clever-username

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About clever-username

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  1. Thank you I think that part of my problem was I am guilty of expecting too much of my mom. She's pretty progressive considering we live in a fairly conservative area and I guess I assumed that she would be able to just accept the fact I was bi but I think you're right. I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't sting a bit when she told me that she just couldn't understand how I could be attracted to both but I think I should just focus on the positive that she didn't get upset that I'm attracted to women. (Though, a funny bit: she did ask me "So you get...aroused by looking at women?" to which I responded with yes and she said "Are you sure?" I wanted to say "Very sure; I could verify this information with a few tales but I don't think we'd be able to look each other in the eyes afterwards." but when with "Pretty sure.")
  2. Thank you I think with my mom the problem is she's already looking at the endgame. She's trying to see me down the line with either a husband or a wife and is focusing on the fact that at that point I could be classified as either gay or straight; it's almost like she doesn't like being able to see the outcome coming because since I'm bi it could go either way.
  3. Well, I decided to start the arduous process of coming out to my family this past week; mainly due to having found opportunities to get people on their own. So far it's just been my sister and my mom. My sister was all for it. She actually admitted to having an slight attraction to women herself but said she doesn't want to label herself and that whatever floats my boat makes her happy. Mom...well, Mom's been having a bit of hard time. At first when I told her she seemed suspiciously cool about everything though she did admit she didn't understand it. She said she didn't get how I could be into both even though I told her that in all honesty I'm probably more pansexual than anything since it's more about finding someone that I could be with and that whether this person had a penis or a vagina didn't matter to me. She said that her ultimate goal is for me and all my siblings to find someone to be with so we aren't lonely. (We have an uncle who I highly suspect is asexual and, now that my gram died, he doesn't have anyone; my mom doesn't want us to be like that) But today it seems she's having a delayed freak out. She's actually making herself sick worrying about me but I'm not exactly sure why. I know my mother is not homophobic (that has never been in question) she admitted during our first talk that she's aware that me or any of my other siblings might be gay and that she will love me (and them) no matter what. She was talking to me and full out admitting that she was freaking out now and I hate to see her that way. So I told her to think of me as a question mark; since marriage or super long term attachment is my goal when looking for a partner (I have no patience for dating for the hell of it; I'm looking for someone to share my life with) I don't plan on jumping from person to person and so I told her that if I end up with a man, she could just think of me a straight and if I end up with a woman, she could think of me as gay. This seemed to help her feel a little better but knowing her, she's still going to worry. I'm not sure if this is a healthy way to go about this but I know that I'm bi and I suppose that's enough for me. At least now I know to hold back on telling my Dad since he is definitely going to have the same problem. I know that I've been given the advice not to try and start dating until I'm out of the closet but, I think telling my family before hand would be harder on them than if I just brought a woman home. We know quite a few people who are lesbians and I know that my family doesn't have a problem with that issue. I think that bisexuality is too much for them to handle but I think I can live with that.
  4. I'm really glad to see this, I thought I might be alone in the "fussy about men" thing. I have really specific things I need in a guy if I were to consider getting into a relationship with one (mainly issues concerning body hair, the one guy I dated had waaay too much and even though he was really nice, I just could not get a lady-boner because of all the hair...but I digress) The out-of-the blue realization that I would have a much easier time finding a woman I would be attracted to is what led to my "I'm bi" epiphany actually.
  5. @BiTriMama Yeah...you're right. I just don't know how long it'll take to get my nerve up to come out.
  6. @BiTriMama I could move if I really wanted to I suppose but I like living where I am; hell, I'm going to be the one who's buying my parents' house so they can build their dream home on another part of our land just down the road which means (barring any other changes later in life) I will have literally lived in the same place my entire life. And I'm okay with this, I live out in the woods so there aren't neighbors up my ass but there are some so I don't feel isolated. It's very comfortable to me and I think that's part of the reason I would rather stay where I am. I also have a really nice job that I'd like to keep since the benefits are nice and the pay is good and, even outside my area, I think finding that again would be difficult. At the moment, regarding my 'out' status, I've decided to take a go with the flow stance where either one of two things need to happen before I'll say anything: 1) I meet a woman who I'm compatible with and I want to be with (it wouldn't have to be for forever, just relatively serious) or 2) I get an opening to just drop the information. I will say that I've started to take an ambiguous stance on some things so, just in case I'm reading my family wrong, they wouldn't be so surprised; just little things though like purposefully avoiding mentioning 'a husband' when we muse about what getting married would be like for me or saying that I plan on adopting (interesting enough, this stance actually wouldn't change even if I did end up with a guy instead of girl; being pregnant scares me but that's a whole 'nother issue for a different time and place).
  7. @Cute&Curious You would be correct; I'm child free. Exploring isn't exactly off the menu, I just don't see it happening right away. My best friend and her husband live in a bigger town nearby and it seems to me that I might be able to meet women more easily there (plus my friend has offered to be my wing-lady, she's got better gaydar than I do) but they're about 2 hours away so visits aren't very frequent. Part of my hang up is the fact that I'm not out and I'm worried what people will think if I pop up and say "hi! meet my girlfriend, so and so." I think if I did find someone I connected with that would be the kick in the pants I need to come out since, even before the weird moment I mentioned before, I don't think my parents would really have an issue with me dating a woman. Mom would be the most laid back, Dad would be freaked but more in the awkward 'what do I do with this information/am I supposed to hug you now' kind of way and my siblings would make dirty/inappropriate jokes (which is how my family deals with things).
  8. Yeah, I'm currently single. I think that under the right circumstances I would definitely pursue relationships with women. It's once of my recent realizations actually. I realized that if I was, let's say, picked up and dropped off in a different, more city-like area where I was completely new and no one knew me, I would date women like that *snaps fingers*. But living where I live now...well, it's not that my area is homophobic necessarily (there are some people who are but screw those guys), but dating a woman would definitely bring attention to me and I like to blend into the background. Not to mention there's not a very big dating pool to begin with (especially when you take out all the creepy dudes) and if you take out the (non-skeezy) men and narrow it down to women who are interested in dating women, it gets pretty damn small. I feel like it would be a better fit for me to date a woman. Like I said, I've dated two guys and it just felt off; this also could have been because the *guys* themselves were awkward (a fact verified by various friends and family) but I feel like it would be easier to lay all my cards out on the table if I were dating a woman. I always felt like I was performing a bit when I was with them in a way I don't think I would be compelled to do in a relationship with a woman.
  9. I signed up for this site about a week ago and it took me this long to get up the nerve to post something... My story is pretty basic: mid-twenties something takes a long hard look at herself and realizes "damn...I'm into girls too". It was weirdly gradual but what really set it off was about a month ago, I remembered how back when in either high school or college, I was out shopping with my aunt and I saw this girl and I just could *not* stop looking at her butt (even years and years later I still remember my brain saying "why are you looking at her butt? stop looking at it, seriously stop it, you weirdo" and feeling really conflicted). Add that to the fact that now that I'm a grown ass woman with access to the internet and have had time to realize just what tends to draw my eye; the conclusion was obvious. So far only my best friend knows though I have a feeling my family suspects *something*. There was a weird incident just recently while we were all sitting around talking where it was heavily implied that there was "no judgement here". I've only ever had two boyfriends, neither worked out for personality compatibility reasons, so sometime I wonder if they think I'm a lesbian. Anyway, I suppose that's enough nonsense for a first post. Thanks for listening to my ramble.