Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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Ona last won the day on April 16

Ona had the most liked content!

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About Ona

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    Music, movies, books, travel (unfortunately not much time to do any of these lately, especially the last 2)

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  1. Not weird at all. This is very much how all my unreciprocated girl crushes have been. I always just wanted to spend more time with them, be close to them. The furthest my imagination ever took me was wanting to hold hands or leaning my head on their shoulder. I don’t know if it’s because it made me uncomfortable to imagine more or I was just uncomfortable with any of it myself.... but that’s all I wanted as well. But then again this is true with my relationships with guys too. I havent actually imagine them in a sexual way either. This is why I consider myself demisexual. As in I don’t really have any sexual thoughts until I get really close to someone and know they reciprocate. i have no idea if it’s due to not being comfortable or what. But it’s how i’ve functioned my whole adult life.
  2. I kinda feel bad for the ghosters. And I can only say this many years later. But I think they just don’t know how to deal with their emotions. And they end up hurting people who they obviously have some very confusing emotions towards. if you just didn’t give a crap, but have proven to be a generally polite person, why would you act that way? Why wouldn’t you try to do the polite thing if you had no emotions of your own at play. It wouldn’t cost you anything....to just say goodbye or tell the person you don’t wanna be friends anymore... or whatever. That’s only uncomfortable if you do care in some way. Otherwise it’s just another conversation.... or.... you are just not a very nice person to begin with.
  3. Aimee & Jaguar is one of my all time favorite movies! It’s so good!
  4. I had this happen in real life with someone who was a friend for about a year and a half, was intertwined with my family, hung out with all of us, came to parties where we had similar acquaintances, and hung out in similar circles, we went on a long weekend trip together, just the two of us. We texted or talked on the phone daily, hung out a couple of times a week, did a hobby together in a larger group. I told her I had feelings for her. She seemed to take it well, said all the right things, but started acting more and more distant. When I flat out called her out on it she said she needed time. I gave her 2-3 weeks and then checked up on her and she acted like I was the biggest stalker/weirdo. Have gotten one text message from her since, tellIng me her baby will be a girl and that’s it. It’s been over a year. so I know how you feel somewhat. Makes you question your sanity. Makes you question a lot of things about yourself. but in the end, it was a decision she took to act the way she did. She is the one with issues. Who knows why or what those are. All I can say is for me it sent me on a quest to find out more about myself. Including joining this site and many other things all of which has been very helpful and enlightening. It’s helped me feel much more in touch with who I am and what I want. so in that sense it was worth it! For me anyway.
  5. I relate to a lot of this. But not all. so I met up with my long distance girlfriend about 2.5 months ago also in a neutral big city and also for 4 days. It was magical. She lives on another continent and we had met once before while I was wiTh my family visiting her country on vacation. But that was different. We are also both married to men. My husband knows; hers doesnt. coming back from those 4 days together I also went through a lot of emotion. But where our stories differ is that I like my life and where I live and I don’t want to change that. I like having my cake and eating it too. ;) I like both the relationships I have. I wish our long weekends could happen more often, but I fear some of that magic might be gone if we lived together. i think my girlfriend mostly feels the same. Although she has a more bumpy relationship with her husband than I do with mine. i think for your situation you need to be clear with your girlfriend what she wants. What’s her ideal situation? What are the hurdles in the way to makIng it happen? What kind of compromise would work for both of you? Or can you compromise? I think talking to her about it would be best, because you would both need to consider what to do next. Then you can look into any changes you want to make in your life with your husband, either small or drastic... good luck!
  6. I guess in the name of all of us who have ever been in love with a friend who had sent us mixed signals and then ghosted us, be brave. Tell her something, don’t mess with her more... although I see from your writing that you are just torn and not meaning to mess with her. But she may not know that. I feel like if a friendship is really real and strong it will survive it even if she doesn’t feel the same. I have had a guy friend confess his feelings and I tried to be super gentle and let him down easy and we are still friends and I was super flattered and not weirded out at all and just worried not to make it weird for him. So it’s possible to keep friendships if they are strong. But in your case it’s possible to have a lot more. Read @TBD78 ‘s story! She had it all work out...with some bumps. It’s definitely possible
  7. I am a horrible people reader and had two crushes on close friends who I finally spilled my guts to and then lost. So take what I am about to say with a giant grain of salt. but it sounds to me like she feels about you like you do about her. She is just afraid you will take it badly. I feel like In your story I feel closer to her personality type. And the things she has said are closer to the type of things I said to my friends and kept pressing them to open up. Finally I did spill my guts and it freaked them out. So maybe she is afraid of that or has had those experiences too...I don’t know. but to me the questions she is asking are poInting to me that she knows, and that she feels the same. but again... I have been horrible in the past at reading people’s intentions so I most likely don’t know what I am talking about. what I do know is from your side, I know what it feels like to not know and feel like you are going crazy. In both cases I felt like I couldn’t keep going with status quo and HAD to say something. It also took 5 or 6 tries until I felt like I said everything I wanted to say and get all my words out. And although I lost the friendships (one completely, one kinda) I don’t think there was any other choice. The status quo was not maintainable. I would have had to either leave or stop all communication without explaining why. I am glad I got to at least say my peace. And I feel really proud of myself for being able to have those difficult conversations even though they were COMPLETELY unwelcome from the other side. They were completely necessary for my personal growth and getting me where i am today. And I am in a VERY good place today. i wish you luck!
  8. I think my current situation is fairly close to my perfect situation. And I didn’t even know it was my ideal until I embarked on it. I have a great relationship with my husband. And I have a long distance girlfriend who he knows about and is perfectly fine with. I get to see her in person about twice a year because of the vast distance between us. But I talk with her daily and she is the closest person emotionally to me. Having that strong relationship with her and knowing that she cares about me is amazing. Being able to listen to her issues and try to be supportive is also pretty great. i guess when I first started thinking about all this i.e. bisexuality and nonmonogamy, I thought the situation you described would be my ideal. But I think practically it would just be too hard to give enough attention to both people and I would be exhausted and couldn’t hold down a job on top of it or have time for my kid. So in practice it would not be so ideal, just leave me stressed. the drawback of the current situation is that obviously I don’t get to spend as much physical time with her as I would like. But we sure make up for it when we do. And it’s nice that it’s this uninterrupted time where we can just be in our own magical bubble for a few days. That also would likely not happen if she were more physically integrated into my daily life. so, yeah I would call this pretty close to ideal all things considered. Could be maybe a little more ideal if she lived less than 20 hours of flying time away
  9. Aww. I feel for you. My crushes are even worse in that they have always been on really close friends. I guess at least take solace in the fact that you maybe mess up situations which were not necessarily meant to be... I.e. they started as acquaintances and never became more. I think that’s at least safer than messing up friendships.
  10. I am super excited about your story and I hope it all works out and she is just waiting for you to make a move. But I feel like I have to tell you that it didn’t work out for me. Twice. And both times I felt I was very very close to these women. True maybe the physical things weren’t as pronounced as they seem to be in your relationship. But we were very close. My very first girl crush lived continents away and we talked and emailed daily for hours at a time and took vacations together, knew ins and outs of each other’s lives. But she freaked out when I told her how I felt. so I don’t know, it all sounds great. But it may not be. Maybe she loves the ambiguity. But maybe she would be fine with making out with you. No one can know that... hard to tell... but you will either keep going this way, or something will happen and move you closer or further apart. There is really no predicting it. so just a little word of warning from me. I would love it to work out for you but it doesn’t always, even if it seems to be heading that way...
  11. Welcome! You will read many stories like yours on here. Of course not all the details. But similar enough. it sounds like the 2 of you are even closer than my crush and I were. It sounds like this is very much mutual. But it’s unclear how she will react to having an open conversation about feelings. As I have learned some people are REALLY not into that. so I don’t know what the next step for you is, but I am guessing it will progress naturally and you will eventually have even more intense physical contact. what helped me was reading a book called “sexual fluidity” by lisa diamond. it explains the wide range of female sexuality and made me feel like what I felt was well within the studies she conducted. what also helped me was being on this forum and reading about other people’s experiences. I hope you find this place helpful too!
  12. When you start a new topic , there is an option uptop to make a poll. It's kind of fun, it limits it to only 3 questions tho.
  13. I don't know where you all find these smart people who never say or do stupid shit. Most smart people in my life do that all the time but for me its not about what they say so much as about how they view the world and how they are willing to engage in interesting conversations where I get a sense of how their brain works. anyone can say stuff that sounds smart, but it's figuring out what thought processes went into it that turns me on.
  14. Thought the ladies on here may be interested. Deals with some of the topics we discuss on here regularly
  15. Awww. That's so sweet! I relate to this a lot as I also identify as demisexual. And I guess sapiosexual too, although I never thought much about it. its so great that you were obsessed with this woman and then were rationally able to let go when you decided she was straight. I don't think it necessarily means she is straight because you can't find her online. People often try to stay anonymous online, or just browse and don't post, so there may still be hope. But good for you for letting it go and using it to grow. i unfortunately couldn't handle my crush as gracefully. But am still grateful for leading me to this site and many other realizations and just leading me on a journey that's made me more comfortable in my own skin. i will be forever grateful to her for that.