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Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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About KittiKat

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  • Birthday August 11

Profile Information

  • Music
    80's and 90's stuff
  • Location
  • Interests
    I am a married bisexual mother of 2 in Perth. I struggle to balance my life with my identity and am looking to chat to other Perth women in similar circumstances. I would love to catch up for a meal and a chat, go to the movies, shopping or a salon or whatever, which pretty much covers my interests too I guess!
  • Signature Fragrance
    Britney Spears Midnight (I know!! lol)
  • Favourite Book
    Orelia Speaks
  • Favourite TV Show
    Big Bang Theory
  • Favourite Film
    Ever After

Recent Profile Visitors

  1. Carla, Have you posted about this friend before? I suspect you have. From everything I have read, I wonder if you are misinterpreting this situation? It would be normal for both of you to question your feelings for each other when you have become so close and tactile, so quickly. However, you seem to be missing the point that your friend says she does not believe she has feelings for you further than that. I think you mentioned in a previous post that your friend has made various excuses pertaining to your current situation, and you say here that she didn't say much when you confessed feelings for her. This does not sound like the actions of someone who wants to proceed with you in a romantic manner. Perhaps your friend is trying to tell you gently that she is not attracted to you in that way, regardless of if she has been attracted to other women before or not. Your friend continues to be close with you - maybe she doesn't want anything to change between you and could be trying to show you that she is still comfortable with you physically and trusts you regardless of your feelings. It will be up to you to decide if you can handle this or if it will only make you want her more and be hurtful to you. If so, you will need to be the one to set clearer boundaries and move away from those physical touches etc.... (Of course, I KNOW you don't want to do that.) We could easily speculate that your friend is scared to explore things with you because of your situation, because she is scared of her feelings for a woman, or because she wishes to protect the friendship... but it is a waste of your emotional energy. She has told you she does not want to be romantic with you, so you must accept that regardless of her reasons and protect your heart from further hurt. That way you cannot be disappointed although might one day be pleasantly surprised! It is perfectly natural to want to look for signs that make you believe she does reciprocate your feelings. Be careful this does not turn into Limerence! At the end of the day you have told her you have feelings for her that you would be interested in exploring. If she wants to, now or in the future, she will. Maybe she just enjoys feeling powerful or enjoys the attention? Beware that people like this are dedicated dancers.... you step forwards, and they step back... you step back and they step forward. While this creates the illusion of a push and pull tension filled dynamic, ultimately they are always maintaining control and a certain amount of space between the 2 of you. I am not saying this IS definitely your friend, just to be mindful of this type of dynamic moving forward. My advice to you is to continue to enjoy this friendship and just see what happens. Maybe you will, maybe you wont... The anticipation is half the fun. We could all tell you that you are right to question this (I know I would) but that does not change your friend's answer at the end of the day, you know? I'M sorry. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear. Maybe you will prove me wrong in the future. Hehe ;) Keep Smiling and keep us posted! <3 Kat x
  2. KittiKat

    Did you ever think you were gay/lesbian?

    Yes. I got engaged to a man at 18.... I didn't want to sleep with him. So I came out as a lesbian early in life, and lived with my girlfriend happily for years after the broken engagement. Like many people above me have said, I didn't really know bisexual was a real thing. I'd heard of it but assumed it was what people said when they couldn't accept that they were gay. Interestingly I had had crushes on a few males at the time, but the attraction to females was stronger. Or was it? Perhaps it just got my attention because it wasn't meant to be there? Lol It wasn't until I was in my mid 20's that I rediscovered men. I found myself pregnant and when I found out I was having a boy I decided to give him a traditional upbringing with a man. My husband knew I considered myself gay but insisted I must be bisexual, as we enjoy a healthy sex life. I do have stronger tendencies towards women, physically and romantically, so perhaps I am more homoflexible, demisexual. All I know is I am not heterosexual and that is enough for me! <3 x
  3. KittiKat

    Curious to know where you are all from!

    Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi! Perth, Western Australia Scottish heritage <3 x
  4. KittiKat

    Needing Advice and Support

    Interesting topic. For us, we seek a girlfriend that we share also. We date her, take her out, talk with her and enjoy her together and alone. As in he spends alone time with her too. I am ok with this. However so far while hubby has been comfortable with me being alone with her romantically, sexually he still had all these rules that got in the way and basically meant he had to be there. This wasn't enough for me. I think it is possible, and we will keep trying, slowly adjusting as we go along, but I do wonder if he will ever give me the freedom I desire to be alone with a woman and share loving intimate connections with her, or if he will always feel that is cheating. I hope not, but hopefully, with the right person it will work out..... Remember it won't just be one conversation it will be many and you won't meet someone straight away and the person you meet will have wants and needs that are to be considered too. It's a process. Good luck! Keep us posted! x
  5. @dirtyshirt84 Yes, I have been with women. I experimented with a girl in high school, then actually came out as a lesbian and had a 7-year live-in relationship with a woman I am lucky enough to still call a close friend to this day. I only "discovered" men later in life, mid 20's and started experimenting with them then. I was actually seeing a man and a woman at one time (separately, they knew of each other but did not know one another) and that was a happy time. Then I fell pregnant with my son and both those entanglements ended. I met my husband and thought I had put my lesbianism to rest. I was, of course, wrong, and after around 5 years came to the realization that I could not ignore this any longer. It was my liaison with one of the women listed above that awoke these desires again, and after much talking and negotiation with my husband, we agreed to share a girlfriend. (Not ideal, but a compromise for us both.) We have had 3 relationships so far, only 2 were significant. One lasted 6 months and the other a year, but neither situation was ideal. I believe in the concept, we continue to look and I hope one day we will find the right person for us to work as a triad. I am not in the closet, most people who know me know I am not straight. That said, I don't shout it from the rooftops either. (Although I do flirt with most women! It wouldn't be hard to guess! Lol) I can't be close to people who don't know, however, for example, my parents don't know we take on girlfriends! I don't think they would be surprised though, honestly! Lol And if we met someone we were serious enough about, I would tell people. I write an anonymous friendship blog in which I am very open about my sexuality, as I believe it does impact my friendships. It's anonymous because I don't want people looking me up, seeing me online looking for a girlfriend with my hubby and questioning me about it. Not because it is private but because it is not what I am trying to talk about. I am considering a new blog called playing with poly for talking about this issue particularly. That will also be anonymous because I wish to keep the 2 subjects separate. But again most people who know me know it is my writing! I feel like I did things backward. Most people come out as bi, then gay. I did gay first then confused people. But I still feel more "Homoflexible" and homoromantic, terms this site has helped me learn! PS I don't hide this from my kids. They know my ex-girlfriend and know we used to live together as more than friends. They have seen me kissing and holding hands with the girlfriends we have had. I mean I don't throw it in their face, they don't see anything they should not see, but I talk to them about girls being with girls and boys being with boys and that it's all ok. My son seems pretty straight at this stage, but I am almost certain my daughter isn't. Time will tell, but I think being open with them will help them be more open with themselves and others and show them to live their lives their way and there is more than one way to have a relationship.
  6. @dirtyshirt84 I'm really glad this has helped you accept your sexuality then. You're probably right that she had these types of relationships with other people too. I can relate to what you say about being in a relationship with a man. I am also married to a man with school-aged kids, so these relationships are safe ways for me to express and play with my sexuality within the constraints of my marriage. x
  7. @dirtyshirt84 Yes, I do enjoy giving attention and you probably do too. Give to receive perhaps? I am glad someone else can relate to these almost relationships! I guess it stands to reason, if they liked the power and control (a more dominant position) that perhaps we enjoyed the lack of control, the vulnerability, and the exposing submission of sorts that comes along with these sorts of almost relationships? An exquisite form of gentle torture? One that we can both acknowledge though, is unhealthy and indeed painfully torturous, particularly when all the cards are played, moves are made and the game is over. Engaging in these relationships, I believe is a subtle yet addictive form of self harm. (well for me anyway, as this was a pattern not a once off, hopefully it's not the same for you!) <3 xx
  8. Interesting topic. I have never paid a woman for sex, and hadn't thought about it until we started watching You Me Her, where the couple hires an escort and ends up in a relationship with her. This obviously prompted the question - could I pay for sex? I don't want to really, because I want her to want me and to feel there is a strong emotional connection. I would rather pay for a lovely date and hope it went there. Lol That said, I have often joked to people when they ask me what to get me for my birthday etc.... Pay a woman to be with me. Pay her to approach me and tell me she likes me, make the moves and connect with me. Make it seem real. And listen to me when I cry that I never heard from her again, without ever telling me that you paid for it to happen. Let me always believe she actually really liked me. Maybe it's a fantasy, but I secretly hope one day someone will make it a reality. Even if it is my husband who does it for us both and plays along with it. Lol I'm strange, but I think what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me in this instance. ;P <3 x
  9. KittiKat

    Body issues

    That is sound advice for me to ponder Tuesday472. Thanks. To be clear I am not only attracted to thinner women, definitely not. A pretty face will get me every time, it just so happens that much of the time they have the accompanying bikini body to match. Actually I'd prefer a more padded frame as I agree women feel nice soft and curvy. I just think my lumps and rolls look gross, but maybe you're right and women are less visual than men. I'll keep that in mind! <3 x
  10. Hi Ladies, I wonder if any of you can relate to this. Sometimes I am way heavier, and sometimes I lose lots of weight and am quite a bit smaller. I have been both extremes. I have also had 2 children. Needless to say, regardless of my size now, my body does not look good naked. Basically it always looks fat. Naked. I feel I am relatively good at concealing this when clothed, however it makes me almost paralysed when it comes to getting naked with a woman. I have never felt this insecure about it with men, I am not too sure why. Perhaps I care less what they think. When I have been bigger and been online, significantly less people are interested, but at least it is honest. On the other hand if I look smaller I get more interest, but I am too insecure to talk to women who look like they have good bodies. I am not afraid my husband will prefer them. He probably will, I don't blame him! Lol I am so scared that the minute I remove my clothes she will lose interest. I do believe the way I dress is somehow misleading, although I am comfortable with my style generally. At this point I have added something on my profile that indicates that if a bikini body is important to them that they should keep swiping. Lol I am the only person I know who has been in threesomes yet somehow stayed clothed. I love pleasing and touching a woman, as does my husband, so this isn't inherently an issue, except that I often then reflect and feel somehow excluded from my own sexual experiences, and wonder how I would cope with a woman who actually wanted me. ( we often end up with women on the more heterosexual end of the spectrum anyway, who are not always keen to reciprocate towards me in heavily sexual ways.) I am not sure if the sexual side of this is actually a problem, or if I prefer it this way, maybe I'm a very rare femme stone? But it is a problem that my body issues prevent me from approaching women I feel are too good for me based on their body, when I know it is her place to decide what she finds attractive or not. I have one friend who has a very nice shapely body, flat stomach, gorgeous girl etc... but she self harmed for years and she is self conscious about her scars and I knew one woman who felt less womanly due to her flat chest etc.... So I know even thinner women have their insecurities too! I don't know how to get over this. I love women of all shapes and sizes. ...I believe all women are sexy.... except me? How is this possible? Anyway, I guess I am asking, do you find yourself more body self conscious with women? Or is it just me? Lol
  11. Thanks for the post. I found this quite interesting and could relate regardless of the fact that my husband knew I was not heterosexual when we started dating. He knew I had a long term live in relationship with a woman, but as I was pregnant to a man when we met he also liked to believe I was bisexual. This labeling system was a problem for us particularly as I was very attached to my identity as a lesbian and obviously that felt exclusionary to him, like our relationship was diminished by it. He insisted I was bisexual, and I still don't feel that is true as I have a strong preference for women. I should have told him I don't need a label to define who I love much sooner. I still don't know what fits except "not heterosexual." Lol I have to ask, are you posting this now because you have a girlfriend and can see things from the other side more clearly? Is she asking you for an open relationship, or are you just pondering how you might feel if she did?
  12. Hi! Your situation sounds complicated but seems to have naturally developed into something my husband and I seek, (however have found it really difficult to make a reality) with more intentional forced situations like online dating! Sounds like that is the better way to do it! Good for you! We have had relationships with women as you describe, and they have been fulfilling, and yes I do believe you can be in love with more than one person at a time. We love more than one child, parent, sibling, cousin, friend etc.... so why could we only love one partner? The idea has never fit with me personally despite that being the ways of our community/society/culture. What issues are you looking to share? Feel free to message me Kat
  13. Yes, I have some wonderful platonic friends who are friendly and demonstrative people and I love them for it, however when we have feelings that sometimes run a little deeper, it can cause us to see these things as something that they aren't, and I appreciate that these women were able to let me down with tact and grace and continue being there for me as friends. The women in the middle category, and yes there was more than one, (If you like giving attention it stands to reason you will be drawn to people who like receiving it, and vice versa) were women I still believe I had relationships with on some level. More than friends, less than lovers.... FRelationships or situationships..... At least one of them will now admit, many years later that while we are indeed friends, we are not "just friends," we are more than that somehow and will always be, but we will never be all that I had once hoped we could be either. The others, they enjoyed the fantasy and the flirtation and the attention. I think it made them feel powerful, and they really enjoyed teasing me and turning me on and then not following through. How they identify doesn't matter, at the end of the day they said I got it wrong, that they were not interested and I had to accept that. For me, the best ways to find out is to ask, because I used to spend too much time "wondering"and living fantasy unspoken relationships. I was too far invested by the time I said anything, so the rejections were painful and at times cost me friendships I did value. Failing that I don't ask how they feel. I tell them how I do, and whatever they say and do, or do NOT say and do, says it all! I didn't write this, but I can relate to it. There are certain types of not so straight women that exist, and if you are looking for them, you'll somehow know when you find them.... but it's a game nobody wins in the end. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/apr/20/staceyann-chin-straight-women-thrill-me
  14. Signs I have misread include - lots of excited contact, telling me they miss me after a few days or can't wait to see me. (because they are excited about our friendship) Complimenting me lots (because they admire my style or whatever) being quite physically demonstrative, like lots of hugging and touching (because they are affectionate people) Laughing at all my jokes (because I am funny! haha) Asking about my sexuality quite a bit (because they are curious about it) and saying I love you more than most friends. All of these things though, were not the signs I chose to hope that they were, it was just signs of the wonderful affectionate loving heterosexual friends I have who don't feel the need to treat me differently to anyone else. Signs that have messed with my mind because they seem abnormal included persistently wearing see through items around me, or wearing barely anything at all, making little jokes about how if I were a man or if they were we'd totally get it on, asking for massages, suggesting we get drunk and play spin the bottle together. Pretending to kiss me in photo's, hinting around inviting me to threesomes with them and their male partner, laying naked in bed with me and telling me it was ok to look at them, asking if I was turned on by them or found them attractive. Sitting too close, changing clothes infront of me and asking me to reassure them they were sexy, asking me to buy them lingerie or go lingerie shopping with them for "a valid opinion" .... All of these things messed with me and I allowed myself to think the ladies in question were tempted. In reality they just liked my attention. To be fair I guess I liked giving it to them too. Signs I have not misread - Someone asking me for a "playdate" (no kids) telling me all about how they got with a girl once before when they were younger, offering to have a threesome with us for my husbands birthday! Lol Play wrestling, telling me to kiss her, and confessing that she has developed feelings. Short of that, there really isn't any guarantees. And even if you are right, it doesn't always make it any less complicated or scary, each thing, fantasy vs reality has it's pro's and con's! Lol Why, what signs were you hoping to decipher?
  15. I keep promising myself I will not confess feelings, however even if I don't, when I fancy someone it is pretty obvious, it's like I can't conceal it. Lol Many times I thought all the signs were there and convinced myself she felt it too, and many times I got it wrong and the woman in question found herself rejecting me and doing what she could to remind us both that she was heterosexual. Those experiences have ranged from caring and gentle rejections, to heartless and humiliating ones, and to mind games where my feelings were exploited. Still there have been other times, where I was not wrong and opportunities would have been missed had my friend not known my feelings for her. For me, if I have feelings they know. If they choose to act on those feelings or ignore them is their choice. I am basically saying "If you want to make a move, you have a green light, I wont reject you, however you are safe, if you don't want to make a move, I wont make one either and I will respect your boundaries."