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Silver Shy-Bi Girl
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About Aisling3

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  1. Aisling3


    Hi @angel-8, that's brilliant I'll come if we do it at a time I'm in Ireland. It'd be great to meet some of you in person. Anyone else out there who might be able to meet up? It'd probably be best if we had a little group of about four or even six people...
  2. Thank you all so much for your replies, @Ona, @Katy, @caliwoman, @FlaGrl08, @Hufflepufflove3, @blueberry and @angelbabe. Coming from different angles, they've all helped me with this. @Ona, I found this line especially helpful. Just as I can't expect this woman to reciprocate, I have no claim to an explanation of her feelings and thought processes. Whether or not she felt something is hers to share or not, and it is likely that I will never know. The girl you're talking about certainly sent far clearer positive signals than I have seen - that must have been torture. But at least you came straight out and expressed your feelings in words, which I have not. @Katy, thank you. Your post is very wise and I'm lucky to be able to draw on other people's experience. Sadly, in my case, it isn't even a question of because our limited contact won't develop into a friendship unless she chooses to contact me. It feels frustrating that this friendship is stillborn, even though I think we would get on very well (if I didn't have feelings for her that complicate things). @caliwoman, thank you for sharing what you have learnt from your experience - it is very helpful for me to know. I'm sorry that you have gone through something so painful. @FlaGrl08, it's valuable to know that either answer is possible: maybe she felt something, maybe she didn't. Knowing that I may have felt something so intense without her feeling anything at all teaches me that I can't trust that my instincts in these situations will always be right. Maybe they will improve with experience. It's also helpful to know that sometimes you can sense something in the air without clearcut "evidence": @Hufflepufflove3, it really is frustrating, isn't it? I guess I'm doing the same as you, holding it back - not so much because I'm afraid of hurt or rejection (I think). I say to myself I don't want to make her uncomfortable. I worry about my own inexperience: in this context, I feel like a teenager experiencing their first crush, and I am afraid of coming on far too strong, so I am consciously trying to act like a grownup despite this unaccustomed attraction. Wow, @blueberry, it certainly sounds like we're wondering the same thing. At least you've had the courage/initiative to follow up. I empathise about the confusion. Actually, before the last time we met, I had concluded that this lady was definitely not interested and was merely being polite so as not to be rude or hurtful to me. Then she was very friendly, and it confused me again. But her friendliness is quite likely to be ordinary friendliness, or even deliberate niceness in knowledge of the circumstances. I'm impressed that you asked the lady you like to lunch, and I definitely agree with giving it another go. But the changed signals she is sending are a headscratcher! Good luck. I haven't expressly told the lady I am talking about that I am attracted to her. Perhaps it is too early for me, since I only recently accepted that I am attracted to women. I think she must know that I look at her like a little puppy dog! I am holding back from being pushy or forward because I have only met her in her professional environment, and because I sense that she might be quite a shy person. I am afraid that, being new to this, my romantic behaviour might not be well-calibrated and if I am not careful, I might come on far too strong. Also, I'm not sure I'm ready for the part of the conversation that would inevitably follow telling her I have feelings for her: the fact that I am married. So after our last meeting, I decided not to follow up and to leave the ball in her court (...if she even knows there is a ball). My best reading of the situation is that she is not interested (whether or not she felt an attraction in the moment). @angelbabe, I'm much more hopeful for your situation than mine! It sounds like that lady might be confused herself. There are clearly positive signs there. I hope it all develops in a good direction. I'm not sure if you're new to this like I am, but if you are, I expect you will get more confident over time, and you may get more encouraging signs from her too. Thanks, everyone, for your very kind and valuable insights. Sorry I've just gone and written an essay about my little story (or non-story) - it feels a little narcissistic - but I value your support
  3. Thanks, @CuriouslyMarriedWoman. I appreciate the insights and advice. For the moment, I have decided to back off. I think I made my interest clear, and that she does not wish to get to know me better. I don't want to hassle her and if she wishes to make contact, she can. But I am still wondering how to understand my experience and how I might interpret her lack of responsiveness, with very little information to go on.
  4. Hi everyone. I've got my first crush since I joined the site and would like to ask you your opinions! I've been with my husband forever and am not very experienced at romance [Big breath...] Is it possible that one person (me) could feel that there was a mutual attraction, strong chemistry, sparks flying, etc, but the other person was feeling nothing of the kind? This lovely lady and I have only met a couple of times. On the main occasion, I felt an unprecedented kind of magnetic attraction , a desire to get to know this person better and connect directly with her, and frustration that we were not alone. There was lots of eye contact. It doesn't sound like much to describe, but if I was initiating it by looking deep into her eyes, she was returning my gaze. I felt at the time that it was not one-sided, that her attention was focused on me and that she seemed to feel an attraction too, but I can't pinpoint why I thought this. All I can describe is the eye contact, which doesn't sound like much. Maybe she is just someone who looks people in the eye, or maybe she was trying to figure out why this weirdo was staring at her like that... Maybe I was projecting. I fear it's not going to go anywhere. I initiated contact a couple of times; she replied politely and never initiated. When we met again, she was friendly and there was eye contact and glances at each other, but she did not prolong our time speaking and did not contact me afterwards. Maybe she is straight, not attracted to me, not going near a married woman, or shy. I'm trying to figure out what to make of it. I wonder whether how I experienced our interaction suggests she also felt something in the moment, or if it could have been entirely one-sided and in my own head. So, in your experience, can one person feel like there was a connection, even if there wasn't?
  5. Aisling3

    I'm abit lost...

    Hi @KatH and welcome to the site. Feel free to jump right in and post whatever is on your mind in the various forums. We'll be interested to hear more and get to know you. You'll probably find there are others here who understand exactly where you're coming from, and you can expect interesting, helpful responses to any topics you post
  6. Aisling3


    Hi @angelbabe, you're very welcome and you've come to the right place I'm pretty new too, but I've been here long enough to know there are lots of very nice ladies in this community. I hope you'll enjoy it here.
  7. Aisling3


    Hi @angel-8. I'm from Dublin too. Glad I'm not the only one (even if I'm rarely at home).
  8. Aisling3

    New here too - very scared!!!

    Hi @Curvycute, good luck for your visit to the masseuse tomorrow. I'm glad she sounds so nice and is encouraging you to do whatever you feel comfortable with. It sounds like you can be very comfortable dealing with her, which is important for something so sensitive. If you feel like letting us know how it goes, we'll be interested to hear your news. I'm sorry to hear the anxiety about your body that you express. I doubt the masseuse will find fault (she's a professional and works with people with all sorts of bodies). More importantly, I think you should have more confidence in your own attractiveness, whatever your body shape. I think lots of women are far too critical of our own bodies - don't you agree? Since I've started looking at women with a newly appreciative eye () I think it's changed my perspective on body image. I'm not looking for someone with the type of body that the media tells us we should aspire to. There are people out there who will be attracted to each of us for who we are and for our good qualities, whether or not we look like a supermodel. I don't think early sixties is old either. If you were beautiful and sensual before, you're beautiful and sensual now (just matured, like a good wine)
  9. Aisling3

    New here too - very scared!!!

    Hi @Curvycute, I hope you won't just go back to repressing. Take your time and figure out what might work for you in your situation. Don't give up! I repressed my sexuality all my life. I don't just mean my attraction to women, though that was presumably why I was repressing. I was a very non-sexual person, until just this year when I opened up to my sexual side. On Thursday I read an article by Jeannette Winterson in the Guardian (called "Queer politics has been a force for change; celebrate how far we've come"). In it, she says: This rings true to me. I feel that I am now more vividly, fully myself. I am no longer locking my sexual being away as if it did not exist. I engage with the world in a more fully-rounded, whole way. This change isn't so much about anything I've done (I've flirted with a few women and noticed when they have flirted with me). It's about how I perceive myself and my desires and understand my interactions with others. Since I admitted that I am attracted to women, my love life with my husband has also got much better. Admitting it to myself was the key (though I told him at the same time). It is possible that you may not often have thought of yourself in this way, but you are a beautiful, sexual woman. That is an important part of who you are. Take your time with this. Take little steps that you are comfortable with. I'm not suggesting that you hurt your husband. Like you, I love mine dearly. I think there's a lot to be said for going back to see the masseuse again, if she' s someone that you can talk to about this side of you. And massages are great, though I've never had an exotic one
  10. Aisling3

    That One Look

    This. The most beautiful thing in the world is someone who is totally immersed in doing whatever it is they love or talking about it with such enthusiasm that they seem more vividly alive than at other times.
  11. Aisling3

    Hello everybody!

    Hi @Mizzattitude, you're very welcome to the site I see you've jumped right in and are posting already, so I should really follow your example and join in the conversation more!
  12. Aisling3

    Hello Everyone!!

    Hi @Happygirl22, that's the age-old question for bi women in heterosexual relationships! You'll find plenty of people posting about it on the site. One thing that people say that makes sense to me is the more you are willing to come out of the closet, the more likely you are to be visible to other women who like women. Also, I've found my gaydar has improved a lot just in the last few months since I embraced my sexuality. Good luck!
  13. Aisling3

    Hey Everybody

    Hi @brokenslag26, welcome! Nice line about your dog being cool with it They are very intelligent! You can take your time to get fully comfortable with your realization and what it might mean for you before doing anything further about it. You'll figure out what's right for you. If you've started browsing all the posts on the forum already, you'll see that lots of people have been in a similar situation to you. Personally, I've found it really helpful to hear about their experiences, and I hope you will too.
  14. Hi @lonelygirl, welcome to the site It sounds like you might be at an early stage of figuring out what, if anything, you might like to do about your feelings. I've found that reading the site over the past few months has helped me in thinking about that. So many people have gone on similar journeys before us. I hope you find it just as helpful as I have.
  15. Aisling3

    New here too - very scared!!!

    Hi @Curvycute, I wanted to say too that maybe you don't need to be as scared as you said in your first post that you feel. Ireland has changed a lot. I understand that it varies in different age groups and circles (I'm a little under forty), but I think our society is a lot more open to different sexualities than it was just five or ten years ago. People around you may surprise you. I wonder if there might be a gentle way to test the water with your husband and bring up improving your love life? I don't mean leaping straight in and telling him you're bi. Maybe it's possible your husband assumes you are conservative too! I saw in your other post that you were brave enough to visit a masseuse. If you're brave enough to do that, it sounds like you're brave enough to pop into a shop to buy a sex toy. I'd be embarrassed too, but lucky for me my husband bought mine ;) Go to a shop in Dublin or whatever city is close enough to visit but where it is highly unlikely that anyone you know will see you. There must be somewhere at home where you can keep something private that your husband would have no reason to look... Lastly, since you have lived in an intolerant society, I wonder how accepting you are of yourself? For years I believed there was nothing wrong with other people's sexualities, but somehow I hadn't internalised that to accept my own. Truly accepting my own sexuality as just as good as anyone else's has made me a happier, more confident person. You have nothing to feel ashamed of. Keep it up with the courage that you have been showing and good luck