Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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    United Kingdom

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About softfruit

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  • Music
    songs are playing in my head almost nonstop
  • Location
    Manchester, UK
  • Interests
    Radio 4 Extra. Strawberry cider. Recording queer history. Meeting other bis in real life rather than just online. Writing for bi/queer magazines. Being flirted with through the medium of bacon sandwiches. Helping other bis follow the path to working out who they are a little more easily than it happened for me. Being flirted with through the medium of bacon sandwiches. If I say it twice maybe someone'll take a hint :D
  • Favourite Book
    At the moment: "Just One Damned Thing After Another", or "Here Lies Arthur".
  • Favourite TV Show
    Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
  • Favourite Film

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. Sympathy & Empathy! My gf and I are similar. Other people ask what we did on the weekend and when they hear we sat around reading or boardgaming there is a sense of "oh that's not very exciting" when it's one of the best ways to pass a weekend ever (and no crowds or new people to cope with!) Let alone after a big weekend of putting on an outgoing face, then needing a day of quiet calm just to get back to being myself.
  2. There's a small lifeboat from this site in a slack chatroom here -

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. bluebell


      but it's a work-sharing platform

    3. softfruit


      Does the job of a chatroom just fine though - and with the choice of a web page or a phone app!

    4. bluebell


      there was no one when I tried it so for it to be of interest you need to have actual people on it 

  3. We seem to have lost the forums for a bit again. Hope everything's OK at ShysHQ.

  4. Welcome aboard @Wisteria - I know that 'comparing who you fancy' game well (it's possibly more fun given I almost always date other bis so there's a wider pool of comparison?) I'm sure one of the mod team will be along in a minute to tell you to check out the site rules and related posts in "How Our Forum Works"
  5. Specifically what you'll do for humanity that is amazing is sharing your beauty and intellect with the world by walking among us lesser mortals
  6. This comes up regularly here and at real life bi meets. They really do all seem to be rubbish. The ones that charge, doubly rubbish :/
  7. I tried signing up for SL last year and there seemed to be no-one on there. I might've been doing the wrong things but I think more likely just its era has passed?
  8. I don't know how much this is the case in other countries but in the UK there are loads of littler prides here now - so like in the county where I live there will be around 14 of them this summer ranging from the really big 4-day flamboyant and drunken spectacular of Manchester Pride with many many 1000s of attendees to little ones like Bury which is I guess maybe 800 people right down to Levenshulme Pride at a couple of hundred people who live within easy walking distance of the event. Maybe she'd enjoy one of the slightly smaller affairs? Or not - Prides ain't for everyone, but I'm hoping to keep this thread on the upbeat and positive
  9. This! Sadly I meet quite a few people whose partners seem to pressure them with a "you used to be bi but now you're with me" which ...agh!
  10. @Shy_Kat Oh gosh yes even within being bi I have had lots of phases! Mostly I find that whoever I'm dating that becomes more my "type", as if the sex bit of my brain starts to associate someone who looks like =whatever= with sexytimes in a kind of feedback loop. Now and then I get moments of doubt but rewatching the right seasons of Buffy soon reassures me I'm into at least some men and some women. Technically I suppose even if we've been bi since forever, we'll never know for sure if it's a phase til we die.
  11. It's - shockingly - my second trip to an LGBT Pride of the year in a few weeks' time (Bury Pride, April 7th). The first was Student Pride last month - hadn't been to that in ten years and gosh it had changed for the busier and better! So I thought maybe a thread for people going to Prides to bounce around excitedly about them beforehand or tell us how it went when they sober up after. Who's going to what? What are your hopes or fears? Obviously we are not going to be making plans here for any kind of Shys Meet Up as that's outside the rules of the forum but there might be other things that are within the rules like noting where and when organised bi marching groups are meeting or the like.
  12. @burgled! there are bound to be one or two that are exceptions to the rule but like 99% of them it is entirely OK if you are in a relationship. I mean some people go along to make friends and are privately hoping for "something more", I'm sure, but generally the stuff that is out there is social and/or support oriented and people are mainly looking to make friends. After all if you were only in it to pick up someone cute then you'd more likely go to a bar...
  13. This started as a comment on someone's post but I feel like it's a big enough a Bi Thing to be worth a blog post! One of the things people say to us when we come out is "oh, you're just going through a phase". And it's a silencing thing, to get us to shut up about something they maybe don't like hearing or discussing. Or something they say just because it's the only thing they know as received wisdom about being bisexual and they haven't thought it through any further. Either way it's like being patted on the head and told to shush our silly little heads. Now, one of the things we used to say and write on placards when I was first out and involved with my local bi youth group was "it's not a phase!" Only I have to admit: sometimes it is. I've known people who for instance when I first met them were lesbians, had a time of identifying as bi, but these days if you asked them they'd most likely say they were straight. Other mixtures other ways round - straight to bi to straight again, bi to lesbian to bi again, or all round the houses like the slow bus that stops everywhere in a loop round your town. I was comparing life stories with a trans friend the other day about how they'd collected the full set of calling themself gay, bi and straight in two genders. Pokemon sexuality! The thing is though: people who are bisexual for the whole of their lives are bisexual for the whole of their lives. People who are bisexual for only part of their lives are bisexual for that part of their life. And if you're "only" bi for months or years or decades, where your head and heart are at that time are totally real. Those crushes? Real crushes. Those kisses? Real kisses. Those orgasms? Ho yus, And how. Ahem. Where was I? Dismissing it as "just a phase"? Well, being a teenager is a phase but it doesn't stop you being a mardy git for a few years. Being pregnant is a phase - a year from now you won't be! - but a plan of just ignoring it and pretending it's not really happening isn't a good idea. Some of us are bi the whole of our lives, for some people it's a phase - yet if it's a phase so is whatever comes before and whatever comes after and no-one dismisses those as "just phases". "It's just a phase"? "Well, maybe it will turn out to be a phase, but it's the truth about who and where I am right now."
  14. I knew from around 11 or 12 but I didn't link the "B" word to what I was feeling til I was 16, In between somehow I knew I shouldn't say anything to anyone. I guess perhaps because it was the 80s and there was so much hate everywhere against bis and gays. But having a word to explain things - even just to yourself - made such a big difference for me!
  15. Hey and welcome aboard! To add to what people are saying - don't let his "phase" argument hold any water. Being a teenager is a phase but it doesn't stop you being a mardy git for a few years. Being pregnant is a phase but a plan of just ignoring it and pretending it's not real isn't a good idea! Some of us are bi the whole of our lives, for some people it's a phase - but if it's a phase so is whatever comes before and whatever comes after yet no-one dismisses those as phases. And bisexual or bi-curious? Well labels are a matter of personal taste but that sounds to me like you are more certain rather than curious! As bi-certain isn't a word I'd say bisexual is the more appropriate one.