blueberry

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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    New Zealand

Everything posted by blueberry

  1. Hmm, mate, I said spend summer HERE. Flag muddled. It's understandable.
  2. @these-broken-wings(TBW)I thought you were from South Island. I hope I’m not late for the party. @Rani Summer temperature is better in NZ than Sydney soooo spend summer here. Lol! But please don’t organise any meetups in mid-February, I’m off to Art Deco festival. Hey ladies! We can go camping!!! Yay!
  3. @Veronica The ladies here have said what should be said. It is cheating regardless of gender. I had done this quite effectively in the past until I met this closeted woman with such exquisite personality and irresistible charm. I suppose it's just a matter of putting things in right perspective in my case.
  4. I completely agree with @elliej. You are actually a free woman. But I can see that you do not trust yourself that you can handle this situation in a way without crossing the boundaries beyond FWB. You've got to do a deep self-reflection here. We can only give you pieces of advice and some insights but ONLY YOU can find out what your heart truly desires. But I'll tell you one thing: you can never maintain "platonic friendship" level with a woman you imagine yourself naked in bed. Let alone the fact when she imagines the same thing with you. FWB? Sure, but you knew already that it wouldn't be possible because you didn't only want sex. Do the math.
  5. @bikiwi Everything you have said here is what we, the bisexual married women, would want to do or at least try to do. Some find success, others are in the process and the rest moved on. We all want to be ideal. We all want to be honest. We all want to love freely. We all want to crave and make love with a woman without having to justify it. These are in an ideal world. In real world where one is bisexual and married (happily or not), nothing could be easy. It is hard work, I should say. Yes, there are conflicted women here who would be upset that their men are not allowing them to explore their sexuality. But these women grow and understand their true selves eventually. Most of the married women who come here are broken, conflicted, lost and lonely. Over time, some find peace and regain their self-esteem back by just being here. @-Jo- Good! If you try to justify, you'd never win anyway. You would just have a headache and sleepless nights. Lol.
  6. @VirgoGirl In real life, when you met a woman who you connect emotionally as well as sexually, and also wanted to please you as much as you please her, you would find yourself in this dynamic totally satisfied, happy and contented. This experience doesn't take off straightaway but gradually develops as your emotional connection deepens. Other ladies may not agree with me but I am only speaking through my own experience.
  7. I'm sorry. For now, you are feeling devastated but time will heal your broken heart. She may be a great friend and you two connect in many levels but you're right that you have to step back a bit. Not a bit but totally for the time being. Give yourself the healing space to heal completely. You don't have to suppress your feeling of brokenheartedness. Vent it out here if you must. You'll get over this. Hugs for you. -Blue-
  8. That was sad. I heard quite a bit about some lesbian women from other meetup groups who were highly opinionated and selective to who they mingle with. These are the members and do not represent the whole group but still, one doesn't want to be in a group who are not treated well. I've attended a couple of groups who are welcoming and supportive of anyone. I usually message the organiser, telling a bit of my background as a bi married woman who has a supportive husband. I frankly ask if the group is accepting of women like me and if not then that's okay, I move on. So far, the two groups that I've been a member of are non-selective and the organisers make sure that all are comfortable of who they are. However, because we all come from different background, education and mould, what some members talk about themselves can be shocking to others. Simply because the knowledge is new. I met a gay Christian (late 20s or early 30s, I can't remember but she was young) who couldn't comprehend why I, a married woman, thought of having a girlfriend. Because of her certain beliefs, she couldn't wrap it around her head. But, she was the only who couldn't get it. The rest of the group at that time (two lesbians, 1 queer and another bisexual woman who's in a heterosexual relationship), took it positively. One mature lesbian thought that my situation was wonderful because I had a supportive husband. As far as I know (correct me shys ladies), all of us who are married and do not wish to leave our husband for whatever reason try to live our heterosexual life to the best that we can. However, some of us find ways to satiate if not fulfil our bisexual side. We do it by recognising that we have to make few adjustments, compromises and putting things in a right perspective (LDR, online relationships, being number 2, etc.) over time. It's not a one size that fits all and so we try to find what works best for us. One day, one thinks that her ideal situation is like this, then she met a woman (not necessarily in this forum) and realises after 6 months or a year that she can be possible happy in a rather impossible set up. I hope you don't give up. Your wish is not impossible. The fact that you desire (non-sexually) this, it means that there are other women who desire the same way. Keep wishing..with opened heart. What you wish may not appear and come to you in the same package as what you picture in your mind. My 2cents. Have a lovely day. - Blue -
  9. When I came out to a straight friend, she told me that she had known for quite a while. How did she know? She said that I had the moves and she had strong gaydar. Now, when I came out to my bisexual friend, she was surprised because I didn’t give off any vibes and I didn’t appear to be. I don’t know what to make of these. At work, I don’t think I give off any vibes. But when I am interested in someone, I make sure that I interact (smile, make eye contact, start a conversation, humour, etc). Do I give off bi vibes in this manner? Maybe, sometimes.
  10. @these-broken-wings(TBW) I understand where you are coming from. Like @OnaI came here for support. And I’ve made some genuine friendships here. Have you tried attending local meetup? I’ve attended few and there were cool people not necessarily looking for sex. Just to hang out weekly and that’s it.
  11. Totally.
  12. Welcome! You are right where you should be. This site is a heaven sent to all the bisexual married women. Not excluding the rest. I’m just giving an emphasis as a bisexual married woman myself. May you enjoy your visit here and come often.
  13. This is I think possible if both are on the same page - platonic to each other. I have a close bisexual friend who I have a sisterly connection. We care for each other like sisters do. We are not romantically attracted to each other. Is this what you’re looking for? Or you want a bit of emotional connection (romantic?) with a bisexual woman who is not interested in any physical intimacy or not looking for it?
  14. Do you take it off when you are with your lady (who's single and knows that you're married)? I'm thinking of out of respect for the woman you're with?
  15. @elliej I am extremely looking forward to what is going to happen between you and the red haired woman. And I can totally relate to this kind of feeling. Put this in a right perspective and you will stay in balanced. It's not going to be that too easy in the beginning but being present is a tool to achieve this (it worked for me). Keep us updated.
  16. @FarmHer I'm sorry that this has happened to you. That's why for me, it's important that husband knows little about my wide scale thoughts and feelings about women. I can talk about my sexuality in comprehensive details but NEVER my feelings or thought towards a woman of my interest. Your husband has his own anxieties, insecurities and flaws (everyone has, my goodness). Those things are given. For now, yes, you are reacting to his reactions but IF you can slow down (yes, I think you can do this) and pause for a while and break reacting, then, you will do yourself a favour from not getting too stressed out or commiting a mistake (for example, saying hurful words to one another). You are a human being and yes, you will say that of course you will react. You have reacted already. That's done. What I'm trying to say is break the cycle to HAVE a clear head and slow down your pulse (stress isn't good for your heart, lol). I am hopeful in your case that "this too shall pass."
  17. I've been a passenger on a bike and it was exciting. It was long, long time ago in two occasions with the same friend. She was purely a friend of mine and nothing more. I came to her home town and she took to me to the country side where we stopped at the lake side and had a swim (well she swam and I paddled a rental small canoe). At first, I was anxious to ride with her because of the danger but there was no other way we could go to the places she said unless we hire a car with a driver which was not an option. I was nervous but got the hang of it because she was careful and really a good biker. Ahh, I remember the fun of it: the cool wind blowing on my face, the speed, the feeling of being free, the fun of waving to the people (lol) and the bonding my friend and I had as I trusted her to take me to the rocky road (that's the only way to the waterfalls) where I thought it was the end of my life. But, yes, I love bikers. I find biker women confident and sexy, too, whether they're straight or not.
  18. "It's kind of FUN to do the Impossible." 

                            - Walt Disney-

  19. It's difficult, eh? @Ronit from what I can see, this whole situation is psychologically taking control of you. Whether the woman is flirting or keen on you, nothing much is going on here REALLY. If you can channel this attraction to a more positive place, then you won't be worrying about this attraction too much. Your wholeness desires this strong infatuation because this is like a drug, you know. This kind of drug, though, can be detrimental (worrying, anxiety, etc) or beneficial (getting inspired, being happy, becoming a better person) to anyone. You cannot just switch this off. Unless she does something very stupid to you or hurt you emotionally then your defense mechanism will shut it down to help you survive from it. You don't have to forcefully stop it. It will gradually stop on its own with a little help from you. Continue to acknowledge your feelings AND don't interpret hers. In this way, YOU are focused on your own state of mind and less to react whatever she does to you. And what I mean to "less to react" is that you wouldn't mind if she is flirting with you, messing your head or truly have feelings for you. You would be able to take things with more control. You'd be able to hold the situation (the situation and not the person) in control. Then, you'd find that this infatuation can affect you positively rather than negatively. My 2cents. Good luck. -Blue-
  20. Lovely! Thank you.
  21. “She had never imagined that curiosty was one of the many masks of love .”

                                                                      Gabriel Garcia Marquez

  22. I'm a serial watcher.
  23. @MidnightBabe Maybe my rules can help. I've posted this in another thread "He's okay with it but now..." ************ RULE # 1 - NEVER share everything to my husband. RULE #2 - NEVER share the intimate details with my husband RULE #3 - NEVER confide and make my husband a sounding board. Find a friend to do this (or share here). RULE #4 - when sharing (“there’s a woman...”), I talk to my husband like it’s a matter-of-fact professional business without showing emotions like being too keen or excited. Be brief and straight to the point. RULE #5 - meditate and gather the sexual energy in me to satisfy the emotional and physical needs of my husband in bed. Make love. Have sex. Make love. Have sex. This is to assure him that I am present and will always be. I cannot do this all the time especially if I’m physically stressed from work. The point is, this works for my husband. These are the rules I made for myself. Like many of you, I had stumbled once and I learned that my husband wasn’t immune to jealousy and insecurity despite of knowing how much he accepted me. Over time, I have developed a certain way on how I communicate with him about my sexuality and active interest in women. We both understood the meaning of “privacy” and even if he wanted to know more, he wouldn’t want to have it if I feel compelled to do it. When you are compelled to do something, then you are not free. He doesn’t want me to feel that I am a prisoner of our own relationship. ****************
  24. You have to distant yourself from her for now. It is only when your deep feelings die and come back alive again BUT for another woman would be the time that you can truly be friends with the former one.