Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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About TxCamilla

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  • Birthday 08/19/1981

Profile Information

  • Music
    Enya, Enigma, Oldies, Soft Rock, New Age, Celtic
  • Location
  • Interests
    I enjoy camping, canoeing, reading, gardening and going to the movies.
  • Signature Fragrance
    Charlie White
  • Favourite TV Show
    Stargate, Sanctuary, Once Upon a Time

Recent Profile Visitors

2,605 profile views
  1. It's week 2 since I left and things are still going ok. I miss him, but I know that there are things I have to figure out before I make the final decision. I still see him once a week for supper on Friday. It gives us a chance to talk. Fridays can be a little uncertain, because I never know what we will be talking about. Last Friday he was telling me the benefits of staying married on paper even if I decide to not go back to him (ie taxes). My therapist and I are working on a lot of things right now. One question that has been weighing a lot on my mind is... Was the decision to leave and stay gone mine or due to outside influences? That is what she wants me to sit down and think about and we'll discuss it next session. I feel like I'm being pulled in different directions atm. Most everyone is happy that I left and don't see me going back to him. While others are confused why I'm doing this on the first place and think I'm selfish for thinking of myself first. Especially since my husband has been with me through a lot of things. Like me struggling to figure out my sexuality and the abuse that I experienced as a child. Although I now know that I am truly gay. I still have issues dealing with the abuse. Ugh I don't know what to do. I know I can't change overnight and that I'm not a fortune teller. I just wish that I could know if I will make it though all this and truly be happy. I'd like to know if I truly will be with a girl I love and have a happy life. Sorry for the rant, but a lot is going through my mind at the moment and am very confused. I just wish I had the answers to a few of them. I am lucky to have such an amazing group of Shy women that are here to support me no matter what.
  2. I do a good bit of journaling that is something that my therapist and I are working on to help me express my thoughts. I go to therapy once a week and it really helps talking to her. She points out the areas I need to work on and works with my on them. Those are some good questions that I really need to sit down and think about.
  3. @Mofgirl feel free to pm me if you'd like.
  4. At 7pm today it will be officially one week since I left home. Things are going ok. I haven't really cried but the day I left and the day after. I have talked to my husband on Friday and it went ok. He just makes me feel so guilty that I'm gone. I know that I need some time to concentrate on myself, but I don't know what questions to ask myself. If you have any suggestions please let me know. Here are subjects I'm struggling with; How to love myself Determine if I'm doing the right thing Thanks guys for your support.
  5. It went better than expected. I totally broke down at the session and didn't get everything I wanted to said. It took me half the session to start talking. I know that I hurt him and that he wasn't expecting the separation. He feels like I've shut him out and that I need to communicate more. He feels like he's done so many things wrong and wants to know how to fix them to get be to come back home. Tbh it's not just one thing and it's hard to name or list the things that drove me away. I just knew a big part of it is I'm gay and being married to a man doesn't fit that. I'm still trying to process everything that went on Mon and need some time to sit down and think. I've been staying with my mom and with work I haven't had much time to do anything. I will give you a better update in a few days.
  6. Thanks for all the support ladies. It's t minus 4 hours until the family session. I'm actually doing better than I thought I would right now. I'm not crying and just a little anxious. We'll see how it goes between now and then. Love you guys.
  7. Welcome to the group. This is a great place to ask questions and get the support you need. It definitely helped me out when I was questioning my orientation. Again welcome.
  8. Tomorrow is the big day. I know that I can't back down, but I am scared. I have my suitcase packed and my journal ready. To be honest I don't know if I'm mentally ready or strong enough.My mind is going 90 mph right now. I can't seem to slow it down. I just hope that I can get through the next few days without completely breaking down.
  9. When I started this journey I didn't have any support. Now I do which makes me stronger. Thanks @TBD78 and @Fun. Your support means a lot to me.
  10. Congrats on opening the door to a whole new adventure. Good luck
  11. Good memories. I have a few like that.
  12. Hi Sammi and welcome to the group. Going to a bigger city with less judgment helped me out. It made me feel more comfortable about coming out of my shell since I'm from a small city too. My advice is to list the reasons why you think you are attracted to women. It may help you understand yourself a little bit more. Also read some of the posts you may find some good advice there. Good luck!
  13. I know that many women here have been in similar situations. I thought I was Bi when I was in my mid 20s. I am now 37. I realized I was gay Jan '17 when I was in a relationship with a woman. I met my husband when I was 19 and married when I was 21. I have decided to leave my marriage and to find my own self. The last 1.5 years have been really tough. It has taken a year just to get the strength to get to this point. On Monday I will have a family session with husband and let him know that I am leaving. This is a very difficult thing for me to do. I have never been on my own. I am also the type of person that doesn't want to hurt others, especially someone I really care about. I'm worried and really scared about Monday. I don't know how he'll react. I just know I need to do to this for me. Thanks for listening.
  14. Thanks guys. Your support means a lot. I've started an outpatient therapy program and hope it helps. I'll give you updates on how it goes.
  15. Update: Thank you everyone for supporting me. I have been dealing with my emotional rollercoaster. I have found a way to get the help they I need. The road I'm taking is not going to be easy but I'm taking this chance. Take care everyone