Jump to content


Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

  • Country

    United States

Ona last won the day on April 8

Ona had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

709 Excellent

About Ona

  • Rank

Profile Information

  • Interests
    Music, movies, books, travel (unfortunately not much time to do any of these lately, especially the last 2)

Recent Profile Visitors

3,313 profile views
  1. Ona

    Advice... for the hubby

    I think everyone should act how they feel. No one should have to pretend. Because in the end, in my opinion, that’s a recipe for disaster. And I know other people don’t share this opinion. But I think he should be free to tell her if he feels uncomfortable with anything she is telling him and she should feel free to experiment. Of course this only works if both people are willing to listen and find compromise and are committed to being in the relationship that works for both. If either one of them is uncomfortable with that, well maybe their relationship has run its course.... As to whether it’s possible to feel desire for a man after having sex with a woman. I think it definitely is. I feel it. It feels different than my desire for a woman, for sure. But the real question is not whether it’s possible in the abstract for any woman, the real question is whether it’s possible for her. And that’s something only she knows
  2. HONY bisexual post 4-7-19 it’s about a bisexual man. But I thought it was beautiful. And somewhat relevant to what we talk about here. But the amount of bi and poly hate in the comments still took me by surprise....I forget we are on our own little warm bi bubble in here thank you bubble!
  3. Ona

    Asexual or Bi!?!

    You can be both. its not either/or. They are both different spectra. I would say I am somewhere around a 4 on the Kinsey scale (into both men and women, slightly more preference to women). And I indentify as demisexual on the asexual spectrum (can experience sexual desire if I feel very strongly emotionally attached to that person, otherwise nothing). my advice? Act on it.
  4. Ona

    Shouldn't Have Thought About It Too Long...

    A lot (most?) people are not grown ups. It really sucks! I also find that behavior a total turn off. Sorry that keeps happening to you.
  5. Ona

    I think I'm missing something

    I had a somewhat similar situation so I feel for you. What @almocado says is right on point. If she wanted to hang out she would. Further, the non answering is gonna keep driving you crazy. Even if she wants to hang out with you, but is a shitty texter (unlikely, but maybe), do you want to put up with that? Ugh! I hated that so much. And I am so glad I am out of that situation, where someone thinks they are above answering my questions, but don’t have the balls to tell me no or they are not interested... it sucks that you really like her and hoped for more... hopefully you find someone else who is as excited about you as you are about them!
  6. I relate a lot to your story as i’ve had 2 somewhat similar situations. I’ve had one where I told the girl I liked her (both single, both late 20s, never had a significant relationship with a dude or a lady), inseparable best friends living continents apart but speaking for hours daily and spending multiple vacations a year together. She freaked out. Didn’t know how to handle it. I was hurt and pulled away and didn’t want to have anything to do with her. Some attempts at communication from her a couple of times a year also at holidays . Some 2 or 3 years later she reaches out to apologize about how it all went down. But again cuts me off when I try to say something from my side. We go for years with taking turns writing curt 1-2 sentence emails at holidays and birthdays. About 9 years in I escalate it and start writing longer emails about our mutual interest but never touching on feelings or us or personal life. She reciprocates, we exchange these once every couple of months. This goes on for 2 years. Then she says she is planning a trip 2.5 hours away from where I live now. I don’t even know if she knows where I live now. And asks if I would want to meet. I say sure. Because by now my life is going really well, and my feelings for her are mostly faded and I already have a husband and a girlfriend. But she was once a good friend and we have a lot of common interests. So why not? She doesn’t respond for over a month. And then says, oh the trip is next week. I still say ok, I can make it on this and this day. Still no response until after the days I indicated had passed and she writes back says she was sick and is leaving tomorrow and can’t meet. She fucked with me. I never write back. No Christmas note from anyone. It’s been 6 months. all that to say that it’s hard! We are all only human. Learning how to deal with our emotions. I feel bad for her. It’s been 12+years now. She still apparently can’t deal with her emotions. But that’s for her to deal with and her path to take. I have my life and I feel like I have grown so much since the original incident with her happened. It sucked that she tried to reach out but couldn’t. But it didn’t bother me nearly as much as it would have 12 years ago. my other story happened about 3 years ago. This time both married. Definitive flirty signals. This time I confessed my feelings and she couldn’t handle it. It’s been 2.5 years, and 0 contact. We live in the same city. all of this to say that 1. Obviously your friend has her own struggles. Whether they are because she just wants attention or she has genuine feelings for you that she doesn’t know what to do with. Or she misses you as a friend or whatever. I have felt all of those. And you will probably never know exactly which one of those it is. 2. She probably doesn’t realize how disturbing and disruptive it is for you when she contacts you. Instead of passive agressive (and I am not judging here, I have done plenty of that myself) unfriending how about you just outright tell her not to contact you ever again. Then she can’t claim not to know what you want. 3. I don’t think you should care if you are rude or not. Do what feels right to you. If you want some vague contact with her through Instagram, follow back, if you don’t, don’t. But if you want her completely out of your life, the best would be to just be direct and tell her that. good luck. These weird love-hate relationships are so interesting to me. I wonder what’s going to happen with either of these friends of mine....
  7. Ona


    As I learned here, romantic and sexual attraction are two separate things. So wanting to settle down with someone as a partner is not for everyone necessarily the same warm and fuzzy as wanting to get in their pants. People can be heteroromantic but homosexual or aromantic or asexual or many different permutations of those things. It’s all very confusing. But I guess all I am saying is the romantic and sexual attraction don’t necessarily line up in everyone. Also, if you are interested in learning more about asexuality the forum on the AVEN website can be helpful with that. On there you can learn that there is a million other kinds of attraction other than just sexual and romantic. It’s all very fascinating. For me, realizing that the range of what people experience is so vast made me feel less alone. Hopefully it can do that for you too!
  8. Ona


    As as I said, I am demisexual, so making out for the sake of making out doesn’t turn me on at all. Actually kinda grosses me out. And just having a bond is not enough. I have a bond with plenty of friends without feeling the urge to make out with them. So that wasn’t exactly what I was asking. What I am about to ask is from my very naive demi perspective, so I hope it’s not offensive, because I know different people think about this differently, and I don’t mean it to be offensive, I am just very curious. (By the way, I too had a huge crush on a woman for 10+ years without ever getting physical with her and thought she was my soulmate.... for me that whole thought pattern was blown out of the water when I met a woman who can be open about her emotions and can reciprocate my feelings, it was a couple of orders of magnitude more awesome than me pining for this other person) i guess what I don’t understand is how do you get to the point of having sex with someone if you don’t feel the warm and fuzzies for them to begin with? Do they make a move and you are just like, “ok I don’t have anything better to do for the next half hour so I might as well have sex here, although I am not super into it?” I am really curious how that happens.. or why. Personally I would feel very uncomfortable if I was in that situation, but I think I would be less uncomfortable saying no than going through with it if it didn’t do it for me.
  9. Ona


    I don’t get it. And I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum (Demi) so maybe I just don’t get sexual attraction completely. But I would never get to the point of making out with someone if they didn’t turn me on and I wasn’t so into them that I couldn’t wait to do whatever it was that made them feel wanted. And I couldn’t stop thinking about them, and making out with them was the most exciting thing that could happen to me in that moment. I don’t get how that can be boring, unless you are making out with random people you have no feelings for/don’t turn you on. But why would you do that?
  10. Maybe this is the key. For me, at least, it was. The recognition that I was not only bi, but open to something other than monogamy. I eventually talked to my husband, found him accepting of me and my desire to explore this further, after some time connected with a wonderful woman and now I am in both relationships at the same time. It’s been about 2 years and it’s been great. I still love my husband, I feel like me being honest with him deepened our connection and made our relationship stronger. My relationship with my girlfriend is long distance and although we communicate daily we only get to meet up once or twice a year,which has it’s advantages and disadvantages. anyway just wanted to throw that out there as a possible model that’s worked for someone.
  11. Ona


    I think what you are explaining is often called pansexual. i feel the same way. I don’t fall for the people because of their gender, I fall for people who happen to be whatever gender they are, the gender part is about as important as the curve in their little toe to the falling in love to me.
  12. And sometimes (often?) not then either.
  13. As a kid I always thought it weird that my mom and grandma would say they don’t sleep as well when their husband is away. It seemed weird not to want to sleep alone in your own bed. But here I am in my 40s and woke up in the middle of the night last night and couldn’t get back to sleep. Because he’s gone for a few days. So strange. with my girlfriend I don’t sleep as well.. probably because our together time is so short and rare I feel like sleeping is wasting the time that could be better spent doing other things.