Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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FlaGrl08 last won the day on December 10 2017

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  1. Good luck! I'd hate to see you lose your girl to a guy. Hopefully, she finds a guy who is at least open to her continuing to be with you.
  2. Lots of good points, here. I totally agree about acting normally and it will all run its course. Killjoy has a habit of sabotaging her relationships. In fact, when planning Bestie's bday get together, I realized that all of the people I'd invited were people Killjoy didn't get along with, or had some previous falling-out with. I felt bad that Bestie didn't invite one particular girl because she knew Killjoy wouldn't be happy. I truly think Killjoy will eventually be mad at Bestie over something and the situation will take care of itself. I will just have to suffer in silence and continue to behave as I always have until then. I really like your suggestion about asking Bestie's opinion rather than dumping my hurt feelings on her. I'm sure I'll get an opening in a conversation with her, soon, to say something. I can even say it jokingly, "Am I imagining it, or does it seem Killjoy is jealous of how close you and I are?" I agree that talking about it (if presented correctly) will confirm my friendship with Bestie. I still feel very immature that my feelings are hurt by all of this. You'd think all this "feeling left out" stuff would end after high school, but it doesn't.
  3. It's very obnoxious. I have had one conversation with Bestie, about a year ago, about Killjoy and her behavior. Bestie acknowledged that Killjoy could be grumpy, and suggested Killjoy was jealous of our friendship. I think Bestie is superficially aware of it, but I doubt she sees even half of it. Jealousy and hurt feelings are very hard to admit. I don't want Bestie to feel like she can't have other friends without me getting jealous, and I'm afraid that's exactly what she will think if I voice my feelings.
  4. I have an issue I've struggled with for quite awhile. My feelings have been so hurt so many times, and I feel ashamed over how sensitive I am about this issue. But...my feelings are my feelings and I can't really help them. I am hoping my wise Shybi friends can offer some advice. I've had a sporadic sexual relationship with a close friend. She and I have gone through phases where we talk more and talk less, but we always end up back as close as ever. I'll call her "Bestie". There is a girl who both of us know. I'm going to call her "Killjoy". I have felt so many times like she is in competition with me for Bestie's attention and friendship. I wouldn't be surprised to find out she is attracted to Bestie, but I have no proof of that. She contacts Bestie to make plans, without including me. When we do something as a group, it's clear to me that she tries to maneuver things so I'm the odd man out. Example: All 3 of us were invited to a mutual friend's party. Bestie and I had talked about going together for a couple of weeks. 2 days before the party, Killjoy texts us to ask if we were going. I should add that Killjoy doesn't like this mutual friend, which is why we never mentioned that we were going to the party to Killjoy. We said that we were and she said she wanted to go. Killjoy then makes arrangements to go to Bestie's house before the party, under the guise that she would be nearby anyway and Killjoy figured she could just get ready there. Of course, Bestie agreed (what was she gonna say to someone basically inviting themself to her house?). On the day of the party, I didn't hear anything from either of them about whether we were riding together, meeting there, etc. Finally, I texted both of them and offered to pick them up and drive to the party. Killjoy never responded to the thread. Bestie did respond and agreed. When I got to Bestie's house, Bestie got in my car. I was super-cheerful (even though I was fuming inside), and I could tell there was some kind of odd tension. Killjoy abruptly announced that she would drive her car to the party. Bestie rode with me. Killjoy didn't stay long at the party, was mopey and boring, and left early. Bestie and I danced and laughed and had a great time. That is just one example, but all the other examples have similar themes of Killjoy's constant maneuvering to push me aside and establish herself as Bestie's bestie. I realize how silly and petty that sentence sounds, but I'm confident my instincts about Killjoy's intentions are dead-on. I should also add that Killjoy very subtly puts me down in front of Bestie. She does it under the guise of teasing me, but it's hurtful. I avoid Killjoy as much as possible. I'm not sure how much Bestie realizes how Killjoy behaves and that she's trying to place a divide between me and Bestie. I'm sure she sees some of it, but since Killjoy lavishes all kinds of attention on Bestie, I'm sure she's somewhat blinded to what Killjoy is doing to me. As I see it, there are 2 possibilities for how to handle this: 1. I can bring it up to Bestie. Pro: she will know exactly how I feel and might let Killjoy know that she's not down with leaving me out. Con: It sounds petty and high school-ish to complain about being left out. 2. I can say nothing and let things run their course with Bestie and Killjoy. Killjoy is a loner. Historically, she has burned bridges with her friends and family for most of her life. She's negative and judgmental. Bestie isn't like that, at all. I think if I stand back, Killjoy will eventually alienate Bestie, too. Or Bestie will get tired of Killjoy's negativity. Pro: I don't have to have a confrontation with anyone and Killjoy will sabotage her own friendship with Bestie. Con: I'll have a lot of hurt feelings for awhile while I get left out. Just to make one thing clear: I am confident Killjoy knows nothing of my sexual relationship with Bestie. I'm sure she senses our closeness, though. Advice would be appreciated.
  5. There's not a single thing wrong with having an increased sex drive at this point, nor is there anything wrong with your relationship with M. Sex is comfort, warmth, relief, release and intimacy. You need all of those things. I'm glad you have someone who can do that. A guilty memory I've never shared...a friend committed suicide many years ago. My boyfriend and I went to the viewing and the funeral, which were devastatingly sad. We both needed each other and we skipped the graveside service to go back to his house and have sex. We needed to feel alive, to feel human, and to step out of the terrible realm of a darkness that I could not understand. I realize that's not the same as losing your husband, but I just wanted you to know that I could relate, in some way. As for your bestie and her husband, I think you guys will get back to an intimate relationship, soon. And I agree it will likely be emotional, at first. Whether you all continue with your sexual relationship, remains to be seen. Perhaps her hub will agree to let the two of you continue alone.
  6. I'm so glad to see you're back on here! How are you doing?
  7. I completely get what you are saying. I feel like our thoughts are the same, but on opposite ends of the spectrum. I'm not really sexually attracted to women in the sense that I don't crave sex with them, even if I can recognize and appreciate that a particular person is very sexy. But I have craved sex with one particular girl. I have spent a lot of time wondering about my feelings for this one particular girl. I have wondered if my bisexuality has always been there, and I've just suppressed it...or whether it's really just this particular girl. I have had many girl crushes in my lifetime, but I can't recall having a desire to have sex with another girl. Crushes were always admiration from a distance. They were girls I did not know well. With this girl, I initially had a "girl crush" on her, when I didn't know her well. Eventually, she and I became close friends and, instead of the crush dissipating, it evolved into a burning sexual desire. The emotional intimacy fed the flames. Throw in her attraction to me, and it created a perfect storm of circumstances where sex happened. And then I was hooked. But hooked on her. Not on women, in general. I've tried chatting with other women online, but I just can't get into it. I have lots of female friends and feel zero attraction to them. Lots of friends where we share lots of emotional intimacy, but sex with them doesn't appeal to me in the slightest, even though they are beautiful. It confuses me. Is this a once-in-a-lifetime thing? Or could I possibly ever desire to be with another woman in the future?
  8. I, too, crave penetration by a penis. I loved the one double-sided dildo experience I had, don't get me wrong, but I think the desire for penile penetration ("penile" is a weird word lol) is one thing that would keep me from a long-term, monogamous relationship with a woman. I had no idea I could fall in love with a woman until it actually happened. I had no idea I was capable of it. For many of the reasons you describe, I don't think I could be satisfied in the long-term with a woman, though. But for the sex...the feelings are what made it so amazing, I think. And I felt like I connected with her in a very different, and much more intimate, way than I've ever connected with a man. It's hard to explain.
  9. Yay!!! I'm so happy for you!
  10. I'm very glad that this thread opened up dialog on this topic. As much as we are all joined together on this forum by one basic thing- our attraction to women- our experiences are all unique. Maybe it's just a stereotype that women are more emotional when it comes to sex. I haven't read any research on the topic, specifically. I know that my personal experience is that I wouldn't be at all interested in sex if I didn't have feelings for someone. For me, saying I'm "attracted" to someone is synonymous to saying I have feelings for them. I can recognize that someone is physically attractive in their appearance, and feel zero desire to touch their naked body. The actual depth of my feelings for someone I'm attracted to would vary, however. It could range from a crush to love, or anywhere in-between. The very basic question: Could you ever date/marry a woman?" evokes a lot of feelings in me. A lot of those feelings are shame and fear. I think the roots of those feelings have to do with the internalized homophobia I have as a result of various influences in my life. The truthful answer is that I don't see myself in a monogamous relationship with a woman for the world to see, if my marriage were to end. I believe I would continue dating men.
  11. I'm just curious how many of you enjoy sex with women, but you've never had romantic feelings for a woman and don't think you ever could? I've seen several people say on these message boards that they like to have sex with women, whether in a threesome or alone, but they don't have feelings for their female partners. In order to enjoy sex, I need to have an emotional attachment to them. I'm married to a man, but even if I wasn't, I don't see myself ever in a primary relationship with another woman.
  12. I like these, too. I think it's because it's so sensual and the women are able to see each other's faces.
  13. Hi I understand your hesitation to tell your hub. I managed to tell my hub by asking him hypothetically if he thought it would be cheating if I was with a woman. As luck would have it, an acquaintance's situation provided the perfect opportunity to bring it up, so it wasn't out of the blue. He told me he'd be ok with it. I hinted around that I was attracted to a friend and that I thought it might happen with her. I told him afterward and he said he was still ok with it. After things ended with her (the first time- sigh), he told me he'd be ok with me looking for a new girl. I've never looked very hard, so I haven't found anyone. If the right situation comes along, I'd be open to it. Hopefully, you are able to explore this side of yourself, more. Best of luck to you.
  14. Man= me on top. It's the easiest way for me to orgasm. Woman= I like all positions we've done, so far. Giving to her is probably my favorite.
  15. I looooove the way it feels to be totally naked with a girl who is also totally naked. That being said, kissing and slowly taking off each other's clothes, including sliding my hand down her jeans was so hot!