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Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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About findtheway

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  1. I recently moved into a smaller town and started living with my girlfriend. As this is a smaller community, I am not out here. I know some gay people and they are not out. My gf mostly is (family, coworkers), but she does pay a certain price for that. Back home I was out. All of my friends know about my sexual orientation, most of my family and I was out at my jobs. Back there I have no problem talking about my gf and calling her just that, a girlfriend. But here the situation is different. The town is much smaller and some of the people I sometimes work with directly are bigoted, in more ways than one and homophobic. As my occupation is freelance oriented, I'm worried that being openly out could influence my work, job offers. Maybe I'm right, and maybe I'm not. But it's not a chance I'm willing to take. Not now, anyway. As I'm new in this community, I am getting to know people. And some are open-minded, for some I just can't say. And even to those that I know would be ok with me being with a woman, I am not ready to come out because people talk and it takes time to build trust. All of this is so frustrating. I came out fairly recently and accepted my gayness and now I am hiding it again. I feel like a hypocrite when II talk about my ex boyfriend, but my current girlfriend, a woman I share my life with, call my roommate. I know it takes time to adjust in the new environment, but it is not always easy. In some ways it feels like a step back. It is a decision I made, to move here, and now I want to make the best of it. But some words of wisdom would help.
  2. I know there is no general answer to this question, that it depends on the person. Having said that, my experiences with women are way messier than those with men. I was so brutally flirted with, and than when I showed genuine interest in hooking up, had them back out. I had a girl invite me to her room to sleep with her (more than once), she was not sober, though, and the time I was willing to accept her invitation, her friend showed up and messed my plans. And when I told her I'd like to kiss her the next evening, she was surprised, shocked even. WTF?! I even managed to hook up with the narcissistic stalkery girl. Luckily it didn't last long, I ended it in time, and there was no real damage. I know that these are my individual experiences and not the general rule, but these things never happened to me with men. I think women are so much more complicated and messy than men. I didn't have a lot of partners, neither sexual nor romantic ones. Since I came out, I dated women exclusively. I lost interest in men. Now I am single for some time now and I haven't had sex in almost six months and I am starting to miss it really hard. I even started thinking about men sexually. I think that the loneliness and too long abstinence have something to do with it. If I would find a man really attractive and have a chance to have sex with him, I wouldn't refuse it, I guess. But when a guy hits on me seriously, I am not really interested. I just find women so much more interested and attractive. I feel for women what I never did for men, neither in the range of emotions or in intensity. I said a few times, if I would know that I could feel complete with a man, I would forgo women instantly and focus on men. But I feel that I would always miss being with a woman. And I don't want to turn to men out of despair, I think that it can lead to a bad path. But women seem to be driving me crazy the way the men never did. And yet, I want a woman!