Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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About softfruit

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  • Music
    There are songs playing in my head almost nonstop
  • Location
    Manchester, UK
  • Interests
    Interests box seems to be where you put any old profile information :) so I shall have a bit of a ramble and maybe some interests will get in there along the way.

    I'm a bad shybi in that I'm terribly loud about being bi ;) and have been out for about 25 years including doing lots of organising bi meetups and events. So there's sort of a very serious responsible organisery side of my head, kind of being the mum for all the attendees at stuff I make happen... and then a potty-mouthed rude brain that I switch over to when I think I'm "off duty"

    I used to be a going out sceney person who was always up for a night's dancing in a seedy gaybar. Then I got queerbashed by four lovely lads on the way home one night and, well, it wasn't the first time that happened but this time it messed with my head a lot and I've never been quite so comfortable going out any more, cos it can easily trip over into being that I don't think I'm safe. That means I tend to like social meetups and such that are in daytime rather than into the wee hours.

    And I'm trans. Shys is good about that but you probably need to give that sort of a thing a mention here in case of people needing clues.
  • Favourite TV Show
    Mongrels. It's a bit too much like the inside of my brain...
  • Favourite Film

Recent Profile Visitors

1,500 profile views
  1. Thumping win delivered!
  2. Hoping for a thumping win in the marriage poll for all you Australian bis. Not long to wait now!
  3. Yes @myladylove @wickedcat it's an NHS England initiative so just in part of the UK at present. I'll be saying I'm bi (I get the concerns about the rollback on LGBT and particularly so far T rights in the USA, in my case I know they could just google me and find out so it's a bit late for any worries about winding up on a list!) For me - apart from being an extra number and so helping challenge the "no one is really so we don't need to pay bisexuality any heed" nonsense I have heard for so long - its also about the different health problems all sorts of queers have and why we have them. For example the transphobia I've had from my old GP makes me slower to go along and get things seen by a health professional, or the biphobic things a counsellor had to say to me when I was young and sorting my head out, I'm sure I'm far from the only person to have an experience like that and so we probably have worse health overall and different health needs when we do get help cos things have got worse than they 'should' have. As well as helping map whether LGBT people have different health needs this might also show up things like whether LGBTphobia from people charged with our health care is affecting lots of us. Depending how well they analyse the data it might even highlight particular doctors who are, perhaps unconsciously, a danger to their queer patients.
  4. It's a lousy feeling for now but at least you know where you stand and aren't left wondering.
  5. I'm hoping for you all over there that it's as resounding a result as the Republic of Ireland got when they tried asking the people. Might give a few of the more nervous politicians a little bit of backbone in pressing it into law.
  6. Fingers crossed for the next bit of your rollercoaster ride @Nikkita
  7. bicurious

    Sympathy: it's so damn hard! There is like a billion-dollar dating industry helping pairs of people find one another. Two people, one connection to make, one spark to find or whatever you want to call it. And even with all the dating sites and apps and what have you, loads of us remain single for years. Finding someone who both of you are into pretty equally and who is into both of you strongly too, is three times the job that those dating apps struggle with, cos it's three connections to get right. Him and her need to click. You and her need to. You and him need to find a way of being together that fits this new situation too. Maybe it's not just three times the job cos you have to get those three things all to happen at the same time! No wonder those of us who'd like that can struggle. Let alone later down the line if one of those three relationships starts to fray and what an impact that has on the other two. On whether to talk to him now or when you meet someone... both? Cos you can have all the theory in advance you like, but when you meet that third person, they're a whole other person with their own emotional needs and expectations from a relationship, and what you and he have talked about might need a little bit of adjusting to fit.
  8. I'm so high up the Kinsey scale that sometimes people ask why I don't identify as lesbian. Which... well, cos it just ain't the right word, it's not the right shape of idea of how my attractions work, even if my dating patterns lately are almost all women and genderqueer folk. Like @Hammy and @headoverfeet touched on, there seems to be a bit of a feedback loop where I have more of an eye for people who are similar to whoever I'm seeing. But when people ask if my bisexuality is fifty-fifty I always think... "I'm not so young any more, some days it doesn't add up to 100 - sometimes it barely even adds up to ten!" Though on the flipside this morning it added up to way more than a hundred, oh my. For me the important bit is remembering bisexuality is just as real and valid whether it's 50-50, 10-90, 80-60-5 or whatever, as so many people will try and tell us that "I eat chips more often than I have ice cream" means the same as only liking chips and not liking ice cream at all.
  9. Fingers crossed for you guys to get the kind of landslide the Republic of Ireland delivered on the question.
  10. Local town hall just debated bisexuality and biphobia - total support no speeches against and they'll light the town hall up in purple for Bi Visibility Day. Woohoo!

    1. myladylove


      Always been my favourite colour...

    2. N00Bi


      That's so cool!

  11. And again this year! It's always interesting seeing which new countries are joining the club - Bolivia, South Korea, Guatemala, Finland,... there's more and more going on out there for bi people
  12. Manchester Pride tomorrow!! Well sorta today toobut the big marching-with-the-bis-one-the-parade thing is tomorrow :)

    1. myladylove


      Enjoy. :-) 

    2. softfruit


      Thanks! :D Haven't done the march in several years so though I'm always at Manchester Pride this one has that little bit extra excitement.

  13. I've dated a couple of married people (um, different people, I've never yet dated two people who were married to one another) and wedding rings never made me so much as blink. I still exist in their life when they are with their other partner; their marriage still exists when they are with me. As @Cute&Curious says, taking the wedding ring off would feel strange. I guess if someone felt their wedding vows were betrayed by being with me I'd find it strange that they treated the vows as being to the ring not to the spouse. If it troubled me, and assuming the person was one who tended to jewellery rather than the wedding ring being their sole such, perhaps it could be resolved by buying her a ring for a different finger, a necklace or what have you, so that she wore reminders of both her people through her day?
  14. Most of the time it was Maths but once I turned 16 and could take it, Economics, since it had maths you could have opinions about.
  15. Six sleeps til marching with the bis at Manchester Pride *bounce!*