Bifrog

Btw. WAYHAUGHT! Anyone watch the show Wynonna Earp? Waverly and Nicole are such an amazing couple with so much chemistry. I just love them.

It's been a while since I wrote here anything. I've been thinking a lot about my crush lately. We don't work together anymore but I still see her from time to time. It's better I don't because I see what I can't have and get sad. Out of sight, out of mind, right? We usually have no contact anymore but a few weeks ago we worked together for a bit, she was covering for my current superior. I loved it, it's been unexpected and I couldn't help but smile when I saw that we'll work together again. I tried not to show it but it made me happy for a bit. Other times when I just see her, like today, when her superior congratulated our team for doing a good job, she was present, I get sad, I don't care if the big boss praises us, all I could think about is that I can't be with her. I have a good working relationship with my current superior, she's okay, but sometimes I wish I could have that kind of friendly relationship with her. I guess because in this case no feelings are involved, I can have a normal relationship with my current superior. That's just the way it is. I wish we could work together again but I know that it's better that we don't.

She was in my dreams last night and not the first time. It was nothing romantic this time, we were just friendly. And then I see her at work. Haven't looked at her (beautiful) face in months. When, oh when will I be indifferent towards her, when she's near me? When will this crush completely fade away? It think it would be about time.

Unrequited love sucks. Hope I never get through that again. She still occupies my mind now and then. I fell for her hard. Harder than for anyone else in my life. My first real crush. She'll always be that. But it'a better for me not thinking about her. Move on completely.

Not working with her but she's around. I'm determined not to even look at her and stay away but she had to say something to me yesterday when she didn't have to. And then I saw her looking at me from afar. Now she occupied my mind again. Damn her. I really need this shit to be over now. I'm glad we're not working together, I'm so done with it. I hope I handle crushing on another person better next time. At least I'll be prepared after this bad experience. If it ever happens again, I always fall for unavailable people.

I'll be alone forever. I'll probably be working with my former crush again next week but that shit is over forever. Time to let go. What are the chances I meet another bi or les person in this town and we like each other? Zero.

I think today has been my last shift with my crush at work. For a long time anyway. I'm glad. I think I need the distance. Working with her makes me sad and miserable. When she's nice and normal to me then she's perfect and it's torture that I can't be with her and when she's bitchy for no reason, ignores me and mostly talks to my co-worker who I can't stand then it's unpleasant and makes me sad as well. It's a no-win situation. I'm glad it's over for now. I think I'll be more at ease at work now. Hope so anyway.

I felt quite okay after finishing working with my crush, my feelings didn't get out of control this time. Not completely crushed at home this time. I did have these physical sensations when she was around me but I was just observing them, I didn't get overwhelmed by them. It's amazing how a certain person being near you can influence your whole being, physically and emotionally. That's rare. Too bad nothing can ever come off this.

What a dream a had today. I was sitting somewhere, probably at work. She sat close to me and started slowly kissing my cheek and then near my mouth and then I started kissing her back as well. We weren't even alone. She took a few days off lately and this happened in my dream when she returned. I see her tomorrow. Wow. If only in reality....

Yesterday was hell, was working with my crush and I lose it at home whenever we're around each other a lot, standing close and say things to each other. Feelings are always back full force if we're together a lot. Her proximity to me is torture. It's so stressful also because I'm trying to be professional and hide my feelings, trying not to think that she's near me when it's all I can think about. Don't want others to notice and don't want her to notice as well.