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justonekiss last won the day on July 22 2016

justonekiss had the most liked content!

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About justonekiss

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    French Kisser

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    Writing, Reading, Music, and casual talk.
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    Variations of coconut
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    Too many to choose from

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  1. I am so sorry this has not improved. :( It is very inconsiderate on her part and makes it really hard to continue being friends. You can ask her whatever you want, but I would say be really sure you are ready for the answer.
  2. :( I'm sorry you are going through this. I would say that maybe she will have to find a new living situation because it isn't okay for her to invade upon your personal pain so much anymore. Either her consideration returns or she has to get out of your space so you can heal.
  3. That is scary. I think I would share your words. Have a talk and let him know why this is not okay.
  4. This honestly just made me cry. Thank you so much for the kind words and beautiful considerations that I can actually do. I mean it. Thank you. <3
  5. I am learning to be patient and loving towards myself for the first time in my life.
  6. Thank you, @NooBi I am happy to have him. I am working as slow as possible and appreciate his patience more than he'll ever understand.
  7. Thank you so much! I am trying to do both.
  8. It's been months since my last entry, and I've honestly missed being brutally honest on here. So much has happened, almost all of it a mess. My friend, who I fell hard for, told me to pursue relationships because she saw me as just a friend. Still, she acted weird every single time I started talking to someone, male or female. I tried to maintain, and I accepted that I probably wouldn't be with anyone. I was accepting that I had come out as bisexual, people were generally accepting, and I continued to work hard in therapy. While doing some activities completely alone, I met someone. A beautiful man who wanted nothing more than to make me happy, to show me that I could be vulnerable, that not everything had to be scary, He asked me to just give him a chance, and I said we would get nowhere without complete honesty. With nothing to lose, I told him everything. Everything that hurt, everything I had been through, every reason I could not possibly be a good girlfriend. Most of all, I bit the bullet and told him that I was bisexual. I had never told a potential partner this, and he had reasonable questions. How many women had I been with? Did I try to be with women? If we have a real future together, am I ever going to regret not being with a woman, because he wants 100% commitment? I answered every question honestly, including assuring him that if I was with ANYONE I would want 100% commitment too. He was looking to settle down, plan for a family, and it felt so natural. We've now been together almost six months, The painful part comes in about three months ago when my friend, my crush, decided that I was not there for her enough. She felt uncomfortable with my relationships elsewhere; she said I was forgetting her and leaving her behind. Instead of talking to her about my pains, I shared everything with my boyfriend. Then, she observed me with a group of friends - having a good time - and said she had lost me. I tried to explain; we argued, screaming and crying, for hours with no resolution. I finally said, "I can't do this anymore. I need you to realize you are wrong on this one. It isn't fair what you're doing." She said I needed to do the exact same thing. I concluded, "I have to let you go." We have not talked since. I had already paid for an expensive vacation which I took on my own, and it was so weird to know that she and I will never talk again. I explained to my boyfriend that ALL of this was complicated; he took the embarrassing details far better than I would've had the roles been reversed. I hate that I feel like I ruined everything with that friend by admitting the truth; however, I am so lucky. I have met the absolute love of my life. He has shown me so much peace and acceptance that I've fallen so deep in love. It worked out for the best, and I'm glad I'm out. It is just that now I have completely new fears. This man wants to be married, to have kids, and grow old together. I am terrified to be intimate again, especially since I've only been with one person - a violent, abusive man. I am terrified I will be a terrible wife, terrible mother. But I want this life...I want to be with him. I don't want to be afraid anymore. If I made it through the pain of losing a woman who I was sure would always be in my life, I know I can face these new fears. Wish me luck!
  9. Long time no see! Since last blog, I've become really honest and less tolerant of a lot of things. I've been in consistent therapy (meaning weekly), and I've tried to set up boundaries to get myself in the most positive, peaceful place possible. As it comes to Ivy, she knows everything and slowly made an issue of it. She knew I had a crush on Harley and used it against me when it was convenient for her. I gave her a warning, then she did it again so I asked for some space. I know that Harley and I probably aren't going to be together. Though she no knows how I feel (even responded gracefully and with utmost sweetness), she deals with life differently than I do. She cuts people off completely instead of allowing people to support her; she tells me that I'm the only person she trusts and needs around. But what her actions say? They are vastly different from her words. To protect myself, I know that I need to create some space between Harley and I. Thankfully, Selina and I still talk as often as possible. She's a total sweetheart, and I appreciate her beyond words. The most important part of this blog, outside of these key characters in my life, is that I told my mother about what I really want in life. I sobbed uncontrollably and told her everything. I admitted that I have no idea where I'm going to end up or with who. This wonderful woman, one of the true angels in my life, said, "I'm sorry you've been carrying this alone. You could never disappoint me because I love you. If this is what has got you down, please let it go." While some areas in my life may be dark, while I still may walk around with a huge question mark above my head, that was a huge light and weight off my shoulders.
  10. I told her I'm bisexual; she still has no clue that in a perfect world it would be me and her.

  11. It's been a minute since I've blogged, but I've missed it. It's nice to have a place to vent and be honest if nothing else, so huge thank you to this community for being so kind and accepting. Since I've last blogged, I have started therapy and told Harley, Ivy, and Selina that I'm trying to accept my bisexuality because I've felt a strong attraction to a woman. Harley still has no idea that this woman is her. Ivy took the news much better than I thought she would, and she's been amazing in supporting me as I vent about how frustrated I am by my feelings for Harley. I feel bad for the way I treat Harley sometimes. I'm so quick to stop talking or suggest we not talk for a bit because my feelings for her are so scary to me. Since I'm in therapy every week now, I admitted to my doctor that I almost feel like I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than to be with anyone whom would make my family disappointed in me. I know my mom would not approve, my father passed when I was young, and I just--I can't imagine nor bear the pain of disappointing her. She still believes that when therapy is over that I'll be ready to meet a good guy and get married. Not that I would be opposed to meeting a beautiful man, because I wouldn't. I just feel so strongly for Harley right now that I don't know how I could be with anyone else. It's fine though because therapist and I both agreed that a relationship is the last thing I need. It won't resolve any issue I have, and it may even create more. I've also gone back to work full time and had a birthday since last post. So...I'm trying? LOL I know my start is so slow, but I'm hoping I get my shit together before the end of the year... hopefully.... sighs...
  12. So Harley did end up contacting me, and I just blurted out that I'm struggling. She asked with what, and I told her I think I'm bisexual. Secretly, I wondered if this was the problem. She was having a family issue that had nothing to do with me. Harley also told me that would happily kick anyone's ass who judged me for this, adding she's bisexual. I was so confused. Still am. I haven't told her how I feel about her, but I've at least managed to tell her that truth.
  13. So, I recently told a beautiful friend that I feel like I am bisexual (third person I've told). I was terrified she'd judged me. She didn't. Instead, she told me that she knows she's bisexual and, if anyone tries to judge me for it, she will kick their ass personally. It has many of our conversations much easier. In the past, I have said the same about bisexuality as your friend. I think it had more with a refusal to accept myself than anything else. I regretted when I begin to have conversations where I admit how I really feel now.
  14. Mints (haha, see what I did?)