Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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treelover123 last won the day on October 24 2016

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About treelover123

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  1. I look at other posts here on shy's from women who say they want a relationship but something not romantic. I just can't imagine how that would be possible for me. Falling in love and experiencing those butterflies... That was the best part of the relationship for me. And make no mistake the sex is amazing, but the feeling of mutual connectedness and care and excitement and the whole high that comes with a relationship (especially a new one) is faaaaaar better.
  2. writing

    Sometimes, when I'm overwhelmed with emotions, I go and sit at my piano, grab a pen and start writing. Usually, objectively bad music with objectively bad lyrics. Or sometimes, when the music won't come, I just produce material in the bad poetry genre. My girlfriend has recently been my muse, and she is very good humoured about it all. But maybe its a little offensive to call someone a muse to bad art? I don't know?
  3. Religion was an important reason why I never acted on my true desire. Then finally, somewhere in my 40th life year I lost my religion. Maybe permanently, maybe not. I decided to figure out what I wanted for a change, and for that I needed to change my own beliefs. I've started one of the most significant relationships of my life as a result. If I can find my way back into the Christian fold without giving up my adulterous relationship, then maybe. But adultery, lesbianism, unwillingness to give up idols, and putting myself above God's law are pretty compelling reasons for me to doubt that I would be able to live authentically in both worlds. I gave up my Christian-issued blinkers, bridle and bit, and I'm not keen to saddle myself with a lot of guilt again.
  4. Why choose? Receiving from an enthusiastic partner is something mindblowing. About as good as feeling a woman have an intense orgasm from something I've done. Oh god, no! Feeling a woman have an orgasm, of the type I have been lucky to observe, literally makes me dripping dripping wet. Ill choose that if I'm forced to.
  5. Discovering this thread has just made shy's a little more interesting!
  6. I might be bi, but there's no way anyone's going to get me to eat purple, blue and pink ice cream. Just saying... I'm a chocolate gal.
  7. I serendipitously stumbled into a relationship with a woman, and this has been the most meaningful event on my path towards living my truth. I don't feel that I'm anywhere close to where I want to be, hiwever. I've told a couple of friends and family members I'm bi, a couple of people know about my girlfriend, but I don't really talk about her to others. Its tough because she is such an important part of my life, and keeping her to myself, feels a little like I'm hiding. I don't actually worry too much about people knowing I'm bi, but I fear that far fewer people would be accepting of non-traditional marriage arrangements. I might still be able to deal with what others think even about this, but: The big thing is... I've never had a conversation with my husband of 12 years about being bi and I really have no clue how he would react to the news that I've been having another relationship. Who would react well to: "Honey I dont want to leave you, but I've been having an affair"? Yeah... So that's where I'm at right now.
  8. Introverted Afrikaans girl? Mmmm... I fear you are going to have to tell her in a sweet way that you REALLY like her and sometimes imagine having something more intense than a friendship with her.
  9. I'm sorry you are feeling this way about your mom. It resonated with me because I have many mother issues too. There's probably a reason for the Freudian line: "So, tell me about your mother". Now that I'm a mom, I also realise that it is inevitable that my kids will probably grow up with stories of how I scarred them in some way or another. I know there are mothers and mothers, but all moms probably mess up in some blame-worthy way or another.
  10. The Traveller's Flashbacks Hands intertwining in the train from the airport. Back pressing to the cold tiles in the shower. Breakfast pancakes and coffee after a night of bliss... Sharing our first breakfast. Standing in a queue with the greatest sense of quiet and gratitude falling over me Uninhibited sex on the couch in the living room with floor to ceiling windows Her pulling a hair tie from her hair so I could get mine out of the way. Trying to tear my gaze from her profile in a semi dark movie theatre. Bursting out in laughter when I recognised first one,then two, then three gospel tracks blaring from some parade down in the street. While my girlfriend had her face buried in my pussy. Shivers running down my spine as her hand lightly ran up and down my back while we were both in post orgasmic glow. Feeling the beat of "To be with others" pulse through us... Hand in hand at the front table. Her moans while my mouth is on her lovely nipples Late night walk at the waterfront, her hand and mine trying to figure out whose hand goes where. Feeling her body shudder again and again as I take her into my arms after sliding back up her body. Lying sobbing on her chest, on our last afternoon together. Turning to look back at her as she disappeared past security at the airport. Mmmm... So much to remember
  11. More than that: you need to protect yourself from this toxic relationship. Think about it: What would you have advised a friend to do in any other kind of toxic situation? I'm so sorry that she turned out to be the total opposite of what you wanted.
  12. Thank you for a most lovely story

    1. treelover123


      I feel like I have to thank the universe, god or some deity for having lived through this story. 

    2. Leopard


      It's amazing how gratitude changes things! A memory become a treasure 

  13. So much of what you are saying resonates with me. I am married to a really good man who meets most of my needs and is generally a great life partner. He is just not all that into sex, he forgets I'm a girl and that I need to hear him express his appreciation for me and he also does not connect emotionally quite in the way I would like. But we have a good enough marriage that I plan to continue making a pretty good life with him. And fill the emotional intimacy needs with friends. Sounds good so far, right? Ok, then a really deep emotional connection developed with a friend who is also bisexual, and before long I was engaged in an emotional and sexual affair. Most people would say that's not good. But the concept of right and wrong is something I've thought very deeply about. Maybe I'm in denial. Because I know I'm not a bad person, I have no intention of stopping my affair and I'm probably doing everyone a favour by making sure I get my legitimate needs met. Albeit in a way that society would frown upon, that I would have judged severely 5 years ago, and that might possibly cause my husband distress. Is it wrong that I'm doing this? By most standards, yes. But is it wrong that I've been lonely and miserable for years before that? Yes. Which is most wrong? Depends on whose perspective you are considering. It would definitely be more wrong to dump him, wreck the lives of my whole family and set off in a totally new direction. I've never been the type to profess that an individual's happiness is an acceptable excuse for everything. That is rather selfish. But, I'm happier, my girlfriend is happy, my husband and family benefits. And Im still very committed to working on my marriage. I just know I'll probably be able to move the situation with hubby with a few centimetres in the right direction, while I crave a move more of the magnitude of metres. Am I making decisions on behalf of other people? Yes. Am I deceitful and should I try to get this out in the open? Yes. (Previous attempts at disclosing went nowhere and hubby is a "don't ask and don't tell type"). In my journey I found that my hesitance to move forward was less because I was worried about what my husband or others would think. Taht too. But Im confident enough that I could probably sell anything to anyone. For me the biggest issue was to make peace with the fact that I'm violating a set of rules that a younger me valued dearly. I dont know, maybe its because I turned 40 and have decided that I'm done being the good girl. That I should try to connect with what I want and find ways to meet my needs for a change that gave me the courage to move forward. That, and finding a patient woman that understands me, and lots of therapy. I wish you well. I can hear your anxiety and heartache, and I hope you can get some peace for yourself in some way.
  14. First time The traveller pulled the cheerleader in for a hug and a soft kiss, but the cheerleader pulled away. Practicalities like food needed attention. They were taken care of. A bit later the traveller found the fully clothed cheerleader sitting on the edge of the bed. Not quite sure what to make of the shyness at the airport and the earlier refusal, the traveller also sat down on the bed, just looking at the cheerleader. The cheerleader said something to the extent of "Well?" And then the women crossed into the beautiful land of "married women who sleep with women". If passports had been required to cross into this other land, the women would have collected many entry stamps at border control. Many. Many, many. During a retrospective meta-conversation about the first time, the two women disagreed about exactly what went on in that "sitting on the bed" moment. The cheerleader's version was that she waited for the traveller to make the first move. A one sided perception seems to be that the cheerleader always makes the first moves. Reportedly her hesitance was motivated by not wanting to initiate this time. The traveller puts her own hesitation down to being careful. She had no indication that any of the imagined scenarios were still on the table. She sensed an unexpected shyness from the cheerleader that compounded her own nervousness. The awkward moment lasted just a moment though. When the women finally looked at the watch again it was 2.30am. They had an opportunity to look at the watch at 4.30am and again at around 9 or so. Surprisingly some sleep did happen. As far as first times go, however, this was pretty perfect.
  15. Dont panic. If you feel you are bi then thats what you are. If you want to change your mind thats cool too. Maybe ask yourself some questions and take a slightly longer term view of this situation. I.e. think of this incident in the context of your experiences up to now. Perhaps it would be useful to think about how you reacted with other crushes, male or female, in the past. Is it a thing that you fantasize about people and then go off them so soon, or is it specific to this case? Do you think it is a female attraction issue or just the attraction to the individual that did not work out? As far as sex dreams go: when you dream about sex, is it generally related to something you experienced that day? Do you usually dream about men or women? Its good to reevaluate. Take a breath though. You'll be ok.