Bifrog
Silver Shy-Bi Girl-
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Slovenia
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An introvert for sure.
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I felt quite okay after finishing working with my crush, my feelings didn't get out of control this time. Not completely crushed at home this time. I did have these physical sensations when she was around me but I was just observing them, I didn't get overwhelmed by them. It's amazing how a certain person being near you can influence your whole being, physically and emotionally. That's rare. Too bad nothing can ever come off this.
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What a dream a had today. I was sitting somewhere, probably at work. She sat close to me and started slowly kissing my cheek and then near my mouth and then I started kissing her back as well. We weren't even alone. She took a few days off lately and this happened in my dream when she returned. I see her tomorrow. Wow. If only in reality....
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Yesterday was hell, was working with my crush and I lose it at home whenever we're around each other a lot, standing close and say things to each other. Feelings are always back full force if we're together a lot. Her proximity to me is torture. It's so stressful also because I'm trying to be professional and hide my feelings, trying not to think that she's near me when it's all I can think about. Don't want others to notice and don't want her to notice as well.
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I don't know how to handle this anymore. Try to relax, enjoy it might be good if I can manage that when she's got such a hold on me. She just does it for me. I love the way she smells, her voice, her authority, her beautiful long blond hair, cute nose, her entire appearance. Wish I could get to know her better but she never discusses anything privately with any of her co-workers. I have decided that if we ever stop working together I'll tell her everything I feel and want to say to her via fb message. It'll be easier to write it down and she won't have to have an immediate response/reaction to it.
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That's tough. I wish you all the luck and strength to get through it.
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Thanks.
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My absolute favorites are Shane & Carmen and Dylan & Helena. I feel like no girl Shane hooked up with had better chemistry with her than Carmen, they were so great together. The way they looked at each other... Carmen gave depth to the Shane character, Shane character development was best with Carmen. They were great in angsty, as well as funny moments, they were sexy and cute, my favorite combination in a fictional couple I like. Sarah Shahi supposedly confirmed that she'll be in the reboot so I think we have Sharmen to look forward to next year! So happy! Shane will never forget her, loved that scene in season 6 when she didn't want to throw her Carmen-era T-shirts away because she wanted some sort of remembrance of her, had no protest over Paige and Cherie shirts being disposed of. Helena and Dylan, they're special to me because Dylan was "straight" at first and in denial over her attraction and feelings for Helena but couldn't resist her. They had so much sexual tension, their scenes were so hot. Kind of how I wish me and my crush could be together. With both of these couples the writing was the problem in how they ended them. Nothing else to say about the fact that neither stayed together.
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My rule would be not to profit at the expense of happiness, well-being, deaths of any living being (no production of weapons, no wars). No exploitation of animals or people.
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With my crush I notice that when I want to have contact, some interaction with her the most, it doesn't happen. It happens naturally when I don't feel I have attachment to her. Something to take notice of. be cool, confident, don't feel attachment to anybody and it will happen (yeah, right, like that's me, I wish). Why won't it when I really want it?!? Life sucks, we, people, suck for being so complicated.
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One of the things that attracted me to her from the start is the way she handles herself as the boss. She's capable, confident, clear-headed, strict (all of those things most of the time anyway) but I also see how nice she can be, a bit vulnerable as well sometimes, I see it in her eyes. I guess she's everything I wish I could be most of the time. Or opposites attract?
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I hear you. It's so frustrating. :(
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I liked working with my crush yesterday. It was not awkward. Had a bit of interaction when we got coffee. It was nice.
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And we had a bit of an intense eye contact afterwards when we saw each other again. Which was exciting when I think about it now. I really can't shake the feeling that she feels something for me too. Her body language and eye contact say a lot. I know nothing will ever happen, not deluding myself ever again but I still enjoy it a bit now, love seeing her from time to time. And when she smiles at me.... omg... she's perfect.
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Lol thats like earlier this week my boss (whom I am very attracted too) took a bottle out of my hand so brushed my fingers. I NEVER touch her for good reason lol so will forever remember the hand brushing. So little and stupid but made me happy! My male boss (who is friends with my female boss) knows about the attraction. As I talked to him about it as he is an awesome guy. I asked him "well how do I get over her?" His response was "you don't." It is fine to fantasize n crush on anyone (who is not a child!) So when am stressed and feel horrible for thinking thoughts about her I think of what he said and makes me feel human n normal
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Thank you for sharing. I will remember that as well.
I also believe you never forget your most intense crushes, feelings can fade away slowly, they're not as intense as before but they can return when you see the crush, talk to them and they're nice to you. We're almost in the same situation. I brushed fingers with my crush once as well, back then when she wasn't aware of my feelings. I distinctly noticed it, not sure she did. I'm pretty sure we'll never touch again. I avoid it as well, wouldn't want her to think I'd do it deliberately.
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I'm vegan so I don't contribute to the massive killing and torture of cows, chickens, pigs, sheep, fish... I do my best not to exploit any animal for my benefit.
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My cat climbs on my balcony at night (doesn't want to go in before I go to sleep, he loves it outside) and demands to be let in. Of course I wake up, get up and let him in. They when he's done eating (by the way I leave food and water outside for him, too), he's scratching on the door until I let him out of my bedroom and he leads me downstairs so I let him out again. But I love him even though I often don't sleep well because of him.
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One calling me by my name and teasing me and then the next day an eye contact and a little smile from her and my feelings are always back even though she hasn't been treating me well before that. I can't handle my feelings and then I try to hide them by being serious around her, afraid to look at her again. If she didn't have a boyfriend, I think I'd be bolder and show my feelings but I feel like it's useless and I have no right to do it. I hope she doesn't think I'm pissed off at her for being a bit rude with me lately. I can't be, I just don't like her attitude when she's like that but the minute she's nice to me again, I fall for her all over again. My heart forgets everything that happened before.
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From The L-Word: Helena: Have you ever fallen in love with a straight woman? Tina: You're asking the wrong person. I was straight until I met Bette. Helena: Then talk to me as a straight woman. What went through your mind when you first had these feelings? Tina: It was terrifying. I mean, the falling in love part feels good, but there's so much to wrap your head around. Helena: But why? I mean, isn't love just love? Tina: No, it isn't. It's not the life that most straight women want. Most straight women, they spend so much time preparing for the husband, the kids, the house, it's too much to undo. I think this makes a lot of sense.
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Imagine Me & You.
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I get so withdrawn and sad sometimes when I'm working with my crush. I guess it's normal because I'm trying to hide how I feel about her from everyone and I wish I didn't have to do that, plus I can never tell if she likes me back or not. There are little signs here and there, those smiles, teasing but it's not very obvious. I just don't want her to think I'm a freak for sometimes stealing a glance at her even though she looks at me, too. Our eyes meet quite often. It's just a sad situation, especially when my feelings get stronger sometimes when she smiles at me and I think about her more often and miss her.
I watched the film Imagine You & Me recently and it just reminds me of me and my crush, except we'll never talk about how we feel, never kiss and never have a happy ending. Those two characters act exactly like me sometimes, sad and withdrawn because they're in love and it's an impossible situation, they can never be together (or so they think at the time). I almost cry at the scene where they say goodbye to each other in the park...
I will feel better, I'll get through this, there are periods when it gets harder, you think you're over it but I don't know if I'll ever be as long as I keep seeing her in my life (at work).
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I am like you with my work crush - some hours/days/weeks/months it is hard!! Then next hour/day/week/month it is like "I got this - no prob!" I feel for ya! She is your coworker right? I forget your whole story? You know she is for sure not interested in women? Mine is my boss so cant do anything about it but if she was just a coworker I would at least ask her for drinks - not with intention of sleeping with her lol but just to hang out....
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She is my superior but not really my boss. She's in a serious relationship, living with her boyfriend (I was told by co-workers who like to gossip, I didn't ask) so I have no right to tell her anything about my feelings or to ask her out. Besides I'm too shy, it's a small town we live in, too complicated, it just never could happen. I like to think that she could be interested in women, maybe just me? Sometimes I get the vibe and the way she's looking at me, smiling, the way she calls me by my name... there were a few times when she was acting like she likes me, hard to describe, I was stunned, other times she's very professional, I think possibly becomes aware of her feelings more and the fact that she has a bf and that it's wrong. I don't know. I guess I'll never know for sure because we'll never talk about it.
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understand sometimes I see a glimmer of hope in how my boss (who alot of people who haved worked for her hate) in things she says or looks she gives. She trusts me and I think that is hard for her too do hearing about past relationships she has/had with other employees. And I definitely fo not want to lose that as love my job. IF something is MEANT to happen it will naturally one day! Until then hopefully we both find a different crush one day! I am in small close knit city (about 10000) so yes word can spread easily here too. As I work for probably one of the biggest Employers in my City.
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