moonbynight

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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moonbynight last won the day on May 15

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About moonbynight

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  1. Just wait until your birthday. Then it will be a red herring.
  2. I've always been on the sub side, but think I'd like to be more switchy. You are allowed to have your boundaries too, and knowing that you have consent without room for misinterpretation is a good boundary to have, for both your sakes. A common way of handling that is a safeword - a word other than "no" or "stop", that isn't going to just accidentally come up. "Pineapple" or "sushi" or "lilac" or something. Or just "safeword". Some people use a stoplight system - green for "this is fine", yellow for "I'm not so sure about this/lighten up/back off", red for "stop". You shouldn't have to interpret the nuances of how someone is saying "no". I agree that sounds dangerous.
  3. I saw a very good post about strengthening legal protection of same-sex families on Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155823403522705&id=740892704 I know the legal stuff doesn't actually apply to most of us here, but it is good to be aware of and spread around for those who do need it.
  4. When I was younger, back in the good old days when it was netsex and not sexting, I was more than happy to jump straight to it. Now, I don't really have any desire to sext outside the context of some sort of relationship, and I would be unlikely to seek out a relationship specifically for sexting. Not trying to say that one is better than the other, just that different people have different goals, and you can probably find someone interested in jumping straight to it.
  5. Agreed. All the "local" meetups for me are over an hour away. Not totally unmanageable, but not dropping by the local bar/coffee shop/whatever after work, either. I live in a small rural town with no visible LGBT community. What I've found is that they definitely are out there. There just isn't much of an organized community. One thing to do is look for Facebook groups focused on a large area. I look through ALL groups in the region where I live and pick out the LGBT ones. Or search for your state and LGBT (or bisexual, gay, GLBT, queer, and other variations) and see if there is something close-ish. Going to events in-person may not happen often, but hopefully you'll find groups with other members close to you. You can also try joining groups (on FB or in-person) that aren't specific to LGBT. Things like sports/outdoors groups, animal welfare, progressive politics and social causes, and theater/performing arts are some options where you're likely to stumble across other queer women.
  6. I developed depression when I was a teenager and have dealt with it to some extent or another since. I'd say my sexuality was a major contributing factor back then, before I came to terms with it. And it still is now, except now it's an "I'm not living who I really am" thing, not a "what if I'm one of those evil perverted gay people" thing like it was back then.
  7. No, you're not the only one. That's one reason I'm not quite that much of a Prawn Star.
  8. I think I'd look awful with short hair, so I doubt I'll ever go that far over to the butch side. But if I were starting my wardrobe from scratch, I'd consider leaning more strongly towards men's clothing. Not to pick up chicks. Just because.
  9. Remember that over-the-top reactions are often internalized homophobia. I definitely believe in straight women. I have too many friends who don't seem to have a homophobic bone in their body who just aren't gay themselves. But sometimes the more extreme reactions are just a reflection of the person's own insecurities.
  10. I do keto, in a basic way - I'm not counting macros or weighing food or anything, just avoid carby foods. I've lost weight on it, but not the super fast weight loss some people report. The biggest benefit for me has been increased willpower. I'm the type who can't eat just one cookie or whatever. If they're there, I'm going to eat way too many. Keto makes it much easier to pass things up in the first place and not even start. I've previously done paleo, and would like to go back to that. It was really good for my mental health (technically I am about 95% now I suppose since I avoid dairy, but I mean a higher carb version). Keto has not had the same effect - I think my moods are modulated some compared to when I'm not paying attention to diet at all, but I don't feel *good* in the same way. Keto doesn't help with anxiety, and I think it makes my insomnia worse. I lost a lot of weight on paleo (too much, probably), but I don't know how much of that was actually the diet - I was breastfeeding after a difficult pregnancy at the time. Look into info specific to women as far as intermittent fasting goes. It seems to be more problematic for women than men.
  11. Don't worry about it too much. You're right - trying to search for a general concept isn't really possible. Look back a page or two at the forum you're planning on posting on. Is there already a thread there that fits what you're planning on posting? If so, read it over and see if it answers your question, and/or post on the existing post instead of starting a new one saying the same thing. If nothing appears similar when looking back a few pages, then it probably isn't a super-common question. Go ahead and start a new post and don't worry about whether someone asked an identical question 5 years ago or something It's a balance. On one hand, yes, answering variations of "How do I know if I'm really bi?" or "I'm bi but I have a husband/boyfriend!" over and over on a daily basis for years on end gets old. On the other, new threads are essential to the life of the forum, even if they aren't 100% original. So go ahead and post if you can't easily find something applicable! Maybe it would help if we started pinned threads for some of the most common questions, so that newbies could easily find what they're looking for?
  12. Chocolate is totally practical, and therefore one of the things that is present in our whatever-it-is I'm sure you're right, but direct hasn't gone well in the past, so I avoid it, and you all have to put up with me being obnoxious. Obviously. I'm not sure why you'd assume we talk the same way in real life to our grandmas as we do on a website specifically aimed at queer women. Thank you for your concern. I promise you it isn't a problem for me, but recognize that it could be for someone else.
  13. My infamous friend (you posted this fully expecting I'd drop in and mention her, right?) seems to identify as aromantic as well as asexual. I'm not so sure about that. I feel like she acts and talks more romantically towards me than anyone I've ever actually had an official relationship with, and she seems to want more in the way of physical (though not necessarily sexual) affection. It's just that we both eschew more traditional romantic gestures (flowers and stuff like that) in favor of practicality, which I think can make both of us feel/seem unromantic. Or perhaps I'm just misinterpreting purely platonic friendly love. I don't know. Some purely platonic friends apparently get all cuddly with eachother, which is just so far outside my personal reality that I have a hard time wrapping my head around it. Likely because I'm not straight and therefore that sort of thing does hold an inherent sexual charge with other women. Because of that eschewing traditional romance thing, I have a little bit of a hard time figuring out what exactly "romantic" consists of myself. But it does seem to coincide with sexuality for me. I don't think I've ever felt romantic towards someone without some amount of sexual desire going along with it. I do think perhaps I might be homoromantic bisexual. I've had definite sexual attraction to males, and sometimes I like them as a person and good friend along with that, but the people I can identify who I've truly felt romantic towards have been female. Because self-exploration can be fun and enriching, and having the language to use to help you seek out resources specific to your experiences facilitates this exploration, rather than some nebulous "I like who I like in whatever way I happen to like them", even if that happens to be perfectly accurate (and it's so nebulous that it's perfectly accurate for everyone, right?). I don't think people posting here are sitting around stressing over which label is exactly right and feeling like they have to fit themselves into a particular niche. It's just playing with ideas. And in a text-based world like this forum, words are pretty much your only option for doing that.
  14. Correct me if I'm wrong Punk, but I think a point that is being missed is that a unicorn is confident. Maybe they get asked out first, but if not, they don't just wait around for someone to notice them - they seek out someone worth it. And if that person is put off by superficial things like appearance, then they're not worth it. They're considerate of their partner and genuinely want to make them happy, but they ain't going to put up with being treated badly in return. And that's part of what makes the unicorn rare - women aren't socialized to be confident like that. And then, because they actively seek out worthwhile, stable relationships and put in the effort to make them work, they are off the market, so even rarer. What you're describing sounds more like a people-pleaser (I can't think of a creative band-worthy name right now). Someone who thrives on approval, and getting treated badly just increases that drive. And that's much easier to take advantage of than a true unicorn. I'm saying that as someone who has a HUGE people-pleaser streak myself, so I don't mean it as criticism. Or maybe I'm just projecting my current introspection onto this thread too much.
  15. OkCupid in my experience has lots of married women looking for one on one. It's gotten pretty sucky, but I think it's still the main site for poly people. I suppose it might depend where you live, though.