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Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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Ona last won the day on April 16 2017

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About Ona

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    Music, movies, books, travel (unfortunately not much time to do any of these lately, especially the last 2)

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  1. Ona


    As as I said, I am demisexual, so making out for the sake of making out doesn’t turn me on at all. Actually kinda grosses me out. And just having a bond is not enough. I have a bond with plenty of friends without feeling the urge to make out with them. So that wasn’t exactly what I was asking. What I am about to ask is from my very naive demi perspective, so I hope it’s not offensive, because I know different people think about this differently, and I don’t mean it to be offensive, I am just very curious. (By the way, I too had a huge crush on a woman for 10+ years without ever getting physical with her and thought she was my soulmate.... for me that whole thought pattern was blown out of the water when I met a woman who can be open about her emotions and can reciprocate my feelings, it was a couple of orders of magnitude more awesome than me pining for this other person) i guess what I don’t understand is how do you get to the point of having sex with someone if you don’t feel the warm and fuzzies for them to begin with? Do they make a move and you are just like, “ok I don’t have anything better to do for the next half hour so I might as well have sex here, although I am not super into it?” I am really curious how that happens.. or why. Personally I would feel very uncomfortable if I was in that situation, but I think I would be less uncomfortable saying no than going through with it if it didn’t do it for me.
  2. Ona


    I don’t get it. And I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum (Demi) so maybe I just don’t get sexual attraction completely. But I would never get to the point of making out with someone if they didn’t turn me on and I wasn’t so into them that I couldn’t wait to do whatever it was that made them feel wanted. And I couldn’t stop thinking about them, and making out with them was the most exciting thing that could happen to me in that moment. I don’t get how that can be boring, unless you are making out with random people you have no feelings for/don’t turn you on. But why would you do that?
  3. Maybe this is the key. For me, at least, it was. The recognition that I was not only bi, but open to something other than monogamy. I eventually talked to my husband, found him accepting of me and my desire to explore this further, after some time connected with a wonderful woman and now I am in both relationships at the same time. It’s been about 2 years and it’s been great. I still love my husband, I feel like me being honest with him deepened our connection and made our relationship stronger. My relationship with my girlfriend is long distance and although we communicate daily we only get to meet up once or twice a year,which has it’s advantages and disadvantages. anyway just wanted to throw that out there as a possible model that’s worked for someone.
  4. Ona


    I think what you are explaining is often called pansexual. i feel the same way. I don’t fall for the people because of their gender, I fall for people who happen to be whatever gender they are, the gender part is about as important as the curve in their little toe to the falling in love to me.
  5. And sometimes (often?) not then either.
  6. Why do you think it’s selfish that you would leave if you found someone else who can give you all you want? You gotta do what’s best for you! Unfortunately, the more people in a relationship the harder it is to find a solution that makes everyone happy. But if it doesn’t make you happy, it’s ok to look for something that does. I hope you find that!
  7. It’s a rough situation to be in. I can relate a little bit from your girlfriend’s perspective. I also have a great relationship with my husband and kids. I also am crazy in love with my girlfriend. One thing that’s helped me put all this in perspective is realize that I am capable of loving more than one person and that I would miss one of these horribly if I had to chose between them. And I would feel as though a big part of me is missing. thankfully no one is making me choose so the question for you is, can you live with the situation as is and be happy with it? Can you improve your situation with your husband? Or would you be happier if you left him even if she chooses not to leave her family? Or do you think the fact that she wouldn’t leave her husband would eventually drive you to be bitter about the situation? because if so, you should probably honestly discuss with her about how you feel and your fears for the future.