Nikkita

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
  • Content count

    781
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  • Country

    United Kingdom

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20 Excellent

About Nikkita

  • Rank
    Miss make up but not miss girly
  • Birthday 01/21/1980

Profile Information

  • Music
    Punk, Rock, Classical, a bit of everything - my life is a musical sound track & reflects my moods
  • Location
    Midlands UK
  • Interests
    Ahrr where to begin?
    Up until having my son I was very obviousley a punk, but with life getting the better of me that apperence is last on my agenda! *sulks*, I love to look different for different occasions, but always femanin.
    I have qualifications as make up artist - which I love, make up is my passion. I love to make girls look beautiful by either enhancing a natural look or going to town with something outrageouse.
    I volunteer my time to help run a local branch of a national youth organization - kids are so rewarding and totally annoying at the same time.
    I like so many other things too like going to gigs, nights out, shopping (when I have the money), etc etc.
  • Signature Fragrance
    Something expensive and french

Recent Profile Visitors

6,191 profile views
  1. Hi, how have you been this month? I confess to being a little concerned about you based on what you have written in past posts about your girlfriend. What's up?

  2. I want to be able to talk to her about it, but I struggle with the stress her reactions cause me. She will usually do one of two things; go silent in the conversation and cry, which makes me feel like I'm talking at her and scalding a child while displaying the body language of 'I really need to say something but wont'. Or gets really defensive and argumentative without even listening, which is SO frustrating. Other than her hubby and family, I am the only thing in her life - as a friend and as something for her to do that's not cleaning and tidying up after her family. She suffers badly with anxiety and insecurities, which can make me feel like I'm treading on egg shells all the time. In her heart I know she only wants the best for me, but I hate how she pushes at me with things.
  3. It all began back in 2009 when I found this site, I hid it from my hubby for two days. Then confessed all, which forced me to make my first comment on my sexuality - that at the time I was definitely bi curious. After arranging to meet up with some of the more local friends I'd made on here. I went along to my first BiFest in Birmingham, that day after listening to everyone else and being able to freely discuss my thoughts and feelings I realised that yes I was in fact BISEXUAL all along. I started to come out to people who were the very close near and dear, but hubby asked me to be discreet, as he didn't want bitch fit waves started in his family. I respected that, wasn't too happy about it but I understood and went along with it for him, especially as he was open and supportive in every other way. I became like a teenager again, exploring online dating, discovering bi nights at swingers clubs - great for the more casual itch scratching with no strings and you can lock the men out! Even figured out I'd been harbouring BDSM leanings too, whole new discovery path of joy that has been. Went on my first two dates ever, with girls I'd met on dating sites. Both separately turned into short term casual involvements. The first a lovely lesbian lady who isn't bifobic, and I'm still friends with even now. The second was a short lived relationship of sorts, still not 100% on what went wrong but it was fun while it lasted. Not to mention a string a casual making up for lost time action here and there, with casual involvements. Every year attending pride and loving that I could be 100% open for one day and not care who knew. I even came out to my son, who has been hugely supportive from a young age. He sees no issue at all with my sexuality or relationship choices - I'm so lucky. Then a good year or two of not much, after the short lived serious involvement. A new dating app for girls came along, and I found my current gf. We've been together a year and a half ish now. And so much has changed, hubby eventually told some of his family - which I'm certain lead to his dad feeling comfortable enough to finally out himself too. I still don't dance naked shouting from the roof tops, but I am more myself and don't have to always make excuses anymore - which is way more comfortable for me. And means I can be fairly openly public with my sexuality, my neighbours being the last nosy fuckers who gossip and could do damage being left really. So that brings me to now. Where I think I'm approaching the edges of splits ville with the gf, more recently I've realised bits of us as a couple are really unhealthy, toxic even. I knew from the start we wouldn't last forever, as I was her first ... but I guess it's a watch this space and see how it goes.
  4. So it's almost been a year and a half I've been with my current gf and first proper gg relationship really rather than a casual thing. But I'm starting to see the signs that it might not last much longer. This site I think is the last place I have left all to myself, as she has joined and followed me in everything I do - initially I saw no issue with that, until recently when I realised I had nowhere to talk things out with friends. And because my social life with my friends has been killed off I feel guilty wanting to talk to them about it all on the rare occasions I do see them, because I'd much rather hear what they have been up to. I feel like I'm being stifled of late, if I go quite there's something wrong with me and she frets into anxiety attacks, if I do stuff with others and don't invite her I'm deliberately leaving her out (which yes sometimes I am, so what). I've recently noticed I'm loosing the few friends I did see and she is being very openly negative and spiteful about those people, which isn't my way of dealing with things like that. We share a common interest in BDSM where I am her Mistress, yet even there I feel like she is unhealthily try to control me. The good things are: as a friend (which to me always comes first in a relationship), we are good together. In the most part our 1:1 BDSM time is great. Everyone in our respective marriages get on and like each other. She really would do anything for me, which other than my grandmother I've never really had before. But all the little stuff I first mentioned, is all of a sudden growing into a big mass. I'm genuinely not sure what is for the best here. All past male relationship ended on good terms, the casual encounters with women not so much - can't work out why either. But this is the first real serious female relationship of any substance, she loves me and knows I don't feel quite the same so will get pissy with me when she can't break my walls down - I've been with my hubby 18 yrs and even he can't break my walls down, I have them for a reason. So I guess I am here to ask the wider experience of my shybi ladies for advice. x
  5. I'm doomed then, at least 4 of those points currently apply. It's been almost a year and a half, I'm hitting bottom with it I think. Guess I need to make my own post about it.
  6. Hello there readers, followers or only just come across it'ers. I have loads to get off my chest - WOW nearly a year since I last posted anything to my blog eek! Well loads has happened and I have been away enjoying my life, not all of it has been good or lasting but most of it has been fun. So working from the most recent backwards seems like the best plan .... I have started a YouTube make up advice and recommendations channel, mainly aimed at the trans market but equally useable for those who are also into make up regardless of gender. Currently having camera issues as my iphone doesn't have enough free space and the new digital camcorder I bought now doesn't work! IT will be going back after the bank holiday!! I have started to promote my business to the trans market, I've always more than happily seen trans or crossdessing customers but recently one of my new customers told me I should advertise specifically at them. Which I am now doing, but have discovered in the process that I girl I met lately and seem to have had a bit of a messy whirl wind involvement with (more on that later), is also starting a business in my area aimed at the same market - now initally it wasn't a problem as she was approching it from a totally different angle and we didn't clash with what we offered. I have been in business for myself for the last 8yrs as both a professional freelance make up artist and a qualified beauty theapist (two seperate lots of training and both VERY different). This girl in my area it seems in the last 3 wks to have desided to under cut me and to promote other people who cover my expertise - Which if I totally honest has pissed me off a bit - I think she sees it as I don't live close so it's not my patch, but I have covered the whole of the county and neighbouring ones for years, I also suspect that our involvement that whent messy has something to do with her now stepping all over me .... I get easily offened when it comes to my job, what I'm good at and work hard at to support my family every day for the last 8 yrs, to some you may thing oh move past it - but the industry I work in is cut throte .... which I hate being but it looks like I'm going to have to so I don't loose clients. The messy involvement .... We met while both being catwalk models for a fetish/alternative market, we had instant chemistry OMG she was so beautiful and still is. She like myself has a partner and family.... I thought she is perfect. She was looking for samething to me, a female to be involved with who understands that our families will always come first ..... I thought more than perfect - exactly what I'm after, we get on similar interests sexually attracted to each other........ WELL after a whirl wind few weeks where we seemed to have grown very close, I was daft enough to take a good friends advice and ask her to be my girlfriend on her birthday...... Bold move you say - infact TOO bold it seems, I accept that taking it in and of course discussing it with her partner was to be expected - The responce I get is "I don't want anything excussive, because I have my own family" ... Well duh I know that, so do I and I'm married so that clearly cannot be .... I reply something along those lines but nicer of course and point out that as I consider myself to be poly (in my case only other women are involved be they casually or as an additional relationship) there is clearly no chance of exclussivity - on reflextion here I was maybe a little unintensionally harsh, as I feel like a knocked back teenager, I was certainly behaving like one according to my hubby. So I may have got her back up? I don't know, but this was the mess ..... She then didn't speak to me for three weeks or more (we had been speaking every day), so I figured too much too fast giver some space and see what happens. Well the other night she finally texts me a reply to a message then calls me out of the blue shortly after....I was meant to be staying over at hers so we could both attend an event where we were to promote our businesses, she tells me I'm no longer able to stop as she has family coming who will also be at said event - I think fine, will make it more difficult for me but not impossible (difficult is an understatement - bloody sunday service nightmere that was Good friday!). Anyway I eventually get there several hours late and can't stop long as getting back was being hell - Yep she was busy working promoting herself and her new business 'I accept that', but other than a comment of "you look like a doll" that was the only acknowledgement I got, I spoke more with her mother and mother-in-law (both also there) .... her own mum was suprised I wasn't staying at hers! Not to mention the distinct lack of the family she mentioned would be staying at hers ...... NOW I AM NO MUG, that was the rudested lying brush off ever! and to add further insult to injury ... she then starts promoting another business similar to my own, in the place that was supposed to be for me >>>> I know thats life and I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does and that hurt! For those of you who know me on facebook, you'll know my car broke down and I have been without a car now for the last 6 wks! :( I blew the head gasket, so public transport has become my only mode of getting about. I'm have a reall ball ache trying to get anyone indervidual or garage to fix my car as I cannot afford twice the price to take it to the main dealers. I seems to have been dragged semi willingly into the fetish scene >>>>There are lots of hot Bi women on the fetish scene<<<<<< I know it's not everyones cup of tea and like all tea can come at different strenghts, but I like it so far having found a few female play mates ;) but sadly nothing very lasting .... It seems I have a pattern of not being very commitable to even just for regular hook ups/booty calls. ANY WAY I have discovered the delights of sensation play, rope (tying people up) and the extreamly sexy things you can do to people with a sharp knife - WITHOUT cutting them, I'll add here - OMG SO sexy and of course consensual. I have dabbled with sex clubs - REALLY NOT my thing, but you don't know if you don't try. If causual sex with any old randomer is what your after then knock yourself out. My advice to those who may want to try them - do your research if possible don't go alone (certainly to the night club type) and SAFE sex all the way!! Designed and presented a talk for Victim Supports LGBT conference about bisexuality, went down really well and they are now using a lot of my links and details now around the country to help people and to educate volunteers. Erm yep I think my last post was along the lines of get out there if you want to find a woman as you won't find one hidding behind a computer .... VERY true I have met some lovely ladies, as friends as fuck buddies and random snogs on a night out - none of which would have happened sat at the computer pining for it. Well I think I will leave it there for now, have fun all x