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About Monarchmarathoner

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    French Kisser
  • Birthday 04/22/1988

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    Show tunes, Dave Matthews Band
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    Musical theatre, running
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    Faking It, walking dead, game of thrones

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  1. So my husband and I have these friends. They have been together since college and just got married after 10 years together. We knew the dude, Jim, for a long time. My husband grew up with him and I have been friends with him since high school. Jim's wife, Annie, has been around since early college so we all have known each other for awhile. But we don't really talk about deep stuff together even though we have been friends for awhile. I would call us old friends, but not close friends. Jim's personality it pretty introverted. A little immature. He's the type to just want to spend all day with his computer. His wife is more outgoing, a little bit butch with super short hair, facial piercings. I always got a bit of a gay vibe from her. She also has a lot of lesbian friends which doesn't necessarily mean anything but I just always thought she liked chicks too. But we have never talked about it. So recently a mutual friend found Annie on Bumble. She said she was in an ethically non-monogamous relationship and she was looking for an open minded lady or couple. I'm not really surprised but at he same time I'm so curious! Mostly because I'd love for my husband to be that supportive of my sexuality. And I just want to know questions like how long has this been going on and does Jim date dudes or participate with the couples/ladies they find. I'm not at all interested in trying to get with them though. Neither is my type, my husband would never go for it, and we have known each other for too long. But I am certainly intrigued. The four of us are going to the beach together in early July and I'm curious to know if they will try anything or if they will at least open up to us about their situation. Just thought I would share! The good news is this has opened up conversation between my husband and me about it which works in my favor. Jim and Annie don't know I'm bi. Or at least I haven't told them but I do think they are at least suspicious because they drop hints from time to time.
  2. I get how it can be difficult to speak openly and freely with your husband if he's feeling some discomfort towards the situation. My husband is also uncomfortable with my bisexuality which makes me not want to talk to him about to spare his feelings and to avoid confrontation. But I know I need to be better at it. Recently I've been more casual when talking about my attraction towards women. For example we were on vacation recently in another country and I was hoping I would be able to talk him into a threesome with an anonymous girl. That didn't work out, but it did open conversation for me to comment about girls I was attracted to and see if he was also attracted. It was kind of fun but my husband has never been the guy to sit with friends and talk about hot women so it was out of his comfort zone to begin with and then even more so since I'm his wife. But it's important to talk openly and frequently to normalize it. Good luck to you girl! Keep us updated.
  3. Thank you all for the advice! So to clear things up, I'm a nurse and she's a scribe. She is going to nursing school this summer or fall so she won't work with me too much longer. I did text her to remind her about hanging out tomorrow (a non pressure "group hang" situation) and she responded after an appropriate amount of time that she wanted to but wasn't sure if she could because she may have to work late. She also called me "dude" in the text which seemed friend zoney to me. But who knows. Sparks could fly. Or they may not. Plenty of lady fishes in the sea. 😉
  4. So there's a woman who I have been pining for for a couple months. We indirectly work together so I see her a few times a week but not for an extended period of time. I'm mostly closeted. Most people assume that I am straight because I am married to a man, and I don't really correct people unless they ask. I'm not ashamed of my sexuality, but bisexuality is complicated as you know so I don't feel like telling everyone I know and having weird judgements that I'm a "lesbian in denial" or just want to screw anything that moves. So only close friends and my husband know. I'm a very friendly person and I have a knack for setting my sights on someone to befriend and then following through quite well. This works pretty well with flirtations too. However, I always kind of panic when it gets to that point of moving in the friend zone. I set my sights on this lady because im very attracted to her but I've also caught her staring at me on more than one occasion. We now talk regularly and I invited her to get drinks with me with some work friends. She took the opportunity to give me her number. But now I'm not sure how to proceed. She is dating a guy who lives elsewhere, so I could assume she's straight. But I'm just getting a vibe that she's not. The staring, she has some mannerisms, her voice drops a little lower when she's talking to me. Basically, I'm at the crossroads of making a move soon or this could just turn into friendship which isn't the end of the world but it's not what I want from her. I don't have much experience with this except the last time this happened, the girl I had my sights on came on to me very strongly which intimidated me so I didn't follow through with anything. I don't want to be rejected or outed. But I don't want to pass anything up either. What do you ladies suggest that I do?
  5. This is such a great thread of the women on here sharing their own experiences! I am also married to a man who I have been with for 10 years. I started realizing my sexuality around when I was 23 but it has really hit hard in recent years (I'm almost 29 now). About a year ago I had a make out session with a lesbian who I met and it left an impression. I told my husband and then "came out" to him which I had been thinking of doing for years. He was supportive in that he understood my internal conflict, but he has not been supportive of me exploring this. I know this seems silly since I'm relatively young, but I feel like my best days are slipping by. We are thinking of making a family soon and one thing that's holding me back is my want to be with a woman. For now, I have mild flirtations and crushes on women but I haven't acted. When/if the time comes, I'm unsure what I will do. But I haven't ruled out the possibility of having a secret affair since my husband is so closed off to the thought but it is so important to me.
  6. My husband is my best friend but our biggest issue is and has always been about sex and intimacy. Mostly his lack of interest and our different preferences. He's more than a little threatened by my bisexuality. We treat each other with repspect and have deep love for one another, but there is not as much passion as I would like. I feel like sex is a chore for him. So we don't do it much. Aside from that, we are very happy.
  7. Ok so here's a basic rundown of my life so far....I'm almost 29, been married for almost 4 years (to a man) to the only real sexual partner I've ever had. I'm also his only sexual partner. I came out almost a year ago to him as bisexual and he told me he would never be ok with the idea of me sleeping with a woman. We started marriage counseling over the summer but he was never particularly open to it. He only went to a couple sessions but we did have some breakthrough moments on our own. But he still shuts down at the idea of me sleeping with a woman. Ive done my best to "normalize" the idea as much as possible by commenting on women and if I am attracted to them. Things were going well with us for awhile. He was being attentive and understanding even though I knew I couldn't sleep with anyone else I was willing to give up that pipe dream because things have been going so well. We have discussed trying to have a baby this summer. But lately, I've gotten distracted.... I feel like we slipped back into a boring routine. Plus there's this girl. We will call her Olive. She works with me. If you've read some of my past posts, this girl is different from the other lady friend I work with who I have mentioned (that girl and I are still friends and there's an understanding that we are attracted to each other but that's as far as it will go). Olive is a scribe, so she works closely with a doctor on my unit and helps with their documentation. She's also very young. Just finished college so maybe 22? I didn't notice her much at first because our scribes all look very similar. Just brunette girls who I never need to interact with much. But have you ever noticed someone looking at you out of the corner of your eye? Yeah that's what Olive does to me. So I noticed her on that alone and started feeling those familiar butterflies when we made her contact. It was seriously like something out of a movie. Our eyes would meet. Maybe shyly smile. One of us would quickly look away. If we were both in the nurses station and I was talking to someone, she would kind of insert herself into conversation a little bit. And if I was looking somewhere and she walked by me, I would feel her eyes on me. It made me feel uneasy in a very exciting way. She's super pretty. Tall, skinny, athletic. Naturally friendly with most people so it makes it hard for me to realize if she is like this with everyone or just me. But if she works on another unit and I walk by, if she hears my voice she will whip around to get a look at me. She might just be observant or nosy or be distracted easily. But there's a part of me that thinks she's interested. I'm not sure of her sexual orientation. Also, she told me a couple days ago that she feels like she knows me from somewhere. Turns out she was a former patient of mine when I worked at an outpatient clinic. So maybe she's been looking at me so much trying to figure out where she knows me from. I just don't know. But I'm so distracted by her. I love my husband, but I'm lusting hard after Olive. I feel like trying to ignore my feelings towards women isn't working anymore. My feelings keep coming back even if they hibernate for a little while. I guess in my head if I get to the point where I realize something could actually happen with Olive, I'll talk seriously to my husband about it. Until then, I'm just going to try to keep getting to know her and get a feel for what she might be interested in with me. What do you think?
  8. Thank you all for your words of wisdom! I think you were all right about her being bad news. I still see her at work and we are work friends but we don't hang out outside of work. I'm still attracted to her but I don't have the same feelings I once did. She definitely senses this because she gives me more attention when she feels me slipping away. Sometimes we flirt a little but it's not like it was. Even after she broke up with her boyfriend I wasn't really interested.
  9. Update: I did start going to a marriage counselor. The problem is: my husband begrudgingly went twice but refuses to go now. He's supportive of me going alone though. It's so weird. He says he doesn't get anything out of it. In my sessions we decided my husband is not emotional at all (she has even wondered if he could be on the autistic spectrum) and in so many ways we have a great marriage. He doesn't want to stir the pot. In he sessions he went to we never talked about my sexuality because he was so uncomfortable the whole time. But I speak of it freely in my sessions. And I still feel like I'm learning tools to bring back to my marriage so it isn't a total loss. Since I came out to him in April he hasn't acknowledged my sexuality at all. Even when I volunteered at gay pride. I'm focusing on bringing it up casually. We were at a wedding last weekend and it somehow came up organically while we were drunk on the dance floor. He said something about how he likes my boobs and I said I like boobs too. I thought he would change the subject but he just said "really?" And I said yes and and started asking me what kind of girls I like. So I started naming celebrities. The fact that he had some interest was really encouraging. He did say something like "but you're married to me so you shouldn't be looking at other people" and I told him I'm just human. My counselor thinks the reason why he doesn't watch porn, doesn't look at other girls, etc is because he's fulfilling a husband role and trying to do what he thinks a good husband does. He's a perfectionist so he needs to be perfect at everything. But he doesn't get that he doesn't need to be so rigid. So that conversation was great but I pushed it too far when I jokingly said something about if rashida jones (his celebrity crush) was in our bedroom. That was too far from him. But I'm still encouraged!
  10. As I've mentioned before, I told my husband about my attraction to women a few months ago. His reaction was not wonderful. While he is understanding, he can't grasp the idea of me exploring my sexuality with another woman. The last time we talked about it he made it clear that he would never change his mind and he is not interested in talking about my sexuality anymore. This has obviously been very difficult for me and it has put a wedge in our marriage. However, I think my husband is a master of denying. I don't think he realizes how this has emotionally distanced us. In fact, I have said many things over the years that would clue him into my bisexuality but he never realized. Or he didn't want to. So now I feel uncomfortable talking about this with my husband which is the first time I haven't felt comfortable talking to him about something. So I decided to seek the help of a marriage counselor. I told my husband that I wanted to see a counselor because of other marriage issues we have because of his mother. Deep down I think he would admit that he knows that's not the only thing I want to talk about. I plan on seeing the counselor alone first to come up with a plan for talking to my husband about this. But I'm also afraid if I do that he might feel betrayed like we are conspiring against him. This is just delicate territory and I'm not sure how to proceed. I'd really appreciate any and all advice that you all have to offer.
  11. Something very interesting happened to me the other day. As some of you know, I've had a work crush on a girl named Ashley for awhile. Our "relationship" has only ever consisted of 30 second conversations a few times a week when I see her, but there's always been a connection between us. She's a tough shell to crack and she doesn't really talk to many people but she always greets me with a hug, smile, maybe a rib squeeze. I was getting some vibes and we exchanged numbers at one point but I kind of always just thought it would be a little crush and that would be it. Especially when she mentioned her boyfriend to me. Fast forward a couple months to now. She saw some snapchats of mine from when I was at the pool with some friends and started hounding me to invite her. The flirtations amped up too. She started hanging around the area where I work a lot more and her coworkers started making comments about how much she loves me. Maybe she is interested? So I invite her to the pool on Friday. It's an adult only pool with a bar which is awesome so I had a couple beers before she arrived. She came and it started out pretty great. I was kind of nervous and definitely wondering what kind of hang out this was. She mentioned her boyfriend early on so I kind of figured it was just a friendly hang out. No big deal so I mentioned my husband for the first time. She looked totally shocked (even though I wear a ring to work) and kind of stuttered "when did this happen?" I told her 3 years. She started asking a lot of questions about my marriage after that. I've always been an open book so I had no problem answering her. The alcohol was still flowing and I basically told her how he's the only person I've ever dated. She kept prodding like "so you've never slept with anyone else? Aren't you curious?" My gaydar was going off pretty hard at this point. I kept playing it coy like "I don't know. Maybe. There are so many things I haven't experienced." And finally she asked me flat out if I wanted to sleep with a girl. I kind of panicked and played it coy. Although I have always wanted to give her a vibe that I was interested it was nerve wracking that she was so confident that I was advancing on her. I got paranoid. When I continued my "I don't know maybe" answers she kept pushing it and I kept trying to change the subject. She was making me nervous. I wasn't sure how I was feeling about it and I have never been wth a girl. Plus I'm married to a husband who doesn't support my fluid sexuality. Also my husband was out of town and she knew it. She kept waiting for me to give her an in or some sort of confirmation that I like girls so I eventually mentioned that I made out with a lesbian a couple months ago. That's all she needed and she says "let me tell you a story." She launches into this story about how her boyfriend made some bet with her that her lesbian friend wouldn't hook up with her even if she was single. Ashley said she would. The boyfriend said if she can get laid by this girl within the month then she is free to do whatever she wants with her for the rest of the month. Few days later, Ashley makes a joke about hooking up with this girl to her boyfriend (even though she didn't actually). He got upset and thought she actually had hooked up with her so he broke up with her. They got back together a few days later. But she said in the meantime she actually did hook up with the girl and has continued to through the month and her boyfriend doesn't know. She kept saying she had 5 days left (which shouldn't have anything to do with me since I had nothing to do with this bet that I know of). Then she started pressuring me again passive aggressively like "don't you want to try?" And "it's not really cheating if you hook up with a girl." Honestly her aggressiveness made me nervous and uncomfortable. Plus I was kind of drunk. She was really touchy which felt extra sexual when we are both in bikinis and she's touching my stomach and stuff. When we were walking out there was s private area we walked through and she definitely lingered there waiting for me to give her an indication that I was interested. But I just couldn't. Or wouldn't. I don't know. Maybe I was just scared. So I kind of thought to myself as I walked to my car "maybe I'm just straight. Maybe this isn't for me. This was my opportunity and I let it go deliberately." But when I got to my car I realized I was super super wet about it. Like wetter than I've been in a long time. And I suddenly wondered if I made a mistake in turning her down. She also called me like right then but only let it ring for a few seconds before hanging up. Then she texted me about how much fun she had. I haven't really talked to her since. Just wanted to share and see if anyone else has felt this way before.
  12. So I'm a squirter but I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. I hate that it's uncontrollable and messy but I usually come much harder when I squirt. It probably happens during 5% of my orgasms but there are sometimes moves I can do that will increase the odds of it happening. So I know this is something that they simulate in porn and I think guys usually like it? My husband is just whatever about it. He isn't bothered by it but it doesn't turn him on any more than usual. Although I think he gets a certain sense of satisfaction when there's "proof" that I had a very good orgasm. I'm interested to see if you ladies squirt or if this is common or uncommon. I have very limited sexual experience when it comes to numbers of partners so I just don't know. In the lesbian world is this looked at as gross? Or hot? Or just ok? I'm thinking of sleeping with a woman for the first time and this is one of my anxieties.