LizzySizzles

I spent a LOT of years letting my upbringing and society lie to me about sex. When you consider things from a perspective that the society you grow up in conditions you to see things a certain way, it's easy to see why your first thought was what it was. Paying for sex seems weird...but why? Sometimes I change my oil myself, because I can. Sometimes I ask my husband to do it, because he likes to keep me happy. But sometimes I pay a professional, because why the hell not? And no, I've never paid for sex but I can't say I never would. I'm certainly not morally or personally opposed to it, it's just not something that appeals to me or would be necessary at this point in my life. However...if there was a local place where I could go get a yoni massage....you never know.

I disagree. If you consider that sex work is just like any other work, and they are choosing to do it. That's not to say everyone had the best options to choose from (We've all worked jobs we hated), but if a person is offering sex for payment....in my opinion it's only demeaning if you make it that type of experience. If paying for a woman makes you treat any differently than you would anyone else, that would be demeaning. Just the act of choosing to pay someone for a service that they offer, that happens to be sex, itself doesn't seem demeaning to me.

She is in her early 20's and GAY AS FUCK (her words). lol She texted me the day before the King Princess concert and said, "I need something gay to wear to my gay concert!". I do like King Princess music, her voice has a calming effect on me.

My first time wasn't earth shattering, but I hadn't expected it to be. I did my very best not to expect anything, but to just be open to the experience. My first time was...sweet. Eyeopening. Sensual. Satisfying. But I don't remember laying there thinking my world had just gotten rocked sexually, I just felt satisfied. Content. To be fair though no first time sexual experience for me, with man or woman, is earth shattering. When you know what my buttons are to push, my favorite spots to kiss, how gentle to lick...when we've been psychical and intimate enough with one another to know what we want and how to ask for it, then the experience becomes phenomenal for me. That being said, her and I had some phenomenal, mind blowing (to me) sex, but certainly not our first time together (Which was my first experience, but not hers).

I have a friend who looks just like her and thats how I found out about her. Good music!!

I always love going to Casa Loma and wandering the gardens, but it's not the right time of the year for it.

Literally in a casual conversation with someone else today I randomly learned something else about her that she had lied to me about. We weren't even talking about her, the girl I was talking to didn't even know about us, but the girl mentioned her and casually dropped some information about something that I had been led to believe had went differently. Just....UGGGGGG!!!! This is why I don't let people in!!!

I call it a slow burn because it seems to be getting worse the longer it goes. And I've started to see even more that I chose not to before because I had rose colored glasses on. I'm just very upset with myself, I usually have better judgement.

I had undesirable side effects that I choose not to put myself through again. Personal choice, or principle I suppose.

I'm not heartbroken. I'm not spending my days crying. I am fine and will continue to be fine, but I'm mad. Furious. I can't STOP being mad because now I know I doubted myself when I shouldn't have. YOU made me doubt myself when I should have trusted my instinct that there was something going on. Shame on me for letting you in. Shame on me for not keeping my eyes open and my head clear. Shame on me for expecting you to treat me the same way I did you. But worst of all, shame on me for not trusting myself when I started to notice things not right. I wanted SO BADLY to believe that I was different to you than anyone else you had lied to, cheated on, mistreated, or tossed aside. But now I know, I wasn't. Now I know. And it stings. Not the unbearable sharp, sting of rubbing alcohol being poured on a fresh cut. More like a slow, seething burn that you don't notice until it's too late, like a sunburn. The kind that keeps you in discomfort, close to agony, for days afterwards because you didn't trust your instinct and put on some goddamn sunscreen, even though you knew better. I knew better, but I trusted you, I have been bit, one, two, three too many times. I It still didn't stop me from being seduced by you. Or stop me from thinking you would see me as different, any more, than anyone else you had wronged. It didn't stop me from giving you trust you didn't earn and didn't use well. I'm still mad. I see now, because I was stupid enough to keep checking on you, that you are happy and may very well have found exactly what you are looking for, and with the one that I'm so fucking angry about. And believe me or not, there is a small piece of me that hopes so and is happy for you. But there is a bigger piece that wonders how long until you screw this up too, because theres a bitter side of me that is betting against you. Ani Difranco Says... "I used to be a superhero No one could touch me Not even myself You are like a phone booth That I somehow stumbled into And now look at me I am just like everybody else" You were my phone booth. You were what made me forget to treat my feelings with respect and keep my eyes open to those who would do me harm, like I have diligently done for years now. And you took advantage of my vulnerability and now I'm mad at you. Furious. Resentful. Enraged. I blocked you from facebook, not because I care what you see, because I can't get mad about what I don't see if I block myself from seeing it. Another shame on me, I knew better than to keep checking in on you. But I did it anyways. As a result I will deal with another few days of anger before I can get back on the path of healing. A little more damaged, a little wiser, and a little stronger.

I literally cannot stop giggling at the mental images of that scenario that have popped into my head. Oh man, what a good start to my day. Thanks @BenedettaC!!!!

I laughed way harder at this than I probably should have.

Girl you ain't kidding about that huge act of love and faith. I don't think I realized what I was asking until the time came and I was walking out the door and went to kiss him goodbye. Suddenly I understood that he was giving me all the faith he had in me that I would come back, come home, and stay home, no matter what happened next. Suddenly all those times I had been insecure in our relationship, or with him, made me feel so silly because look how secure he was in our relationship to actually be letting (for lack of a better term) it happen. That is not to say we didn't heavily consider the risk involved, but there will always be risks to take, you just calculate as carefully as possible before taking them. Then still count on things going wonky. Like I said a lot of my mentality comes from taking vows before I knew I was bi. Every single person has a different situation they are facing and what is perfect for me and mine absolutely won't work for the next relationship.

It's possible I feel differently because I didn't discover I was bi until after I was married. So it's not as if my being bi is something he knew he was getting into. Neither of us did. And he could have left when I came out to him, and he didn't. He stayed by my side and asked that if I do this I help him feel secure. I see not one good reason not to grant him that request. If I had gone into the marriage knowing I was bi it's likely I would feel very differently.