rollercoaster711

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About rollercoaster711

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  1. Just realized that I should provide an update on this situation! Hahaha. It's been a while. I keep forgetting I have this forum as a resource. I came out to Nora shortly after making this topic. She was super supportive and said she was honored that I told her. It went REALLY well. I was very pleased. I didn't tell her I like her, though. Then I saw her for the first time in 4 months early last month, when her, me, and our friend Sam went to that comedy special I mentioned in another post. It went well! I had fun. Upon seeing her for the first time in 4 months, I instantly realized that my feelings for her hadn't gone away. At all. Dammit. But it was all good, because I've accepted that she's probably straight and not interested in me, so I can just focus on the friendship. And my previous worries that I talked about in my initial post--total paranoia, for the most part. I overthink everything with a crush. It's a bad habit that I need to cut down on. Since the comedy special, we talk every other week or so. Just small chats, and only one or two major conversations. We're both incredibly busy with classes (and for me, class, work, and clubs), so we don't see each other very often. In fact, I haven't seen her besides that comedy special. But that's okay. I have other things to concentrate on, and honestly, if I see her less, then my crush may fade away. I didn't want to cut her out of my life because she's a real friend and I'm okay with staying friends. Maybe my feelings weren't as strong as I thought they were if I'm okay with staying friends. But that's a good thing, right?
  2. How do you guys deal with trying to get over a crush that you know won't work out? Especially when it's on your friend? A while ago I posted asking for advice about how to tell my friend I was interested in her. Long story short, she didn't return my feelings and she is straight. That happened about three months ago. It's okay though. We're still friends and nothing has changed about the dynamic of our relationship, which is a relief. Actually, my feelings for her have faded in terms of physically and mentally reacting to her--thinking about her all the time, not being able to eat or sleep sometimes (yes, I liked her that much!), etc. Those reactions don't happen anymore. I think I've calmed down a lot because I know there's no chance she could ever like me back. I still notice her beauty etc, but I don't feel a strong desire to be with her anymore. But that's not the crush I'm trying to get over (just figured I'd provide an update on that situation). This crush is on someone different. We'll call her Nora, who I've known for a couple months. We're friends. We lived together while we were both studying abroad in the same place. This crush isn't nearly as intense as my previous one was. I do think about Nora a lot. But the main issue is that my interactions with her tend to steer my mood in different directions depending on how well these interactions go. It's unsettling. This situation never happened with my previous crush. For example, a while back we were talking and she randomly mentioned she was scared about having to find a job after graduation. I asked her what she meant and she pulled away, saying I didn't have to "dig deep." Which bothered me, because why bring up something like that and then say you don't want to talk about it? I got over it quickly, realizing she isn't obligated to tell me more about stuff like that just because she mentions it. But the next day we had a Skype call with one of our other study abroad roommates (who I'll call Sam) and the entire time she was passive-aggressive and made it clear she didn't want to be there. It was frustrating and saddening. For the entire next week after this event I was feeling down. I replayed everything over and over again and was generally paranoid about the state of our friendship. I wondered if I did anything wrong, if I should stop trying to reach out to her, if she really wanted to be my friend, etc. Then one day she messaged me and we had a great conversation and suddenly life was great. No person has never affected my mood this much. Then yesterday, she messaged me about wanting to attend a comedy special at our university. I got super excited because I thought it was a chance to hang out with her one-on-one, which almost never happens. But then she told me she invited Sam to come with us and instantly I was sad. Not because I dislike Sam--I'm closer to Sam than I am to Nora, actually--but because I wanted to hang out with just Nora, you know? Plus, Nora proactively makes one-on-one plans with Sam all the time, but never does so with me. Which hurts. I don't mind them hanging out one-on-one with each other, but Nora, why not me (Sam and I hang out one-on-one all the time)? Nora doesn't know I'm bi. She actually came close to asking me once but changed her mind at the last second and asked me something else. She may have suspicions about me being bi though, because I've openly voiced my attraction to some female celebrities. And when we lived together, she would nervously tell me not to look at her while she was changing. Which I wasn't doing in the first place--I don't check out anyone while they're changing, even if I find them attractive, that's an invasion of privacy. But that's an example of why I think she may have her suspicions about me. I kinda think she doesn't want to spend one-on-one time with me because she suspects I may like her or try to flirt with her. I do like her, but I try not to flirt with her anymore, because I respect friendship boundaries. I used to flirt with her because it was fun and because I didn't think there was any harm in it. Or that she would even notice. But now I've changed my mind--she may be noticing and it could be making her uncomfortable. I also don't want to flirt with her anymore because I'm trying to get over her. Plus, I'm 99% sure she's straight and I don't want to read into any interactions that may suggest otherwise, because I did that last time and it turned out the girl wasn't into me. I don't want to make the same mistake again. So these are all of my feelings about this girl at the moment. Hopefully the examples illustrate the reasons why I want to get over her--I think about her way too much when there's no way we'll ever be a thing. Any ideas about how to move on? It's really challenging so far, especially because I want to stay friends. Has anyone ever managed to get over a crush--or a crush on a friend--without being rejected by them?
  3. Thanks dude. She said she was really flattered but said that she's not bisexual. And I know she's not a lesbian because she talks about guys and has been with guys. She said she wants to keep being friends, so that's good. And she apologized for leading me on, even though she never did. The conversation changed really quickly after that, but the rest of our time together wasn't awkward or anything. Everything was normal.
  4. So she doesn't return my feelings. She's straight.
  5. We decided on getting lunch tomorrow. This makes everything even better, because we'll have lots of time to talk. Now I just have to wait in agony for the rest of today. Arggghhh... She said she was excited to see me though and that it's been way too long, so that's a good thing!
  6. Oh you bet!! I am best at flirting this way.
  7. Good news guys!! The friend that she's bringing has other friends in this city too, so I will definitely get a day or two to spend with my friend alone, without the chance of her friend being around. I'm definitely going to use this to my advantage. She's going to be here for the next 3 days starting tomorrow. I'm so psyched but also so nervous!
  8. I plan on it!
  9. If I don't tell her now I'll have to wait for this summer possibly or definitely until september. And I rreeeaaallllyyy don't wanna wait that long haha
  10. Good idea. Maybe I'll phrase it that way. I just don't want to come off too meanly about not wanting her friend around for a few mins.
  11. She doesn't think that I like her though. Back when I came out to her she asked me if I was interested in anyone and I lied and said no--I was interested in her but I wasn't confident enough to tell her right then and there that I liked her, in addition to coming out to her. It would've been more stressful. Plus at the time I didn't think she liked me, but looking back at the signs in our friendship I started to have a feeling that she did, and that's why she asked me if I was interested in anyone.
  12. Yeah true. Thanks!
  13. I definitely don't know how she will react, but that's part of the gamble of telling her that I like her right?
  14. They're traveling together. The city where I am, which she and her friend will be visiting, is the last city they're visiting on their vacation.
  15. Hello everyone! I posted a topic a few months ago about me coming out to my crush, and I asked about whether or not she might have been interested in me based on a few mixed signals that accumulated over the course of our relationship. Well, I haven't seen her since I came out to her. It was the last month of the semester and we were both pretty busy. This semester we are both studying abroad in Europe (in different places), and next weekend she is coming to the city where I am studying. I plan to tell her that I'm interested in her. My feelings for her are driving me crazy at this point and I have a feeling that she might like me back (based on signs), so I'm just going to tell her and see how it goes. There's only one problem. She's bringing a friend with her. I assume I'm going to meet up with her and her friend and we're going to do stuff together, the three of us, but I don't know her friend and I certainly don't want to tell my crush I'm interested in her in front of her friend. I already know what I'm going to say to her--my question is, how should I get her alone? I don't want to be like "I need to talk to you about something important," because that's how most of our conversations start; we don't see each other often during school, so all of our conversations start like that because we have so much to talk about whenever we meet up. I was wondering if there is a more casual way I should phrase it. Or even how to suggest that I want to talk to her alone. This would be less of a problem if she was bringing more than one friend, because then her friends could go and do something while I take her out to do something and then tell her there, but unfortunately that's not the case. I'm also going to tell her on the last day that she's here, so in case she doesn't like me back it hasn't ruined her trip and things aren't awkward. Anyone have any tips on how to transition into this conversation?