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elliej last won the day on March 23 2016

elliej had the most liked content!

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About elliej

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    woman of mystere
  • Birthday February 13

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  1. maybe my first date with a woman in a while. I'm going to call her up this week and see...

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. elliej


      wow sucky timing. she and I have been talking for a few weeks, but she met someone else this week and they are dating now. :(

    3. Nidalaeh
    4. Hungry


      @elliej Sorry to hear that. I've learnt over the years. If you really like someone and you've only had one date or just getting to know each other but it feels right then act quickly at first. It's easier to go slower later than not make the right impression.

      I have missed out over the years from not making more of an effort. So now I try to take the first steps early.

  2. Ugh. Feels like something that I've just faced, even though it's been there for a while. There was this guy who made plans with me, they were my dreams and what I wanted my life to look like. But he was controlling and manipulative. The kind that has to lower your worth to tell you that he's the only one who loves you (and that love means this twisted manipulative game of his). And the thing is, he keeps haunting me. I try to date other people, and he finds out and always has some commentary about it. Because he can't stand the idea I could be happy with anyone else. Even though he has no interest in what makes me happy. He is only interested in having my attention to play his games which go nowhere. But, anyway, the point is, I wanted to have a family with him. When I was young. Now time has passed. I feel like that since it didn't work out, I moved on and have other priorities now. And after everything I've been through, delays in life due to family illness etc, I'm not particularly interested in all of the agony of putting my body through childbirth. So he appears out of the woodwork this weekend. I don't know. Maybe he and his friends had a party late into the night and he's drunk texting me. But like one of the first topics he goes to is babies. Seriously? As if he can't accept the consequences of his actions spending all of this time being an asshole. And the thing is, so you know what it's like to look back on that moment when you're afraid there isn't something better.... first, super glad there was no child to tie us together or have to keep dealing with him. Second, basically I told him if he wants a baby, then he should volunteer to be a human incubator, because I was interested in volunteering 10 years ago, but not anymore. Other people got their issues. And their issues are not your problem. That's the lesson I can pass along looking back.
  3. nothing to add here. seems like y'all covered it.
  4. my reputation is 666 :blink:

  5. I hope your job application worked out.

    1. elliej


      I didn't have a job application ???? thanks for the positive thoughts, but I think you are thinking of someone else.

    2. Leopard


      Well more positive thoughts! !!!

  6. So I see a lot of individual threats, but thought maybe there should be one threat for the topic if people have specific situations where they are dating people and looking for advice on certain situations.... Maybe this can be this place. Though I guess people in relationships considering poly arrangements might also have similar dating questions. I've posted some thoughts about this "flirty friend" as I call her.... at least in my profile updates if not any specific threads. So this is where things get interesting. So she and I met last fall. We had one night where she was providing me a little too much wine, and we all got a little gropey. Then we went dancing together. I tried to kiss her, but I was a little tipsy. She pulled away. She made a comment about boundaries with not wanting to do something she regretted. (That night I had also come from a bad date before meeting up with them) Fast forward. She showed up at a casual social business event unexpectedly where I didn't expect to see her, and came to seek me out. Fast forward. Finally this spring she and I had exchanged messages back and forth and met up for drinks. The week later, I invited her to a wine and art event, where she made a comment about a woman there being attractive and sexy "if she were into women" so seemed to be on her mind. We went to a club and had drinks and she touched my hand. But I had also been messaging a server at that club who was hoping I would stop by so we could meet, and it was just awkward. After that she has been busy because she is moving to another city. We finally got to hang out again (with other people) last week for a going away for her.... and definitely we talked about me visiting her when she is moved in. So I have kind of been checking out different options on Tinder, and I saw one profile with the same spelling of her name, but the picture is only the back of a woman's head. So I was reluctant to swipe either way. I went to check out her pictures to see if maybe I could see the same picture on her social media profile and determine if this was her or not... I didn't see that picture. She also had a picture of flowers, and I did find pictures of her being super attracted to flowers and made a comment. So any thoughts? What should I do? She moves this weekend, and then goes home to see her mom, because her mom is undergoing cancer treatments. Do I swipe on her Tinder profile? Do I mention her Tinder profile? Do I bring up some romantic possibility another way? Yes, she and I get along great, and I would consider dating her. There is some attraction there, I think. I would be open to exploring romantic possibilities. I really like her input about life, and I feel like we are on some of the same wavelengths on a lot of levels, professionally, and in our spiritual lives, which has been a deal breaker for me in some relationships. It could be exciting to explore the possibilities, and I would be open to that. How do I bring it up? I think the Tinder profile gives me a more clear signal. Before that I got the feeling maybe she was trying to figure out her own attraction to women or something. This is what I mean when women here post situations where they overthink what other women are doing or thinking instead of just giving them space to figure things out for themselves while you obsess over them. Don't obsess over anyone! Maybe she has reached a point where she has started to accept she's attracted to women and is open to pursuing something now. I haven't pushed her at all and kind of totally backed off. I guess I was thinking since she invited me to her place to share a bottle of wine, I would hang out with her and let things happen naturally, but she got busy and that didn't happen before she moved. Should I just wait and see if it works out to visit her and see then if something happens? Or should I try to find her on Tinder and connect that way? But could that get awkward? Or should I try to bring something up explicitly? Not really my style. I really am more of a let things happen naturally person instead of trying to address things awkwardly...
  7. I have stretches - weeks really - where I am totally ok. It feels like I have so much in life going on and to sort out and get together that I don't have time for a relationship, that one might feel like it choked me if it was too demanding. But then sometimes the lack of sex is too much.... I do have a few people I'm not seeing seriously that I can get together with, but then I miss some things described above, really having the connection with someone who cares about me. I guess that means I am getting over the last relationship. I was honest with him how much it meant to me, and vulnerable instead of trying to control the outcome. I told him what was missing, and he told me I should find a relationship where I was accepted (not my bisexuality), and that hurt. I cried. I wanted him to love me for who I am. But I also wanted a relationship that celebrated some important values. It was hard to hear that he didn't love me and accept everything about me, but it was harder not facing that and not talking to him about it and how it made me feel. He was a really super guy, but now I want to be loved.
  8. I studied biology and my faculty advisor was the head of the Genetics department, and this was never presented as part of any discussion of genetics or reproductive biology in any of my classes, so I am not sure where your professors got this information.... so I was actually not saying this at all, that people with genetic sexual identity can have variety of male and female energies and it doesn't mean it makes them a different gender, was actually my point... I am a woman genetically, and it shouldn't matter what energies I chose to express that. Being a woman and having a variety of energies doesn't make me less female. It doesn't make me a male or a man, even if I have more masculine energy.
  9. you are hilarious
  10. well I sent the letter a month ago. I guess she's not going to write back....

  11. I don't know I had a pretty high libido when I was younger, but I was less likely to act on it. I had this feeling or sense that I was supposed to act a certain way to attract the kind of relationship I wanted or thought I wanted. I think now a lot has to do with giving a lot less f@#$ about what people think. After going through hell, having what were supposed to be the perfect relationships and have those people tell people what to think and create narratives about me which were far worse than anything I could or would actually ever do, what else is left? After beating them at their own game to slander and defame me, and seeing what the true colors of people really are, and likely that it would be terribly difficult for me to have children anyway, I guess I just feel like I have a lot less to lose. Since that time I focus on my sanity, well being and mental and emotional health. That means also having those boundaries in line with any sexual relationships I have and setting the terms there. Perhaps when I was younger I would have been more vulnerable and less able to protect myself and my well being as well.
  12. I think gender should not define your feminine and masculine energy. Everyone has a combination, both men and women. It is just not realistic to try to define genders by any percentage concentration of fem/masc energy levels. All people of all genders should accept whatever combination of energies they have and learn how to handle the fluctuations in each. So sometimes I have more masculine energy and I have to learn how to handle and control that versus times I have more feminine energy. I admit I find the frequency lower when I have high level of feminine energy. That's just me. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy being feminine, but my energy can still manifest masculine, no matter how I dress or present myself.