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Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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63395 last won the day on February 7

63395 had the most liked content!

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About 63395

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  • Birthday 01/05/1968

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    Anything outdoors, yoga,running, quilting, sewing.
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  1. 63395

    Struggling in my marriage

    @Gingermommy, I can hear the desperation in your post because I’ve experienced very similar feelings. Obviously this has no quick solution so you really need to focus on your physical health while you deal with it over years, not weeks. Work on getting sleep, healthy meals, exercise etc. Be incredibly kind to yourself. You didn’t ask for this and you haven’t done anything wrong.
  2. This is really helpful, @caliwoman . So what are you saying in a nutshell? Do you wish you’d never pursued your bi feelings? Or gotten divorced before you did? Explored without telling him? Accepted him not wanting you to explore? There is definitely no perfect way to do this. It sounds like you did everything the best possible way you could at the time. You can’t ask more than that of yourself.
  3. My thoughts exactly. We’re all here to try to support each other and make our lives work with kindness and consideration for everyone involved. @SheRah, you seem angry more than concerned.
  4. 63395

    A random discussion

    My dad told my kids that women are gay either because they were sexually abused or their hormones are haywire. My daughter was 10 at the time and told him how incorrect that information is. Needless to to say they don’t know I’m bi.
  5. I don’t believe the Straight Spouse Network did any actual research. I think it’s just a figure they guessed based on their experience. My issue is that NOBODY seems to have researched this, and the SSN are living this reality, so they would have a fairly good idea.
  6. @PurpleRain, please don’t think I’m not taking your feelings seriously, or that I’m telling you what to do . I’ve been in your exact position. Only you should decide how to proceed According to the Straight Spouse Network, the odds of a mixed orientation marriage lasting more than three years after the spouse is aware is SEVEN percent. From the dozens of bi women I know, I’d say this figure is accurate. There seems to be no reliable accurate research on this topic. I feel like marriage counselors and psychologists we go to for advice are hugely ignorant and negligent in not sharing this with us. Instead we are somehow told to “be authentic” and “communicate” and everyone will be happy and okay. Im not saying that divorce is the worst possible outcome. Obviously not all marriages can or should last forever. I just think it’s something to be aware of. Do you want him to consent to you exploring a relationship with a woman? Could you imagine him eventually getting to that point? If not, I’d say don’t make this his problem. Don’t make him live in your closet. It might be the most loving thing you ever do for him.
  7. @PurpleRain, please, please please don’t rush into thinking that telling him is the best route to go. At at the very least, go onto the straight spouse network’s chat room (www.straightspouse.org) and read about what husbands really go through. Shybi is misleading, because lots of husbands are initially supportive, but when they freak out, women leave Shy’s to try to save the marriage, so you never read about it.
  8. Look at you go, @these-broken-wings(TBW), all hot and dripping with sexy confidence ! You say you want to meet a soul-sister and share this fierce attraction but do nothing physical. I could see that working.......for about five minutes. This bi “thing” overtakes our entire minds and bodies and radiates into the air around us, like it or not. It’s more powerful and thrilling and terrifying than our competent reliable little brains know how to handle Is it really a good idea to put yourself in front of that level of temptation?
  9. I struggle terribly with the selfishness aspect. I have bi friends who’ve left marriages or insisted on having a FWB. I cant help myself from thinking that is shockingly stunningly selfish even though they’ve gone about it in the kindest, most respectful way possible. Where exactly does my responsibility to others end, and my responsibility to myself start?
  10. @Brin, you are right. Many of us whine and seethe about the caregiver roles that we’ve chosen and love, and really, we’’re lucky enough to have had choices all along, even if we didn’t take them. Ive actually been pleasantly surprised that everything at home doesn’t in fact fall to pieces the second I let my supervision lapse. It takes a lot of trust to relax and be a little selfish.
  11. 63395

    Didn't see that coming

    @Jun1per01, so many of us struggle with some form of this problem....it sucks. Pay close attention to what @these-broken-wings(TBW) Is saying about wound-mates. For so many bi women, the object of our affection becomes an unrealistic goddess-like being in our minds. Does it feel like she stands in a Ray of sunshine? Does it feel like sparks fly off her around you? Humans don’t do that. Two previous partners would not be ending a relationship with this perfect creature while you stay happily married for two decades. Its so easy for our whole rainbow of emotions to zoom in to this laser focus on her. Feeling sad= missing her. Feeling horny= missing her. Feeling excited =missing her. Feeling bored, frustrated, lonely, happy..........Well that is waaaaaay too much to expect her to do for you in a real-life relationship. Look up codependency (www.coda.org) and see if you recognize yourself. I certainly did. I hope this is helpful and not just a buzzkill. I’m talking about myself as much as about you.
  12. @Baby Avocado, you were so incredibly brave to look for help. Millions of honest good women feel attracted to women. You are NOT wrong, bad or crazy. I’m in my 50’s, and if I would’ve talked to my university therapist in the 1980’s, I would have gotten the same response you did. Now that seems unimaginable. The world is changing really fast and you have many decades ahead of you. It might take some effort, but there MUST be some kind of LGBT group or community in Malaysia. You have already proven how brave you are. Look for these people to support you.
  13. I attend a local bi ladies meetup group and it’s wonderful. It’s like a real life Shy’s. I’d encourage anyone who can to start a local one. It takes a lot of commitment, but it’s really important. Unforunately, I’ve heard about married (to men) women being asked “Why are you here?” At lesbian meetups. It can get awkward. Just like in general society, many many people find open relationships weird or shocking or immoral.
  14. There are many husbands (probably most husbands) that can’t handle having a bi wife. It’s not what he signed up for when he married you This is why I’ve decided to never tell mine about my same sex attractions He’s not crazy for worrying that you’ll leave him for a woman. It happens all the time. It means he loves you and wants to stay with you. I do hope you can work it out in time. There are couples who do work it out.
  15. Hey there, Florida gal, where are you located?

    1. 63395


      Hi there. I’m in central Florida. Where do you live.I’m in a meetup group for bi women here.  Is there one where you live. Look on www.meetup.com.  It’s like a real life Shys and I’ve made some wonderful friends.