moonbynight

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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moonbynight last won the day on June 25 2016

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About moonbynight

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  1. You have my admiration. I use one of those on my legs, so I know that it does get more tolerable over time, but I haven't been able to bring myself to use it anywhere other than legs because the first few times are so awful.
  2. Not true. Maybe it was at one point, but it got trendy.
  3. I don't know - I think women talk about women on here because it's a place where they can talk about them, while they can talk about men with basically anyone. And this creates a culture where men aren't talked about much, which may make people hesitant to talk about them, which just reinforces it further. I'm not sure it actually reflects the true kinsey scale average.
  4. I was listening to 90s music the other day. The song "One Headlight" came on. I've heard this song hundreds of times, at least, since it originally came out, and there's been a line I've never really understood. "Would've been late" or something like that. This time, for some reason, I suddenly heard it clearly... "With one headlight." Oh. So that's why it's called that. Headdesk. Similarly, I've always heard this one song as "Don't dream in color". Then I was watching Glee, and found it was actually, "Don't dream it's over". And that's not the only song I've had clarified by Glee's stronger annunciation.
  5. Drop the "fast". Drop the "friendzone" - that's a term primarily used by creepy guys who feel women owe them sexual attention. A temporary penalty zone they're stuck in until they can manage to get in her pants, not a valid and desirable state in itself. You may not mean it in that sense, but I suspect the societal definition is influencing your thinking. Would you value her friendship if you knew that it would never be anything beyond friendship? If not, maybe it's best for both of you to drop back to strictly professional. If you do honestly value the friendship, I think a single text or email saying something like, "I apologize. I was drunk the other night, but realize that I've been overstepping boundaries even when I'm not drunk. I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable and don't intend to do it again. I hope we can maintain a good professional relationship." Then follow through on that. Let her take the lead. Don't push boundaries. Install one of those apps that prevents you from drunk-texting if you think that is likely to be an issue again. I'm not saying you're a horrible person or even that you need to totally stop thinking about her in a non-platonic way. And, like I said in my previous post, she may share some of the responsibility as well. But you can't control her - you can only control your own actions and reactions, so that's what you have to focus on.
  6. Yes, back off. Make a conscious decision that you are going to respect her boundaries and marriage, and give her, and yourself, space. I don't mean any of this harshly. You sound a lot like me. I read too much into things. I recognize when someone is attracted to me, but have a harder time recognizing barriers to acting on that attraction. I get my self-worth overly wrapped up in my attractiveness. I get anxious and needy and am regularly fighting the urge to apologize for my very existence in order to get validation. So I understand very well where you're coming from. That said... An apology accompanied by a demand to talk to someone is not an apology - it's a manipulation tactic. If you want to apologize for crossing boundaries, do so. Once. With nothing intended to elicit a response, reassurance, validation or anything like that. Then prove you mean it by leaving the ball in her court. Since you work together, interact professionally when necessary. If she does resume a friendship and you want to remain just-friends, leave it at that unless she makes it absolutely, with no need for overthinking or interpretation, clear that she's interested in more. Don't take her unwillingness to act on the attraction as a personal rejection. It seems likely to me that you are not imagining the attraction. It may well be true that she is interacting flirtatiously and enjoys your attention, especially if there is difficulty in her own relationship. It may even be possible that she is at least as attracted to you as she is to her wife, and that if you'd met her first, things would have worked out differently. But she's made a commitment to her wife, and the fact that she's willing to put that above whatever attraction she has for you is, in the end, a good thing - if the tables were turned, you'd want her willing to fight for your relationship, right? If her flirting and her expressed boundaries don't seem to match, look at it as her problem and stick with the boundaries. If she's crossing lines that make you uncomfortable (uncomfortable is more than just unwanted attention - being put in a position where you're made to doubt your intuition or enforce boundaries you don't want to enforce is uncomfortable), call her on it - you can do this playfully, like "Hey, if you keep acting like that, I'm going to start thinking you like me" or something. One of my closest friends is a similar situation. I am reasonably sure she is actually attracted to me, or, at the very least, recognizes that I'm into her and enjoys the attention. She does plenty to leave me overthinking and questioning. Most recently, she pulled up the back of her shirt to have me look to see if there was anything in it, which I can see as being totally innocent between two straight women, but less so when the one taking her shirt half off knows the other isn't straight. Stuff like that - sending a kissy-face emoji, getting into my personal space when neither of us is particularly touchy-feely - I am reasonably sure she is flirting, or at least provoking. While she's not married, she identifies as straight and asexual, and is pretty attached to that identity. So, not exactly the same, but still boundaries that are clearly stated but less clear in action. It doesn't matter. I value her friendship beyond the possibility of a relationship, and I almost lost her as a friend at one point where I responded too much. So now I just try to look at it as her working out her issues. Maybe she'll work them out, make an actual direct move, and something will happen. Maybe she won't (or I'm actually wrong about everything), and we'll continue with our weird quasi-romantic ambiguous friendship. Either is ok.
  7. My boss is a gaslighter.

    1. N00Bi

      N00Bi

      That really sucks. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. 

    2. moonbynight

      moonbynight

      I'm through the worst of it, I think. I have options now that I didn't a week ago. But semi-publicly stating that this is what is happening will hopefully help me stay centered until they can get rid of her.

  8. Same here, exactly. My grandparents say she just wasn't really interested in relationships. Maybe that was true, or maybe not. I really don't know. I do know a few of her close friends I could ask, but it would be kinda weird. I have one cousin who I know has had same-sex experience. It wouldn't surprise me if there were others, but I don't know. Most of us are pretty liberal, but don't talk about such things much.
  9. We've firmly established you're not into women, so why are you sending me kissy-face emojis?

  10. Her underwear today are adorable. Unfortunately, there's no good story to go with that. Just a wardrobe malfunction.
  11. Yeah, that's exactly why I went with the VivoSmart when it came out. I also like that the VivoSmart clock display is always-on. FitBit has better sleep tracking. And it is prettier.
  12. Mine showed me I have occasional symptomatic bradycardia. Absolutely worth it for me. I've used the FitBit Charge HR and the VivoSmart HR. I liked the heart rate tracking better on the FitBit, and feel it has better community features, but I like the rest of the features of the vivosmart better, and the fact that it is waterproof. I don't really find it all that helpful from an actual fitness standpoint, though.
  13. It makes a lot of sense to me. When you have someone to go back home to, the dynamic is different.
  14. There are ads for people who aren't logged in. Public-visible threads help bring traffic from people searching, and many of those people will just read the thread or look through the public areas of the forum without making an account.