KittiKat

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
  • Content count

    300
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  • Country

    Australia

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302 Excellent

About KittiKat

  • Rank
    Multi-Orgasmic
  • Birthday August 11

Profile Information

  • Music
    80's and 90's stuff
  • Location
    Perth
  • Interests
    I am a married bisexual mother of 2 in Perth. I struggle to balance my life with my identity and am looking to chat to other Perth women in similar circumstances. I would love to catch up for a meal and a chat, go to the movies, shopping or a salon or whatever, which pretty much covers my interests too I guess!
  • Signature Fragrance
    Britney Spears Midnight (I know!! lol)
  • Favourite Book
    Orelia Speaks
  • Favourite TV Show
    Big Bang Theory
  • Favourite Film
    Ever After

Recent Profile Visitors

738 profile views
  1. I literally have no idea. Looks like if we want to meet other women - we have to arrange to meet each other. I'd love that... is anybody else keen? Shall we just suggest a time and place and see who shows up? Like at a Dome Cafe or something?
  2. Hi Bi-the-ocean I appreciate the advice. I did find one friend who is also not straight and she has improved my life considerably just by "getting it." I feel less isolated and misunderstood and wrong and ashamed of my feelings when I have someone who relates. She is actually planning to introduce me to her other lesbian friend soon and I am very much looking forward to this. I agree that more of "my people" are in order. More than the advice, I appreciate you reaching out to understand. Thank you. xx
  3. Hi Ladies, I know this post wont be relevant to most of you, being that I am in OZ and it is summer time here while you are all rugged up for a white christmas and new years. I always struggle with my longings for women in summer. So many short skirts, dresses, shorts, tight clothes, braless breasts in summer dresses. I hate that it makes me sound like such a pervert that I notice these things, but alas I can not change that I am very much attracted to the female form. Right now in my life there is nowhere to place these longings. While we do continue our search for a girlfriend, there are so few women actually interested in dating a couple. We have started visiting strip clubs, not to pick up women, but as a way for me to express and experience my sexuality outside of a girlfriend. I do enjoy these visits, and the women there do a convincing job of flirting with me although I know they get paid to do this. Lol While I enjoy it, I am not sure if it helps or hinders me in calming my longing down. I am trying not to blame myself for the lack of interest from women, not to take the consistent rejection personally and harm myself with it, so this seems as good a space as any to at least express that I don't understand and I wish women were attracted to me the way I am to them. I have tried very hard to stop my addiction to crushing on straight women, but as summer approaches I once again find myself lusting over them and longing for physical intimacies with my friends as they bare their skin. I struggle so much with this longing. I read somewhere that grief is just love with no place to go. Well that sums up how I feel so accurately. I have this love, affection and desire for women with nowhere to put it. Sometimes I feel I would give my life to feel the soft swell of a woman's breasts in my hands, to taste the sweetness of her lips, run my fingers through her hair, feel her fingers intertwined with mine, or just gaze into her eyes. On the one hand I will probably never give up the hope that this could be a reality for me, and will continue to chase my dreams. On the other hand I wonder if I would be happier if I gave up. Maybe it is the hope that crushes me, you know? Crushes. Lol Such an accurate term, Interestingly I would have said I am much happier this year than I was last year, despite the fact that last year I was thinner and we did infact have a girlfriend. I suppose I must be feeling lonely. If I felt I had a best friend I could talk to about this I would be talking to her right now. Unfortunately while I have friends, I don't feel closely connected to any of them right now. Which bares the question -- is it a girl friend or a best friend I seek? Maybe it is an impossible fantasy, but what I seek is for one person to be both things. Anyway, the point of this post is just to express my frustration that I am surrounded by the things that I want and can not have. It seems so cruel and unfair. Added to that I don't feel I have anywhere to express this grief I feel without people labelling me as greedy because I already have so much happiness in my life. Alternatively people are fast to point out that it is my couple status that holds me back. I don't know how pointing out the obvious is supposed to make me feel better. I just want someone to hug me and tell me they understand that my heart hurts because I can't find the things that I long for. I want someone to tell me they understand why summer is triggering for me and how hard it is. I want someone, a female someone, to love me back. I don't think that is so hard to understand. I want to enjoy my sexuality not feel trapped and isolated by it. Tell me someone here understands? Please? Sigh. Kat xx
  4. Hi Ladies, I know this post wont be relevant to most of you, being that I am in OZ and it is summer time here while you are all rugged up for a white christmas and new years. I always struggle with my longings for women in summer. So many short skirts, dresses, shorts, tight clothes, braless breasts in summer dresses. I hate that it makes me sound like such a pervert that I notice these things, but alas I can not change that I am very much attracted to the female form. Right now in my life there is nowhere to place these longings. While we do continue our search for a girlfriend, there are so few women actually interested in dating a couple. We have started visiting strip clubs, not to pick up women, but as a way for me to express and experience my sexuality outside of a girlfriend. I do enjoy these visits, and the women there do a convincing job of flirting with me although I know they get paid to do this. Lol While I enjoy it, I am not sure if it helps or hinders me in calming my longing down. I am trying not to blame myself for the lack of interest from women, not to take the consistent rejection personally and harm myself with it, so this seems as good a space as any to at least express that I don't understand and I wish women were attracted to me the way I am to them. I have tried very hard to stop my addiction to crushing on straight women, but as summer approaches I once again find myself lusting over them and longing for physical intimacies with my friends as they bare their skin. I struggle so much with this longing. I read somewhere that grief is just love with no place to go. Well that sums up how I feel so accurately. I have this love, affection and desire for women with nowhere to put it. Sometimes I feel I would give my life to feel the soft swell of a woman's breasts in my hands, to taste the sweetness of her lips, run my fingers through her hair, feel her fingers intertwined with mine, or just gaze into her eyes. On the one hand I will probably never give up the hope that this could be a reality for me, and will continue to chase my dreams. On the other hand I wonder if I would be happier if I gave up. Maybe it is the hope that crushes me, you know? Crushes. Lol Such an accurate term, Interestingly I would have said I am much happier this year than I was last year, despite the fact that last year I was thinner and we did infact have a girlfriend. I suppose I must be feeling lonely. If I felt I had a best friend I could talk to about this I would be talking to her right now. Unfortunately while I have friends, I don't feel closely connected to any of them right now. Which bares the question -- is it a girl friend or a best friend I seek? Maybe it is an impossible fantasy, but what I seek is for one person to be both things. Anyway, the point of this post is just to express my frustration that I am surrounded by the things that I want and can not have. It seems so cruel and unfair. Added to that I don't feel I have anywhere to express this grief I feel without people labelling me as greedy because I already have so much happiness in my life. Alternatively people are fast to point out that it is my couple status that holds me back. I don't know how pointing out the obvious is supposed to make me feel better. I just want someone to hug me and tell me they understand that my heart hurts because I can't find the things that I long for. I want someone to tell me they understand why summer is triggering for me and how hard it is. I want someone, a female someone, to love me back. I don't think that is so hard to understand. I want to enjoy my sexuality not feel trapped and isolated by it. Tell me someone here understands? Please? Sigh. Kat xx
  5. I love this. I have been there too. Hoping like hell that they will reach out to you, care enough, keep trying, whilst also knowing it is too hard to keep going the way you have been and that you can not keep in contact. Dreading the silence, and dreading the contact. It gets easier, and no contact is usually the best way. I'm sorry you are going through this. Thanks for sharing x
  6. Ladies, I know many of my own posts, and many of yours, have been around the topic of friendships. As if this particular breed of relationship wasn't complicated enough, we go and add sexuality, crushes, love, lust and heartbreak to the mix too. Sometimes our sexuality is relevant to the issues we face and sometimes it isn't, but it is a topic worth discussion either way. Check out this new website/blog about it written by a bisexual (well "not exclusively heterosexual" anyway) married mother. As fellow bisexual bloggers, lets show our support! xx http://www.bestfriendsfornever.com.au/confessions/2016/9/18/a-little-bit-about-your-anonymous-author
  7. Welcome Lorelai! The more Perthians the better I say x
  8. Hello, It's been a while since I've written and judging by the titles of my blogs they were mostly about Teacher. I wish I could tell you I was over her. It's been over a year since we had any meaningful personal contact, although it is comforting in a way to at least say we have moved past the tense silence to being able to exchange a pleasant hello when we pass at school. Still there is a part of me that longs for her to reach out and ask me for more. And that is the reason I don't reach out myself, because I still essentially long for something she can not give me. Love. There is an emptiness that comes with this level of acceptance. The emptiness and quiet scare me. I went on dating sites to fill the silence with noise, and I met a woman who would become an important friend to me. She is a lesbian woman, so can not fill the need in my life for a girlfriend that I share with my husband. Things did get a bit confusing when she tried to kiss me last year, and I had to turn her down. I would only hurt her by not choosing her. We remain friends. Sometimes I think she wants more from me and I am wary because I don't want to hurt her the way Teacher hurt me. Other times I want to slap my ego for even entertaining the idea that she likes me when she seems to have an endless supply of women coming and going from her life. I am not sure if I blogged about it, but I did the unthinkable and fell for my platonic best friend. Things have never been the same since and I mostly feel like we are not even friends any more. I am lost without her. I wanted to end it and leave her because it is so different with us now. We never really talk and when we do, she doesn't give me the time I need. I feel like I annoy her. But when I tried to leave she begged me to stay. So I stay and I endure watching her move away from me emotionally and I try to find other people to talk to. None of them understand me like she did. Making me stay and letting me go slowly is clearly my punishment for falling for her. Sometimes she still gives me butterflies although she does try really hard not to, you can tell. I know that comes from a place of kindness, not wanting to encourage my feelings for her. And usually I don't have those feelings for her now, just occasionally she will smile at me and I feel a connectedness that makes my heart fill with love for this woman and I feel it everywhere! It's probably just a longing for what we had before. She encouraged me on the sites, and eventually I met Nurse. Nurse was so pretty and I couldn't believe she would even consider dating us. We chatted online for a while and she agreed to meet us. She was still at uni, and was on her Prac, so she said she would meet us when that finished. It seems like a reasonable request. I didn't know this person and I had no expectations. In hindsight, her waiting to meet us was indicative of the level of priority we would meet in her life. I should have realised then that her level of excitement was not going to match my own. We met her and we dated her and although it was lovely, something was missing. When she kissed me I felt like she was "letting me" a feeing I have had before from straight women. I asked her if she was straight and she was angry. Her words always said she was just as excited about me as I am about her, but her actions were lacking. It bugged me. It got to the point that she hadn't seen us for 3 weeks. She is only a 20 minute drive from us and she has a car. She was meant to come over for my husband's birthday, but she had to work. Apparently. It was going to be the only time we had seen her in 3 weeks, and the last time we would see her for a few more as she agreed to go on a trip with her friend. This upset me because she could afford to take 2 weeks off work unpaid to go on this trip, but could not say no to one shift for us. I haven't spoken to her since. It's not officially over as she is still away, but if she makes contact when she returns I will end it. This will be hard because I know there will be a long wait before we meet someone else. Also she will tell me what I want to hear, but her actions tel the real story I must stay strong and hold onto my truth on that. Some of my friends think I am being unreasonable. That of course she needed the money, that would be extra spending money for her trip. That I can not expect to come before work and her studies. I see what they are saying. And I do not expect to come first everytime. But I think I have to come first some times. I expect to come first. I don't expect to be let down. I don't expect someone to have to reassure me that they like me and blame me for being insecure. I think if they made me feel secure I would already know that they like me. I expect that if you say you will spend time with me that you will do it. I expect that you wont want to upset me and let me down and if you do, I expect you to care. Yet these expectations seem to be where I am constantly and consistently let down. I feel like I should lower my expectations, but when I try, there is this feeling of pressure inside of me that I am trying to be ok with things that I shouldn't be ok with. It leads me to say nothing when I should say something, then I explode at the same behaviour that they thought was ok because I never said anything the first time. I just feel stuck. It hasn't worked out with Nurse, and I feel like it will never work out with anyone because perhaps I expect too much from people. I expect them to be excited about me and make me a priority, and they never do. Now I have a whole stack of gifts that I was collecting for Nurse, for Valentines and for her birthday. It makes me sad. I give too much and expect too little. Yet people keep telling me I expect too much and that I should expect nothing. But how do you do that?
  9. I am trying to ignore the little voice in my head that tells me I am setting myself up for another fall. Because you know what? Even if that is true, feeling hopeful feels better than feeling hopeless and I guess none of us have any guarantees that things we are hopeful about will eventuate the way we hope they will.... Brief recap - Hubby and I briefly dated a woman, and both developed strong feelings for her, but ultimately she left us and went back to her ex before things really even got going. Disappointed, embarrassed and hurt I declined her offer of continued friendship and cut contact. Long story short, after a bit of an extended break from her, we reconnected - only as friends. Side note. This woman identifies as heterosexual, though open. She has experimented with another lesbian friend briefly and came to the conclusion that she is not a lesbian, but she remains open to the possibilities and is a sexual and affectionate person by nature. So at first our friendship was clear and there were boundaries that I appreciated she made clear. In response to her partner's (male) discomfort at our becoming friends again, I promised her I would "behave" and did try to do that for a while. I never did tell her I no longer have feelings for her, or that I do have feelings for her, but I think I have made a few little comments that should clarify it for her. (Comments such as "well I wouldn't know what to say to your partner if he asked me if I have feelings for you, except to say that it's not relevant." Or "Well I call you this nickname because your name is so similar to the other girl's name - teacher - and I can't be in love with 2 women called this and that" ) So I think she knows that there are still feelings there for me. Anyway, she started not wearing a bra around me - I posted about this on the forums. It caused me much internal conflict, because I both loved and hated it all at once. And I decided for the greater good of our friendship I should tell her to wear a bra. It came up in conversation and I admitted to her that I "notice" when she isn't wearing one and I know she didn't want me "noticing" those sorts of things and having "feelings" towards her (awkward much! Lol) so she should probably put them away. She said she didn't mind at all that I "notice" and she was just being herself. She said I could see them if I wanted to?!! WTF?! Lol so I laughed and said I would make her show me one day when we were drinking. She smiled and said "we could play strip poker?!" and I said No fucking way (her body is amazing. Mine isn't - to say the least. If she doesn't find me attractive with clothes on, then removing them will not improve things, let me assure you. I am not being harsh on myself either - it's just an unfortunate fact) And so she said "OOOH We could play spin the bottle!!" I said "Ok, just you and me will play and you wont regret it." Then her son came in crying and that was the end of that conversation. She put on a bra and asked if that was better and appolgised for making me feel bad. "Bad" was not the word I used, nor would I have. But I didn't correct her to "turned on and frustrated" haha Then I was helping her make her bed (not pushing her down onto it and kissing her like I so wanted to do - gee I hope she doesn't read this blog! Lol ) and she said "Oh you need help" and I said "I need more help than you can give me honey" (referring to my psychological state) and she said "No, I probably could help you, if I didn't have this need for a man in my life, you know?" I reminded her that I offered her the compassionate man she seeks too, and that she didn't want it. Then I just said "Anyway, I was referring to psychological help dear" and she said "Well, that's awkward" And then I stubbed my toe on the bed leg and that changed the topic again. She has also said and done other cryptic things that make me wonder if she wants to know if she still has a shot with me and hubby. I spoke to him about it and he is keen for me to "win her back" and that actually surprised me because before that he was all like "She made her choice" and now he is all about "second chances" Lol. And I wonder if it is really me that she wants, or is open to or curious about rather, not him. And I find myself feeling hopeful that we will have an affair, of the friends with benefits nature. She has strong views about cheating and I don't think she would really consider it, but maybe she doesn't consider it cheating because we are both women? I hope so!! Lol Maybe she just wants to know if she has options and wants to hold onto the idea that we are her back up plan. She is unhappy with her partner mostly. She feels stuck with him now as she just moved into his house and has nowhere else to go. Last time they argued I was going to mention to her that she could come back, if she wanted to, but by the time I spoke to her again they had made up and she was super in love with him again. Sigh. Patience is a virtue... Teacher played with me alot, and I could feel that she was just playing. This one it feels different. She really likes me. She wants to see and talk to me everyday. She says things that make me think my affection is not unwanted or unreciprocated. But then I wonder if she just feels sorry for me and is trying to boost my self esteem by making me feel wanted from the safety of her monogamous heterosexual relationship. She has mentioned a 4 way but my husband would never participate in that. Neither would I. I dunno, but I hope something happens! I will be drinking with her at some point so I can see her boobs and play spin the bottle! I hope! Lol But even if nothing happens and she is just humoring me, I hope I never find out, because feeling like she likes me back, even if we can't act on it, is so much nicer than feeling like I have another hopeless crush on another poor unlucky straight girl. Even if I do! Lol Wish me luck Kat xx PS Regarding last blog - I did find a friend to take to the event, and the event was crap. Lol shouldn't have bothered. Also invited an acquaintance out to the outdoor cinema. Only one way to make more friends, and that is to try and make more friends. I hope it goes somewhere.
  10. Hi Ladies, I know there is an old thread or 2 asking this same question, but I wonder if any of the current members are from Perth? I know there is at least one haha, so there are at least 2 of us... I would love to meet other ladies from Perth, perhaps some of you can give me insight as to where the rest of the bisexual girls in Perth are hiding, and if not perhaps we can go on a quest to find some together? Seriously feeling pretty lonely and I can not be the only one!! Don't be shy, say hello and share your story. I love all the ladies on here, be great to connect with a few locals!! ... I can hear the crickets chirping already..... Haha xx