ChemFem

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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Everything posted by ChemFem

  1. zzz_girl same. While I was still Christian my "bad thoughts" paralyzed me. Now I have accepted that it's possible to want to punch someone in the face, but grit your teeth and do what's best for them anyway. That's true morality to me. It's also led me to focus less on repenting for past wrongs (in the sense of beating myself up for them) and more on making restitution to the person I hurt and learning so I don't do it again.
  2. Treating this with extra care seems like a good way to go. It sounds like you and your husband have a solution foundation on which to build. Best wishes in nurturing this new connection with her.
  3. I just met my old FWB for dinner yesterday because I was in town. We had a long talk, including him finally telling me a year later that he broke things off because he simply wasn't ready to be with anybody in any capacity - in fact he hasn't dated anybody since. That was a huge weight off me, knowing that I hadn't done anything wrong to push him away. On some level I'd felt like I was too broken and couldn't give him what he deserved - apparently he thought the same about me. It was a little bittersweet but I'm so glad we talked. It gave me a new appreciation for continuing to have this wonderful human in my life as a kind and faithful friend. I don't regret what happened with him (although I really wish I'd gone ahead and fucked him, dammit) and I'm just grateful for the good times then and the different sort of good times now.
  4. Before ShyBi, I used to think that bisexual people were somehow less queer than monosexual gays and lesbians. Consequently, I felt like we should sit down and shut up, both politically and socially. Then I actually learned some of the statistics about how bi people are at even higher risk of mental illness, substance abuse, sexual assault, suicide attempts, etc. These facts are tragic and grieve my heart, but they also motivate me to be out and proud and fight for the rights of bisexuals to be seen and recognized as valid.
  5. Hurrah for you! Glad to hear that you have successfully moved on. Boredom is better than an emotional roller coaster (something I'm also trying to convince myself of these days.) You should absolutely turn her down if she tries to re-initiate. She had her chance. Hold firm.
  6. Ugh that's super annoying, sorry. For what it's worth, literal wrestling in bed is awesome, but I can't speak to the rest of it.
  7. Maybe I'm just oblivious but this is the first time I recall you mentioning moving in with your girlfriend. Mazel tov!
  8. A reliable 'decent friend's detector is so important!
  9. @Rani how are things with you and the lucky lady? You seem to have chilled out in posting about her. Sounds like things are transitioning nicely from the honeymoon phase to long term partnership.
  10. If hormones aren't an option for medical reasons you can get a copper IUD.
  11. Unfortunately people did use religious texts in the past to justify discrimination on the basis of race and sex, sometimes in spectacularly awful ways. In America, some of the most dedicated abolitionists were Christian, but the mainstream church was a major upholder of slavery. Thankfully through dedicated struggle progress occurred. That precedent gives me hope for the future.
  12. Yeah @softfruit! It's all about respect.
  13. First times are emotionally fraught, as are pregnancy scares. Whatever you feel is pretty normal, save for perhaps homicidal rage lol
  14. Sorry if it seemed like I was dismissing the possibility of pregnancy in this situation @Apsalar15
  15. In theory you can but it's unlikely. If it's of concern to you, you can always take plan B to be safe. Sex ed tends to stress "even precum can contain sperm!!" mostly to scare people into abstinence only imo. It is true that it can contain some amount of sperm, but typically only if the man has recently ejaculated. If this is a concern for you going forward, I'd recommend using a condom just for your peace of mind. It also helps reduce the chance of infection. Frankly I'd say the most likely outcome of this is bacterial vaginosis, if even that. Just ask your OB/GYN or go to planned parenthood. They test your vaginal pH and take a culture swab. If you do have BV you'll just be put on a short term antibiotic. Eat your yogurt (or kombucha or other probiotic of choice) and you'll be fine. tl;dr if you are concerned you can take emergency contraception and/or a pregnancy test. However, it is likely not a problem.
  16. I stopped trying to pursue things with a girl I met in a Bible study because I realized I was atheist about halfway through the course. I suspect she is a closeted lesbian but she is going through a lot. Her faith is very important to her and I don't want her to have to simultaneously grapple with her sexuality and dating an atheist on my behalf.
  17. @moonbynight when I first heard the term nonbinary it really clicked with me. Obviously how you identify and present is up to you, but it's worth at least exploring. Feel free to PM if you care to discuss it more.
  18. Whether you dress it up in science or not, the idea of "spaghetti girls" (straight until they get hot and wet) is pretty toxic. I'm all for greater recognition of sexual fluidity, but not at the expense of mistrusting people's identities.
  19. Until recently I've mostly been attracted to my own age group but I'm really feeling the women in their 30s and 40s these days :swoon:
  20. So glad that you are feeling better now
  21. This was linked and made me very happy http://gomag.com/article/4-non-binary-people-share-how-they-use-binary-words-in-their-own-way/
  22. Kali nixta friend. I hope you have a very fulfilling time in real life and enjoy the break.
  23. Please join the chat! For what it's worth I still spend more time on Shy's proper, despite being an admin on the Slack channel @softfruit now is too
  24. Going to a lesbian bar on Friday for a friend's birthday, wish me luck...
  25. I was pretty alarmed to read a report by a local newspaper recently about the prevalence of domestic violence in Arizona (as with education, we're number 48.) http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/news/arizona-one-of-worst-in-nation-for-domestic-violence-10388817 One of the reasons cited in the article was the relative ease of accessing weapons, leading more of these incidents to turn lethal. It made me even more glad I got out when I did; some of the details sounded dismayingly familiar. Please ladies, I implore you, if your partner makes you feel at all unsafe, get out as soon as possible. The earlier you leave the more likely you are to be safe. Orders of protection and other such external mechanisms are certainly important, but above all you are your own best advocate. I realize I can harp on this subject, but it's really important and as bisexuals we are demographically at higher risk. You are all so valuable and deserve to be safe and loved. <3