Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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    United Kingdom

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About softfruit

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  • Music
    songs are playing in my head almost nonstop
  • Location
    Manchester, UK
  • Interests
    Radio 4 Extra. Strawberry cider. Recording queer history. Meeting other bis in real life rather than just online. Writing for bi/queer magazines. Being flirted with through the medium of bacon sandwiches. Helping other bis follow the path to working out who they are a little more easily than it happened for me. Being flirted with through the medium of bacon sandwiches. If I say it twice maybe someone'll take a hint :D
  • Favourite Book
    At the moment: "Just One Damned Thing After Another", or "Here Lies Arthur".
  • Favourite TV Show
    Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
  • Favourite Film

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. I realised it - or rather the word for it rather than a vague "there are these feelings I should not talk about out loud or put a word to" - aged 16, after my older sister who I think had worked out I was some flavour of queer left a book about a young lesbian growing up on the kitchen table knowing I'd find it and read it. From there to "oh, I'm bisexual" was not a big leap. It was harder holding onto that sense of who I was when I left the small town I grew up in, moved to a big city with a vibrant gay scene, and other queers kept telling me that I'd come out properly, bi is just a phase, and all that rubbish. So I'd say it went easily at first, then came up against social pressures to be gay or straight later. I managed to find a lot of bi friends which helped get away from all the "phase" stuff, but it meant between maybe 19 and 21 the labels I used to other people kept changing. Maybe a bit related, at the point I came out as bi to myself and a few other people I'd still never even kissed anyone else - I was a very late bloomer...
  2. The rest of us will all want field reports on how it goes! (good luck)
  3. I've dated perhaps 15 women over the years now so variously; at a local bi social group, at a big bi event, at a non-LGBT related political meeting, at an LGBT-related political meeting, at a friend's birthday party... on the other hand, I spent a lot of time going to queer nightclubs and nothing ever damn happened! I need there to be some kind of social context for getting talking first, I'm lousy at the "just walk up to hottie and tell them to get their coat cos they've pulled" thing.
  4. I get that with my GF and fiance. But it feels like a good thing - perhaps it helps that they know each other and have become friends? If I'm doing something with one and the other might really enjoy doing it too, it's not a guilt trigger, just an idea for something to do with them in future.
  5. This, in big neon letters! Sorry you had such lousy luck in who your experiences were with @BiTriMama I've only ever been part of a V or a Z or whatever the next links in the chain would be - a zigzag!? A triangle sounds really good but the dice have just never rolled that way in who fancies who fancies who...
  6. I'm so very with you on that! One of my current beaus is annoyingly being the exception that proves the rule...
  7. My former longtime crush pulled two or three new women every week so it can be done... it just feels quite a long way removed from how the rest of us live! A bit frustrating in that it's such the bi stereotype, but I suppose Channel 4 / the director reckon that makes for more engaging TV.
  8. Sometimes people I've felt like that about have turned into brilliant friends for doing things with, because the spark turns into it being exciting to do stuff with them (that same energy that drew me to them sexually / romantically is still there, after all) and it's kind of like channelling the crush energy into activist energy or whatever. But sometimes it has definitely needed like a year apart for there to be time for other dishes to catch my eye and me to move on a bit. Only you know which category this one will be in (and that still might need a roll of the dice to find out!)
  9. It is so much less taxing a programme to watch than The Bisexual!
  10. This might sound daft but I'd say it's unfair on average but that it varies from relationship to relationship, person to person. Because yes, if he found another woman who was into him but wouldn't touch you with a bargepole would you be happily active and part of a threesome that way round where he was very much the focus of attention... However I think sex doesn't always have to be equally about everyone involved's needs, sometimes it can be about being focused on you or on him or on her or on them... it's just if it keeps being about one person's needs over the others every time then it can become unhealthy. A threesome that is kind of V-shaped with you at the bottom of the V getting all the attention from both sides, rather than like a triangle -- that is a perfectly OK thing to want. @VirgoGirl has a really good point about how much sex can be casual or builds a bond, and only you know how that works for you. For me I know there are things I can do and it's not got that big emotional / bonding thing, and it can be casual. And there are other things that are maybe less wise if this isn't going to be an ongoing thing. Overthinking? I don't think you are yet. If by the time of the threesome you have a tightly defined script in your mind - she will do this at three minutes fifteen seconds in, he will have this expression when that happens, you will... etc etc... then you really have overthought it and need to remember the other people involved are people not toys! But it doesn't sound like you've got to that point! The main thing I think for everyone to go away happy is that you have thought about how it's gonna be for all three, and especially about her being a separate real person who may have particular needs from the encounter cos it's easy to understand you and your boy's minds more than the 'visitor's, Again like @VirgoGirl mentioned, different people have different fantasies and it sounds like you and your boy are doing well at talking through what you think will get you off. I've had... I dunno, perhaps a couple of dozen threesomes over the years (what I lack in flirt-clue I make up for a bit in being old, so I've had decades to get round to it), and the odd moresome. A large part of "how?!" is by having a lot of bi friends... Sometimes threesomes are brilliant, like still replaying things in my mind years later level good... (where was I?) ...sometimes they are alright, sometimes afterwards you're a bit meh. So it's a lot like having sex in general but with a greater chance of someone getting hurt and a greater chance of someone walking out part way through as they feel ignored, superfluous, that one of the people involved who they've had sex with before "never looks at me the way they look at you" etc. So you're not overthinking, any more than someone who pauses and thinks about the implications of having a child is overthinking getting pregnant!
  11. Sally4ever is supposed to be a new Sky Atlantic comedy show about a bi woman that started last week. Haven't seen it yet cos I don't have that channel... anyone seen it, is it worth popping round the house of someone who has Sky to see?! (viewers elsewhere I hear it goes out on HBO in November)
  12. So we're three episodes in to The Bisexual on Channel 4. Well, I'm two episodes in, gimme another free hour so I can catch up What're people making of it? I'm finding it interesting to see the "bi is a path to gay" lie/cliche inverted as so far I think our heroine has only been chasing boys since she pulled that first one!
  13. A welcome return to a national resource for Australia like that -- BiOrgAu must have closed in something like 2002! (edit: looked it up - 2007, more recent than I thought...) I wonder at how much it seems to be focused on counselling though - and I don't have enough of an idea of pricing in Australia to know if those prices are OK or not! But I see there are links to at least one local social/support group as an alternative.
  14. Yay! And we can celebrate two days in a row cos different bits of the world count this date as Oct 11 and Oct 12
  15. In the UK (like @Violette) there are nationwide bi meet listings on BCN's website here. For me one of the things with the social & support groups is making a space where your bisexuality is "real" and you don't have to defend it, especially from people who want to tell you that if you're monogamous you've "picked a team". It also gives you a less-sexual sounding way of coming out to people: "I'm going to march at Pride with the bi group" or the like. And of course so many of us can feel isolated and alone, the bigger the local bi organisations are the easier they become over time for people to find other bis and feel more 'normal', real and legitimate.