Velvetheart

GoldenShyBiGirls
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About Velvetheart

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    Big Tease

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  1. Hey, happy for you, wish you soon find that emotional bond you are looking for. :-)
  2. I would like a relationship, but since that is impossible right now I am gonna go with a one night stand and that would be a man (stranger, not friend with benefits). For some reason I can't have a one night stand with a woman, there have to be feelings involved, with men, on the other hand, I really don't care much. :-D
  3. Coffee and cigarettes
  4. @findtheway As a matter of fact, I was in a church for almost 10 year, protestant new born christian. During that time, or to be exact for almost 8 years I thought god freed me from my bisexuality. I really liked only men, didn't have any desire for women...but it eventually came back. I am maybe lucky or for some reason I have never felt judged by god for my bisexuality, never thought that he is disgusted by me or that he hates me...I always felt like he loves me and understands me and wants what's best for me. Most people in my church new about me and they were mostly supportive and we would openly talk about everything. But I agree, many people in church do represent God as some vengeful, unforgiving creature and they bring more damage than healing, and I have to say serious damage. I am glad you found the way to accept yourself and that you have people around who are normal and accepting and who helped you. I guess person needs to be ready to deal with such a thing. But my friend, a women I named A in this thread is only out to her sister and J, and involuntarily me. She even has a pretty close male gay friend and she didn't even tell him...And I think most of her other friends would react normaly if she told them. And at one point she did have a girlfriend but apparently she still has a lot to deal with. Like you said it is a process and sometimes we all have to deal with negative feelings concerning our sexuality in various ways and intensity. @myladylove Peoples opinion of us can make us became exactly what they think of us. I iknow I have achieved better things when I changed my job because I was surrounded by small minded people who would constantly bully me and made me think I was incapable of doing anything, and I was in their company. I wish you find that nice place to live your life as you would like and became again your true brave self, and all the wisdom in your steps :-)
  5. @findtheway Yes, for most people religious factor has the biggest influence and a fear of being valued less or rejected by the parents, friends, people in general. It is normal, we all need people, we are social beings and want to be accepted because our life in general depends on it, our careers and in some societies is is a matter of life and death. Also we all have some "auto-homophobia" to some degree which is also normal because we are minority and at one point in life you ask yourself why I am not like the rest or majority of the world, why am I bi, gay... it would be so much easier to just be straigh ...the same as any other minority group...why am I bipolar, orphan, or whatever. How do you feel now and what helped you to overcome internalized homophobia (coming out?)? @myladylove I understand you, you don't want to go through all that again but you probably don't hate or loathe yourself for being what you are. You just want to be able to be with whom you love and be at peace whereas I think auto-homophobic person hates im/herself for being gay or bi and want to be straight. I am sorry you had to go through all that. Is there any chance of you moving from where you live now? Monica Lewinsky just popped up in my mind right now. I am amazed that she didn't commit suicide. She was ashamed in front of the whole world, there is nowhere where she could hide...move and start again because we all know her story and what she did (I am not judging her, in fact I am all for her) she just has to live with it and find her own value inside herself. I wish you and all of us would value ourselves regardless of what others think of us.
  6. Thank you Hungry and lilac_lover! You both are right. I guess I was so confused because I have never met anyone like that. I mean, we all had to go through some questioning, it happened for me quite late because I was aware of my sexuality early on (since I was 6) so it was natural to me...) but when you get older you don't want to lose your job etc due to you sexual orientation so it does provoke some insecurities or fears but it was never that serious with me. On the other hand, with her I almost felt like she (when she thought I was straight) had contempt for me because I was "straight" so I was the enemy, then when she found out I was bi she was both happy because she wasn't the only one, but also few days later I had this feeling like she thought: " I am better than you, I am straight" or smth similar, and that when she found out I know about her it was like: no, no, I don't want to have anything to do with you, you are sick, and I am not like that...she dressed more feminine and it was all straight talk about men and women...bla bla I understand that it is hard for her, it must be hell, I hope she will heal soon, she can built a straight life for herself but I can only imagine what it will do to her mentally and psychologicaly because it shows so much already and it's pretty disturbing.
  7. a dancer or a therapist
  8. Hello to everyone, marry Christmas/Happy holidays! Haven't been much here lately, but I was thinking about something that happened 6 mnoths ago and I wanted to ask you what you think. So, I met this woman, she is around 30, we''ll call her A through my other "friend"/ crush and she will be J. Right away I thought she was gay, but of course I was not sure. I liked her in a way, not head over heals kind of way but still...We would always hang around with couple of other friends and I had noticed she was pretty vocal about gay rights etc. and thought how she is open about it (she never said she was gay, but generally speaking about lesbians and similar topics) and I even thought how I should be more like her. Now, what happened was that I fell for our mutual friend who introduced us, J, told her I was into her and through that conversation found out that A was also crushing on J and was a lesbian... Since I never felt that A felt anything for me I never thought of making a move or anything...but after J told A about me, that I was bi and I dont know what else, although she specificaly told me not to tell A she told me about her because she would be mad at her....I found out (or figured out, to be exact) J told A about me because A changed her behaviour toward me, I relly felt that everything changed, J showed more interest in me, even her sister seemed really interested in me, although I just met her that particular night and they both were into planning our future hang outs ect. So I asked J if she told A anything and she said yes...later that week A would even sometimes make some phisical contacts that would look like she took the oportunity to touch my hand or something like that if she would be near me... so I thought she is either making fun of me or is interested, I was not sure so I invited her to have coffee with me but in a way she could figure out that I am interested if there is something between us. She politely turned me down and I was ok with it, of course it is not the best feeling in the world to be rejected, but I am used to it and at least I new where I stood. But what really hurt me was her behavior after that when we would hang out. She made me feel like I had a leprosy, turning her back to me and ignoring me when we would sit in a pub, literally runing away from me, not wanting to do anything with me like she would catch some disease, the disgust on her face and I would say almost ticks like she is so disgusted even by the thought of being with me... I don't know how to describe it better. I couldn't stop crying for 2 months (because of how her and J treated me). And while I was thinking about everything that happened i remembered one particulr night when we sat in the pub along with other friends... there was this lesbian couple that kissed at one point and she literally run outside petrified when she saw this. So it occured to me that she was probably auto-homophobic which was comfirmed by J later. I had never thought she could be auto-homophobic until I saw how she treated me and her reaction to the girls kissing, she was so open to talk about gays and everything, defending their rights, she was so enthusiastic about me hanging out with her after she found out that I was bi, I remember she was so happy, her eyes glowing, she was excited to know that she knows someone who is not straight...and than this awkward behavior when she finds out I was interested in her. So my question is do you know anyone who is autohomophobic and how they behave? I for example was never autohomophobic, on contrary I liked it so I can't really relate to that. Why would you crave a woman so much, but then act disgusted when someone approaches you? Could someone maybe tell their story about auto-homophobia or dealing with someone who is like that, or give their opinion on this situation that happened to me. Thank you for reading all this and I hope I wrote clearly enough and didn't complicate too much.
  9. Marry Christmas. ladies! <3

  10. I have the same problem. I am constantly tired. Two hours after I wake up I could fall asleep again, but I have to stay awake and then when it's time for bed I can't fall asleep... It's been years now and it's affecting everything, my concentration, work performance, I am more sensitive...and I don't know how to help you or myself, but just so that you know you are not alone.