Sailingirl

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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Sailingirl last won the day on March 10

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About Sailingirl

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  1. So I haven't been on here for a while. I think things are sort of petering out in a way but I am quite frustrated in the way it happened. Or in things left unexplained. For those following, in March my friend and I spent the day together. Ended up a little inebriated and held hands for about an hour. It felt very intense in a way. Like we just kept gripping each other's hands tighter, fingers intertwined. I got the feeling she might've wanted me to kiss her when I parted ways with her that afternoon but knows. Previously there was a lot of touching at work. A lot of back scratches, pats and hugs, anytime she was upset she would literally come to me for hugs. Far so more than I would ever have expected from a friend and far more than I would ever give a friend. We are openly bi with each other. Well she is overall but I am certainly not and I trusted her with that information on the day we held hands. When we first became friends she was calling me, messaging or texting. Would initiate plans, discuss getting together. We would be at work and she would mention during conversation that we need to do something soon. Well we certainly did something, and since then it seems her interest has waned. But that day it most certainly was there. I felt it. And I know I wasn't imagining things. She is involved with someone casually (male) but she was also dating him and one other man casually when we had our little get together. So I don't see where that much has changed as far as that aspect of things. She has stopped confiding in me. No more touches, no more hugs. She never talks about getting together and when I have tried to get her to go to lunch or do other things with me she just shows very little interest. We actually have gone to lunch a couple of times and gotten together one time since that other day. . . she seemed to have a great time and was telling me "I just love you " in regards to something we were laughing about . So she's definitely still friendly/warm to me but I have to initiate and practically nag her to do anything and so it is not worth it. She's also made a couple of remarks about herself just not being a very nice person. Which I am starting to see as far as her other relationships/friendships go. She doesn't seem to stay close to anyone or keep anyone in her life. It's like one of these people who has hundreds and hundreds of "friends" but none of them are kept very close. If I message her I frequently don't hear back at all. So I have stopped for the most part. I've even felt a little angered at times. There was one night I was having an awful time at home and my husband and I were fighting. I messaged her just the way you would message a friend to tell her I was having a rotten time. I knew she saw the message because Facebook shows you when something has been read, but she never even responded. I am pretty sad about the whole thing, if not only because I was attracted to her I really did like her as a friend and wanted her in my life, but if someone won't make themselves present in your life what can you do about it?? This may seem like a silly analogy because nothing that extreme really happened, but it felt to me almost similar to a one night stand where one person is way more emotionally invested in the situation and the other person basically stamps on their heart and walks off like nothing happened. Part of me is like "how dare she act like nothing happened between us that day? It most certainly did." And frankly she was the one that started this whole thing with acting overtly friendly and flirtatious with me at work. Had she not done this I don't think I ever would've taken notice.
  2. Haha I love your comment Ona! That's my thinking also. Don't you think it's obvious?? I feel like there's this HUGE elephant in the room that isn't talked about. And I don't feel that she's trying to lead me on to be an asshole. But there is part of me that thinks I am more emotionally involved in than she is and perhaps she just enjoys the flirtation and thinks it's fun. Either that or she's just as skittish about it is me and doesn't want to say anything for fear I don't feel the same. I know she is shy when it comes to those sorts of things. Regardless of having been with women before. She is not someone that speaks up. Also, in conversation the other day it came up about my experience with a woman about 10 to 12 years ago. And she was very interested in hearing about it. We didn't really get into it very much of that time because we were on another subject but I could tell she perked up and was like "oh I definitely want to hear about that!" What would you do if you were me?
  3. Yes, I would agree that she is not "in love" with me, certainly not at this point. I do wonder if there are feelings there (I suspect there are) that it's her only real way of awkwardly getting across that she feels something . . . Said once or twice I wouldn't question it but this has been about a half a dozen times. make sense? And regardless of how it's meant, even purely platonic, of course it feels good to hear it : )
  4. So my friend and I have been spending time together a little more frequently and IMO getting a bit more comfy. Yesterday I drove her to pick up her car which was in the shop and our arms were resting again eachothers on the arm rest in the car. We were sharing food which was resting in the cup holder and our hands kept touching, arms, fingers, etc. It drives me CRAZY!! It feels intentional to me but I can't say who is initiating. It's almost like "accidental" touching but with most friends one of us would move away BC it's an invasion of personal space. But she and I don't move. We've also been sharing drinks ( as in drinking out of the same glasses or bottles). Multiple times in the last few days I'll do or say something random or funny or do something for her and she'll just bust out with "I love you!" Or "I love you so much!" Which of course can easily be said to a friend but she's said it so many damn times recently it just gets into my psyche and messes with my determination over what she means, precisely.
  5. Absolutely. Which is odd because I think I lean more towards women on the scale of straight-gay lol. A man and woman together does nothing for me. But two women or two men definitely does!
  6. I should actually probably have clarified a bit about the above; for some who haven't read some of my other posts she is VERY touchy with me frequently. If she's having a bad day she will actually come to me asking for hugs, she scratches my back when walking by, and I've played with hair before and have been very encouraged to continue ("oh that feels soooo good") so I didn't just hug and kiss her out of the blue. She's very outwardly/openly bisexual as well. But the reaction I got from the kiss on the neck was very interesting in a way anyway. I don't think she knew what to say/how to respond but she was smiling and continued our usual touchiness in the days following so I don't think it was too over the top. . . Yet it still didn't lead her to ask me if I'm interested, or tell me that she is. Which is what I'm kind of hoping for but I don't think is going to happen.
  7. So I guess my fear is, if we do not literally discuss our feelings beforehand, and she's shy ( as I know she would be about making any kind of move) and I'm having all these crazy feelings but I'm afraid to also be the first one to make a move, then what happens? Somebody has to make a move! Or it just won't happen. But I would hate to pass up a potential situation due to fear. Deep deep down I feel like if I got her alone and tried to kiss her she would be happy with that and reciprocate. Truth be told I think I already had my chance, because after the hour or more of walking around with each other and hand holding a few weeks ago I walked her to her car and gave her a big hug and a kiss, only it was on the cheek. I can't quite explain it but as I pulled back she had this funny expression and smile on her face. I felt like she was waiting . . . . . . But I didn't really even realize it until after she had driven away. Damn it!! There was also one other time recently I gave her a hug when she was upset. I sort of got what I would consider a little frisky, as during the hug I kissed her on the side of the neck sort of beneath the ear/hairline. Not the cheek. She sort of said something after, sort of a nervous little "Oh, well, um oh " something to that affect. I don't know whether she was surprised, taken aback , liked it? Possibly thinks I'm a weirdo?! Haha I hope it's not the last one but I know I got her attention and it certainly did not feel like something you would do platonically to someone. But this is as far as I have dared to go and I don't know how to dare to go further without her initiating, and I know she will not likely initiate : ( I'm hoping it's a good sign that when I mentioned going away with her somewhere overnight she seemed open to the idea. I mean considering our attitudes toward each other already I would think if she weren't open to the idea of some experimentation she would probably not have reacted positively to that suggestion. So how do you make sure it's desired before you go ahead with it? I know, I know just ask. But it's so much easier said than done.
  8. I could not/ can not have sex or give sexual gratification to someone I do not have some sort of emotional connection to. There has to be physical attraction but it can not be exclusively physical attraction. Rarely could it be someone I've known only a very short time. I wouldn't necessarily have to say I am IN love with them, but to have sex with them I really have to be making love with them also. I don't like just sex for sex.
  9. When it will happen I have no idea. But my feelings for my friend are so strong, and her reactions towards me seem to me more than simply friendly IMO. This combined with the fact that we are both "out" with eachother makes me suspect that eventually we will experiment to one degree or another. Whether that means kissing, cuddling or more I don't know but I think something will happen someday. So anyway, help!! Lol I need tips. I fooled around with a female friend a very long time ago (in my late teens, and I am in my mid thirties now) and in a way that was different because we were sort of experimenting and I knew her pretty well as a friend but was not head over heels for her so we were very silly and giggly and had fun. I am SO attracted to this woman now that I feel very intensely that I want to touch her, kiss her, make her feel good, etc. We may go away somewhere in a few weeks. If something happens I want to be prepared. How should I handle/view it emotionally? How do I keep myself in check but still show interest? If it comes to it, do I kiss first and let her decide if it should go further or do I start to touch her more?? I am just at a loss.
  10. That's wonderful! <3
  11. Thanks everyone for your nice comments. I have not sent it yet, my fear being that she tells me how sweet it is but that's she thinks of me as a friend only. Then how will I see her at work every day? Could we continue to be friends?? Truth be told I think she has feelings also. But I can't prove this. I wish there were a way to ask but not ask, you know? I feel like some recent conversations we've had when not at work (sexual topics) could be used as a segue into something if I play it correctly. Ugh god the SMILES I get from this woman make me turn into a pile of goo! The touches, the looks, hugs, just what the hell? And I don't know who has seen my post about us holding hands before when out, (it was for a good hour and we had been drinking) but all this and we still haven't "talked". Is this an elephant in the corner or am I overthinking?
  12. Not at all. But I still enjoy when I have a good day with her!!
  13. That's awesome! So excited for you! Try to do what I do and positive talk yourself. I find that if I think and envision things going smoothly and how conversation will flow then it does. If I think about how nervous I am I just get more and more nervous and amp myself up too much.
  14. Wow!! Didn't know that those sort of mom groups exist it out there! LOL. I would not be comfortable either. Call me a prude, I don't care. I need to at least know someone for a little while and have some sort of chemistry with them to get into that sort of thing. Can't do it with complete strangers