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About Eyes_opened

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    French Kisser
  • Birthday 10/31/1982
  1. Hey there. How's life?

  2. It took me a year to realize I was. But I believe it was so short because it was a HUGE step to come out as bi just based upon my background. Ever since a woman's first sensual touch back in November I knew it but it was a slow process as there were grave repercussions in which my brain was protecting my heart. but in the end my heart won out...it always does.......this life is so much harder but living a life not based upon a lie but being authentic, can't put a price on that. I fear I won't ever find her but I know she's out there. I feel that magnetic pull, so strong in which gave me the strength to come out for the 2nd time. Changing my life forever.
  3. Wondering how many ladies out there are newly single again from a divorce? How do you cope? Brief background - In July I came out to my husband of just about 10 years (dated 3 year before marriage) as a lesbian. Last summer I came out bi to him (which he was cool with and encouraged me to explore). Well I explored and realized what I felt with him doesn't come close to being with a woman and that my beliefs as a child forced upon me essentially brainwashed me into thinking and manipulating my heart to play this "false" role. Yes we had 3 kids together but I never truly enjoyed the sex - struggled to stay wet, most times it wasn't pleasant but I didn't know any different as my husband was my first sexual partner (ultra Conservative Christian home).. I fell in love with a woman - we connected mind body and soul. My fall was deeper and I ended up getting bruised but you learn life lessons and move one. Except this lesson was I'm a lesbian and was on the wrong path in life. So I'm 34 - almost 35 next month and about to start all over Do you have any advice? When would be a good time to start to date? It's a scary new world out there! I wish you all the best of luck!
  4. Stay strong! This is a daunting task but you can do it. That's what I tell myself these days. I've been married almost 10 years (9 years in May this year). But I came out bi last year (hubby accepted & encouraged me to explore) then came out again as lesbian in July. I couldn't deny it anymore. I didn't want a divorce (crazy thought I know) yet the hubby insisted in a divorce. I was willing to stay unhappy for the sake of the kids. But they will be loved regardless. You can do this, the strength has always been inside you but the negative people like your husband (and my husband) try to tell you else wise. There is freedom in letting go. Scary as hell sometimes but the love that you will find will be worth it all. You can message me if you need to chat (it's hard to find support for the difficult situation depending on the community you live in - I'm from Lebanon/Lancaster County in PA which is predominately Amish and Mennonite community - gay & lesbian a big NO NO around here). You got this sweetie!
  5. I'm not one to cry in front of someone, ever! I was married to my husband for just about 10 years and only twice had he ever seen me cry - 1 at my son's funeral during the graveside burial and 2 - after a breakup with the first women I loved (then realized I was a lesbian)..I've been raised that it's a sign of weakness and was scarred by my abusive father as a 10 year old girl when showing emotions. Got all in my face demanding I stop crying and saying what's your problem.... Well the next women I was with after the divorce process was started...I cried in the middle of being intimate. It was something I couldn't control as normally I'm always in control of my emotions. It's how I'm wired (especially as a Scorpio) of the raw emotions of it all. It wasn't a "sobbing moment" but 2 glistening tears that rolls down the side of my cheek. It was dim so she wouldn't have seen even though we were close so I took her hand and ran it across my face and she looked at me realizing....In my books it's a beautiful thing as you have the courage to be vulnerable....
  6. Thanks for that reminder....I needed that tonight...
  7. I'll join you! lol
  8. Really...he thinks you want to be "fuck buddies" when you just told him you didn't feel anything for him/are a lesbian? Does he not understand women at all?
  9. Wow...I just said that in a message today "divorce brings out the worst in people"....so true BiTriMama!!!! The fear of the unknown is overwhelming. Wanting to feel safe even if that means settling. But life is too short to settle, needing to step out onto the ledge for happiness is out there....must have the courage to reach for it!
  10. It is for the best however the children are the one's that don't quite understand it all. Yep nothing has to be determined right here and now. It will be awkward for the first couple weeks as lot of emotions will come out (like grieving of a loved one's death). Space and time is needed and open communication. It's hard for him because I imagine he still wants to have sex with you and you no longer desire his touch. Speaking from personal experience.
  11. It will be painfully difficult but you will feel the weight lifted off your shoulders. My husband cried when I wrote him the letter but just be as transparent with your feelings as best you can. It's not good to live your life in a lie. I'm still in the transition phase and wonder if I"m doing the right thing but I've been given signs that I am. The hardest things in life often lead to the most rewarding outcomes, just the getting there is the challenging part. This week is super busy for me but if you want to send me a p.m. and I can respond to you if you have any questions that I can help with.
  12. If you get a chance go under the header for Marriage section and read my post of "Finally did it, ripping the band-aid off* (or something like that
  13. Wow! I can so relate to you in pretty much all levels.....I won't write a book here but hopefully it's okay to P.M. you? Long story short (for other readers). I had my first sexual experience with a woman last November and is was on a whole new playing field!!! Sex with my husband lost it's meaning because I discovered with a woman that's what sex was to feel like. The emotional connection with the sexual/physical connection makes for fireworks that I never experienced with any man. I struggled being attracted to him nor any guy (as we were in an open marriage when I came out to him as bi August of last year). I find it difficult to put into words what I feel and I've been told I express myself very well when it comes to written stories (like you are there - posted a few things here on this site). You have to know what is best for you. I clung onto the fact that I needed to stick around for my children but I because more miserable and he got more frustrated. We tried counseling but it was him to initiated the divorce as he wouldn't want to be in a sexless marriage - I came out last month to him as lesbian (as a counseling session) and he said "it's over.' After that we considered a triad but that was holding out hopes and didn't want to string him along. I couldn't bring myself to have sex with him anymore. It hurt. I physically pulled away when he tried to kiss me during sex. My body didn't want his touch....the inner struggle was/is still real. Anyways I'll stop at that and if you want we can chat personal messenger.
  14. Yes having boundaries are a must as I can see it getting messy when feelings are so strong and wanting more of each other.