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About clever-username

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  1. Oooh, I looove literotica. That's actually where I first started listening to F4F audio and it got me to thinking about my sexuality. I use that gonewildaudio on reddit now more often but literotica was were it all began, haha
  2. In case anyone was wondering what happened didn't... After weeks of stilted one sided conversations, I gave up. I feel kinda bad since I just stopped texting but I just got so frustrated. If she didn't want to talk to me anymore, just tell me. It's been a month or so now and she's never bothered to text so I think it's safe to say she wasn't interested. I got so annoyed I shut off all my online dating profiles again and thought about going about it the old fashioned way since I had a wedding coming up and thought "Hey, let's see if we meet someone" though that turned into a disaster too. (Long story short for curious minds, a cute guy was flirting with me the whole reception [something that **never** happens to me and made me feel super awesome] but it turns out he was only doing it to get to my sister's facebook to message her...story of my damn life but whatever....) Anyway, thank you all for the great advice
  3. So, I finally started talking to a girl on OK cupid but I'm worried it's not going as well as I thought it was. She messaged me first and we started talking on the sight. Things were going pretty well and we were talking a bit each day and I thought "woo! Awesome!". Then she asks if I want to exchange numbers to text and I said yes. I figured it would be easier to talk since the chat feature on OK cupid is kinda sucky and that we'd be able to get to know each other better. Operative word being: thought Because we actually talk less now and I can't for the life of me tell if it's just because she's a quiet person and likes letting someone else carry the conversation or if she's changed her mind and finds me annoying. I'm always the one to start a new conversation and while I'm sharing things about myself, she just kinda responds with vague pleasantries and pretty much every time our conversations last for about three text that go something like this: Me: How's it going? Her: Great, how about you? Me: oh I'm having a pretty good day Work wasn't too bad today End of conversation So I guess my question is, how do you know if someone has changed their mind and isn't interested anymore or if they are just a quiet person in general? I absolutely hate the idea that I'm bugging her if she's decided I'm not the one for her but I just can't bring myself to ask "seriously, am I bugging you?"
  4. I'm definitely considering more that one site. I'm on right now and I'm not impressed with the set up and even though I specified I was looking for women, I keep getting very obviously straight men in my suggested matches. I want to find a site that makes it easier to talk to people. Like, these sites claim to match you up with people who have the same interests but the interests they pick are either super vague or strangely specific; for example on, they asked me if I like movies which is a pretty damn wide area but then in the same question they asked if I like to play cards. I'd rather have a site that has forums or something you for different topics so you could learn more about people as people before you start thinking about dating them. I feel like that would feel more natural.
  5. Yeah, I pretty committed to staying where I am; I'm actually working on buying my parent's house since they're going to be building a new one on another part of our land so definitely not interested in moving. I've tried using me Meetup groups in the past (more for just meeting new people in general) and there were a few that seemed like they would be fun but it looks like they haven't had anything going on for a few years. I've always been a bit hesitant to talk about my nerd-ness which I think is because not many people I know are into the same things so I usually just keep it to myself. I know I should try to get past that since I know that there are a lot of people out there who probably like what I like (especially I like stuff like Supernatural, those fans are everywhere, haha) it's just a hard habit to break. I may have to try some other sites just of make sure I have a wide pool of people.
  6. Me too I'm still not too happy about trying to meet someone online since it freaks me out but I really don't have a choice. I don't like going to crowded places so going to a bar would be out and I don't really have any ties to anyone in the lgbt community around here (not that it's really hopping considering how rural I am). I'd much prefer getting set up by a friend or something since I would be able to be more comfortable around them knowing my friend trusts them.
  7. This is definitely one of my concerns since I am a huge nerd. There's really no way to make being a nerd sound good without someone getting to know you first but when you say that you're a nerd, their minds go to stereotypes and nine times out of ten, they pass you by (at least that's my guess.) But at the same time I don't want to be dishonest and not tell them since my nerd-y interests are a big part of my life and anyone I would want to get into a relationship with would need to understand that I don't plan on giving those things up. Plus I have to find a way to make being an introvert sound good since "I like to stay home and do nothing but putter around the house and watch tv after a long work week" doesn't seem like it would be appealing to anyone but me, haha
  8. Finally made a dating profile saying that I'm seeking women.... Not sure if I'll delete it or not. Online dating freaks me out to begin with and the fact that I'm not out makes it a bit more nerve-wracking because I have this weird fear that someone will see my picture and spread the word. Logically I know that if someone where to see my profile, that person would also be a woman seeking women so why would they blab but freak out progress. Deep down I know I need to do **something** because I live in a rural area; a lady who is interested other ladies isn't going to just drop in my lap and after taking some time to think and compile what I know about myself, the odds that I would click with another woman are very high. Much higher than me matching up with a guy (my criteria for men is very specific and none of the men in my area will be able to fit them, I'm fairly certain of that.) I was tired of being lonely and worried about meeting someone before I accepted my attraction to women but now that I realize I'm more towards the lesbian side of the bi-scale, it's so much worse. Online dating seems to be the only way to meet people but as I said before, it freaks me out. But let's be real, I'll probably freak out hardcore in a day or two (especially since I put up a picture) and delete it or put it on hold or whatever just like I've done with my other dating profiles...
  9. Thank you I think that part of my problem was I am guilty of expecting too much of my mom. She's pretty progressive considering we live in a fairly conservative area and I guess I assumed that she would be able to just accept the fact I was bi but I think you're right. I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't sting a bit when she told me that she just couldn't understand how I could be attracted to both but I think I should just focus on the positive that she didn't get upset that I'm attracted to women. (Though, a funny bit: she did ask me "So you get...aroused by looking at women?" to which I responded with yes and she said "Are you sure?" I wanted to say "Very sure; I could verify this information with a few tales but I don't think we'd be able to look each other in the eyes afterwards." but when with "Pretty sure.")
  10. Thank you I think with my mom the problem is she's already looking at the endgame. She's trying to see me down the line with either a husband or a wife and is focusing on the fact that at that point I could be classified as either gay or straight; it's almost like she doesn't like being able to see the outcome coming because since I'm bi it could go either way.
  11. Well, I decided to start the arduous process of coming out to my family this past week; mainly due to having found opportunities to get people on their own. So far it's just been my sister and my mom. My sister was all for it. She actually admitted to having an slight attraction to women herself but said she doesn't want to label herself and that whatever floats my boat makes her happy. Mom...well, Mom's been having a bit of hard time. At first when I told her she seemed suspiciously cool about everything though she did admit she didn't understand it. She said she didn't get how I could be into both even though I told her that in all honesty I'm probably more pansexual than anything since it's more about finding someone that I could be with and that whether this person had a penis or a vagina didn't matter to me. She said that her ultimate goal is for me and all my siblings to find someone to be with so we aren't lonely. (We have an uncle who I highly suspect is asexual and, now that my gram died, he doesn't have anyone; my mom doesn't want us to be like that) But today it seems she's having a delayed freak out. She's actually making herself sick worrying about me but I'm not exactly sure why. I know my mother is not homophobic (that has never been in question) she admitted during our first talk that she's aware that me or any of my other siblings might be gay and that she will love me (and them) no matter what. She was talking to me and full out admitting that she was freaking out now and I hate to see her that way. So I told her to think of me as a question mark; since marriage or super long term attachment is my goal when looking for a partner (I have no patience for dating for the hell of it; I'm looking for someone to share my life with) I don't plan on jumping from person to person and so I told her that if I end up with a man, she could just think of me a straight and if I end up with a woman, she could think of me as gay. This seemed to help her feel a little better but knowing her, she's still going to worry. I'm not sure if this is a healthy way to go about this but I know that I'm bi and I suppose that's enough for me. At least now I know to hold back on telling my Dad since he is definitely going to have the same problem. I know that I've been given the advice not to try and start dating until I'm out of the closet but, I think telling my family before hand would be harder on them than if I just brought a woman home. We know quite a few people who are lesbians and I know that my family doesn't have a problem with that issue. I think that bisexuality is too much for them to handle but I think I can live with that.
  12. I'm really glad to see this, I thought I might be alone in the "fussy about men" thing. I have really specific things I need in a guy if I were to consider getting into a relationship with one (mainly issues concerning body hair, the one guy I dated had waaay too much and even though he was really nice, I just could not get a lady-boner because of all the hair...but I digress) The out-of-the blue realization that I would have a much easier time finding a woman I would be attracted to is what led to my "I'm bi" epiphany actually.
  13. @BiTriMama're right. I just don't know how long it'll take to get my nerve up to come out.
  14. @BiTriMama I could move if I really wanted to I suppose but I like living where I am; hell, I'm going to be the one who's buying my parents' house so they can build their dream home on another part of our land just down the road which means (barring any other changes later in life) I will have literally lived in the same place my entire life. And I'm okay with this, I live out in the woods so there aren't neighbors up my ass but there are some so I don't feel isolated. It's very comfortable to me and I think that's part of the reason I would rather stay where I am. I also have a really nice job that I'd like to keep since the benefits are nice and the pay is good and, even outside my area, I think finding that again would be difficult. At the moment, regarding my 'out' status, I've decided to take a go with the flow stance where either one of two things need to happen before I'll say anything: 1) I meet a woman who I'm compatible with and I want to be with (it wouldn't have to be for forever, just relatively serious) or 2) I get an opening to just drop the information. I will say that I've started to take an ambiguous stance on some things so, just in case I'm reading my family wrong, they wouldn't be so surprised; just little things though like purposefully avoiding mentioning 'a husband' when we muse about what getting married would be like for me or saying that I plan on adopting (interesting enough, this stance actually wouldn't change even if I did end up with a guy instead of girl; being pregnant scares me but that's a whole 'nother issue for a different time and place).
  15. @Cute&Curious You would be correct; I'm child free. Exploring isn't exactly off the menu, I just don't see it happening right away. My best friend and her husband live in a bigger town nearby and it seems to me that I might be able to meet women more easily there (plus my friend has offered to be my wing-lady, she's got better gaydar than I do) but they're about 2 hours away so visits aren't very frequent. Part of my hang up is the fact that I'm not out and I'm worried what people will think if I pop up and say "hi! meet my girlfriend, so and so." I think if I did find someone I connected with that would be the kick in the pants I need to come out since, even before the weird moment I mentioned before, I don't think my parents would really have an issue with me dating a woman. Mom would be the most laid back, Dad would be freaked but more in the awkward 'what do I do with this information/am I supposed to hug you now' kind of way and my siblings would make dirty/inappropriate jokes (which is how my family deals with things).