Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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63395 last won the day on March 27

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About 63395

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  • Birthday 01/05/1968

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  1. With anything else in life, we are free to change our "labels" as we see fit. (Religion, hobbies, careers). Why do we hate labeling our sexual preference so much? I suspect it has more to do with other people's feelings and reactions than our own. Also, having sex with another woman is the LEAST heterosexual thing you can possibly do, so why the need to label it something else?
  2. Welcome, @Lexa Your story is so similar to mine. I also first became attracted to women within a month of going off long time birth control at age 46. Like you, my sex drive skyrocketed to a crazy distracting degree. It's confusing, thrilling, frustrating, lonely, sexy, confining, exciting, sad.... all at once. I've made the decision to never tell my husband how much I'm attracted to women, although I have made some gentle references to it which did NOT go well. I feel it's kinder to not make it his problem. I really recommend taking a lot of time and getting all the support you can. Wait until this all feels more normal before you make decisions.
  3. My guess is that you don't anticipate this chat going well, or it would've come up in previous conversations while you were getting to know each other. Nonetheless, everyone here is correct. He NEEDS to know this is who you are before he marries you. The idea of liking women didn't even cross my mind before I married 20 years ago. Still, it plagues me every day that I'm deceitful and not who I'm supposed to be in my own home. I WISH I had the opportunity you do now before I married. Would he still have married me anyway? Probably not, but it's still THAT important that he knows IMO. Keep up posted. We're wishing you the best.
  4. Welcome @Curvycute This is the perfect place to safely get a lot of your questions answered. Just know that you are most definitely not alone in feeling attracted to women, or in not feeling able to tell your husband about it. I think putting your longtime thoughts in writing here is a huge step. Go buy yourself flowers or something! I say order a sex toy that looks interesting to you online. It can't hurt anyone, and your husband can't really justifiably have a problem with it.
  5. @HB2017, the ONLY way we can know what we are "leaning more towards" is by who grabs our attention and who shows up in our fantasies. We've been taught to ignore and disregard and suppress this simple fact for so long that even this thread is full of reasons why it might all not be completely real. Thats not to say we aren't fluid creatures whose attention and fantasies drift and shift over the years.
  6. Like many of you, I have made myself crazy with this exact "which came first" question. I constantly wonder if my biness causes marital problems (sexual and otherwise) , or if my marriage causes biness. I became attracted to women "out of nowhere"at 45, and initially presumed it was because of marital issues. We've worked hard and things have improved, but the attraction to women remains just as fierce. @Cute&Curious, maybe we are looking for women, not men because we unconsciously sense that the issues we're having with our husbands would apply to all men, or most men. It's all a big juicy delicious mystery.
  7. Sorry to hijack this thread.... Thank you @Hungry and @myladylove for saying that. You are correct that we're all just trying to make the kindest choices for ourselves the people we love. I'm lucky to have made a ton of interesting supportive bi friends IRL, and it really helps to get to "be myself" around them. None of them have any tolerance for cheating and their support really helps. Dealing with the constant desire and sexual frustration is an ongoing process, but I'm at a point where I can appreciate that it's not all bad.
  8. @Confused2015, my guess is that she is pretty into you, and that you like her too. The problem is that she has to get drunk to make herself do something she isn't comfortable doing sober. I'd see how she responds if you hold her hand or something while you are both sober. Do you want a relationship with her? You don't want it to have to happen entirely under the influence of alcohol, do you?!?
  9. That's a very good point, @BiTriMama. Do NOT get married without sorting this issue out. It's dishonest and he'd have every right to be angry about being deceived. I live with huge guilt every day for not being who I'm supposed to be and instead pretending to be someone else. When I got married 20 years ago, liking girls couldn't have been further from my mind. Still, I feel like a really shitty person because my husband doesn't deserve this.
  10. Welcome, Justme My choice is not considered the "typical" or "correct" way to deal with same-sex attractions, but it works best for me: Firstly, Don't let anyone else's advice supersede your own intuition. You know and care enormously for this man, and we don't. Personally, I've made the decision to never tell my husband I'm attracted to women, and I have never regretted this choice. I feel it's the kindest approach for him and our kids. Although he may surprise you and be accepting (or unsurprised) in the short term, I think you'd've run straight to him with this information if you anticipated it going well. This leaves you with the same three crappy options you already live with..... Separate, Cheat or Live with it. Only you can decide which is tolerable to you. I'm not convinced that making this hardship his problem as well as yours is going to help anyone. It's not easy, but I promise life goes on, and happiness is achievable.
  11. Tell us a little about yourself. (Here or on your profile) It's pretty much garenteed that many of us will be able to understand aspects of your story, and if nobody can relate, well maybe that means you are just a very unique interesting person which we can't wait to hear about either. Regarding your advanced age, I think you are imagining a bunch of confident cocky teenagers, while in fact quite a few of us get senior discount.
  12. Given the level of distress you are feeling about this, I think if you really felt like it was a good idea to ask your husband about you having a gf, you would've done it years ago. Know that it is an option to never tell him. Yes, this isn't the "correct" way to proceed, but many of us feel it's the kindest for all involved. At at least find ways to "test the waters" about his real attitudes to nonmanogamy, homosexuality and bisexuality.
  13. This is my field of expertise. Firstly, try to enjoy feeling sexy and sexual and having a fun little secret. Secondly, stay busy doing things you love with people you love. Plan events to look forward to. Thirdly, you didn't ask for this or do something wrong. Don't let it start to eat at your happiness or your self esteem. Get support from people who understand wherever you can.
  14. I can't fix anything..... I just want to add two comments. Be be incredibly grateful for the wonderful experience you got to have with her. Many people go a lifetime looking for that kind of connection and never finding it. Maybe that knowledge can lessen the pain at some future point. Secondly, I think it's almost always a totally disastrous idea to leave a functioning marriage for a brand new relationship. I think you know this deep down. Imagine the stress of lawyers, bills, upset family members, neighborhood gossip, angry exes..... That'd be the quickest way to drain what you guys have of all its magic and beauty. often, the hardest thing you have to do is also the most loving
  15. I totally agree that him insisting that your exploration centers on his desires is unsettling and odd. At the same time, I'm sure he feels completely unsettled by your "odd" thought of enjoying sex without his involvement. I don't think that's childish. I think it's what he expected getting into the relationship. Just as you are being honest and authentic expressing your needs and desires, he's being open about his. That's only fair, even if it's horribly inconvenient. I wish I could offer some magical solution, but in all honesty, there are many relationships (maybe most relationships) where being poly isn't a workable option.