Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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treelover123 last won the day on October 24 2016

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  1. When I think of post-modernism, I think of the Movie "The Matrix" hence the "no spoon kid" Postmodernism suggests than when it comes to the social realities, there is no perception apart from the limitations that come with subjectivity. There is your truth and my truth, and truth that may be accepted by large numbers of people, but that still doesn't make it *the truth*. There is no truth.
  2. *the truth* Nooooooooo! Respectfully of course. (Again). Not that I'm promoting post-truth and fake news, but you know... Postmodernism and all that?
  3. Mmmmmm.... I'm thinking, I'm thinking* Why does male and female have to define the range for gender? What if the traits that you regard as male, are seen as "human traits" that are distributed across genders? Why does it have to be on a continuum? A two category conception of gender certainly is a useful and convenient heuristic, and it works for most people. But as with all heuristics, sometimes its off. And I imagine it causes real pain and anguish for people if they dont fall neatly in the gender categories of male and female. (Check out the issues Caster Semenya has in trying to compete in sport with a view that there are only two sexes. Its a sex categorisation issue, not gender, but it talks about the pain of not fitting in) Worldviews are changing and there are some that are very different from mine. So if there are people who, from their lived reality, tell me that they don't fit in either of the two boxes, well, I kind of feel obliged to listen to them. They might be making this all up, but I'm thinking not. I read the indigenous people of North America have a category called "two spirit" for other-gendered individuals. Perhaps the choice of label supports your point, but the idea that these people recognised a long time ago that there is something other than male and female, is fascinating. Different worldview, different conception of gender. In 20 years' time there might be a greater understanding that gender has more than two categories. I guess the label "third gender" might also be rejected in favour of non-binary since "third gender" again wants to place things in boxes. The ticky tacky type that won't hold up. ;-) *Thinking... Thinking... a little like this:
  4. Nooooooooo! (Respectfully, of course. :-) As the song says: Little boxes on the hillside, Little boxes all the same. There's a green one and a pink one And a blue one and a yellow one (not just pink and blue) Sexuality and biological sex and gender are all very different things. (If you've never done gender studies 101, you should hang out on shy's. Its amazing what education you can get here). And there are more than two boxes for all of these. There certainly aren't only two (socially constructed) genders. Really. In some countries a third gender is already legally recognised. And sexuality is also more than homo or hetero or a combination of those two. What about asexuality? Pan sexuality? Etc. Etc. And even biological sex is not only male or female. There are people whose chromosomal makeup isnt xx or xy. And you must know that some people are born with genitalia that's difficult to categorise as either male or female.
  5. The individual's baseline matters. If they're touchy feely with everyone, it doesn't need to mean something. Context matters too. I"m in a dance class once a week and the amount of really intimate touching that goes on there would be totally inappropriate elsewhere. But it doesn't mean anything. Unless the two people involved wasnt it to mean anything.
  6. And here we are. T-40 days until we see each other again. Its precious to look back over the bits of our journey that I've shared here. In the past two years we've experienced so much joy. Falling in love, talking everything to death, becoming a real presence in each other's lives. She is my best friend. Her presence keeps me centered and makes for all kinds of naughty excitement in my days. After leaving her last time, I went into a three month funk. All because I can't quite understand why it worked out that the person I love so intensely must be so far away. When our contact was limited in a time that was really tough on her, I felt so powerless, so allone. We survived it. We also survived my infatuation with another woman. That was tough on her. On us. We got really real about our wants and needs and the implications of our arrangement. But oh happy day! I can almost taste her on my lips again.
  7. @ConfusedWifey This might apply to you? demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a emotional connection. It's more commonly seen in, but by no means confined, to romantic relationships. The term demisexual comes from the orientation being "halfway between" sexual and asexual. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality.
  8. Ah! The sweet sweet agony of the guessing game. This could absolutely drive one crazy. But it is a fun thing to obsess about. Enjoy making plans to figure out if she is, or isn't. :-)
  9. Hot fantasy, not so hot in reality. I'm married, and I have a long distance girlfriend. Another unmarried woman chased me, but she wanted more than just sex. After some contemplation I got scared and ran for the hills. Its dicey if the other party isn't equally committed to a life of her own... Not that that is a full proof protection against home wrecking...
  10. So here's the deal: I like the feminine form and I thought I'd love to touch a woman's breasts, because Porn, right? But mine aren't particularly sensitive so it was a total surprise to see the reaction some touching can elicit. Now, breasts are my absolute favourite thing in the world*. Their awesomeness faaaaaaaaaar exceeded my expectations. (*I am generalising from a sample of n=1 pair belonging to someone else, but I'm hooked.)
  11. Welcome ladies! Some of you might still be around on the site 5 years from now. If I look back on my journey here, I see so much learning and sharing, and figuring stuff out. For me this is a place where I could just become more comfortable with myself. May you find what you need in these pages.
  12. When my mom says: you look beautiful, I believe her and I enjoy the affirmation. But she doesn't see me naked, right! My husband, who does see me naked, never says anything. But I know that's just because he is uncomfortable saying anything. If I waited for his affirmation... Well, I don't. I've come to accept my girlfriend's positive comments as truthful, from her perspective. She says the naked pictures are hot, I look at them and go: "ok, if you say so." Because when I look at them, I see imperfections, and scars, and I know I looked better when I was a little younger, and weighed a little less. Also, I've never really liked the shape of my breasts. But my body is healthy. So, I'm ok in it, I guess. With some pretty underwear, even I enjoy making those not-exactly-perfect naked pictures that she seems to like.
  13. Oh hopping on a plane is happening definitely. In 57 days. Whoo-hoo!
  14. We made a decision to walk away. We agreed its for the best. Now she wants to pursue what's "not the best". Why, does she not get that there is a high price to pay? We weighed it, didn't we? Plus its hard to say goodbye for me too. Despite what we decided. She is prolonging the agony with: "Bye." "Ok i just want to say one more thing then bye" "Ok please hear me out..." "I dont want to say bye anymore" She obviously has a case of confusion, which one can excuse. Maybe. But does she not realise she is fucking with me?
  15. Woman #2 and I had coffee on Monday, we discussed the decision. We agreed it was for the best, we said our goodbyes. It was a little sad, but ended well. Then I saw her at the yoga studio on Tuesday, and it was far less weird than I thought it would be, mostly. We were thrown together in a confronting situation by the oblivious instructor, we exchanged short words... But I was ok. Whatever was between this woman and me, was over. I just needed to be clearer about my boundaries on Tuesday evenings. Wednesday I met with the instructor and told her some background and told her I want to keep my distance from this woman, she needs to be sensitive to it. Then yesterday, w#2 sends me a text saying she has something she needs to discuss with me. I told her I don't think its a good idea. But I agreed to meet her, I thought she might have decided that she can't do Tuesday evenings at the same yoga studio any more or something. So I met her. She told me that she was feeling nervous about what she was about to tell me. That she fully accepts that I might tell her "Fuck you" after she said it. What did she say? - She is willing to try out my fwb proposal. She made a 180 on the issue. I smiled, reminded her that we had an earlier conversation where I told her that once my mind is made up about something, I move ahead with no regrets. In the nicest way possible, I told her to fuck off. Where I still thought with some fondness of the interactions I had with her, I am now so over it. The nerve of this woman! She has zero respect for me. This is done. The past three weeks were really difficult for me and the people in my life. I mean REALLY fucking difficult. I think I've learnt a lot, at least one of my relationships came out stronger. In a way I wish that I never had that first coffee with this woman. I will certainly think twice before I even look in the direction of someone I feel attracted to.