Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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FlaGrl08 last won the day on May 23

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  1. My suggestion is to put some space there. Historically, I haven't been great about taking my own advice. But space/distance/time are your best friends. If the feelings are there for you but not for her, you will torture yourself if you continue to hang around her.
  2. Good luck on Monday! Please keep us posted.
  3. I was not sexually abused as a child. I had crushes on boys and girls when I was growing up, so I think I have always been bisexual. I absolutely believe childhood sexual abuse has a profound impact on a person's sexual expression. I'd never discount anyone's belief that their own sexuality was influenced by childhood trauma, but my personal experience tells me that a person's sexual preferences are innate. I believe I was "born this way." I was just reading about Whitney Houston and the controversial documentary about her that came out, recently. It revealed that she was sexually abused by a female relative as a child. Apparently, as an adult, Whitney had a long-time female friend who was also her lover. Whitney was said to have struggled with whether she was bisexual because she was abused by a woman.
  4. For me, sex has to involve feelings for me to enjoy it. So, I can't be someone's "experiment". I actually posted another thread about a close friend of mine. She is the only local person (aside from my husband) who I have told about my prior sexual relationship with another female friend. She has said things that make me wonder if she's bicurious. I've gotten the impression she is sniffing around to see if I'd be down to play with her and a boyfriend. I am not interested in playing that role. At all.
  5. Sounds like you're doing a great job at moving the process along. One of the things on your list that I did, too, is made a mental list of her negative traits and reminded myself of them every time I felt nostalgic. I also have a couple of screenshots of texts she sent me that really hurt my feelings. I will read those when I'm feeling the urge to reach out to her. When she originally sent those texts, I was devastated. Now, when I read them, I think, "WTF? She's completely delusional. Of COURSE she likes girls. Duh. This chick went down on me like it was her last meal." Sorry to be graphic but her protests of not being into girls, and telling me that she didn't have feelings for me was just stupid. Her denials hurt like hell for a long time. Now, I feel disgust and lots of pity for her denial about her sexuality. That's another reason I know I've moved on. Trying to transition from sex to platonic is rough. I really hope both of you are able to make that change and to do it with a minimal amount of hurt feelings.
  6. I'm sorry she treated you that way, but I'm glad you are no longer friends with her, since her friendship wasn't healthy for you. As I've stated before, there is power in walking away. It's nice to feel that you've been able to take control of your feelings, again. You didn't deserve a friend who blows you off, and certainly not a friend who you've had a sexual relationship with. Even if you and she had an understanding that you were never going to "date", the intimacy and bond you shared entitles you to being treated with respect. In my case, there have been some changes that have nothing to do with my relationship with my friend and we don't see each other much, anymore. It was providential, really. The reduction in the amount I saw her came at the same time I was getting over her and I really think that helped the healing process for me. She and I haven't had a falling-out, or anything. In her mind, I'm sure, this distance is the natural result of the changes in our respective lives. We have lots of mutual friends, so I'm happy that this has been smooth and not obvious.
  7. If she says, "I'm attracted to you and want to play around," I would be very gentle, of course, when I tell her I'm not interested. Based on my conversations with her, I'm hoping that moment never happens. She's a good friend and I really enjoy hanging out with her.
  8. Only one local friend knows I'm bisexual. She knows about my previous relationship with another woman, and also is an acquaintance of this woman. She was the person I was able to cry to when my feelings got hurt over and over. She's beautiful and fun and we have great conversations. She's told me on many occasions that I'm sexy. That I have a classy sexiness that's difficult for her to describe. I've never taken it to be hitting on me, just the kind of thing that an admiring friend would say. One night, she got super drunk and hung on me and told me how much she loved me and slurringly said, "But not in that way." I laughed. I have zero sexual feelings for this woman. Zero. On a few different occasions, she's told me that she and a man she was dating wanted to have a threesome. We've chatted about it and moved on. Yesterday, she brought it up again. She told me her boyfriend wanted to find a third. She told me she had been looking out for a candidate and shared one person she'd considered. She was quick to tell me that she wasn't interested in having a friend be the third, as if trying to reassure me that she's not hinting around for me to volunteer. I gave her some advice and we moved onto another topic. I know her well. My gut tells me that she was, very subtly, putting out a feeler to see if I was interested. My gut is usually right. This illustrates why (among many reasons) I am silent about my sexuality. I'm not interested in being an experiment for a female friend who wants to satisfy her bucuriosity. If her queries become more pointed or direct, I'll have to tell her bluntly that I'm not interested. Have any of you experienced a friend that you've come out to fishing around to see if you'd consider them as a sexual partner?
  9. There is an amazing freedom in not giving AF. For those in the throes of unrequited or unhealthy love who just want to be "over" her, I'm here to tell you it does eventually happen.
  10. In this forum, you have a great sounding board for your feelings. Use it. While it's great that you have good friends in real life, sounds like they may be in the awkward position of being stuck in the middle since they're friends with you and her. That's a sucky place to be. Use this forum as a way to get your feelings out. There's a way to blog on here, I think. Post. Comment on others' posts. You will get lots of sympathy and advice from people who have been where you are (like me). You're right...her don't-give-AF attitude makes her immune to the heartache you're experiencing. You feel vulnerable and weak. One thing that helped me was listening to various self-help and motivational people on YouTube. I would read tons of articles about walking away from an ex and boosting self-confidence. It gets your mindset in the right place.
  11. It is perfectly normal for you to have a deep emotional attachment to someone you've had sex with. There's not a damned thing wrong with you for feeling that way. You are smarter than I was by avoiding her. I was a glutton for punishment and kept spending time around her, which was torturous. I relate so much to what you've said, here. I cannot even begin to tell you how much. I wish I could tell you there was some particular thing you could do to get over her. There isn't. I think what helped me was not seeing or talking to her as much, combined with reminding myself over and over again of her flaws and the hurtful things she said and did. Plus, the passage of time was helpful. What happened for me is that I realized I'd lost interest in her. It wasn't over night and it wasn't a sudden awareness. It was gradual. I'd think, "I haven't talked to her in awhile. Let's check and see how many days." Then I'd look at my phone and be surprised that I hadn't heard from her in a week and that I didn't miss her. I would make plans with friends of mine, who are also acquaintances of hers (I introduced her to them), and not think to invite her. It would occur to me later that perhaps I should have invited her. Then I'd move on to another thought. That will happen for you, too, I promise. One day you will realize it's been awhile since you checked your phone for a text message from her. Day by day, you will slowly take your power back and she won't dominate your thoughts. I promise you will get there. Hugs to you.
  12. Feels like I've become unchained. It's a freedom I haven't felt in a long time. Every time I thought I was getting over her, I got sucked back in. I agree that this boredom is a good thing, for now. I'm hoping it's temporary.
  13. Good luck! I hope it all works out. Crushes are very fun. They don't hit me often, but when they do, they are very exciting.
  14. I, too, had a sexual relationship with a close friend. Like another poster, I became close to her because I was attracted to her from the get-go. I won't say it ended "badly", but my feelings were very hurt along the way. I wouldn't change it, though. The feelings and attraction are what made the sex so hot. I finally accepted the bi side of myself because of her. I say you should let it happen naturally, since it sounds like that's what's happening, anyway. Keep us posted!
  15. Wow! Hot encounter. I'm so glad to hear things are going well with you and your girl. I know you went through some rough times with the former girl. Girls who play games really suck. I'm glad you've found one who knows what she wants, and wants the same as you.