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moonbynight

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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moonbynight last won the day on March 4

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About moonbynight

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    ShyBi-Goddess

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  1. moonbynight

    Sex after hysterectomy

    She's waited long enough at this point.
  2. moonbynight

    A random discussion

    I've definitely had the thought cross my mind that the lady doth protest too much.
  3. The problem is "handed" just doesn't sound right either.
  4. I'm not into long nails at all. Not just for sex reasons - I dislike them on multiple levels. Those long pointy claws that are popular right now? Big big turn-off.
  5. moonbynight

    A random discussion

    There was a lovely conversation in my office recently between two female co-workers, one of them being my boss, talking about how awful it is when women hit on them. I wanted to butt in and tell them to STFU, but what can you do? The co-worker who isn't my boss was also absolutely scandalized when the word "lesbians" appeared in the subject of an industry newsletter (about a recent court case). She deleted it really quickly to get the horrible word out of her email.
  6. For many, yes to one or both of those. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/22/late-blooming-lesbians-women-sexuality is a great article on sexually fluidity and developing attraction to women later in life. My personal theory is that it's easy to avoid accepting bisexuality until much later in life. If you're only attracted to the same sex, you're kind of forced to accept it earlier if you want to have relationships (though plenty of lesbians don't fully realize/accept until later, too). Bisexual people don't have that pressure, so it can get back burnered for a long time. Not everyone's husband is at all open to that sort of exploration. It's a good point, though. A lot of people think actually going out and finding a woman is the only way to explore. Watching movies together and so forth is a good way to explore while strengthening the relationship. Seems a good step to take before considering moving on to threesomes or open relationships. But at the same time, role play really only goes so far if you want to be with a woman. It's not something I can imagine being effective at all with my husband. He just ain't a woman, and no amount of imagination is going to make him one. There's huge societal pressure to be in a relationships and marry, and people get married for all sorts of reasons that don't come down to True Love and perfect understanding. So yeah, many of us didn't walk into marriage with Eyes Wide Open. We made decisions that perhaps weren't the best and now have to figure out how to best live our lives despite that. Who hasn't made less than perfect decisions with serious consequences at some point?
  7. It is definitely hard. The woman I like seems to be in a similarly controlling situation, and has been talking about leaving off and on for years now. And I just don't get it. She's confident and successful professionally. It's doesn't seem to be financial or logistical. There's no kid/custody issues. The only thing I can come up with is that she's trying to prove something to her family. I'm reasonably sure that she will leave in her own time. But it is definitely frustrating to watch, and not from my own self-interest, but because it's hard to watch someone you care about be treated poorly.
  8. Oh yeah, they definitely exist. And maybe, outside this board, they really are a majority, or at least a vocal minority. And they're on here, too - there's no rule against expressing a desire to just experiment and have a purely sexual relationship, just against using the board for that purpose. I'm sorry about the racist ones. At least they are advertising their bigotry up front so you know who to avoid. I know it is hard, maybe impossible, to avoid internalizing this stuff, but it is truly a reflection on them and not you. And I know that doesn't help when they're literally hitting you over the head with it. This is one thing I've found - loving and being attracted to someone with a less than Hollywood-perfect body (and isn't that most women, especially once you're out of the 20s?) has made me more accepting of my own body. It's much harder to look at my own belly and feel bad about it when I'm looking at someone else's and thinking it's adorable, you know?
  9. Never tried it, but would like to... preferably with someone with small hands for the first time!
  10. I didn't mean to give the impression that having kids yourself was actually a big deal to me. It might be my fantasy-world ideal, but ideal fantasy details like hair color or whatever don't tend to have much bearing on who I end up attracted to in real life. The woman I am interested in doesn't have kids (though has helped raise several who are grown now), and it doesn't matter. She knows and likes my kids - we've known eachother for years. And the idea of being able to go off somewhere without kids definitely has its appeal, too!
  11. moonbynight

    Did anyone knew?

    When I was in school (mid-90s), well before I accepted my sexuality myself (a few years, anyways. But a lot at that age), I was teased for being a lesbian. I've got no clue if they actually picked up the vibe, or if this was just a convenient insult. I had a conversation with my grandparents once where they mentioned they had thought, when I was a teenager, that I might be like my aunt (I didn't date much). Now, my aunt was not openly lesbian. I don't have the first clue what her actual orientation was, and she's dead now so I'm unlikely to ever find out. My grandfather was fairly insistent that she wasn't a lesbian, just wasn't interested in relationships and put her career first. Which is totally possible. But it's also totally possible she was a lesbian and not open about it. So I think perhaps they kinda wondered in a roundabout way. No one I've come out to has said "I already knew that" or anything like that. But no one has seemed super shocked, either.
  12. It absolutely affects my decision-making process. I don't worry at all about not being able to find someone because I have kids. It's one of those fundamental dealbreaker incompatibilities - some people are just not right for eachother. I have a very hard time imagining finding someone who was perfect for me except that she couldn't stand kids, or only wanted her own kids, or whatever. Especially since she'd find out my kids existed and presumably lose interest in me well before it got anywhere near the relationship point. And there are plenty of women out there who have kids themselves or don't consider kids a dealbreaker, I think especially as you get older. My ideal fantasy has been finding someone with kids compatible with my own (friends-wise, obviously), and the kids can hang out and entertain eachother while we spend time together. So definitely not something that bothers me if someone else has kids. My big issues... I'm somewhat hesitant about the idea of involving kids in a relationship because kids get attached easily, and hurt in a breakup. Pure logistics. Finding time to work to support my family, parent my kids appropriately, and date someone, especially given my hesitance to involve them in a relationship. Money issues. That sort of thing.
  13. Perhaps you don't intend to offend, but this is an offensive thing to say to a board full of bisexual woman, many of whom are in relationships with men. You are very very insistent that you are bisexual... so why do you think that those of us who are bisexual and currently in relationships with men feel any differently than you do? Why would a relationship with a female be just about sex for us? There are absolutely women just looking for sex or experimentation. But it definitely isn't true for all. It may not even be true for the people who currently are looking for that after they get the initial newness of it all out of their system. Nor is it exclusive to bi women - there are plenty of women of all sexualities who are looking strictly for casual relationships or hookups. There is definitely privilege in being in a heterosexual relationship, and it is good for us to remember and acknowledge this. But please don't combine it with biphobic ideas.
  14. I would consider anything that lumps together gay and bi people coming out to their spouses questionable. One is an inherent incompatibility and divorce seems highly likely. The other isn't. So the 7% figure seems a little alarmist for someone who is coming out as bi (or whose spouse is). I don't know where they are getting their numbers from. If it's from people who have sought out their network, then it should be kept in mind that it reflects only situations where the straight partner felt the need to seek out support in the first place. That said, I've looked at the site itself, and it seems fairly balanced. Their focus is on support for the straight partner, but they're not demonizing the LGBT partner at all. They do acknowledge that bi mixed-orientation marriages are more likely to continue, and may actually grow stronger. Another issue I see with the 7% figure is that they're looking specifically at relationships where the LGBT spouse comes out after marriage has already occurred, which may indicate deeper issues with trust or self-awareness that would be threatening to the relationship. I know plenty of marriages where at least one partner is openly bi that have lasted far longer than 2 years, my own included, but these are relationships where people were aware of the bisexuality well before it got to the marriage point. But since this post is about coming out after marriage, this is less relevant.
  15. moonbynight

    Voyager

    She never says she's never heard of a Hitachi Wand, though it's implied she's never actually experienced one before, which is totally plausible (I mean, same is true for me). And perhaps he respected that male involvement was not what they were interested in and gave them their privacy? There's nothing in the story that implies he was invited as anything other than a safety measure.
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