Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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Everything posted by blueberry

  1. I had a very interesting convo with my husband this morning and I'd like to share what he thinks that we should do after telling our husbands our desire to be in a relationship with woman or even just to explore. He said, "the wife has to check how his husband is coping about her sexuality and her want to explore this part of her. It's not just telling him what she wants and leave him to deal with it. She has to help him to cope with it through constant communication (like what we're doing). She has to make sure that there are no miscommunication. It's not easy for me, but I also need help from my wife to reassure me. There's no certainty but at least I am not left alone to deal with it." We all have different husbands and your husband may not be as open-minded as mine. However, I thought it'd be useful for anyone to have an idea knowing my husband's point of view based in his own experience.
  2. This is related to the post I made about uneasy to return female affection. I think my co-worker is flirting with me. I call it straight girl flirting. Maybe she's not straight or maybe she is but it doesn't matter. Her dealings with me is interestingly exciting, albeit my feelings are not romantically tune in to her. I am not out so she has no idea what my orientation is. Today, I was speechless and just looked at the computer when she said that I could sit on her lap as she didn't mind. Okay. Wait. This was what happened, I log on to one computer and because I saw that she stopped using the chair, I asked if I could have the computer chair. She playfully said no, took the chair to sit and smiled at me. Then she said "you can sit on my lap, I don't mind." I just managed to say "ahh.." That's all. I felt that I missed an opportunity to throw back a meaningful flirt there. I was not comfortable as there were clients around. Prior to this, she said, "so you're married." I said, yes. Then she asked me if I was Christian and I said, "why, why are you interested to know." And she said, "oh I'm always interested to know about you." She's trouble I think. It's been a while I haven't done this game (if it's a game for her). By the way, before any of these happened, I have invited her to watch movie with me together with one of our colleagues sometime next month. If she was flirting with me, I would want to return the favour. It's fun! I am just rusty in this field now so I am asking you ladies, how do you respond to this in words because she's doing this in words and actions as well?
  3. All the time? My goodness! That's stressful! It's not a one size that fits all. Some married women who came out to their husbands are much stronger than the others. Everything is relative. We all have different personalities, beliefs, marital situations; different kind of husband. I think the idea is to make your husband feel that you as his wife understands him too as he still tries to understand and accept you. Some husbands talk to their mates and ask advice. Some don't; they take refuge in what google has to say. More often than not, they receive wrong advice or perceive a situation that doesn't even exist in his wife's mind. That's why communication between the couple is a must. For me, there's a shared responsibility in checking each other's emotional state. It works for me.
  4. A couple of years ago, I told my husband that I wanted to have a romantic relationship with a woman. He asked me if I was asking him a permission to cheat in our marriage. I said "no. It's not cheating. Cheating is with lies and deceit. Am I lying to you? Am I deceiving you? I don't want to end up tormented and depressed for the rest of my life pretending who I am not. I am sharing this part of me with you. We are talking." He replied, "isn't this being unfaithful?" I replied, "do you feel me being unfaithful as I come truthful to you?" Our discussion went on and on. It's mostly, checking what we really felt with each other, No malign words. He's very respectful, polite although his confusion sometimes led him to question if I still wanted him as a husband and partner in life.
  5. May I mention here that a lot of other languages are gender neutral. I suppose when one thinks and speaks in English then that's when it becomes tricky.
  6. Early this evening, she pulled the swivel chair I was sitting on saying, "come." She pulled me very close to her and tucked her arm underneath mine and not letting it go. I could just feel her soft body. "Problem?," I asked. She replied, "I am not flirting with you. I just want to be close to you." We did break away when a colleague called her for something. We had a good laugh at work tonight and for some reasons she'd laugh for everything that I was saying. 

  7. Oh @kairiI agree and a very eager hand/s make it even hotter!
  8. Congratulations for being brave! Telling your husband about who you are is a good start. Reassurance and communication for me are two primary key things that work for my husband. Secondary, is making sure that he's getting something in bed! LOL. I communicate with him what he only needs to know, i.e when there's a woman that I am pursuing or being serious about of having a romantic relationship. If it's only flirting, crush, a simple touch and kiss from a random encounter or even spotting a prospect, I don't tell. I've learned a lesson from the first time I told him the first woman I went out with for movie and dinner and his anxiety level went up to the ceiling. He was not ready, yet, to deal with me dating. I did not consider that even if he said that he was accepting and understanding, he was still processing everything. I had to abandon the pursuit to make him feel secured. Afterwards, we talk more about my sexuality and what I want to do with it. I gauge his readiness before I broach any new topic each time we talk.. He has become accustomed to my ease of conversing with him about it. He has realised that I'm really up for it and it's a just a matter of time and chance that I'm going to have a relationship with a woman. We talked about expectations, boundaries and compromises, not in full detail but just enough to touch the subject matter to give him a picture of how I am going to handle the situation. Knowing my husband, if he sees in me that I am not sure in what I'm doing (why do I want to do it, how to handle a situation when certain crisis arises) and I cannot answer some of his challenging questions, then he loses confidence and usually tells me to re-think things and don't go for it. It makes sense, doesn't it? So far, I've convinced him that I am full of sense, too. LOL! Reassurance. To reassure your husband about your commitment with him and the family is a must ONLY if this is what you really feel doing. You cannot reassure a man completely if a part of you is not certain about your feelings for him. Do you still love him as a man and wife? Are you still attracted to him in bed? Are you still happy as a wife? These are things you should ask for yourself. Be honest to yourself and if you said yes to all, without difficulty you'll be able to reassure your husband without hesitation and fear. It will be all natural coming out from you. No pressure. No extra effort to make him feel secured. Your husband will feel it if you are genuine. This is my experience and I do not speak for all women. Each person is different. . My husband, first of all, is a secured man. I'm glad for that. He acknowledged that I love him 100% and that this other part of me is nothing to do with the part of me that loves him. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm not explaining myself well. I said to him that maybe I'm 70% hetero and 30% homo. I did this because it's better to make him understand using numbers. The whole 70% of me is completely his therefore the whole of me being hetero is his. One day, he told me that he's sorry for me. He's completely happy with me as his wife and mother of his child and couldn't ask anything more. He said that I should reach my maximum potential. LOL! I don't take it as an encouragement. It's his own observation regarding my happiness. Even if my husband is giving me my freedom, I am fully aware that he's not immune to feel anxious about it. That's why it's important to check his emotional and coping level from time to time even if I'm not telling him anything yet. I haven't met the woman who's serious to have what I I haven't really told him serious stuff yet. Your sexuality is one thing. Open marriage is another. If your husband suggests to open the marriage since in his mind, you're getting extra and he's not, then you've got to really think and ask yourself why he would think that way. I asked my husband once if he wanted to open the marriage because of the same sentiment, but he said that it's only me he wanted, that he didn't have a reason to look for another. I hope this helps a bit. All the best!
  9. I very much agree! The question now is does he recognise that he's not treating others well? Does he resent it? Does he do something not to do it again? If he doesn't and he thinks in a way that "well, I have this in me, either you take it or leave it." then maybe you need to do more reflections about what you want to do with your relationship with him. Having a relationship with someone who has issues (illness, trauma, emotional baggage etc.) can be daunting but it's not doomed. Who doesn't have issues? The key is recognition and doing something about it. He must be able to realise that there's something wrong in his actions and behaviours in order to take actions, either to prevent things from happening or to mitigate the consequence. I hope you'll be able to sort things out.
  10. Thank you. And I'm sorry for your bad experience. It's hard to do it actually but my concern for her own sake took over and that motivated me to put a stop on what she's doing to me. It's a bit awkward and a bit uneasy nowadays especially that we are working together. I can feel her looking at me sometimes and probably controlling herself to begin flirting again. I distant myself physically and digitally as much as possible. Yesterday, she gestured of giving me a hug with her open arms which I declined to reciprocate. She playfully tried blocking my way as I walked toward her direction. She's still trying to get my attention by the look of things. I'm not very much attracted to her but she got my attention when I first saw her many months ago, which means that I find her attractive. There's a power play going on and I hate it so much! I'm thankful that at least I have taken the control back on my side this time but I admit that it's not easy to play cool. I am hopeful that things will ease out in due time.
  11. Of course, it's always a maybe You re too groovy!
  12. Hahaha! Never interpret "no" until the woman says "no." C'mon!
  13. Ahh @shazza21 you rock darling! Lol!
  14. Love your humour! The punctuations made me laugh. Anyway, me, too I didn't see this thread before. Maybe I did but I'm more into legs that's why.
  15. Same here. Phone sex with women is the best for me. I'm not into sexting or sending sexy videos. I've done cyber chatting with strangers in my younger years. It doesn't appeal to me anymore. I feel more connection if I hear her voice. I love to hear her heavy breathing, her moan, her calling my name and her in-between swearing in the beginning of the convo because she's getting turned on.
  16. shybi

    I'm curious too.
  17. @crushing How long have you known her as a friend? If she were a sweet person before all these dramas, then there's a big reason why she's acting out. Do you really have to know it? No. This is her problem, whether it's something else, her broken heart or it's about you She has the right not to share it with you. She might tell you when she's ready. For now, she's not ready and she's tormented. If I were in your shoes, I would leave her to sort out her head. I know that it's hard because of your feelings for her but the more you invite her, the more it's gonna go worse. She's not coping well enough with whatever she's struggling in. You have to give her some, or a LOT of space. I wouldn't jump in straight away about her, having bigger issues or she's not what she is. And if she does, who doesn't have bigger issues in life anyway? Who doesn't have baggage? Some people got two face: the one showing that I'm okay, cheerful and hopeful in life and the one hiding that I'm scared, alone and fucked up. So? I'm not saying that she's like this. And if she is, what say you? Who knows? I know that you're hurting but I can see from your story that she needs space, understanding, peace and quiet time for her self. Give her that. As.A.Friend. Move on. When she's sorted and back to her usual self, then maybe you'll see again the friend that you used to admire then. My 2cents.
  18. Aww. She's sweet. I like that there's a close bond happening between the two of you now. I remember when you did a bit of fibbing in the past.. And, yes, take it very slow. You can see that there's an improvement between the two of you. What you don't want to happen is appear like a pressure to her. If you come too strong, she might cower, gets confused and instantly avoid you. You are on the right track. Continue to build the closeness, the connection and even the sexual tensions using your eyes and even light touch. If you can do hold hands, even better! Baby steps. Can you organise something like only you two can go? spa, swimming etc? Activity that both of you can enjoy to de-stress?
  19. Yay! Your patience has paid off. I'm happy for you. She's opening up. A bit more time in my opinion. Just build that closeness between you. Don't expect too much, though. Just enjoy each moment. Don't make her feel jealous. No playing games. No mixed signals. I know it's a bit of an effort but that's how I think things can work out. By the way, what do you expect in case she's into you? Are you cool to have a.married GF? KEEP us updated.
  20. And then it's like the time stopped right there and then. When your gaze meet each other, you just see her and only her. It's amazing and I did not experience that with any man. I'm glad that I experienced it. Will it ever happened again? I don't know. I can only hope.
  21. Again, relax and be YOU as I said on your other thread.
  22. Sure, sure. But...she could still be attracted to women ( given her history).
  23. There's a given fire within us to do what we want to do and we do it with such ease and we try to succeed no matter how many times we fail. We are driven to do better each time and so we keep going and going. However, sometimes, LIFE puts out the fire within us. We ended up losing the passion and the motivation. What is good in your case is that you have become aware of this quite mundane existence you are in. Other people continue to live life like zombies, walking aimlessly. I do not have much advice for you as I believe your own reflections and a bit of external resources (books, videos) will give you more guidance. Your disposition will also dictate how you will act upon to find motivation for your art. I stopped drawing when I was 7 years old for some reasons but I had always the desire to draw. Last year, I decided to draw again. I enrolled myself in a drawing class and the happiness it brings me to draw is immense. Maybe this clip can help a bit? It's not about drawing but it may help you in some ways, kind of inspire you. "Don't find a job, find a mission by Celeste Headlee." It's TEDx talk. It's in youtube. Goodluck and take care.
  24. Because that's the only time that she's got time and can focus to you. I'm speaking in my experience as a married woman. You're not like a rebound. It's prioritising. Her family is important to her and so she gives her time to them. I think this is very mature of her. She's obviously attracted to you but not to the point of making you her first priority. I'm sure you understand this. Now, I can see that you two are building more and more close interactions and intimate sort of friendship. If you can wait for a bit longer, keep it that way until you can feel that the sexual tensions on her ( and you of course, you) is rising and her readiness is there. Timing is very important. If you do jump on her prematurely, you might send her to the hills. Having said this, it's probably good if you can reflect within you what you really want to expect from her if you and her admit the undeniable attraction for each other. What's your expectation? Compromises? What's the boundary that you can give and take? Are you cool to have a relationship with a married woman who has her family her primary priority? I hope you don't overthink too much. Enjoy each moment you're spending time with her. Keep us updated☺
  25. Oh's getting hotter here