Lookingformyself2014

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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    423
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    United States

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About Lookingformyself2014

  • Rank
    Multi-Orgasmic

Profile Information

  • Music
    a little bit of everything!! love me Barry Manilow among others
  • Interests
    Working on myself, reading warrior goddess training and becoming more comfortable in my own skin
  • Favourite Book
    Warrior goddess training
  • Favourite TV Show
    big bang theory, simpsons, Frasier,
  • Favourite Film
    Sound of music, burlesque, the American pie series.

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. So I have known this for awhile and lately it's like all these differences are jumping out at me- i tend to be more patient about things and my mom gets irritated with stuff so easily and she is way more narrow minded then i am. There is a lot i don't tell her, mostly because i know she either won't want to hear it or its none of her business...im starting to do my own thing for myself and we are pretty close considering i keep a lot to myself . I have to explain about why things make me anxious etc. While there are many things i get anxious about, such as getting shots, that she is fine with and blows it off as no big deal. There are times i feel really different and mainly because i think differently, don't smoke, have other interests and just am different. I have a wild imagination and love bdsm erotica and that is all stuff i know she would be against...which is one reason i don't let her play with my phone... I feel as though i have rambled, but i guess what im saying is that as i get older(im 33) the differences are very apparent...even more so cause i live at home and don't drive yet... I guess im wondering if anyone has been there and done that or has any advice?
  2. So after doing some thinking, I am realizing that the one thing I miss about what we used to have is how we were in our own little world and it occured to me i need to create that for my self. It has been years since i have talked to him and every so often, i start thinking about him and what it would be like if we were to hang out all these years later. I am realizing that one reason i miss him sometimes is because he was amazing at calming me down and we were really close. All of this i am typing is stuff that i am realizing that i need to create these things for myself. I composed a text in my phone the other night so i could get some stuff i wanted to tell him out of my head and it seemed to help, although as i was doing it, i kept thinking of more and more things to add and eventually i stopped..
  3. Thanks for the encouragement:) i hadn't thought of that, but i guess it is true. He went off to university and i was having a hard time with him leaving and he had only said he would miss me a little and we stayed in touch for awhile, but when he started dating his boyfriend and was introducing him to his family, and seeing other friends, all while being a mile down the road from me, i didn't hear from him until the night before he went back to school...That was only because he wanted to find out why i was mad at him...
  4. That is very true...i have to agree there is no going back.we tried to before and i ended it and then we talked and were good for awhile and then once again i hardly heard from him.
  5. That is very true...i have no doubt that he has moved on as he never made an attempt to talk to me after i stopped talking to him..thanks for the reminder we both have changed..that is very true and it was evident years ago..he was more into going out with his friends and doing hookah and stuff like that and that was something i was not remotely interested in..i have grown up around smokers my whole life and have no desire or interest in that kinda stuff... He recently became a deacon of the church where he lives and i thought about commenting on the video link, just something short and congratulate him, but i haven't decided yet...
  6. I do agree..this is something i have known for awhile...it has been years since i have even seen or heard from him and i find myself thinking of him a lot..
  7. So lately I have been thinking of my old best friend who i haven't seen or heard from in years and find myself thinking about from time to time. I was the one who stopped talking to him because he was making no effort to hang out with me and i guess we drifted apart after that... There had been many times I thought of him and thought of messaging him to just see if he would respond and in all those times, i stopped myself because it didnt feel right. I have timehop for Facebook and i have old statuses about him and i would delete them, but they bring back good memories because once upon a time, he was my best friend... Over the years,I have realized that our communication wasn't that good and if we talked more, we may or may not be in touch today...there was a lot of times when it was hard for me to talk to him and looking back, probably many things he didn't tell me. He and I spent a lot of time together, but probably not as much as he did with his other friends... So last night, i got curious for the first time in ages and went on his facebook and found that he moved out of state and pretty much cleaned his facebook out... It was kind of a shock and sign that he had totally moved on and had no past signs of us even knowing each other... I probably sound crazy, but it just shocked me. I know i have changed even though i still live in the same area as i did when we were friends and he has moved out and who knows half the stuff he has done? He would probably say that i haven't done much and that is his opinion...he was the first one i came out to and he was also the one who told me i can't live at home forever... So i don't know...it may be a good thing and it may be time for me to delete statuses off of my Facebook so my brain stops going there... Can i get some advice?
  8. I am definitely okay with not sharing the personal stuff with her because this morning i asked her a question and she basically went off on me saying it was stupid and all this crap and she gets frustrated too easily with me and i know she is cutting back on smoking but still...all i did was ask a question and yesterday she got pissed because i was trying to suggest someyhing she didnt want to do...its like from one day to the next, you don't know what mood she is going to be in..
  9. Sucky morning so far...went to ask my mom a question because i haven't been sleeping lately and my stomach was all screwed up and still is and she gets all pissy and says im asking a stupid question and its ridiculous and i need to figure it out for myself and im like wtf. This is the reason i don't tell her much personal stuff because she gets this way about it.... 

  10. I totally agree:)
  11. It can be tough sometimes and when we were best friends, and i would mention him, my mom always mentioned she didn't like him and what she thought about things he said and a bunch of other crap..i blogged about it and even though he didn't say anything, i think he knew from reading one of my other blogs...it got a little awkward at times... And Yes!! I love Barry Manilow!! I love can it be magic and i didn't know he based it off Chopin's prelude! Right now one of my favorite songs is 'the best seat in the house', paradise cafe and there are so many! I have 3 barry manilow playlists on my iPod and listen to him very often!
  12. I don't know about others, but I do know that when it comes to my sexuality, kinky stuff and also crushes and attractions, While i used to share some of it with family and would always end up talking about a crush etc, im finding myself keeping it to myself. Maybe its because Im not out or maybe its because I don't want to justify it all to those around me, but either way, those are things i keep to myself.. For awhile i was feeling bad because i don't share as much as i used to and now im realizing its okay not to have everyone know everything...
  13. I definitely can relate to this! When i came out, my mom blamed it on my best friend who was gay and wouldn't believe it was true. She also thought he was pressuring me into it and no amount of explaining would change her mind... That was about the time that i started keeping things like crushes and attractions to myself as it was just a source of stress...that was about 6 or so years ago and to this day, i don't feel comfortable mentioning crushes, relationships etc, to my mom... Its become one area i just don't talk about..
  14. Thank you for your kind words! There are times i feel like im living in my own little world and there are times i would think of bringing this up with my mom, but i would just end up defensive about how she wouldn't believe me and she would most likely tell me she doesn't really care its, my buisness and it just would be better to not go there right now... There are times i almost want to tell people and then i realize now is not my time and i need to accept it even more before then...
  15. Thanks for this:) you hit the nail on the head in a lot of ways here:) i especially like what you said about accepting it, acknowledging and enjoying it. I think one way its scary is that i have had fantasies before, but these are getting more involved. I do feel like im in my own world with the thoughts and i have some work to do with accepting them. I especially need to be mindful when i am working near her or know i am going to be seeing her..that is when i get nervous and clumsy.. One thing i am going to do is when she does show up in my thoughts, im going to write down what im thinking and start blogging about my fantasy...