Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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63395 last won the day on March 27 2017

63395 had the most liked content!

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About 63395

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  • Birthday 01/05/1968

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    Anything outdoors, yoga,running, quilting, sewing.
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  1. I hate to be negative, @Gemini82, but he needs your relationship with a lady to entirely revolve around him. It is a clear sign that he’s NOT okay with you having a girlfriend. I honestly don’t blame him. I wouldn’t be okay with my husband having a boyfriend. He sounds like a decent guy who wants you to be happy. Just know that being poly is not a possibility for every couple. This lies at the heart of many of our struggles with being bi.
  2. I’m sorry this didn’t work out for you. I think you wisely listened to some gut feeling you didn’t even fully understand about her, and you’ll do the same thing with the next lady. We’re not all crazy and clingy and controlling. Promise!!!
  3. Wow, @treelover123 some really kind ladies have given you great advice here. Here’s my 2cents: The LDR is bound to fizzle out once your needs are being met closer to home. You must know on some level that the new lady is a flawed average human like the rest of us. When there’s this much intense attraction, there’s even more potential for heartbreak. I’m sure some part of you recognizes that this is about complicated things going on in your own head more than about how unusually awesome she is. I think all this drama is taking up the space in your head that should be devoted to making clearheaded decisions about your marriage. (I speak from experience here) For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re selfish, I think you’re struggling like you’ve never struggled in your life.
  4. Check out the straight spouse network chat rooms for guys’ real perspectives. I sense that you are well aware that just because you are communicating and have his consent doesn’t mean “everything will go fine”. Good luck. This is an exciting time in your life.
  5. Welcome, @Scorpio1102 . You will find loads of useful information here on Shybi. Many of us share your experience of suddenly unexpectedly being powerfully attracted to a particular woman or women in general. Its thrilling and exciting and terrifying and confusing and distracting all at once. Consider yourself really lucky that your husband is on board.... many aren’t. I can sense that you are hesitant so you probably realize it’s a really tricky road ahead when “theory” becomes “reality”. Good luck.
  6. You didn't ask for these attractions to women!!! You do NOT have to feel guilty. You are NOT a bad person. Guilt makes you feel isolated and "crazy" and distracted. It messes with your health. It took me years to figure that out but I feel much better now.
  7. I spent years feeling guilty. I think as women we are guilted into all sorts of situations we didn't truly choose, and the ferocity of our attraction for women is our whole body's way of rebelling. You didn't ask for this. If you could figure out how to make it go away you probably would. You have every right to feel how you feel and in an ideal world you'd be taken seriously. @Amethyst753 is correct. It's seldom possible to find a solution that works for everyone involved . Think in terms of what you can reasonably live with.
  8. Welcome @Trinity74 . Many ladies here are in exactly the same situation as you. You will learn a lot from Shybi. You are correct, you WILL be cheating if it's just you with a woman because he'd see it as cheating. IMO, your husband is not at all "fine with it", and I can't say I blame him. He's fine with a double dose of everything he enjoys about sex with a woman. He's not okay with you wanting sexual fulfillment elsewhere. Keep reading.... many women do work out arrangements with their husbands with varying degrees of success. Many decide to separate. Many cheat. Many keep their attractions to women as a fantasy they never act on.
  9. I feel your pain, @Lovely29 . Your whole being is obsessively craving something that he absolutely cannot give you. It doesn't make logical sense, it's not fair and you certainly didn't ask for it. Like me, I think you sense that having open conversations about it will make matters worse, not better for everyone involved. Our choices are to leave, to cheat, or to live in this frustrating state. Only you can decide which you can live with.
  10. Personally,, I think anyone of us wives is totally kidding ourselves if we expect our husband to truly be okay with us wanting or having a girlfriend. Why would he be okay with that? Sure, he'll do what it takes to try and make the marriage work, but he's really waiting for this "phase" or "curiosity" to get over with and for us to get "back to normal". He's telling himself it's manly and hot and he'll be the envy of his friends when he gets his reward for his tolerance i.e. a threesome. It's kindest(but not easiest) to not make this his problem, even if you choose to end the marriage. The less he knows the better for everyone involved. There's a reason women all over the world have kept their bi feelings secret for millennia.
  11. Life is too short for regrets. Every decision I've made was the best decision based on the position I was in and the understanding I had at the time.
  12. This issue really is the crux of our issue with being bi for many of us. I don't believe sexual desire is something that can be faked or manufactured, no matter how much effort, reading and therapy we put into it. At a certain point it's either there or it isn't. I also think that the idea (or the reality) of a new different "forbidden" taboo partner is always going to be more appealing than the imperfections of our real life everyday partners. I wish I had some advice or solutions, but I don't. I do know several bi women who told their husbands they just can't have sex with them anymore, only to unexpectedly be having awesome sex with other men as well as women after they separated. Maybe be its a sign that the marriage isn't working in general. Maybe we're just expecting too much from one perfectly great guy.
  13. OMG, @SophiaG, re-read what you just wrote. However you choose to label this, it sounds horrible to have lived through. I'm so glad you have taken the brave step to cut off contact If you ever see these patterns replaying in another relationship, I'm sure you'd get out fast. Only accept a relationship where you can be yourself, disagree, and still know that you are loved and respected.
  14. I think many of us can relate, although I'm just telling you my opinion, @Lookingformyself2014 On the one hand, it's this unexpected thrilling badass sexy alive feeling you possibly haven't felt in years (maybe ever). On on the other hand, it's powerful, terrifying, distracting, frustrating and intensely lonely. Amid all this craziness, you're supposed to go on with everyday life as if absolutely nothing is happening to you I'm actually really surprised that this phenomenon isn't somehow a known "syndrome" with an actual name that you can tell a therapist or a friend about, and they'd get it. When I went to a psychologist about it myself, I could tell she had no idea what I was talking about. She just said "so you're gay, then". So....what to do .... Know that it does calm down (but doesn't disappear) with time. I'm talking years, not days. It becomes a "new normal." Google "dealing with sexual frustration". Millions of people around the world have to do that, so there's lots of useful insightful information out there. Be kind to yourself. You didn't ask for this. Mentally and spiritually berating yourself doesn't help anyone. I hope that helps
  15. I'm surprised nobody else has the same reaction as you, @Bruna_V , or they're not prepared to 'fess up to it. I know a lot of bi women married to men, and its almost never possible to make it all work out lone term to the satisfaction of both parties. Everyone tries very hard and makes uncomfortable compromises and communicates constantly.... until it's just too much for someone to accept. Realistically, our choices are divorce, monogamy or cheating and only we ourselves can figure out which one we can live with.