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About HerbanOrla

  • Rank
    French Kisser

Profile Information

  • Location
    Large city in the midwest
  • Interests
    Hiking, literature, travel. Women and men. Scotch whisky, designer denim, awesome restaurants, consignment shops. I’m all about the music.
  • Favourite Book
    Everthing by Eown Ivey, His Dark Materials series
  • Favourite TV Show
    Way too many but it includes Twin Peaks

Recent Profile Visitors

441 profile views
  1. HerbanOrla

    Anyone watching Gentleman Jack? SO HOT.

    Anne Lister’s character is pretty interesting. She does break many rules and expectations as far as her own personal behavior, but she’s a stickler for tradition when it comes to her social status and that of and her immediate family (such as expressing disapproval when her sister wants to become involved with a man in “trade”, which she considers to be beneath her family’s pedigree). She’s very singleminded in her quest to marry well and thus increase her wealth, and is primarily interested in Anne Walker because of her money. Her interactions with her family are actually some of what I enjoy most about the show. At one point her father mutters “hail to the chief” when she enters the room, and you can tell they have quite an interesting dynamic. I would be okay if my husband watched it with me. We’ve watched Queer as Folk together, as well as other shows like Broad City that have non-straight characters and relationships. @these-broken-wings(TBW) I totally hear you about not wanting to watch a sexually explicit show with your parents!
  2. HerbanOrla


    I agree with this. I think the space is more W/W focused because bi women need a space for that aspect of themselves, and there are a number of bi-curious people who are exploring their feelings for women in a public forum for the first time. Being bi isn’t easy at times. A lot of us are living in a ‘straight world,’ for the most part, by virtue of being partnered/married to men. For myself, the majority of people I’m friends with are straight. I’m married to a man. That’s my daily life. I have a few queer friends and I’ve been in relationships with women, and those people and (former) relationships are a huge part of who I am. I’m on this site to have a connection to other people who are like me, because it’s something I need. And if I’m honest, I don’t feel complete without a connection to others in the bi/queer community. I’m going to drop this article here. In some ways it’s a little too gloom-and-doom for my taste (it states there’s significant isolation, depression, and mental illness in the bi community, though acknowledging that is important). In other ways it has made me wonder whether part of why I find such peace and restoration in nature is because I’m bi. In any case, I think this site is an important outlet for bi women and I’m glad it’s here. https://www.autostraddle.com/can-you-see-me-out-here/
  3. HerbanOrla

    Your Best 80S Songs.

    That’s a good one, @CallistoDidNotWin. I’m not super familiar with them but it was played on First Wave, which was my go-to station on Sirius XM, when I still had it in the car. It’s the “alternative 80s” channel. I’m a Smiths/New Order/Morrissey/Pet Shop Boys kind of 80s music listener.
  4. HerbanOrla


  5. HerbanOrla

    Bored? Want to Chat? See Here.

    I wanted to add that we still have an active unofficial shys chatroom on the discord platform. Slack is still there but not really used anymore. Anyone is welcome to join via discord: https://discord.gg/42dXBDk
  6. HerbanOrla

    Anyone watching Gentleman Jack? SO HOT.

    I’m watching and I like it a lot. I owe some of this to the fact that I’ve watched North and South (with Daniela Denby-Ashe and Richard Armitage) more times than I’ll admit to. It shares roughly the same time period as Gentleman Jack give or take 25 years. Start of the Industrial Revolution, lovely Yorkshire accents, what’s not to love? I think Suranne Jones is an absolute babe and I love her character. I’m not surprised women were enamored of her. Just in case there are any other Doctor Who fans in the house, Suranne Jones plays Idris in ‘The Doctor’s Wife, ‘ alongside David Tenant!
  7. HerbanOrla

    Who's out who's in

    Same here.
  8. To explore Boston, I suggest getting a good guide like Lonely Planet. The Freedom Trail, The Boston Common, Faneuil Hall, the North End, The Elizabeth Stuart Gardner Museum, as well as a day trip to Salem, MA. The city of Boston itself is very easy to navigate and the public transit is great. A site like Viator.com should show you some good day trips to Salem and other areas a bit outside of Boston. Transportation will be included, so you won’t need to rent a car yourself to visit. As as far as specifically gay/bi places, I don’t really know. When I lived there most gay bars, clubs, etc. that I was aware of were geared towards men. It may be different now. I searched and found several links like this: https://traveltips.usatoday.com/gay-travel-guide-boston-108478.html. Good luck and happy travels!
  9. HerbanOrla

    The Art of Reading

    I’m with you!
  10. HerbanOrla

    Femme vs Butch

    I understand the meaning behind the words, but I dislike the words themselves. They’re antiquated and regressive, in my opinion. Too simplistic, too much like virgin/madonna vs whore for my taste. Women are not just one or the other.
  11. I have a bi- colors bracelet, but I don’t wear it at work. I likely could, since I wear multiple other gemstone bracelets anyway, but I’m not interested in drawing attention to myself at work (assuming anyone would even pick up on it, which I doubt). I did get some attention from a single ear cuff I wore a few times at work, but that’s not making an announcement about myself in a way that a bi or rainbow bracelet would. Just my thoughts...
  12. Hmm. At the end of the day, everyone wants what want, when they want it, and not every situation is going to be right. I had better luck dating women before I was married. I have a pretty understanding husband, and I know how fortunate I am in this regard, but post-marriage, the women I’ve dated just seem to come with a lot of baggage (which is okay) but also seem to lack an ability to be honest about what they want and need. I’ve been burned my someone who was new to women and silly me got involved anyway because she seemed so great. She wasn’t. She was immature, insecure, and I was, as they say, ghosted. It hurt me more than I should have but I’m fine now. Thing about poly is that I can handle myself and my husband, but handling another married woman and her husband is a hell of a lot of work, in my limited experience. I’m unsure dating is for me, given my recent experiences. as far the lady who wants you to “take control,” go with your gut. Just because someone has a preferred dynamic doesn’t mean you have to cater to that if it doesn’t feel right. For me, maybe casual encounters is the way to go. Uggh, I’ve been up for a couple hours for no apparent reason and I have begun to hear the birds. Perhaps it’s time for me to go back to bed. Best of luck to you!
  13. HerbanOrla

    Another newbie not knowing exactly where to start.

    @CanadianSteph, thanks for expanding on your situation. I know it must be incredibly frustrating and tough, and it sounds like you’re handling it with as much patience and grace as possible. I wish you the best as you work through it. If you ever need support, I’m glad to listen. Are you familiar with Dan Savage and his column “Savage Love”? I’ve been reading him for several years. While I don’t always agree with all of his advice, his replies are well thought out and grounded in common sense. https://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2019/05/14/40191113/savage-love
  14. HerbanOrla

    Another newbie not knowing exactly where to start.

    I don’t have suggestions for you, just some thoughts/feedback. I’m not sure that your husband not being able/willing to fulfill the physical side of marriage, while at the same time forbidding you to seek sexual fulfillment elsewhere is realistic. I’m also not sure that he has any real basis on which to enforce this. I see marriage as a legal status that ideally also has mutual love and respect upheld by both parties. It seems to me that some of this is lacking on your husband’s part. Forgive me if I’ve misunderstood the situation. You did say there are mental health issues at play and I know they can take a heavy toll.
  15. HerbanOrla

    Kindle V's Books

    I am happy with either, but when traveling it’s nice to not have to carry something extra. I borrow books on my library’s mobile app for my tablet, and I do love how easy it is to access them.