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Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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Ona last won the day on April 8

Ona had the most liked content!

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About Ona

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    Music, movies, books, travel (unfortunately not much time to do any of these lately, especially the last 2)

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  1. A couple of thoughts. Whether things would be different if x,y or z were different is kind of irrelevant. Your situation is what it is and she is at least being honest and straight forward about how she feels about the actual situation. That’s huge! I know it doesn’t feel that way now to you! But trust me that it is. She is not playing mental games with you, she is being straight forward and telling you how she feels towards the objective situation. Not some potential situation that is not your reality. I know it still hurts. A lot. But she has given you a gift by letting you know exactly where you stand. I know you do not like it. But that’s the situation. the question is what will you do with this information? When I was rejected by my crush almost exactly 3 years ago, I was devestated! It took a couple of months to kind of feel the situation out. But when she finally ghosted me in October of that year, I knew it was over. It felt like a punch to the stomach. I cried. I confided in my husband. He turned out more accepting and loving than I ever could have hoped. And then I went on a journey to figure myself out. I am still on that journey. That’s the biggest gift my crush has given me, the kick in the butt to figure out who I am and what I want. I have, in the meantime found what love from a woman can feel like, and while it’s not all smooth sailing, it has felt incredible to feel wanted and to love someone back instead of wishing she was someone she is not. It’s felt incredible to feel it at times be effortless. I now know my crush and I were just not compatible at that time. Maybe if we had met at a different time it would have worked out somehow. But maybe not. But what I have instead, a much deeper understanding of who I am and what I want and need is so much more worthwhile than anything I could have had with her. oh, and the hot, supportive girlfriend’s not too bad either ;)
  2. I think there are two good choices plus some kind of combo of the two go forward. 1. Cut down onhanging out with her. This could mean waiting longer than normal to reply to messages or turning her down when she invites you to something. This is something you are doing for your own sanity and also to gain some clarity about the situation. Right now she has invaded your mind and you can’t think of anything else. 2. Total honesty... whenever you have a feeling about her when you are with her just tell her. i didn’t really try any of these with my crush. I had trouble dealing with my feelings and held it all in until she drove me crazy with her non answers and hot and cold behavior. And then I told her, and it freaked her out. So I think either giving yourself space to not obsess or be really straightforward about obsessing might be better strategies. Or maybe she is just not the right person for you. All of this was so much easier when I found the right person! i also wonder how old your crush is. She seems kinda immature. Mine was in her early 30s but VERY immature which might have caused it to not work out.
  3. I know exactly how you feel. I don’t know that I have any wise advice to give you. But you pretty much summed up how I felt about my friend. It’s really hard when the other person doesn’t give you a completely straight answer or sends mixed signals. Lesson here is never do that to someone! It’s not cool. I now know how painful that is and I will try to always be straight forward with people. A childhood friend admitted in our late 20s that he always had a thing for me. I loved him like a brother. So I wrote a letter that basically said that, and explicitly said that I don’t like him in that way. I think he was crushed but we remained in touch for many years. I was tempted to send that to my crush after she ghosted me to show her what I would have appreciated from her. But then thought better of it good luck with your situation. I know how hard it is. Distancing yourself for a bit might not be a bad idea.
  4. What exactly are you bringing up to her?
  5. Ona

    Is this a girl crush?

    Shit! is that really what crush implies? From hanging on this website I thought it meant just a woman (or I guess any person) you have feelings for. Maybe I fucked up a friendship 3 years ago by using that specific word!
  6. Yeah don’t read too much into it. But now she knows and you know and hopefully you can keep what you had. But You are so much smarter than me putting all this in writing. ;) In my similar case, I convinced myself that it had to be said in person. And I was nervous and probably fucked it up. Good for you for being open and articulate and honest and good for her for being receptive to that! I really hope it all works out for you! Best of luck, I am pulling for you!
  7. Very cool! I am happy this worked out well for you without anyone being upset. Good for you for being direct and getting a straight forward answer from her. I am just curious what exactly you asked her that got you the answer “I don’t think so”
  8. Just another point of view here.i had amarried friend who made comments like that all the time, maybe ever more explicit...like inviting me to pride to “go be lesbians together” and calling me to tell me she just saw “pairs of awesome looking women” running together. When I finally told her I had feelings for her she was totally surprised and claimed she had no idea. It really threw her for a loop and our very close friendship did not survive.
  9. What exactly do you want to ask her? If she feels the same about you? I was in a very similar situation and I just had to know. I pushed and she said she didn’t and basically that she found me creepy and I lost a friend. Why did it go that way who knows? My situation was also different in that my friend was at least nominally straight, although she said she “believes in the Kinsey scale” and invited me to go to pride with her “to be lesbians together” and called me to tell me she kept seeing “pairs of awesome looking women running together.” She was also always the one calling me. But unlike your friend she was married to a man and maybe that had something to do with it all. I don’t know if any of this helps you. But only you know what you feel like. I was jumping out of my skin needing to know. And so I had to ask, even if it meant losing her as a friend. I never really got a super straight answer, she just ghosted me after 2 years of very close friendship.... Let’s say she does feel the same about you. What would you do want to do about it? What can you offer her? I never really had an answer to that when my crush was going on. I would know now, if course. But I didn’t then. and let’s say she doesn’t feel the same. Would you be able to stay friends? It might be hard...
  10. Does he know you are into women? Cause I think it would be different how you approach it depending on if he knows or not. If he already knows, and you think might be supportive I would tell him about the crush. If not I would first see how he feels about you having feelings for women first. Just my opinion, because it went really well for me. But there are plenty of women here who had that talk and it didn’t go well. I personally couldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who couldn’t accept me for who I am, but you gotta take into consideration what you would do if it goes badly.... good luck!
  11. Ona

    Heart beating out of chest

    Welcome! This is a wonderful site to explore and figure your self out! But you seem like you already know what you want but have to figure out how to make it happen! It is very much possible. I hope you make it happen!
  12. This was also familiar with my crush, she would mention things but not follow up sometimes leaving it hanging till the last moment. In retrospect some of this had to do with people with no kids not understanding the logistics and complications that go with having kids. I called her out on her flakiness. And this really upset her. Bottom line is you have to decide if you can live with the flakiness. I decided that flakiness in general bothers me but in someone I have strong feelings towards it gets amplified and I can’t handle it. It was also interesting that my crush acknowledged in our last conversation that ever since I told her how I feel she felt uncomfortable spending time with me. And so maybe even though she wanted to, it made her feel weird, and hence the flaking. Good luck figuring out the situation with your friend.
  13. Maybe she is just processing, or maybe she can’t deal... my lady was not openly bi but also seemed to be cool with me telling her how I feel and then disappeared... hope it works better for you . For me ... it was sad at first but then it took me on a great path of self discovery and it’s been the best thing that ever happened to me.
  14. Ona

    Not sure what I was thinking

    Sounds hard. I can totally understand not being able to keep things just friends after all your history.i wouldn’t either... not sure I have any advice really.
  15. Mine will probably be the most boring answer on here. I would go get a room in the fanciest hotel downtown and sleep for 3 days straight. Before I do that I would buy a plane ticket for my girlfriend to come visit and she would show up just as I am done catching up with sleep and then we’d catch up on things other than sleep together for the last 4 days.