Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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About TxCamilla

  • Rank
  • Birthday 08/19/1981

Profile Information

  • Music
    Enya, Enigma, Oldies, Soft Rock, New Age, Celtic
  • Location
  • Interests
    I enjoy camping, canoeing, reading, gardening and going to the movies.
  • Signature Fragrance
    Charlie White
  • Favourite TV Show
    Stargate, Sanctuary, Once Upon a Time

Recent Profile Visitors

2,712 profile views
  1. @Aussiemum79 I'm sorry to hear about all the heartache you've been going through. I have been in your gf shoes. When depression hits I believe that I'm not good enough for the people around me. I try and push them away or don't talk to them for days. The thing she needs to hear from you is that you'll be there when she gets it. I know in my case that fear of abandonment is an issue and if I think someone is going to leave me it's better if I do it first. I wish you both guys luck.
  2. I feel like a big failure. I came back. I don't expect any responses. I just needed a place to vent and think things through. On Aug 27 I finally decided to leave my husband. A decision that took me over a year to put into place. I had been staying with my mom in her spare room. Things we did at Mom's was not that different than what I was doing at the house with my husband. We went to work, come home, eat supper and watch TV, then go to bed. The main reason I left is because I considered myself gay. I also have a fractured self of identity. I really don't know who I am. I was going to learn that while I was gone. My husband's mom died this past week and I knew he needed me to be there for me. I went back to the house to take care of him and to make sure he was ok. I attended the funeral and he is doing good. Now I'm regretting coming back. I know that if his mom hadn't died then I would still be gone. Now I don't know if I have what it takes to leave again. The separation was really hard on both of us. I felt guilty for hurting him so bad. I was having problems taking responsibility for his emotions and the emotions of others. I worry about how others see me because I don't like being judged. Thanks for a listening.
  3. @XcookiexbakerX I am so glad you're here. I want you to know you're being heard. I am sorry that your husband is not very supportive of you. Just know the ladies here at Shybi are here for you. We'll answer any questions you have to the best of our abilities and have no reason to judge you. Hope you find your own path.
  4. I would plan a weekend trip where we would go camping in the woods. I would pack up my canoe and all the supplies that we would need for the weekend. We would have a nice slow paddle down the river so she could see nature at it's finest, undisturbed. She would see eagles, birds of many colors, deer, moose and other animals along the shore line. Once the sun started to set I would set up camp in a secluded spot. I would cook her meal over camp fire and then we would lay side by side under the stars. When we started getting tired I would take back to the tent and say sweet things in her ear and smother her with kisses. I will give her a camping trip she'd never forget.
  5. @Gizmo I am in a similar situation. I just left my marriage of 18 years. My husband is a good man. I just couldn't stay living a lie. Things are still pretty rocky right now but I have faith that things will get better. Good luck!
  6. Update: It has been 6.5 weeks since I separated from my husband. I have been meeting my husband for supper every Friday since I left. I knew it was a bad I see to continue but I felt obligated and that I owed him. I had therapy on Monday and it was a pretty rough session, but what we talked about helped me see what I was doing wrong and have me the strength to do something I've never really done before. That I'm not obligated to have supper with him and I will be saying NO, This is a big deal since this Friday would be our 18th anniversary. I really can't see much change in myself but I have friends that say I am getting stronger everyday. I am greatful for all my family and friends that are helping me through this process.
  7. I wish I could give you some advice but I can't. I was in a similar situation last year. My gf and I had to break up due to is both being married. What we had was so amazing. I still think about her from time to time but I am slowly moving on. Good luck and hope things work out for you.
  8. Hi ladies, It has been 4.5 weeks since I left. I feel like I'm slowly getting stronger. I still have some bad days, but not that many. Not like I was when I was still at home with my husband. I am startng to learn how to set up my boundaries and try and make them stick. . Since I left I have been meeting him once a week to meet him for supper. He considers this dates and is trying to win me back. I consider me going out with a friend. He's also want to take me out this weekend or if town. I don't want to go because I don't want to give him false hope that if he does these things then it will make everything better. In fact it doesn't, it pushes me away more, because I feel smothered. I will get through this. I just have to remember one step at a time. Thanks again Ladies!!!
  9. Welcome Texa ladies. Glad your guys are here. I'm from East Texas.
  10. It's week 2 since I left and things are still going ok. I miss him, but I know that there are things I have to figure out before I make the final decision. I still see him once a week for supper on Friday. It gives us a chance to talk. Fridays can be a little uncertain, because I never know what we will be talking about. Last Friday he was telling me the benefits of staying married on paper even if I decide to not go back to him (ie taxes). My therapist and I are working on a lot of things right now. One question that has been weighing a lot on my mind is... Was the decision to leave and stay gone mine or due to outside influences? That is what she wants me to sit down and think about and we'll discuss it next session. I feel like I'm being pulled in different directions atm. Most everyone is happy that I left and don't see me going back to him. While others are confused why I'm doing this on the first place and think I'm selfish for thinking of myself first. Especially since my husband has been with me through a lot of things. Like me struggling to figure out my sexuality and the abuse that I experienced as a child. Although I now know that I am truly gay. I still have issues dealing with the abuse. Ugh I don't know what to do. I know I can't change overnight and that I'm not a fortune teller. I just wish that I could know if I will make it though all this and truly be happy. I'd like to know if I truly will be with a girl I love and have a happy life. Sorry for the rant, but a lot is going through my mind at the moment and am very confused. I just wish I had the answers to a few of them. I am lucky to have such an amazing group of Shy women that are here to support me no matter what.
  11. I do a good bit of journaling that is something that my therapist and I are working on to help me express my thoughts. I go to therapy once a week and it really helps talking to her. She points out the areas I need to work on and works with my on them. Those are some good questions that I really need to sit down and think about.
  12. @Mofgirl feel free to pm me if you'd like.
  13. At 7pm today it will be officially one week since I left home. Things are going ok. I haven't really cried but the day I left and the day after. I have talked to my husband on Friday and it went ok. He just makes me feel so guilty that I'm gone. I know that I need some time to concentrate on myself, but I don't know what questions to ask myself. If you have any suggestions please let me know. Here are subjects I'm struggling with; How to love myself Determine if I'm doing the right thing Thanks guys for your support.
  14. It went better than expected. I totally broke down at the session and didn't get everything I wanted to said. It took me half the session to start talking. I know that I hurt him and that he wasn't expecting the separation. He feels like I've shut him out and that I need to communicate more. He feels like he's done so many things wrong and wants to know how to fix them to get be to come back home. Tbh it's not just one thing and it's hard to name or list the things that drove me away. I just knew a big part of it is I'm gay and being married to a man doesn't fit that. I'm still trying to process everything that went on Mon and need some time to sit down and think. I've been staying with my mom and with work I haven't had much time to do anything. I will give you a better update in a few days.
  15. Thanks for all the support ladies. It's t minus 4 hours until the family session. I'm actually doing better than I thought I would right now. I'm not crying and just a little anxious. We'll see how it goes between now and then. Love you guys.