BenedettaC

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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BenedettaC last won the day on November 20

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About BenedettaC

  • Rank
    ShyBi-Goddess

Profile Information

  • Music
    Saint Etienne...and lots of 90s and chill-out music
  • Interests
    All things Gothic, the Victorians, Erotica (literature and photography), all types of art (particularly Medieval, fin de siecle and photography), Architecture and Design (Art Deco, Art Nouveau, 1930s), Archaeology
  • Signature Fragrance
    Chanel No. 19
  • Favourite Book
    Circe, Madeline Miller
  • Favourite Film
    Carol, Mulholland Drive, Solaris (1972/2002), Interstellar, Rosemary's Baby, Marriage of Maria Braun

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  1. GOOD!
  2. Those are common concerns, but if you try talking about it and she reacts badly, then you can just drop it and resume the friendship (although I would then stop engaging in semi-intimate touching). Of course, sexual tension itself is a relationship changer (if it didn't exist from the start), so you would need to work on taking it back into the platonic zone. It's impossible for us to say for certain what's going on with you and your friend, because what you are conveying is selective and just one piece of the puzzle (as are all posts of this kind on Shy) - only you really know for sure what has happened and how it felt. So, I would advise you to go with your gut instinct. For most people, that's usually correct. If it's saying, hold off and don't go further, then there is probably a reason for that, if only self-preservation. Neither of you is putting all of her cards on the table, so you'll both be having reservations, out of fear of rejection, etc. I haven't read all of your posts about this elsewhere, but I'm assuming that neither of you has ever has any physical sexual interaction with another woman, so it's a big step for you both. So...take it easy...and just breathe... There's no need to rush to decide what to do, or to make a move.
  3. The other day we were doing our usual morning texts, which led into her asking if I could come over and do reiki on her chest. My heart skipped a little and I smiled. I texted her saying sure, but we all know more was going through my head. She said she would rub me in return. @Veronica Seriously?! Do reiki on her chest?!!! Well, I've heard many an obvious come-on line, but this one really takes the cake! While we were in the kitchen, she made sure her son was occupied in the other room. She leaned me over on the counter and started massaging softly, which gradually got harder. I turned to look around because it took me by surprise. “What’s wrong? Do you want to do this somewhere else?” She asked me. I would interpret this to mean 'Do you want to do this in my bedroom?' She began using her fingertips down my spine. It felt like a thousand lightning bolts went straight down to my vagina. Oh. My. Lord. She was running her fingers down my arms, hips, upper legs. I was throbbing down there. My breathing was deeper and faster. I swear if she kept going another 5 minutes I would have orgasmed. ... You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. Wow. She kept looking at my chest right after that, and I kept smirking at her looking at her fingers. I didn’t have time to do reiki on her chest. Too bad, because any excuse to touch her chest again! ... And like she has done in the past, she became distant after this happened. I’m so afraid to make a physical move. It’s way out of my comfort zone. What do you think? Is she making it obvious and giving me an opening to make a move? YESSSS!!! She is definitely making it obvious and giving you an opening to make a move. She's obviously not confident enough to just come out with it, and either say what she wants, or get more obvious, like kissing you. She probably became distant because she was plunged into uncertainty or was just disappointed that you didn't take the bait. But if she knows you well, then she'll know that you're also too timid to make a move. Another issue here is that she may be setting you up to take the blame if anything goes wrong (an unfortunate tendency of bisexual women who are just coming out, but are afraid - of rejection, of their own feelings, and what might happen in terms of their marriage), which is why if I were you, I would try to broach the subject verbally instead of making a physical move - otherwise all of that continuing beating around the bush (as it were) will totally drive you insane. It's best to chat about this sort of thing over wine or coffee, not when she's massaging you, or you're otherwise engaged in physical contact. You should put the ball in her court, and say something like, 'So, how are you feeling about our relationship lately?' If she replies, 'What do you mean?', then go for it and say, 'From my perspective, there's alot of sexual tension', and take it from there.
  4. Hmm...but this begs the question of who should be concerned about whom... Gosh, @caliwoman - What were you thinking of doing with her?
  5. @caliwoman - I second what TBD said - well done for following your instincts! From what you're saying, there's alot wrong with this picture, and being lured by sex is absolutely the wrong reason to get involved with someone, not to mention could be dangerous in various ways. The disrespect for your time, the fact that you were expected to book and pay for the hotel room, and what comes across as alot of sexual manipulation all set the alarm bells ringing. She may not even be for real (it could actually be someone who is homophobic 'having some fun' with you, either alone or with others, or could even be a woman fronting for a guy who's an asshole). You may have turned up at the hotel, only to find no one there to meet you. I don't think it's a matter of her being 'flaky' so much as not being genuine.
  6. @myladylove - I always find it interesting that men are reputed to have the biggest libidos...but in my experience, women are capable of being far more libidinous, partially because we don't ever need to call time due to flaccidity... Sure - compatibility includes having matched libidos, but that certainly isn't all there is to it.
  7. Thank you, @treelover123 - I appreciate that.
  8. @treelover123 - Despite the rude eye-rolling in your last comment, you have given me pause to consider this further, and so I will say that I think the crucial difference between lesbian and hetero sex, which is what leads to more ‘kissing and gentle caresses’, comes down to one thing: romance. Generally, women tend to be far more romantic than men, and so, from what I’ve seen and experienced, for most women there is a vast difference between lesbian and hetero sex and relationships. All in all, it is what you make it.
  9. Ah, I see @moonbynight... Judging by the kind of posts you’re talking about, I would guess that those are written by women who have just entered into, or recently returned to, the ‘lesbian sex experience’, or are in the initial stage of falling in love with a woman, and are waxing lyrical about the sex marathons that often happen in those situations. Ha, ha, ha...! Don’t sweat it - I’m sure that plenty of posting while drinking goes on here... I thought that was an interesting comment about the ‘just wanna be fucked’ type of lesbian literature. Perhaps you should start a book review blog...
  10. Sending positive thoughts and wishes to all of our friends in the areas of California affected by the recent fires. 

  11. @treelover123 and @moonbynight - As someone who has been practising lesbian sex for many years, I can tell you that, yes indeed, it absolutely can last for hours and hours...and hours and hours...and hours...and hours...AD INFINITUM (with occasional breaks for food and drink, so that we don't starve)... Of course that isn't always the case - why would you think it would be? Let's face it, if we only ever had sex for hours and hours, that would be extremely impractical, because we would only be able to have sex when we have lots of time to devote to it...so not at night, unless we can be up all night long...not in the morning, unless we rise at 3am...and not when we get home from work, unless we decide to skip dinner... So, while all of these situations do occur in lesbian households, resulting in sleep deprivation and weight loss , sometimes we just want to have a 'quick one'... Sure, our definition of a 'quick one' is an hour or less...but I'm sure you know what I mean. In my experience, lesbian sex is as diverse as the individuals engaged in it, because it has no 'rules' pertaining to gender (like the way the male takes the lead in most hetero relationships), and as you would expect, things unfold according to our mood and needs in the moment. So sometimes we really do 'just wanna be fucked', and other times we want gentle kisses and caresses...or intense, passionate sex/lovemaking...that might go on for hours...and sometimes, as @TBD78 said, sometimes we need to come quickly (for all sorts of reasons, including as a stress release), then, if we're in the mood, will continue. With regard to your comment No, you're not a 'bad lesbian', but it is definitely possible that you have been conditioned (not 'ruined') by many years of hetero sex, or that you are impatient...or possibly selfish. Making your girlfriend come should be about her and her needs, so if that's what she wants, then that's what you should do...but if not, then you should slow the f**k down, because she'll probably get alot more out of the experience and come harder that way. It's important to remember that the thing that makes lesbian sex totally different from hetero sex is that it isn't phallocentric and linear, so the idea of 'running to the finish line', as most men tend to do, isn't really an issue...because, in reality, there is no finish line. As a girlfriend of mine once said to a homophobic guy who was harassing us, 'Honey, this tongue and these fingers STAY HARD ALL NIGHT LONG.'