BenedettaC

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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BenedettaC last won the day on April 11

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About BenedettaC

  • Rank
    ShyBi-Goddess

Profile Information

  • Music
    Agnes Obel, Florence and the Machine, Goldfrapp, PJ Harvey, Cecilia Bartoli,
  • Interests
    All things Gothic, the Victorians, Erotica (literature and photography), all types of art (particularly Medieval, fin de siecle and photography), Architecture and Design (Art Deco, Art Nouveau, 1930s), Archaeology, Tibetology
  • Signature Fragrance
    Chanel No. 19
  • Favourite Book
    Music & Silence, and anything by Rose Tremain
  • Favourite TV Show
    Sense8, Westworld, Babylon Berlin
  • Favourite Film
    Carol, Mulholland Drive, Solaris (1972/2002), Marriage of Maria Braun

Recent Profile Visitors

3,869 profile views
  1. Ha, ha, ha... I do sometimes write about this sort of stuff, and have actually thought about getting myself an invitation to one of the London or LA Skirt Club parties, just to see what it’s all about, and to produce an article of some sort about it... Naturally, I would need to maintain my objectivity, so wouldn’t participate in any way...except by observing the goings-on...strictly for journalistic reasons, of course... I love to break rules, so would definitely enjoy being probably the only over-50 transgressive lesbian cougar in the room...and, if naughty Genevieve is there, I’ll have to try very hard to resist the temptation to have a little fun with her... Here’s an article posted in August of last year by Natalie West, a professional dominatrix hired to entertain the guests at an LA Skirt Club party... It provides a different take on this phenomenon... https://www.autostraddle.com/lesbian-sex-parties-for-straight-women-388554/ (I read this after I made my earlier post - I knew there had to be dominatrixes involved in some way!)
  2. @kairi The larger lesbian sex parties I've been to (i.e. thrown in a venue, as opposed to someone's home) have been similar to what you've described. Most of the women know one another to some extent (as friends, acquaintances, or just having seen each other on the lesbian club scene), so there is definitely a level of familiarity, with some new faces (which tend to cause alot of excitement, because the lesbian community is quite small). But this is something entirely different from the parties thrown by Skirt Club (the organization described in the article on your link), with mostly experienced women getting together for erotic fun (not to experience sex with a woman or women for the first time). There is some exhibitionistic sex, but some people prefer a certain level of privacy, so go to a private or semi-private room... It really depends on the party. (There aren't that many.) As for Skirt Club, to a certain extent, I do get where the founder and CEO Geneviève LeJeune, who claims that she wants to 'empower women', is coming from.... The website describes 'How Skirt Club Began' as follows: Skirt Club was set up in 2014 by Geneviève LeJeune, having attended “play parties” with a male ex. She soon realised she was doing things for his pleasure, not her own. 'Sexual empowerment is not about turning your boyfriend on with another girl' she says. 'It's about doing what excites you'. Absolutely... However, attending a sex party, which is pretty much an orgy, as your first sexual experience with a woman (or, in this case, women) is not the best introduction to bisexuality and lesbianism, and will undoubtedly give you a distorted view! Plus, if you consider the logistics of it all, a group of 50 women with little or no experience of lesbianism (which I define as woman-on-woman sex) is not a recipe for exciting and fulfilling sex, as there would probably be a fair amount of shyness (possibly even fear), confusion, inaction (like deer in the headlights), and discomfort caused by physical awkwardness and/or lack of skill and technique...so I suspect that there must be a number of Skirt Club employees well versed in the lesbian arts, and possibly also, judging by the presence of restraints and paddles, at least one dominatrix, present at those parties who act as sexual facilitators... There are also a number of other issues, such as the discriminatory age policy (21 - 49), which is totally objectionable, as it treats women above the age of 50 in the same way we are treated in heterosexual society at large, as non-sexual beings who are past it...when in reality, as recent studies have shown, the older a woman gets, the more sexually adventurous she becomes... You would never encounter that kind of discrimination by a lesbian organization... Shame on you, Geneviève LeJeune... You should know better!
  3. @kairi , as you know I'm not married to a man, but I hope you won't mind if I comment on this topic... Being critically ill in my late 30s, to the point where I actually had an NDE, really sharpened my view even further with regard to something I had always believed in very firmly - leading a life of authenticity, and really being true to who I am as a person. While we really don't know if this life is the only one we will ever have, the human life span is short, and our sexuality is a key aspect of who we are as a person, so to deny that, we are contradicting our own nature and identity, which will undoubtedly have very serious consequences, one way or the other (for example, for our physical and mental health). Of course, the emergence of one's bisexuality in the context of a heterosexual marriage, particularly one with children, complicates things immensely, but I guess you have to ask yourself why it's happening, and what the consequences of denying or repressing it will be. Women on Shy who are mothers often mention self-sacrifice in the name of their children, but is that actually the right thing to do, or is it just a firmly held traditional societal belief about women in the context of heterosexual marriage? As I've said many times on this site, that level of self-sacrifice just isn't expected of men (who, ironically, are reputed to be the guardians and protectors of the family), and often, if they are unhappy in their marriage (for whatever reason that may be), they act in what they perceive to be their own self-interest and leave it for greener pastures (usually a younger woman, and sometimes a man). Just yesterday, a male friend of mine, in his late 30s, announced to everyone that he was getting a divorce, and leaving his wife of 17 years and two daughters (ages 9 and 14), because he's 'done all of that', but has become unhappy because he and his wife 'are no longer in love' (which, apparently, was a surprise for her to discover), and he 'wants to do something else now' because, as he put it, 'it's my life to live'. He claims that he isn't leaving his wife for anyone else, but I suppose we'll soon see... How many women do you know who have done or would do this? Probably none or very few... So, while I'm certainly not advocating that type of ruthlessly selfish behaviour, I am suggesting that we question the double standard applied to women versus men for what is acceptable behaviour in the context of heterosexual marriage, and in society at large, particularly in terms of the possibilities for how to live as a bisexual or lesbian woman married to a man. But remember, to change perceptions of women, women need to change their perception of themselves...
  4. Hello @alexandrite ! Happy Friday! Let's hope our UK sunshine holds up for the weekend...
  5. Mmm... Love Toni Braxton, in more ways than one...
  6. I actually managed to get sunburnt while eating my lunch outside at the sushi bar... Not a usual occurrence during April in London... 

    1. SioRan

      SioRan

      Sun and Sushi........sounds like a lovely combination!

  7. Well, only you can really know what's right for yourself. I guess you need to ask yourself if you're really in love with your boyfriend enough to marry him, and have children with him, or if that's even relevant to you.
  8. I agree with everything the other women have said, and would also like to add that, in my experience, it's a very typical pattern in long-term monogamous lesbian relationships to allow things to go downhill and fester by not discussing them (usually to avoid confrontation or hurting your partner, because women tend to get very emotional when discussing such things), and then to find that over time we become open to attracting and finding a new lover/girlfriend/partner, so that eventually we do, and then secretly begin a new, overlapping relationship while still in our partnership/marriage, without the consent of our partner/wife...which usually eventually results, one way or the other, in the horrendous dramatic revelation of the secret 'affair', and in ALOT of pain, suffering and misery...and usually the acrimonious end of the relationship. Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that it's absolutely horrendous to be on the receiving end of deception in a seemingly monogamous relationship, so try to put yourself in your wife's position, before acting on impulse... If you are unhappy in your marriage, although it may be extremely tempting to begin a secret romantic/sexual relationship with the woman from the gym to put an end to your loneliness and lack of affection and intimacy, it makes far more sense to speak to your wife before embarking on an affair. Just think about what the consequences will probably be for all involved - you and the object of your affection are both married, and unless you both have a poly agreement and/or are in an open marriage, it will undoubtedly result in a HUGE MESS. No matter how exciting and sexy an affair may be, it usually isn't worth the dire consequences... Sure, sometimes two people just fall in love, and it can't be helped, but this situation doesn't appear to be on that level at all (just a matter of mutual attraction), and so whatever you're doing right now is probably totally premeditated, and you have a choice in the matter (we always do, but sometimes are more compelled by our emotions). You are probably enjoying the attention, and the excitement of the mutual attraction, which you haven't had in awhile, and that's understandable, but try not to get too carried away and make a big mistake...
  9. Once again, your self-awareness really shines through. While you're dealing with some tough issues (such as facing the possibility of confrontation if you come out), you really seem to have a handle on what precisely what those issues are, and possible outcomes. It's also great that you are aware of the possibility of falling into the mindset of putting a woman 'on the back burner' while you make a decision about what you want. That's a pitfall typical of this kind of situation, which some women succumb tobecause they get desperate to be with a woman, and can't bear to wait to get involved with one, although they still aren't sure about what they need/want to do with regard to their hetero relationship. So they end up using a woman for their own momentary emotional and sexual satisfaction, then dump her in favour of what they perceive to be a more secure situation - a heterosexual relationship. It's exactly this sort of thing that gives bisexuality, and bisexual women, a bad reputation in the lesbian community...
  10. So, you suffered from homophobia in middle school, which led you to alter your behaviour, in order to fit in and not have to deal with disapproval or possibly even bullying from your peers. Sadly, this is not an uncommon experience for young people in adolescence and beyond. It can then turn into serious denial, in which you convince yourself that you're heterosexual, or bisexual, when you're actually gay. To be honest, labels aren't really helpful, because there are so many different ways to define and interpret our sexuality ('bisexual' means different things to different people). What is important is that you are honest with and understand yourself, and come to terms with your own feelings and inclinations, and not get totally stuck in a relationship and situation that isn't right for you. If you're bisexual, and want to be able to see women or have a girlfriend as well as be with your current male partner, then you need to be upfront with him about that before getting further involved (i.e. married, having children). As you've probably read here on Shy, many women come out as bisexual to their male partner or husband, in the hope of being able to stay in that relationship, but also being able to see women or have a girlfriend, only to discover that their male partner disapproves, and won't consent to that (within the context of the relationship), or will only consent only if he can benefit from their bisexuality and participate in a threesome (not what most bisexual women really want). From my own personal experience, I would say that if you really do lean much more toward women than men, then you need to be in a long-term relationship (if that's what you want) with a woman, not a man. It's just basic logic. Some gay women end up in a long-term relationship with, or married to a man because they haven't been able to meet a woman, or the right woman (i.e. the lesbian relationships they've had haven't worked out), and that doesn't tend to go well, because if you are mainly lesbian, then however wonderful your hetero relationship is, it will never be enough, or right for you, and you will find yourself dreaming of being with a woman morning, noon and night, and will feel frustrated, unhappy and unfulfilled (or worse - very depressed). Once again, there are many stories of this kind here on Shy, and for someone your age, they should be instructive. With regard to your feeling of obligation toward your boyfriend, I was in the same boat with my first serious boyfriend - we made all sorts of promises to one another about the future, and began to make serious plans (marriage, children, etc.), which I knew was the wrong thing to do but went along with anyway, because it was such a loving and comfortable relationship, with what appeared to be an assured future...but all the while I was dreaming of being with a woman, so I finally ended it, much too late, and ended up hurting him far worse than I would have if I had just been totally honest with myself earlier on about my sexuality. Everyone is different, and you may not be as gay as I am, but from what you're saying, it appears that you're clocking lots of red flags with regard to continuing in your current relationship, and moving on to the next stage with your boyfriend. If you feel that you need some serious support to decide on the way forward, aside from Shy, there are all sorts of LGBT organizations that you can contact online to discuss the issues, and to speak directly to women who are lesbians as well as bisexual. Depending on where you live, you could also meet up with people at various LGBT events, to get to know some gay women, who will lend you a sympathetic ear and provide helpful feedback. You are fortunate to have arrived at a point where you are so self-aware, and know that you need to pause before getting further involved in your current relationship - make the most of it to decide on the course of your life.