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whatsername

Platinum Shy-Bi Girl
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About whatsername

  • Rank
    The Droid You're Looking For

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  • Music
    A little bit of everything (Pop, Punk, Rap, etc.). I'm a sucker for musical theater though!
  • Location
    United States
  • Interests
    Video games, comics, crafting, musicals, etc.
  • Favourite Book
    Brave New World
  • Favourite TV Show
    How I Met Your Mother, Adventure Time, New Girl, Doctor Who.
  • Favourite Film
    Star Wars Trilogy (original), Roman Holiday, Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

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  1. whatsername

    Chapter 2: My Nightmare

    So Lilith came to visit. We had decided it would be for an extended time - 3 weeks - so she could experience the holidays in America. We thought it would be fun to do Thanksgiving as well as set up for Christmas together. The first week or so went well. I was able to use all the time I had amassed vacation-wise at work, so the time was fully dedicated to relaxing and spending time with her. We had some good conversations (with minimal fighting) so I thought things were looking up. After I went back to work everything changed. The arrangement we had during the visit was for my then-husband and Lilith alternate nights in the bedroom with me, with the majority of the time going to her. When my husband's first night came, she didn't take it well. Rather than sleeping in the other room - as agreed - she insisted on cuddling in the room with us. It was uncomfortable physically, and awkward in practice. Morning came and I went to work. When I came home my world experienced the first dose of hell that would happen that year. Lilith told me that after I went to work, she began grinding against my husband, and the two of them kissed. I felt betrayed by both of them. Having things out in the open is one thing, but taking physical actions in a poly relationship without prior concent is just wrong. I was mad, hurt, and confused. There were two big blowout fights that evening, and I was unsure about either relationship going forward. In the interest of peace, I decided to put it behind us and forgive. My relationship with Lilith was off track again, and the remainder of her trip was full of bickering, clingyness, and uneasy interactions within the house. To be honest, I couldn't wait for her to leave. While she was there I continued my practice of venting to Janus about my relationship. She was willing to listen, validated what I was feeling, and seemed to empathize with me. She kept me sane for the remainder of the trip. At the end of three weeks, Lilith returned home. I felt relieved, and like there was a ton of pressure taken off of me the second I left the airport. In hindsight, I knew things weren't fixable. I should've sucked it up and ended things. I felt like I was obligated to stay with her though. She spent so much money coming to visit me twice, she contributed to household expenses, and helped keep things running while I was at work. These are all terrible reasons, and if I was faced with the same situation today I would handle it much differently. Once Lilith got home, things escalated in their awfulness. Prior to her trip, I thought the relationship was broken. This took it to a whole new level. She became angry, jealous, and emotionally manipulative everytime I said I had to go on Skype. I even spent most of my New Years Eve (at a friend's party) in his bathroom arguing with her while she cried and yelled. I genuinely couldn't understand why she was so adverse to me living my life outside of her. She seemed to see every second I wasn't glued to a phone or computer as a betrayal. It was exhausting. Then one day we were on a Skype call, and she told me more happened between my husband and her than they initially admitted. They had fooled around some. In my bed. Without my knowledge. I was done. I broke up with her. When he got home I told him I knew everything and ended my relationship with him. He was crushed, but came clean with me telling me everything that happened because he felt that I deserved to know regardless of our relationship status. Lilith kept expressing suicidal thoughts during this time, and told me she had no reason to live anymore. I felt very guilty. I even went as far as to call her on Skype to try to talk her down. She couldn't be deescalated. I asked her if I gave her one more shot would she agree to move on (same for him). They both agreed. I tentatively entered into both relationships again. Things were stable for a couple weeks. Not good, not bad. I was going through the motions at this point. Slowly but surely Lilith and I began arguing again. Things escalated one day with her scream crying on Skype while I was driving home from work. This had become routine at that point. She ended up saying that my husband had raped her while she had visited. Time stopped at that point. I was confused at first because I was sure I couldn't have heard her correctly. She repeated the claim. I believed her. Who wouldn't? I'm a woman. I would want someone to believe me had it happened. I went home and told my husband he disgusted me. That Lilith told me what actually happened. And that I couldn't believe he could do that to someone. He genuinely seemed surprised and was adamant this did not occur. I didn't believe him. He again told me his version of what happened. Exactly as before. Details that he had mentioned in passing were the same this second time. Regardless, I believed her. I again talked to Lilith, and asked her to please tell me what happened. So I could understand what she had gone through. How I could try to help her through it. Her story was convincing, but I did notice some details had changed. I chalked this up to her being traumatized. As the next few days went by my husband's story never changed. Lilith's remained in flux. Several details changed, including what happened, when it happened, and what was said. I began to get an uneasy feeling about the whole thing. I began to doubt what had happened. I felt awful for doubting her. Why would anyone make up something so horrible? Especially since she began freely sharing what happened with mutual social connections. I finally told her I was confused and didn't know what to believe. She began telling everyone we knew that I condoned rape...which wasn't the case at all. I just wanted clarification. Lilith began putting more and more pressure on me. To move out of my house. Relocate to a different country. To start a life with her. I told her I couldn't- and wouldn't - do that until I knew what was going on. Her story changed yet again. His never wavered. After weeks of this, I finally came to the EXTREMELY difficult decision that I believed him. I didn't care that he was still my husband. I knew he was my friend long before that. And I knew he was telling the truth. I made the gut-wrenching decision of telling Lilith I wouldn't leave my husband. She went on radio silence for several weeks. When she eventually messaged me again, it was to try to smooth things over. She missed me. Still loved me. Wanted to spend her life with me. She admitted to me that she had made up the rape in the hope that it would be a catalyst for me leaving the US. She apologized for lying and said she wanted to try again...with both my husband AND me in a throuple. At this point we were scared of her and what she might say or do. We both agreed to it out of uneasiness, both of us completely miserable. Neither of us wanted to have this woman in our lives, but we were more scared of what she might do if she wasn't anymore. We went through the motions. Thankfully it didnt last long. After a month or so, she realized that we would never give her what she wanted. That we both had a home in our country and had no desire to leave. And she broke things off. It was the best day of my life. To say I felt free would be an understatement. She continued to message me off and on the days following. Telling me how crushed she was. I didn't care. This woman had lied. About something unforgivable. That could have lifelong repercussions on someone she knew was innocent. She deserved no sympathy in my book. I moved on...quickly. Janus was always there for me. Being the person I needed. I had feelings for her. She had feelings for me. We decided to pursue something together. I told Lilith that I was in a new relationship. She told me I had broken her. I told her I forgave myself. Because I owed her nothing. Things with Janus were complicated to say the least (I'll address that in it's own entry). It was another great learning experience. To this day, Lilith still hasn't told people she lied and fabricated her story. And people think I'm a monster for it. I quit caring what other people thought about it years ago. Because I know the truth. What's funny is I've seen multiple claims on her behalf that I'm a cold and hateful narcissist. I just roll my eyes, move on, and ignore it. Because I never wanted to dignify it. She didn't deserve to get that rise out of me. At the end of the day she knows what she did. And has to live with it. While I have done nothing but thrive after her. She was - and always will be - the worst human I've ever known. Because she used being an innocent victim to manipulate. She taught me to always trust my instincts and to not settle for anything less than what I deserve. My life has been amazing since. And I couldn't care less about what has happened to hers.
  2. whatsername

    Chapter 1: My Begining

    I realized a long time ago there will be no good way to write this. I figure the best way to do it is to not edit myself and go for it. Regardless of how I come across. This will be long, but it's my story. I'll probably break it up into segments so there isn't a ton to read. I'm almost 33 now. When I was 25 I was a trainwreck. I was married to a man I loved (not in that way), gaining weight like crazy, and in a job that was soul-sucking. It was at that point in my life that I discovered Shys. I knew there was a part of me that was being ignored, and I wanted to revisit some urges I had buried years prior. Upon joining this site in 2011, I met many like minded people, some of whom I still call friends today. One of the people I met from that time was someone (from a different country) I became romantically interested in. We quickly hit it off, and began a relationship. I'll call her Lilith. During this time, my then-husband was aware of my relationship with this woman. I obviously knew my relationship with him was something I didn't see myself in a "forever" kind of way, so I was very wishy-washy when it came to any type of commitment talks with Lilith. That was a recurring theme of my early/mid 20s - doing everything I could to avoid conflict or hurting someone's feelings, even at the expense of my own. That's a mistake I own up to. I should've been direct. Anyway, Lilith and I decided our relationship was serious, and at the beginning of 2012 she came to visit me. This was a big deal, and I was nervous as fuck. Lilith had only been in one other serious relationship in her life at that point - and I wanted to live up to her idealized expectations. She stayed with me, we had an amazing time, and when she had to return home I felt really good about where our relationship was headed. I was all in. After she returned home, things started to go downhill. While I was married, she was single (except for me). It was hard on her because she would want to spend as much time as possible talking, and I had other obligations which prevented that. That, combined with the time difference, was a lethal combination. She expressed frustration and sadness, and while I could understand to an extent - I had a hard time empathizing. In my mind (at that time) I saw it as something she knew before we got together, and found it an unrealistic expectation for me to spend my life glued to a computer all hours of the day. It wasn't as if we didn't talk - we did daily - but I didn't want to ignore other parts of my life. Nearly 7 years later, I see this as an incompatibility which should've ended the relationship for both of our sakes. As months went on, fights and miscommunication continued. I began to become quite frustrated and began to vent to someone (whom I had harbored a crush for) that I trusted. I'll call her Janus. I was unfiltered, and often unflattering, in discussing my partner. I saw this as a way to get out my anger and frustration without taking it out on her. This is another point where, with the benefit of time, I can admit fault. Confiding in Janus was playing with fire. The more we talked, the closer we became. And as the closeness continued I again developed feelings for her. This culminated in one conversation with sexual themes, which I immediately felt bad about. I told Lilith about my conversation, and she was distraught (rightfully). I felt bad, especially considering it put a visit she had planned to see me in jeopardy. We hadn't seen each other in months. I had hurt her. It sucked. There were lots of conversations I just wanted to escape from, but I continued to stay in the relationship. Looking back, I wish I could shake myself. There were so many signs we weren't good together...but that's hindsight for you. I continued my friendship with Janus (in secret), and continued to look forward to the upcoming visit from Lilith. During this time, I was also in the process of figuring out a new phase of my life. My lease was coming to an end on the apartment my husband and I shared. After some careful financial analysis, we decided to buy our first home. It was a scary - and exciting - time. Lilith became increasingly bitter towards me during this time. Telling me I was going to make a mistake in buying a home. That it would be the biggest mistake I could make. That it wasn't fair that I would have roots to where I lived. It turned an otherwise exciting time into something filled with sadness and anxiety. Looking back, I can understand why she felt that way. My having roots in the US meant I would not leave for another country. Understandable...yet another sign things should've ended. Shortly after I moved into the home I purchased (we weren't even fully unpacked) Lilith was set to visit again. This time it would be three weeks. These were three weeks I looked forward to - a chance to get our relationship on track and have fun. But it turned out to be three weeks of Hell. More to come...
  3. I have, without a doubt, met the love of my life. Things I never would've- or could've - committed to in past relationships were just no brainers with her. I've moved over 2000 miles from home just so we could start a new life together. Every day is an adventure with her by my side. Meeting and marrying my wife was the best thing to ever happen to me. Our sons were the icing on the cake.
  4. Moving over 2000 miles across the country for a new job near my wife's family in 2 weeks. This is happening so fast, but it is awesome!

    1. wolfbigrl88

      wolfbigrl88

      Oh wow, so happy for you! Can't wait until I get to move to be with netty :)

  5. Three weeks from today I get to marry the woman of my dreams. Beyond grateful to be lucky enough to be in her life. And so happy to be gaining 2 wonderful kids. :)

    1. Nidalaeh

      Nidalaeh

      Congratulations!!!! Hope you two have a wonderful life together!

    2. endilwen

      endilwen

      Congratulations, I hope it's a wonderful day

    3. wolfbigrl88

      wolfbigrl88

      Awe that's so great so happy for you two! I can't wait for the day I get to marry netty :)

  6. whatsername

    Indiana/Kentucky anyone?

    I'm in KY, too.
  7. Accepted an offer to sell my house this week, and final divorce decree should be in hand within 10 days. So happy!

    1. wolfbigrl88

      wolfbigrl88

      That's good news happy for you :)

    2. whatsername
  8. I can't wait to marry you. <3

  9. The most I do is crop other people out of photos or put an Instagram filter on. Doing more than that is way too much effort just to mislead someone!
  10. I like your profile piccy, it's really cool.

    1. whatsername

      whatsername

      Thanks! My fiance illustrated it for pride this year. :)

    2. myladylove

      myladylove

      It's very good.

  11. Getting over the flu is kicking my butt. Thank goodness for working from home.

  12. Had a nice spring break w/ our family last week. Two year anniversary this week. So happy!

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