Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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63395 last won the day on March 27 2017

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About 63395

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  • Birthday 01/05/1968

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  1. Welcome, @Scorpio1102 . You will find loads of useful information here on Shybi. Many of us share your experience of suddenly unexpectedly being powerfully attracted to a particular woman or women in general. Its thrilling and exciting and terrifying and confusing and distracting all at once. Consider yourself really lucky that your husband is on board.... many aren’t. I can sense that you are hesitant so you probably realize it’s a really tricky road ahead when “theory” becomes “reality”. Good luck.
  2. You didn't ask for these attractions to women!!! You do NOT have to feel guilty. You are NOT a bad person. Guilt makes you feel isolated and "crazy" and distracted. It messes with your health. It took me years to figure that out but I feel much better now.
  3. I spent years feeling guilty. I think as women we are guilted into all sorts of situations we didn't truly choose, and the ferocity of our attraction for women is our whole body's way of rebelling. You didn't ask for this. If you could figure out how to make it go away you probably would. You have every right to feel how you feel and in an ideal world you'd be taken seriously. @Amethyst753 is correct. It's seldom possible to find a solution that works for everyone involved . Think in terms of what you can reasonably live with.
  4. Welcome @Trinity74 . Many ladies here are in exactly the same situation as you. You will learn a lot from Shybi. You are correct, you WILL be cheating if it's just you with a woman because he'd see it as cheating. IMO, your husband is not at all "fine with it", and I can't say I blame him. He's fine with a double dose of everything he enjoys about sex with a woman. He's not okay with you wanting sexual fulfillment elsewhere. Keep reading.... many women do work out arrangements with their husbands with varying degrees of success. Many decide to separate. Many cheat. Many keep their attractions to women as a fantasy they never act on.
  5. I feel your pain, @Lovely29 . Your whole being is obsessively craving something that he absolutely cannot give you. It doesn't make logical sense, it's not fair and you certainly didn't ask for it. Like me, I think you sense that having open conversations about it will make matters worse, not better for everyone involved. Our choices are to leave, to cheat, or to live in this frustrating state. Only you can decide which you can live with.
  6. Personally,, I think anyone of us wives is totally kidding ourselves if we expect our husband to truly be okay with us wanting or having a girlfriend. Why would he be okay with that? Sure, he'll do what it takes to try and make the marriage work, but he's really waiting for this "phase" or "curiosity" to get over with and for us to get "back to normal". He's telling himself it's manly and hot and he'll be the envy of his friends when he gets his reward for his tolerance i.e. a threesome. It's kindest(but not easiest) to not make this his problem, even if you choose to end the marriage. The less he knows the better for everyone involved. There's a reason women all over the world have kept their bi feelings secret for millennia.
  7. Life is too short for regrets. Every decision I've made was the best decision based on the position I was in and the understanding I had at the time.
  8. This issue really is the crux of our issue with being bi for many of us. I don't believe sexual desire is something that can be faked or manufactured, no matter how much effort, reading and therapy we put into it. At a certain point it's either there or it isn't. I also think that the idea (or the reality) of a new different "forbidden" taboo partner is always going to be more appealing than the imperfections of our real life everyday partners. I wish I had some advice or solutions, but I don't. I do know several bi women who told their husbands they just can't have sex with them anymore, only to unexpectedly be having awesome sex with other men as well as women after they separated. Maybe be its a sign that the marriage isn't working in general. Maybe we're just expecting too much from one perfectly great guy.
  9. OMG, @SophiaG, re-read what you just wrote. However you choose to label this, it sounds horrible to have lived through. I'm so glad you have taken the brave step to cut off contact If you ever see these patterns replaying in another relationship, I'm sure you'd get out fast. Only accept a relationship where you can be yourself, disagree, and still know that you are loved and respected.
  10. I think many of us can relate, although I'm just telling you my opinion, @Lookingformyself2014 On the one hand, it's this unexpected thrilling badass sexy alive feeling you possibly haven't felt in years (maybe ever). On on the other hand, it's powerful, terrifying, distracting, frustrating and intensely lonely. Amid all this craziness, you're supposed to go on with everyday life as if absolutely nothing is happening to you I'm actually really surprised that this phenomenon isn't somehow a known "syndrome" with an actual name that you can tell a therapist or a friend about, and they'd get it. When I went to a psychologist about it myself, I could tell she had no idea what I was talking about. She just said "so you're gay, then". So....what to do .... Know that it does calm down (but doesn't disappear) with time. I'm talking years, not days. It becomes a "new normal." Google "dealing with sexual frustration". Millions of people around the world have to do that, so there's lots of useful insightful information out there. Be kind to yourself. You didn't ask for this. Mentally and spiritually berating yourself doesn't help anyone. I hope that helps
  11. I'm surprised nobody else has the same reaction as you, @Bruna_V , or they're not prepared to 'fess up to it. I know a lot of bi women married to men, and its almost never possible to make it all work out lone term to the satisfaction of both parties. Everyone tries very hard and makes uncomfortable compromises and communicates constantly.... until it's just too much for someone to accept. Realistically, our choices are divorce, monogamy or cheating and only we ourselves can figure out which one we can live with.
  12. Well said, @ChemFem. I use this sort of information, as well as what I see among my bi friends, as justification to not tell my husband I'm bi. I have an intuitive feeling that my marriage wouldn't last if I did, and I definitely want it to. Obviously this only applies to me because everyone's marriage is different. Ive been attracted to women for five years. Overall they've been great years of marriage, and we definitely do talk about positive things. I feel like my choice has been the best decision for everyone in my family including myself.
  13. @blueberry, you are right. This seems to be an observation from the SSN (straight spouse network), not a scientific study. They encourage the straight spouse to take care of themself emotionally, financially and medically. The other online support group, MMOMW (making mixed orientation marriages work) probably has different experience, as the name suggests. Lots of SSN people seem to have started out in MMOMW I also think maybe women are more likely to divorce a gay/bi husband than men divorcing a bi wife.
  14. I came across this article which reckons only 17% of marriages last over three years after a spouse comes out as gay or bisexual. I'm in a bi group and this seems to be accurate among the ladies I know, even those with husbands who were initially fantastically supportive. I think the quality/happiness of a marriage should also be considered, not just if you end up together or not. Also, the divorce rate for heterosexual couples isn't zero, so one person being bi isn't ever the only factor in a divorce. Do do you think this is accurate? Do statistics like these even matter? According to the Straight Spouse Network, it is estimated that there are up to 2 million mixed orientation couples. According to Amity Buxton of the Straight Spouse Network, "When the gay, lesbian, or bisexual spouse comes out, a third of the couples break up immediately; another third stay together for one to two years, sorting out what to do and then divorce; the remaining third try to make their marriages work. A half of these couples divorce, while half of them (17% of the total) stay together for three or more years." The Family Pride Coalition compiled the following statistics: 20 percent of all gay men in America are in a heterosexual marriage. 50 percent of all gay men in America have fathered children. 40 percent of all lesbians in America are married to a male partner. 75 percent of all lesbians have children.
  15. This will also resonate with many of you. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/21/why-happy-people-cheat_n_7317812.html