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Silver Shy-Bi Girl
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About HerbanOrla

  • Rank
    Getting Flirty

Profile Information

  • Location
    Large city in the midwest
  • Interests
    Hiking, literature, travel. Women and men. Scotch whisky, designer denim, awesome vegan restaurants, consignment shops
  • Favourite Book
    Everthing by Eown Ivey, His Dark Materials series
  • Favourite TV Show
    Way too many but it includes Twin Peaks

Recent Profile Visitors

312 profile views
  1. I think she’s very talented and I like her music.
  2. It’s true that women sometimes do the emotional work for male partners, and that some men have a hard time expressing emotions. You get why this is, right? Male children are socialized differently from females from a very early age, and this is a giant fail on the part of most societies. Boys are told in hundreds of ways they their emotions are unacceptable and make them weak/not masculine. This is a cycle that must be broken so that boys and men don’t feel that normal human emotions are a sign of weakness. I believe that change is beginning to take place, especially with the current dialogue about toxic masculinity and the #metoo awareness that is becoming more and more pervasive (at least in this country). Men are people just as we are. I sincerely believe a lot of men want to express their emotions more freely without fear of being judged, but may have no idea how to begin. We can and should do a *hell* of a lot better than resorting to tired old tropes like ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,’ throwing our hands in the air, and deciding that’s just the way it is. The concepts expressed in that book are simplistic and easy lies that serve no one, and just perpetuate stereotypes that need to die. I’m leaving this article here (“Everyone around you is grieving. Go easy.”) because in my mind it’s relevant to this topic. Men and women experience pain equally. We are all broken and trying to keep it together. https://johnpavlovitz.com/2019/02/21/everyone-around-you-is-grieving-go-easy/?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=facebook_page&utm_medium=John+Pavlovitz&fbclid=IwAR2UYzQ0EManq9NSuouvzGxFyvWxkAGhTRpsuc7RkznYOlhqXV3SXW23xlU
  3. HerbanOrla

    Sexy, sultry songs?

    Whether it’s sexy is in the ear of the beholder, but it is sultry and moody, and it’s what I immediately thought of upon seeing this topic. It’s off her album called The Living Road.
  4. Not at all silly. I’ve had/have two friendships such as you’ve described, and I can’t imagine my life without them, to be honest. The first was during and post college. We did everything together, talked all the time, cuddled, and shared beds without needing to. Her family became my family, and I still consider them so. I was 100% platonically in love with her. That we attended a women’s college probably fostered a friendship like that, and historically have done, although I didn’t know it at the time. Or it might have just been us. I had other friendships there, of course, but none with that intensity. Life and distance cooled things off, but I will never not love her. My other one spans many years, and is a little different because neither one of us is straight. Our intimacy has included kissing and cuddling, but nothing past that, because over time she also has become like family to me. There is nothing I can’t trust her with. I probably can’t overstate what these two friends mean to me. I tend to compartmentalize things in my life. This is good and bad. I think it’s why my friendships don’t bleed over into sexual intimacy, but also why the romantic relationships I’ve had with women up to this point don’t bleed over into friendship.
  5. HerbanOrla


    What a wonderful and positive statement to say hello with. I’m glad you’re here.
  6. I recently watched Gravity Falls, which takes place in a kind of Twin Peaks-esque setting (mysteries in a small town). I have watched a couple of episodes from Over the Garden Wall, which is super cute, has some famous actors doing the voices, and each one is only about 15 minutes long.
  7. During the winter I prefer wintery books. I’m reading Pond by Claire-Louise Bennett. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25333047
  8. HerbanOrla

    Newly bi advice

    Hi @julie95. As far as feeling confident, I think one helpful thing is to not compare yourself to others (though it’s human nature to do so, and tough to stop). I think there are a lot of good resources here as well as people to talk with. One website that I really enjoy is https://www.autostraddle.com/ , which is billed as “girl on girl culture” and has lots of great essays, advice columns, movie and tv recs that feature queer women, dating/sex advice, fashion, music, etc. It’s smart and funny.
  9. HerbanOrla

    NewB Here - There - and Everywhere!

    Welcome! My avatar is from my collection of old LJ icons (May LJ rest in peace). I hope you find this space to be enjoyable.
  10. Hmm. Perhaps socially, yes. Fewer unsolicited questions and scrutiny from others. Emotionally? Hard no. All relationships go through difficult times. A woman I dated for a while was new to her bisexuality, and she said she thought making a genuine connection with a woman would be easier than with a man (she’d been on a dating site). However, after doing that for a while she learned that just because someone is female doesn’t mean that romantic involvement is easier. The personalities have to work together and the involved parties need to be on the same page. Probably goes without saying, but that’s my perspective.
  11. HerbanOrla

    Do You Like Tattoos On A Woman?

    Love them. High quality ones are hot and I like them on men, too. I have one on my back, and I got it when I was 19 (I’m a long way from that age now, lol). It needs a refresh/I’d like to have it embellished. I would get more happily, but I work in a conservative company, so visible ones are basically out. Maybe inside a forearm?
  12. I’ve only ever done threading, and just my eyebrows. Maybe every month and a half? In between those times I’ll maintain the shape myself. Depending on who’s doing the threading, it ranges from not painful at all to rather uncomfortable. I don’t have thick eyebrows so in any case, it’s over fast.
  13. I’ll echo some of the others here. You may find a female partner who will show you show you other ways of providing pleasure without oral. Some people want it, others don’t care. I’m personally in the ‘don’t care’ camp. I think you have to be in the moment, because it’s one thing to intellectualize being put off (if you are) by going below the belt with any sexual act, but it’s another to experience something you maybe hadn’t considered and realizing you like it.
  14. I noticed this post and imagine that this will be an unpopular opinion, but I honestly could take or leave it, for me or from someone else. Sometimes I’ve been on the receiving end and it’s been good or even great, but also times when it’s not and then awkwardness ensues. I’ve had male and female partners that I’ve felt more generous towards than others, but overall, if I really like or love someone, I’d rather have their face next to me.