Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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    United Kingdom

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About softfruit

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  • Music
    songs are playing in my head almost nonstop
  • Location
    Manchester, UK
  • Interests
    Radio 4 Extra. Strawberry cider. Recording queer history. Meeting other bis in real life rather than just online. Writing for bi/queer magazines. Being flirted with through the medium of bacon sandwiches. Helping other bis follow the path to working out who they are a little more easily than it happened for me. Being flirted with through the medium of bacon sandwiches. If I say it twice maybe someone'll take a hint :D
  • Favourite Book
    At the moment: "Just One Damned Thing After Another", or "Here Lies Arthur".
  • Favourite TV Show
    Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
  • Favourite Film

Recent Profile Visitors

1771 profile views
  1. Welcome back
  2. The "deal" so to speak is different for every couple. On the one hand it can seem unfair to have very different rules. On the other different people have different sexual, physical and romantic needs: it might be he gets all he needs from one person and sees no need for more even if you were spending time with other lovers. Some people have what can be called "gender monogamy" where eg a woman will have sex with her husband but no other men, but at the same time may have various things going on with women. For me that feels like buying into a deal that is sexist & biphobic, but other people feel differently and that's for them. It's about what works for you and your other partner(s), in the end, and there might be messy compromises along the way. However if up til now your relationship has been monogamous and you want to renegotiate things so that you are no longer like that, I'd say it's reasonable for him to similarly question whether he should be monogamous in future.
  3. I'm surprised we haven't already had a thread on this one! Yes... and I really must get round to watching season two Though it does make me ponder questions about how this is seen and how much more 'edgy' or whatever it would be called if the wife had met a male escort and the same things had unfolded from there.
  4. Ah, I relate so much. Serious but unrequited crushes - all the rollercoaster of emotion of a proper relationship without the sex and social validation. I find it's a common thing with intense crushes - after weeks or months or sometimes damnit years of mooning over how wonderful someone is, you reach some kind of climax (ahem) when your heart finally starts to 'get it' that this is not going to be a thing. And then all the new things you notice stop being like "what they're wearing would be awful on anyone else but is just dishy on them" and become more "they are such a grump, were they always such a grump, because I never noticed before"... But for me, it's the stage you have to get through between one person being the focus of all those thoughts and moving on to the next person. Her being distant can be awful right now but I guess it might help with that as it gives your lingering attraction to her little to cling on to. It strikes me it's like cutting out the relationship phase of crushes that do pan out, cos I think many of us have exes who during and for some time after the break up we can only see the bad sides of and wonder why we were ever so stupid, naiive or drunk as to want to date someone like that. The truth is probably somewhere in between, they have the good bits and the bad bits and the emotional trip we go on focuses on this side and then that side rather than seeing the whole person all the time. Except with my exes, who are definitely just bad bits ;)
  5. The list of Bi Visibility Day events each year suggests there are at least a couple of bi social groups around Australia (sorry if it turns out to all be in one city, my geography of the country is atrocious) so while I <3 the original post suggestion maybe for those parts of the country, link up with what's already out there rather than reinvent a wheel?
  6. There are so many very different ways of being bi talked about in this thread and it makes me very happy that no-one's declaring theirs to be the RIGHT way of being bisexual.
  7. After some lousy experiences, while I prefer people to be on a similar page to me politically and things like sexism/biphobia/transphobia are dealbreakers, the real big dealbreaker in a primary relationship I've learned about for me is secrecy. I've gone out with people who are in the closet to people close to them like their family and it's a horrible thing, especially if they then (or at the same time) have a mixed-gender relationship and you get to see how public and accepted the bloke in their life is while you were a guilty secret in the shadows. I like to think I'll never do it again. I kinda suspect that in the moment my heart would betray me though I hope not.
  8. Mostly my saucy dreams frustrate me cos I wake up and can't remember who they were about!
  9. Yup - they don't ask that of them... now. Go back a couple of generations though. We are a few decades behind (and the gays perhaps a decade in front of us!) but we're still another wave crashing its way up the beach.
  10. The Hitachi magic wand, which ain't sold under that name any more (I think the company got a bit embarassed that they make so many techy things and their most loved product was a sex toy) is the one thing that I've found working for just about everyone I know. Well, everyone I know well enough to compare vibrators with, y'know... so maybe a dozen opinions there! The only person I know hates it says it's cos it gets her off too fast and she wants time to enjoy things. About £50 mail-order here, so I guess you might be looking at about $60 in the US... And yes it's mains powered so you don't suffer flat-battery-interruptus!
  11. Ach, that sucks. I'm starting to think that we all get to have at least one ex like that, like the rules of the game are that the gods have to deal us one into our hand. At least you were seeing the signs before she got to drop the bombshell. Most... no, the vast majority... of my exes haven't been like that. There'll be someone better for you ahead.
  12. Straight Spouse Network has, in all I've heard over many years, a bit of a track record like this - particularly for rubbishing bisexuality and spreading the myth that bi is just a 'stopping off' point on the way to gay. It's a bit like going to the local Tea Party candidate and expecting a balanced lecture about the pros and cons of taxes.
  13. So I was watching the new Star Wars film (OMG SO GOOD but no big spoilers coming up here I promise) and something Rey said sounded just like what loads of people say the first time they are at real-world bi meets like BiPhoria or the first time they post here... so what if the scriptwriter thinks it's "about being a Jedi" not "about being bisexual"! So I made a picture...
  14. We are living in changing times. But those changes take many generations. In that sense the biphobia, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism will never end, because us lot will all be dead... But where we are now is very different from 20 or 40 years ago. Take heart that now the hatemongers have to whip up more of a frenzy than they ever used to, and fewer people than ever take them seriously. Five years ago when same-sex marriage was coming in over here we had the same kind of nonsense about the effects it would have as you'll have been hearing in Australia. It's ebbing away as people can plainly see that nothing has changed and there are no more earthquakes than there were before. There'll still be homophobia, biphobia and all that. But more people move from being asshats to having a clue than go in the other direction. Over time we win.
  15. First of all congratulations on holding it together, making that kind of relationship shift work out is hard at the best of times and with the most supportive of social circles. And second welcome aboard! I hope Shys will help give you people to talk with about all this when you need them (and to celebrate with you in the good times too)