curious young girls.
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