mia1

GoldenShyBiGirls
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mia1 last won the day on July 10 2016

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About mia1

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  1. Thank you for your replies! Beaulieu, the bullying happened from the beginning to the end of the school year. That lady hated me with a passion. I eventually grew a thicker skin and was able to resemble my old self. My sense of humour came back and would even had discussions with the teachers when I didn't agree with something, but there was something missing, something that terrible teacher stole from me and was never able to get it back. I went through high school being an academically average student, when I think it should've been different. Same in university. It's like something's always holding me back. A little voice in my head always tells me there's nothing particularly special about my skills or talents, leaving many projects collecting dust even though family, friends and people in general tell me otherwise. I've always known the bullying affected me for life. I don't think about it obsessively, I mean it's been 31 years, but I resent that woman because I can perfectly identify how she impacted my life. Many times I've thought about how much I'd like to tell her what a failure she is, how sad it is that after all those years she's remembered not as an inspiration, but the total opposite, and now I have that chance. I don't want to give her more power, I want to show her that, despite the suffering she caused me, I was able to rescue the kid she wanted to get lost, with some missing pieces, but essentially the same. She may not give a dang about what I have to say, but I think if I get this off my chest I will find closure. Kairi, about your kid, try to find some counselling, these teachers can really change the way you affront different situations later on and it's better to address it asap.
  2. So, obviously, this is not about love or anything nice, but this is the only forum I'm familiar with and I know you all give amazing advice, so here I am. I'm 41. I've been doing a bit of soul searching and I've come to the conclusion that many of the things that ended up happening or not happening in my life were caused by me being bullied when I was 10 by my 4th grade teacher. I've always been aware that my IQ is above average. I was a brilliant kid and my dad even had an IQ test done to prove it. I was a funny, kind and sensitive kid and my classmates loved my jokes. One day, I had to recite a poem in front of the whole class, and I did in a fun way. When I was done, the teacher said they were laughing at me, not because it was funny, but because I was ridiculous. That really screwed me up. I didn't say anything at home and ended up spending my recesses alone. Keeping friends and making new ones became extremely difficult, studying wasn't important or exciting anymore and after being a straight A+ student, I started failing. It was like that in middle school and high school, never the good student I used to be. I only wanted to learn on my own, reading books about philosophy, astronomy, biology; Leon Tolstoy, Alexandre Dumas and Jules Verne novels. It got better over the years when it came to making friends and I've had a fairly normal social life, but I've also suffered from depression, the 5 years after the bullying being the worst because it was the 80's and my parents didn't know what the heck to do, so I was properly treated when I was 15. Anyway, when I think about all this my heart breaks for 10 year old me, sometimes it even brings me to tears after 31 years, meaning I haven't found closure. I found the teacher on Facebook and I wonder if I should message her and say something about it. Part of me wants to tell her what a horrible teacher she was and the bad impact she had in my life; part of me thinks I should just let it go somehow. Can anybody give me some advice?
  3. Clothes and collectible figures for my daughter (she's got the coolest collection for a 10 y/o ;)
  4. Thank you all for your advice. It's always been clear to me that if wanted to make things happen she would've done it a long time ago. As Vampire says, honesty is crucial and she's failed at that. It upsets me that she feels it's okay to send me texts like that, especially when it's clear I want no contact. I've consider it's because she craves the attention, so I agree with you on that Hungry and Findtheway, and thanks for those words, exactly what I needed. Lizzie, you are also right and now I feel stupid for even thinking about texting her. The last time we met was the one I mentioned in my post. That day she said so many things about herself and thanks to all the things she said, I think I've been able to understand (but not condone) why she's acted the way she has. I remember her saying she doesn't like to be alone, so she's always been in relationships. She seems insecure and being with someone makes her feel better about herself. I, of course, wasn't available, so it's understandable. But, then again, she's never being honest with me or herself, and as Ocean Horizon says, those are her issues, not mine. I won't text her, and I thank you all for reminding me of the reasons to stop myself from doing so.
  5. Four years ago I told her I had feelings for her, her response was that she didn't know what to say. We got together a couple of months after and ,although 2 or 3 times she looked at me deeply in the eyes and looked at my lips in a way that made me feel she wanted to kiss me, I'm sure that day she decided she would not get into an affair with me, mostly because I'm married. I tried no contact, but she would still text me on special occasions, like bdays or Holidays. Every time she texted I tried to be friendly, but her responses would be almost monosyllabic. She got a new boyfriend just a few months after I confessed my feelings and tired of her posts on Facebook, but not wanting to be too radical and unfriend her, I deactivated my account for almost two years. During that time she texted on Christmas and somehow found me on Instagram before they started making follow suggestions and followed me. Then, I found out in September that she got married. That was exactly what I was waiting for, so I could feel free to block her on Instagram and reactivate my Facebook and unfriend her. I did it and everything was fine. I thought she would get the message and leave me be, but I was wrong. She texted on Christmas. Just a simple Merry Christmas (my name), but the point is she texted early in the morning on Christmas day. I replied with a simple Hi ___! Merry Christmas to you too! and have tried not to make a big deal out of it because it probably doesn't mean anything, but I was fine and she's invading my thoughts again and it's driving me nuts! I have someone else, yet I've been thinking about texting her on New Years, that's how much she messes with my head, but she doesn't know it. All I can think right now is that she just got married and has never been able to completely let me go, messing with my heart and my head in the process. I guess I just needed to vent and I'd appreciate your opinions and encouragement so I don't give in and text her.
  6. Oh my gosh Loulou, I have no words. This was heartbreakingly beautiful. I do relate to your story in so many ways. I also closed a painful chapter, but I'm still to experience the intense love you were so lucky to find in your new wonderful girlfriend. I'm very happy for you, and thank you for sharing your story with us.
  7. I should probably do as you suggested before ArtsyGirl, and give the one I know wants me for sure a chance.
  8. Oh I'd love to hear from those who've been through it and how they dealt with that situation.
  9. I think "for" is more romantic than "towards". What I wonder is why the use of the word "feelings" in that context. If something like that happened with a friend of mine I'd word it differently, maybe I'd say "I hope we're good and we can continue being friends like before"
  10. Everything you guys say is true, I'm aware of it all and it makes me want to kick myself because why did I have to fall for my daughter's teacher? It's almost like the more impossible it seems, the better. I know it's been doomed since the beginning. What I did with the painting and the words I wrote is the boldest thing I'm going to do; I can't take that risk and I know that she won't do it either even if she wants to. The only thing that consoles me is thinking that she reciprocates, that her crying when reading my card has something to do with it.
  11. Wow Sarahrose, I've come across your responses here and other posts and I think the advice you've given is wonderful. So good to have you in this community!
  12. I know what you mean ArtsyGirl, but here we are. And it's the worst kind if crush I would say, because what are the chances? Who's going to be bold enough make a move? Yes, I made the painting and wrote something nice, but does that even count as a move in her eyes? I don't know, but then again, she cried reading what I wrote. That shows what a sweet woman she is.
  13. I wasted years being in love with a woman who wasn't brave enough to jump into a relationship with me and decided to take the easy path, so I decided a while ago that I would open my heart to any possibilities. I've felt the connection with my daughter's teacher since day one and, although it's very unlikely, I still feel there's a chance. I can't stop thinking about the fact that she cried because of what I wrote. My kid was placed in the split class and I was "that" mom who complains ( I know, I'm not proud of it), so I started saying that I was wrong, that being in her class had been a very positive experience for her, how sorry I was for being like that at the beginning and that my kid was a better person because of a teacher like her. I wish I knew why that made her cry.
  14. I've thought about it, I love her deeply, but I don't feel that "click". The heart is so stupid sometimes, I know something happening with the teacher is very unlikely, she won't make a move even if she wants to, maybe for the same reason I won't do it either, but there's something about her that drives me crazy. I ended up making a watercolour painting of a hummingbird and wrote something inside. She sent a thank you card and it said she was lost for words, she said the letter was so kind that it made her cry, and my daughter confirmed she was indeed crying. After that she just said something nice about my daughter and wished we have a great summer. So, I guess I succeeded at planting the seed?