Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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caliwoman last won the day on April 11

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About caliwoman

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  • Music
    Anything and everything except 75% of country
  • Location
    Palm Springs, California
  • Interests
    Any and everything.
  • Signature Fragrance
  • Favourite Book
    She's Come Undone
  • Favourite TV Show
    Game of Thrones, Dexter, Ray Donovan, Wings
  • Favourite Film
    No Country for Old Men, Six Degrees of Separation, When Harry Met Sally, Postcards from the Edge
  1. Thank you, Hungry. The part in bold is EXACTLY how I feel and I'm still struggling with it. Doesn't help that the girl who gave me the lap dance looks exactly like my therapist. And it's really making me feel like maybe I should look for a new therapist. I don't THINK I've developed feelings for her, but the mere fact that they resemble one another has got me really jacked up.
  2. I went to the strip club with my ex-husband and a group of friends last weekend. Had a blast and got my first lap dance (well, back-to-back dances). The aftermath of this is having to hear judgmental comments about how I looked while at the strip club. Being there in that environment is one of the few places where I can be me. Where I can let my hair down and show that side of me. When it comes to women, the only person who I'm very bluntly honest with is my ex-husband; I'm able to talk to him like I write on this forum (that, in itself, is a work in progress- understandably). The comments I've heard after the fact have been the following: You looked like a dog in heat. No offense to the kids on the little yellow school bus, but you looked like one of those children who drool. You were drooling all over her (the stripper who danced for me). You're hooked (on the strip club). You looked so desperate to rush to the stage and make it rain for that chick who danced for you. And things of that nature. I've never had so many comments geared to my romantic life until I expressed my interest in dating women. And I'm a little over it. I almost feel like some people in my life take too much of an interest re: that part of me. They've never spoken this way until now, when my feelings, interactions, and social situations surround my romantic same-sex feelings. I still have residual shame and guilt regarding how I feel, as evidenced by the fact that if I check-out a woman who I'm unsure is bi/gay, remorse inevitably ensues. For me, I don't find it appropriate to look at women unless I know they have an interest in women...that doesn't mean I don't do it, I fight myself w/it all the time because I know that the fall-out will be me, beating myself up for it. I just don't recall anyone saying much about my sexual preferences, before. I know that by opening myself up to this, as with anything, will come comments and judgments, but I've always been this way. So damn frustrating for me, because this has been anything but a walk in the park. I def need to make more bi/gay friends...
  3. I think you tell her you're bisexual and if she's interested, the door will be open. I think we've all been in the, "Is she into me or not?" situation and it can be a bit torturous, at least is was for me. Be honest about your sexuality and let it takes it's course from there.
  4. We hung-out yesterday. I'll have to update.
  5. Omg @FlirtyFriend you totally beat my story! I love it!
  6. That's a very good point. I really wish I could have recorded my lap dance and shared it privately here, but obviously that's frowned upon. Yes, it was a bit of torture. What's funny is that my friend's boyfriend eventually did get a lap dance from my stripper (yes, she's "mine" lol). One of the ladies apparently looked over the partition and said, "Ya know, she looks bored AF now." And then to me she yells, "I kinda peaked when she was dancing for you and she was into what she was doing for you. She's not into it with him." And I found that to be true from many other women online who posted about their own lap dance story. Perhaps it's a bit of a reprieve for the ladies to dance for women and not the aggressive men. Maybe they like the idea of turning another woman on. I think my gal assumed I had limited experience, based upon how nervous I was. Am I very experienced w/women? No. But I've had sex with a few women; the only reason I was nervous was because of the situation. I picked the most popular dancer there, although she's not very well-endowed in the boob department, but man, she has exudes a confidence which is beyond sexy to me. I can't even explain it. She's by far, the best dancer there. I'm not sure how handsy she would have gotten had I been wearing a dress. I was wearing a very dense push-up bra (my boobs are decent, but I like that volume, lol) a tight blouse, a racerback vest and some skinny jeans. Had I been wearing a skirt or something loose on top, I think she may have reached in. When she looked down and saw my boobs and she started to feel them up, I arched my back and our bodies drew closer together and that's when she had me spread my legs further apart, put her knee right in between them and then her hands were everywhere. I grabbed the tops of her shoulders and lightly scratched her all the way down to the bottoms of her butt cheeks. I started moaning and then she moved my neck to sniff me and put her mouth right next to my ear and I lost my shit. By the end of the dance, I was practically lying down. It was so hot. And I've been w/younger women and I've never felt a woman this soft before or feel this good. After, my legs were shaky. I don't think I could have gotten another dance. The other women in the crowd seemed to be very conservative. Like they could be married to a rich Republican senator or something. They were blond, petite, gorgeous, but looked out of sorts and a bit awkward...they were the ones, however, eye-fucking the strippers. One woman was lying back. her chin on her hand, legs slightly apart, who looked like if a woman woulda approached her, she woulda f-cked one in a heartbeat. Then the fine ass girls who got up and started grinding on random girls in the audience. Crazy night. And it still shocks me that the women were more into it than the men. So it was kinda like scratching an itch. It felt good for a day or two and then it comes back w/a vengeance. I've never felt anything like it. I was moaning the entire time, burying my head into her boobs and holding onto her, as she was holding onto me. We are def going back for my ex-husband's b-day, but it's going to be tempting until then. I found myself grinning from ear-to-ear while at the gym, thinking about it, wanting it again. Then my p-ssy started to throb and the ache came back and I was like, "Shit!" I still wish I had done this back during my questioning phase. Oh well.
  7. Ugh...I'm telling you. It was something else. I really held off doing this for a really long time, but so glad I did. Lol Didn't even think it could arouse me
  8. I've had flirty friends with me and vice versa, but nothing happened and I don't think either party was interested. Situations w/women can be much more confusing than with men. We're complicated, lol. Does she know your bi? If so, would you be opposed to telling her how you feel?
  9. Yeah, it's def in your best interest to let this go and eventually forgive the situation so that you can move-on and not be upset anymore. Who knows why people do the things they do? I have a hard time w/ruminating over things and I have to constantly remind myself that things are the way they are and the only thing I can do about it is control my own reaction to it. It hurts, but eventually it will fade and you'll be stronger for it.
  10. Had I known how much of a good time I'd have getting my first lap dance...that woulda been one of the first things on the "to do" list when I first came out as bisexual and hadn't had any physical (romantic) contact w/a woman. Oh. My. God. I had been to a strip club here in SoCal for the past two weeks, but didn't have the courage to ask for a dance. Since my ex-husband is the only person I truly trust seeing "this side of me," I had gone w/him, so the strippers really stayed away from us and we used the time to get acclimated to it and take in the scene. This weekend was different. My female friend's boyfriend was celebrating his b-day and a group of 8 of us decided to go and get dinner, visit the strip club, then hit the downtown scene. Well, we didn't get past the strip club experience, it was so fun. My ex had vowed on our last trip there, that we'd get lap dances this time. I was skeptical. We arrive at the club a little earlier than what we had been getting there at and it's packed. We get seated at a reserve table, order our drinks, and take in the show. All of the strippers are called on-stage for line-up, so we can so who's there. They disperse and head towards the crowds of men and stay away from our female dominated table. About 30 min. in, a stripper wanders over and heads towards the b-day boy, but his girlfriend/my friend wasn't having it...she wasn't gonna let him get one, but I yet and point to my ex. "He'll take one!" and he rebuffs her, being as shy as he is. Assuming that I'm his wife/gf, his stripper asks my permission and where I want him to get the dance (at the table or in the private guest area). My friend is insistent that we all watch him get one, but I don't think that's cool, so I tell the stripper to take him to the area for the private dances. She leads him away and two songs (and $60 later), he comes back with a huge grin on his face. She seats him, but he's whispering something to her and he's pointing at one of the strippers that I've had my eye on. They talk for a bit, she leaves, and he smiles. Right as my stripper (Brooke) walks up, he leans over to me and says, "Have a good time." Brooke is a bit confused about who she's giving a lap dance to. I'm feminine as is my female straight friend, but the other ladies there are also gay, but more on the masculine side. I pop up and' she's confused. "What am I doing for you?" I lean in and say, "You're dancing for me tonight." She gets a huge smile on her face and says, "Yessss, I am!" and she guides me to the private area and leads me to the very last seat in the back. I'm nervous, my legs are shaking and being as though I've never had a lap dance before, I kinda don't know what to do, where to put my hands, if I can touch her and so on. She jiggles her butt in my face (this is her go-to move that she also does on stage as the music is cued up) and tells me, "Let's wait until the song is over so you can get an entire dance." Once the music starts, she spreads my legs further apart and sticks her knee in my crotch and starts to dance for me. "You can grab my butt if you want." And I do. She's so soft, smells so good, and is in awesome model shape. She is in the best shape out of all the girls in the club. "I love your tits" she says and runs her hands and down my breasts. One minute later, I peak over her shoulder and I see my female friend's eyes over the partition and then her fist pump in the air, followed by a bunch of hollering. Her hands are all over me, I can't begin to tell you how soft her skin is. I get more and more into it. She begins to moan in my ear and sniff my neck and angles me into a tribbing position. For the next two songs, I'm in absolute heaven. I trace my fingers along her back and hold her close to me. She feels me up a lot and our lips are really close together. It takes all of my restraint from not getting carried away. When my songs are over, she gets up to lead me back, but she stops and says, "Girl, my knees are shaking, I have to sit down." And I take the opportunity to pay her right there. I give her a good tip and she smacks my ass as I walk away. Oh, My. God. Why didn't I do this before when I was really "aching" for it. Minutes later, the club is filled with very feminine women who look like they are on the conservative side and very pretty. I haven't seen this before in the past few weeks. The women are more into what they are seeing than the men. The guys are on their phones, while the ladies are the ones eye fucking the strippers. They're really into it. One gorgeous girl in the audience gets up and begins to grind on another girl in the crowd and everyone is screaming, because they're both very hot. One of the last dances of the night is the stripper who danced for me and she does a really good job. Halfway into her dance and very tipsy, I find myself front stage, competing with other men, throwing dollar bills at her feet. She stands up towards me and blows me a kiss. I'm cracking up laughing, but having a great time. I wanted to tell the girl who was grinding on the other one, that I think she's f'g hot (she screamed bisexual to me, even though she was there with a guy) but that didn't end up happening because after my stripper cleaned up during her dance, that hot chick got into a cat fight with another hot girl where they were both sitting, front row. That kinda ended the night for us, but f-ck, I had so much fun. I hope when we go back it's alive with even more women, because that was awesome (and all of those girls were totally turned on by the strippers, so the odds of approaching one of 'em and exchanging numbers is more in my favor). The end. Lol.
  11. My apologies if this has been asked before (and it probably has)... How old were you when you experienced your very first orgasm? I was speaking to a friend who revealed she didn't even know what an orgasm was for a veryyyyyyy long time and she didn't have her first one until well in her 30's. So how old were you?
  12. Awwwwww thank u so much!!
  13. Awww thanks for the support, ladies. It's much appreciated!!
  14. I got a chuckle on the typo "eat" similar minded friends. Lol! I wanna eat some of my friends, too, sometimes. Haha! Jk.
  15. I'm just kinda over the online thing. I miss the old fashioned way of meeting people, organically, through everyday social interaction.