Jump to content


  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Country

    United States

Community Reputation

89 Excellent

1 Follower

About Mandolin

  • Rank
    French Kisser

Recent Profile Visitors

532 profile views
  1. Mandolin

    Dom or Sub

    I am also curious to hear from others. I have recently gotten some experience that makes these terms somehow clearer and muddier at the same time lol. I've been with several women before. My role has almost always been the giver, top, butch, dominant, whatever you want to call it. But in pretty vanilla circumstances. No actual bdsm or 'true' dom/sub dynamic. But now, I've been dating a woman for a few months that really wants to be submissive in the bedroom in a way that I never considered before. I'm learning that there is a HUGE range of behavior and activity possible between 'vanilla' and extreme bdsm. How did I never know this world existed?? Haha I was always so dismissive of anything other than 'typical' lovemaking (and I realize how broad that can be as well, but hey). But holy shit, ladies! I am discovering a whole new world that is equal parts exhilarating and terrifying lol. Good stuff - the rush that I get when I know she wants to cum so bad yet won't until I say so. Her body shaking with the effort she makes to hold back. Refusing her again and again until she's pleading. Then, that release is so sweet! I suppose I would now term this kind of thing 'true' dom/sub play. I'm not just leading, I'm psychologically in control as well. This includes the parts where she is pleasuring me. She loves being told what to do and how to do it. But only in the bedroom which is just perfect for me. Scary stuff - pain, and figuring out how to be aggressively dom without being a jerk lol. I feel like I need to get to know her better before I can make many decisions on her behalf in the bedroom. She said that sometimes 'no' really means 'yes.' And she demonstrated different ways of saying no. That's a pretty fine line to tread and could be bad juju for sure if I was to misinterpret. As for pain, just a little biting and spanking so far but based on the effects, I think we both want to push the envelope a bit more. It's difficult though to know truly what you like until you try it. I just want to go super slow and not do anything to upset either of us. I like her a lot and want this relationship to last! I am learning though that I'm not a hard-core domme, and never will be. I will always favor sweet, tender lovemaking. But role-playing with the dom/sub dynamic definitely adds a whole new level to that connection with my partner. I guess I always thought that bdsm automatically meant some layer of disrespecting your partner. But in reality it can be very much the opposite. The type of trust and respect required to either give or take orders is unlike anything I've ever experienced before. It's intense! As for pain, seriously, juussst the right amount at the right time.....fireworks.
  2. Mandolin

    Help with a doubt?

    Rest easy, my friend. There is always the risk that a relationship won't last forever, no matter the circumstances under which it began. But you said it yourself. She loves you enough to have the courage to change her whole life...to create a life that she's probably dreamt about for a long time. I'm thinking she'll be loyal to you for a good long while at the least.
  3. Mandolin


    It's a lovely dream, one I hope to live someday. Thanks for sharing - you're definitely not alone with the sleepless night/morning thing and your mind going in all kinds of weird directions. Haha blog, good question. What a frumpy name for something so potentially interesting and personal. Here's hoping for sleep soon.
  4. Mandolin

    In love

    I don't understand the part where she said you cannot be trusted - what do you think she meant by that? I guess maybe that guy but really? If she's holding onto that then she has bigger issues. Actually, it does appear she has a whole other side to her that perhaps you are better off this way. You sound like such a sweet and caring person and you deserve better! Time will help, hun. Maybe when you're ready to put yourself out there, try the dating world. The perfect person for you is waiting, somewhere!
  5. I guess I consider spirituality as applying to any belief (or possible belief, awareness, suspicion, or simply wondering) that there is more going on than what meets the eye. I think there are probably as many ways to think about and express this spirituality as there are people on the planet lol. It is a highly individual concept, even among those within the same religious 'group.'
  6. I am a white American, and dated a black woman from a little carribean country for over a year. Omg did I love her! And her accent. Even now (17 years later) just thinking of how she said my name makes my heart flutter. We were both in college, though not at the same school. Eventually, her parents found out about me and my suspiciously close relationship with their daughter. This news, combined with her passing yet not perfect grades, prompted them to pull her out of school and back to her home country. I was devastated. We spent a year working with LGBT lawyers to find a legal way for her to return to the U.S. on her own. It didn't work out, and eventually we faded into our separate lives. She was doing ok last we spoke. I always wonder what if though.... :( I've had 2 so-so ffm threesome experiences. One woman was from Barbados and the other Puerto Rican. Both were good friends before and after. Lol I do like many aspects of interracial relationships/friendships! Looks, accents, food, music, culture, family dynamics....I think it's good to see what other ways of living and loving are out there. Unfortunately in this regard, I now live in a small, rural, 99% white American town. We definitely need some variety here to mix it up!
  7. Mandolin

    How to Get Over a Breakup?

    Is there any chance of him being willing to talk to you more about this? It sounds like you are confused and I personally think he owes it to you to explain further. If anything, just because he cares about you as a person and wants you to be able to find closure. Not necessarily to try and change his mind because it doesn't sound like he's open to it. My heart goes out to you and I hope you can work through this. Time and staying busy will definitely help.
  8. @ChemFem I can definitely respect your opinion on the mental health issue. I guess I would then have to ask, what is it specifically that triggers kids to act out by way of killing spree? It may not be solely mental health, but I don't think it's solely access to guns or types of guns either. I live in a pretty rural area now (grew up in Orlando, was terrified of guns lol). I think literally everyone I know around here owns at least one gun, mostly for hunting. Kids in this area are exposed to guns so much more than I was when growing up. Many of them take hunter safety courses as soon as they are old enough (11 I believe). It's a completely normal part of local culture here, and viewed primarily as a tool. Of course there are also people who just enjoy the challenge of target-shooting, and own guns for that purpose. Or, for self-protection. This last one is a touchy subject on the pro-gun side, but personally I think if one or two rounds can't handle the theoretical job at hand, you're probably in bigger trouble than your gun can fix. Anyway, what makes these kids tick and how can we prevent it? Ok, yes on limiting high-casualty guns and who can get them. Yes to improved mental health services. Yes to open, honest communication and supportive attitudes at home between family members. But there's one more piece that I don't know how we'll overcome (and prob some I'm not thinking of). That is the glorification of these incidents by troubled minds who see stuff like this happen and think hey, now THERE is a way I could express all of this anger and frustration I'm feeling! Not in those words, of course, but I think it creates this sense of a spree as an 'option.' So do we somehow shield kids from learning about these incidents? Impossible. Are the sprees going to stop happening and thus stop being publicized/discussed? Probably not, sadly. It seems to me to come down to personal responsibility on each and every adult in our society - we have to really pay attention to the kids in our lives, no matter the relationship, and make sure that those who are struggling get some help/support. Even that may not be enough...
  9. Good points, everyone! I am a fairly new gun owner myself (3 years ago) and honestly, the process was far too simple. This was for long guns, not pistols, but I breezed through the process in less than 30 minutes. Most of that time was just waiting for the vendor's internet access to get sorted out. AND, this was in New York, one of the tougher states on gun laws in the US. Yes, they did a background check which is good, but is it enough? No way. Just because my record contains nothing more than traffic violations, does that make me fit to own a gun? There was only one question regarding why I was making the purchase, but it was clearly cursory and there was little interest in my answer. Or, perhaps it was a reflection of the vendor's personal opinion that he shouldn't be asking me why I wanted a gun in the first place? Also, why was there no gun safety course required prior to ownership? When I got home I was pretty nervous about handling the damn thing. Luckily, I had my brother to teach me. I don't know....I guess I'm one of those gun owners that stay silent and shouldn't. Honestly, I have little knowledge of guns beyond my little collection, so can't speak on the specifics of AR's, bumpstocks, etc. I do, however, feel that gun control measures alone hold little value. There are many other ways to injure and kill people, and we can't possibly use legislation to cover all the bases. Improvements in mental health screening and subsequent assistance seem like the best starting point from my perspective. But then there is the larger issue of why do we have so many kids growing up with mental health challenges? It starts with home and the family. Not an easy fix for sure.
  10. Mandolin

    Lesbians and Biphobia

    Haha, special snowflakes. Love it
  11. Oh yeah, it seems beyond a doubt to me that this woman is into you and wants more. Prob time for an open conversation about what you both want.
  12. Mandolin

    Lesbians and Biphobia

    I think it depends on the person, or in some cases, the community 'vibe.' My experiences have been almost completely positive. In fact, it's here on shys where I've seen/heard the most propaganda of this theory. I have many lesbian friends and have been to LGBTQ groups, gay/lesbian bars, etc. There is a bit of fear that a woman identifying as bi will just experiment, then flee to the relative social safety of 'straight' life. However, when it comes to really falling in love with someone, my experiences and friends' experiences prove the lesbian biphobia theory completely wrong. I now identify as completely lesbian, and have no problem dating a woman who identifies as bi. However, I would prefer to be in a monogamous relationship. That is sometimes a deal-breaker in situations where there is a hubby or boyfriend in the picture as well. As for whether bisexuality is more or less accepted now than in the past? Honestly, the answer that came to mind actually surprised me. Yes, I think all labels of sexuality along the spectrum are more accepted now. BUT, it also seems more common for people to assume that someone identifying as bi is really just gay and hasn't figured it out that far yet. Maybe that's just in my little patch of the world? I can understand why this kind of assumption could be deeply offensive to some folks. However, I admit I am guilty of doing it myself at times! I would never say it, but really, I prob shouldn't think that either. To each their own!
  13. I'm not sure how you could get it now but I LOVED 'If These Walls Could Talk 2' years ago. Has Ellen Degeneres and Sharon Stone as a couple in one of the storylines. Also includes Vanessa Redgrave and Chloe Sevigny. Worth checking out if you can!
  14. @Ambrosia I'm sorry, just now catching up on this thread. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I'm really happy for you that you have a wonderful sister who loves you no matter what you are and what your choices are. I have a sister like that too, and I wouldn't trade her for ANYTHING!! She just renewed her vows with her husband of 10 years tonight, and even though they've been through hell, I'm so proud of her for sticking it out and still being true to herself. He's a pretty great guy and I'm lucky to have him in my life too. Best of luck to you through this difficult journey. ((Hugs))