Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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63395 last won the day on March 27 2017

63395 had the most liked content!

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About 63395

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  • Birthday 01/05/1968

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  1. @zzz_girl, this is my field of expertise. Lol I totally relate to you feeling like your head and your desires are in conflict with each other. Its a problem to be managed day to day, not something that has a magical solution. ....and every human being is managing a few unsolvable problems like this every day. For me, Prozac helped when it got really bad. Also, staying insanely busy keeps me out of trouble. Find people who make you happy and do fun things with them. Get a hobby or sport and get good at it. It makes me a more interesting sane person, I like to think.
  2. OMG, @SophiaG, re-read what you just wrote. However you choose to label this, it sounds horrible to have lived through. I'm so glad you have taken the brave step to cut off contact If you ever see these patterns replaying in another relationship, I'm sure you'd get out fast. Only accept a relationship where you can be yourself, disagree, and still know that you are loved and respected.
  3. I think many of us can relate, although I'm just telling you my opinion, @Lookingformyself2014 On the one hand, it's this unexpected thrilling badass sexy alive feeling you possibly haven't felt in years (maybe ever). On on the other hand, it's powerful, terrifying, distracting, frustrating and intensely lonely. Amid all this craziness, you're supposed to go on with everyday life as if absolutely nothing is happening to you I'm actually really surprised that this phenomenon isn't somehow a known "syndrome" with an actual name that you can tell a therapist or a friend about, and they'd get it. When I went to a psychologist about it myself, I could tell she had no idea what I was talking about. She just said "so you're gay, then". So....what to do .... Know that it does calm down (but doesn't disappear) with time. I'm talking years, not days. It becomes a "new normal." Google "dealing with sexual frustration". Millions of people around the world have to do that, so there's lots of useful insightful information out there. Be kind to yourself. You didn't ask for this. Mentally and spiritually berating yourself doesn't help anyone. I hope that helps
  4. I'm surprised nobody else has the same reaction as you, @Bruna_V , or they're not prepared to 'fess up to it. I know a lot of bi women married to men, and its almost never possible to make it all work out lone term to the satisfaction of both parties. Everyone tries very hard and makes uncomfortable compromises and communicates constantly.... until it's just too much for someone to accept. Realistically, our choices are divorce, monogamy or cheating and only we ourselves can figure out which one we can live with.
  5. Well said, @ChemFem. I use this sort of information, as well as what I see among my bi friends, as justification to not tell my husband I'm bi. I have an intuitive feeling that my marriage wouldn't last if I did, and I definitely want it to. Obviously this only applies to me because everyone's marriage is different. Ive been attracted to women for five years. Overall they've been great years of marriage, and we definitely do talk about positive things. I feel like my choice has been the best decision for everyone in my family including myself.
  6. @blueberry, you are right. This seems to be an observation from the SSN (straight spouse network), not a scientific study. They encourage the straight spouse to take care of themself emotionally, financially and medically. The other online support group, MMOMW (making mixed orientation marriages work) probably has different experience, as the name suggests. Lots of SSN people seem to have started out in MMOMW I also think maybe women are more likely to divorce a gay/bi husband than men divorcing a bi wife.
  7. I came across this article which reckons only 17% of marriages last over three years after a spouse comes out as gay or bisexual. I'm in a bi group and this seems to be accurate among the ladies I know, even those with husbands who were initially fantastically supportive. I think the quality/happiness of a marriage should also be considered, not just if you end up together or not. Also, the divorce rate for heterosexual couples isn't zero, so one person being bi isn't ever the only factor in a divorce. Do do you think this is accurate? Do statistics like these even matter? According to the Straight Spouse Network, it is estimated that there are up to 2 million mixed orientation couples. According to Amity Buxton of the Straight Spouse Network, "When the gay, lesbian, or bisexual spouse comes out, a third of the couples break up immediately; another third stay together for one to two years, sorting out what to do and then divorce; the remaining third try to make their marriages work. A half of these couples divorce, while half of them (17% of the total) stay together for three or more years." The Family Pride Coalition compiled the following statistics: 20 percent of all gay men in America are in a heterosexual marriage. 50 percent of all gay men in America have fathered children. 40 percent of all lesbians in America are married to a male partner. 75 percent of all lesbians have children.
  8. This will also resonate with many of you. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/21/why-happy-people-cheat_n_7317812.html
  9. I really recommend this talk of hers about infidelity even if infidelity isn't an issue for you. https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved
  10. I read that book, @ChemFem. The title kinda explains everything!! She's very good at describing the problem, but doesn't offer any solutions. In an interview she said wanting solutions is " too American" and we should learn to live with the paradox. What IS hugely refreshing (as @HelloToYou pointed out) is that she doesn't keep repeating that unhelpful conventional advice about " spend more time together and light some candles/ go on a date ". Personally, I think this is the crux of our craving to act on our attraction to women for many of us. We need to feel visible and liked and appreciated and exciting. Our husbands needs are so often so opposite to ours.
  11. I wish I had answers for you, @Emeliac..... I fail to really see how this isn't inevitable in any long term relationship. We look to our partners for so much that they're bound come up short..... Attention, entertainment, excitement, sexual fulfillment, advice, understanding..... That's in addition to the mundane but exhausting bread winning, parenting, organizing and chores of everyday life. How DO you go about asking the exhausted perfectly decent person who is giving you all this for some intangible missing extra piece? I'm working on seeing what I already have as a good thing, meeting my own needs, and reining in my expectations.
  12. This is precisely why I've chosen to not tell my husband I'm bi. It's not the "correct" thing to do, but in my case I feel like it's the kindest to everyone involved. I 100% relate to you feeling completely miserable. If there was a pill to make me straight, I'd take two just to be sure.
  13. I'm so sorry you are going through this, @Bea10. Of COURSE you are craving the attention of a kind sweet woman who you can feel relaxed with and experience some fun and levity. How did he find out that you are attracted to women? I'm sure you foresaw it not going over well. This is the most extreme reaction I've ever heard of from a husband finding out his wife did nothing more than get close to someone and have a relationship in her TEENS. It's almost bizarre and it's definitely worrying as well as highly manipulative. He needs to be under intense immediate medical treatment, for his own sake as well as your families. I'm thinking of you. I don't know how you are parenting and coping with all this!!
  14. So much has happened. Someone should make a movie.
  15. I caused a car accident, taught another human being to drive, and learned to use those dials on top of a camera for the first time. How 'bout y'all??