Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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    United Kingdom

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244 Excellent

About softfruit

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Profile Information

  • Music
    songs are playing in my head almost nonstop
  • Location
    Manchester, UK
  • Interests
    Radio 4 Extra. Strawberry cider. Recording queer history. Meeting other bis in real life rather than just online. Writing for bi/queer magazines. Being flirted with through the medium of bacon sandwiches. Helping other bis follow the path to working out who they are a little more easily than it happened for me. Being flirted with through the medium of bacon sandwiches. If I say it twice maybe someone'll take a hint :D
  • Favourite Book
    At the moment: "Just One Damned Thing After Another", or "Here Lies Arthur".
  • Favourite TV Show
    Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
  • Favourite Film

Recent Profile Visitors

2,499 profile views
  1. I just can't upvote that observation enough @Apsalar15 - and it's something I see in gay & bi people regardless of gender. I tend to think of it as a three year rollercoaster where people get all this stuff they've had bottled up out and become really focused on that aspect of themselves.... then for some people, that's who they are now, and for others they remember all the stuff they used to love before. (The three years bit is not set in stone!) It's not just about sex/uality too - for me for instance hitting the gay scene back in the early 90s it involved hugely expanding my love of disco/synthpop music, only later to go "wait... I was an indie/punk kid and all that stuff is still awesome, it's just not something I'm really allowed to relate to with my new social circle."
  2. "Started on 4Chan" is all you need to know here. Professional internet trolls.
  3. One that puts three thin circles round your face and the #BiVisibilityDay tag written round that border.
  4. Yeah, I think the closest to you are Southampton and Bristol which are a bit of a trek. I made one of the frames that're going round FB, maybe it's the one you picked
  5. It's Bi Visibility Day on Sunday so there is loads of bi community / social 'stuff' going on around the country, far more than in a usual week. If you've been meaning to dip your toe into the real-world bi scene perhaps it's a good prompt?
  6. Depending where you are in the country there are about 20-30 local bi group local bi groups that meet up regularly, some are more social pub things, some a bit more structured which can make things easier breaking the ice with strangers. That might be a way of getting to know people without quite the hookup dynamic of dating apps and sites. Check the Bi Community News local groups listings. They vary naturally but the meets of my local one are probably about 60% female, 30% male, 20% other... which is like the complete opposite of most "LGB" stuff.
  7. The other weekend it was Manchester Pride and I was along with a big table full of bi stuff at the community fair. BCN bi magazines and subscription forms, the Getting Bi In A Gay / Straight World guides to coming out and staying out, bi & pan pin badges, bi research info about how it's different for bis, Visibly Bisexual stickers to pop on the back of your phone, some shiny new leaflets that I've just had made that help people find local bi support group meets near them all over the country... you get the idea. Running a stall like that for two days you get to have a lot of conversations. Some are better forgotten, but some really strike home. One was with a 13 year old and her parents, who were super-supportive and whose school had helped her set up an LGBT group for pupils. Lots of members, all older than her: but her being out to teachers has been a catalyst for a whole bunch of teens feeling less alone. I gave her as big a pile of resources to take for their classroom as I dared. One was a woman maybe three times that age. She clearly had gay and gay-friendly friends, but there being bi stuff out there, there being other people who would put all those moments of silencing and erasing we live with as bis into words was like more than she had ever imagined she could find. We wound up in hugging as her tears started. That isolation we get from bisexual invisibility is so damn powerful. Definitely worth being out and visible for the weekend.
  8. It's not where I am (for me the pulse-quickeners are a few people of this gender, and some of this, and quite a few of that...) but you're far from alone if it is "not women - her". It reminds me a bit of the singer Tom Robinson who seems to be bisexual but in an "I've been attracted to my wife and to a LOT of men" kind of a way. There is this damaging cliche of the "50-50 true bisexual" but I think almost all of us are somewhere along the line, not slap bang in the middle. If ever you get to see the BBC show Torchwood, then for all it's a gender flip story to yours you might greatly relate to one of the characters, who has to come out to his family to explain his relationship when they always thought he was straight, and he says: "It's weird. It's just different. It's not men, it's... it's just him. It's only him. And I don't even know what it is."
  9. Welcome aboard! The USA dominates almost everything on the internet but the UK has the next biggest slice of the shybis pie
  10. The page just times out for me, tried three or four times in the last few weeks. Glad it's just me though - dunno why! But thank you
  11. I'm struggling to find a way of writing about that which doesn't feel like endorsing the sexism / homophobia / biphobia / transphobia of the "one penis rule". But trying to hammer out a way of exploring it positively - thankyou even if it is stretching me!
  12. With Bi Visibility Day coming up there are a bunch of bi arts events in Toronto - thought I'd give them a quick shout-out as ShyBis in Canada might fancy a night out!
  13. I'm attracted to a variety of people, of a variety of genders. Cis or trans isn't a block to me fancying someone any more than female or male is. Binary or non binary? Nah. The word for that, for me, is bisexual. Some people tell me they like another word for that, like omnisexual or pansexual. Their preferred label is great. It grates when they tell me I should change mine though. Some people have tried telling me that "bi means two when it's in the word bicycle, so it must mean two here too". From that they extrapolate that if you fancied two gender groups they would have to be ciswomen and cismen -- well, that feels a very transphobic logical leap to me! I wonder at the way that only bisexuality comes under attack from this, when the notions of gay and straight, homo and hetero, are much more broken by a many-genders understanding of the world. It feels to me that this isn't about finding a better truth, but about silencing bisexuals and dividing our energies that could be fighting for bi liberation into squabbling over labels of bi v pan v omni and all that. Sure enough when you look into the roots of the "bi is binary" thing it comes from a couple of cisgender, non-bi, academics deciding what our words mean for us. I think we should have more of a say on that than they should get. And then I notice it's not just in sexuality. No matter how many extra people I marry, it's still bigamy. We don't worry about that. December isn't the tenth month of the year any more, yet no-one now calls it Dodecember. As an ageing genderqueer transwoman, when the "bi" in bisexual is in the top ten problems I have in life, we will have won so much in equality and liberation that I will take that problem as just one that I can live with.
  14. I hope not, They are really useful in understanding things. It's just the stigma the labels have had attached to them I want rid of!
  15. Shybi has a brother site called shybi-guys. It's been there as long as I have known about this site, and about once a year I pop over there and take a look at what the boys are on about from a cheeky curiousity. Their site seems to have vanished. I don't know how much of a link there is between the two websites, anyone know what happened to them? Are they gone forever? It was one of the things I used to recommend to people... well, men!...