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About tsikk

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    Big Tease

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  • Music
    Roisin Murphy/Moloko, Meshell Ndegeocello, Sebastien Tellier...
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    North-East US

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  1. I've heard about the owl theory. First I thought it sounded far fetched - an owl, really?! But now it makes the most sense to me as well, as crazy as it sounds. My husband an I went full on psycho analysis on the handling of Michael Peterson's case after. About the way prosecution was playing the game and how come the jury came to their (in my mind stunningly unjustifiable) decision. Did you find yourself wondering the same way?
  2. I felt the same way about the horrible prosecutor Freda Black! A bizarre and disturbing character. I thought she even looked like a Disney villain with her crazy clothes and make up! It's true her life seems to have taken a pretty sharp left turn since. It is likely this thing would have not gone this far if Michael were straight. The prosecution did some horrible and more than questionable things. Though honestly it was still a very strange case...
  3. I watched The Staircase too! It's well done! There is another reason to watch the show. Michael Peterson's bi-sexuality plays a big part in the docudrama. Even though the show was sort of displaying yet again the not so nice bi-stereotype, I think Michael did quite a good job explaining his side, how it feels to be bi and his life experience. (you'll have to wait for his explanation till the last episode though). Edit: Just to clarify - the documentary did show Michael in a sympathetic light, perhaps even too sympathetic for a documentary. I do think it has one of the deepest depictions of a bisexual person in mainstream media and there are not many.
  4. I do not have a specific clothing item that makes me really in tune with y bi-sexuality, but the idea makes sense. I used to dress and present quite a bit more butch. Though I'm not exactly femme even now. I find as I've become more secure about myself and my sexuality I do not feel the need to prove myself or fight against straight stereotyping. For me there was definitely a rebel aspect to butchness. On the other hand I'm also not looking for women at the current part of my life...
  5. I’ve found it useful telling people that I am interested in finding solutions and not casting blame when bringing up difficult topics. Your speech, tone and behaviour will have to also reflect that - not always easy to do when you’ve been hurt. The other side should not feel like they are under attack, that just makes people defensive and unreflective usually. Try to keep the focus on how to improve the situation or what can be done differently in the future. Ask more, tell less (the Socratic method). It is better to let the other person come up with ideas. This way it is less frightening and more likely they’ll stick to the solutions later. Good luck!
  6. Hi Pierette, Sorry to hear about your health scare and your husband's inappropriate reaction to it! I went through something similar but not to your degree of severity. It wasn't exactly life and death situation but something that was most likely to alter my life in a big way. I got lucky, at least for now. The reactions from my (now) husband and my mother were reversed compared to you. My husband was showing the best kind of support you could imagine even though we had known each other for only half a year at that point. My mother was another story. I had invited her along for support to what I knew would be the hardest doctor's visit. In hindsight I wish I would not have invited her, I would have been much much better off alone! I know she cares for me, perhaps too much, and she has anxiety issues. But sometimes just love is not enough and the actions really do matter! It reads like there may be similar reasons behind my mother's and your husband's inappropriate behaviour. They are not good or are incapable at coping with that kind of stresses. It is a very serious problem. My mother's behaviour hurt a lot, but I did get the support I needed from my husband. I didn't live together with my mother either. So it was easier to ignore her. I want to let you know you are not overreacting. Perhaps it would be best for you to recover a little before you bring the issue up with your husband. You know him the best. Try to find someone else who can give you the emotional support meanwhile. Maybe you know someone who can talk to your husband and give him advice on how to show support... Or who can support him so he can support you. Hugs and wish you a speedy recovery, Anne
  7. @AllThatSheWants Wow, your friend, sounds like she is still at high school! Next time when she behaves in this ridiculous way, I'd stop her and look her in the eyes and say "I know what you are thinking. Don't flatter yourself!"
  8. I'll sort of state the obvious but confessing to your slip up will inevitably out Charlotte as bi (and as a cheat). It is one more thing to take into consideration. On minimum you should let her know about your decision if you do decide to come clean to your boyfriend.
  9. Thanks @Punk Maneuverability and @myladylove! I put thinking about my bisexuality mostly to a side for 4-5 years, after that tumultuous decade of struggle with it. It's been interesting to revisit it from a more calmer and probably saner place now LOL. @myladylove from my perspective, I agree experience was absolutely necessary. But it does get more complicated ethically once you have dependants involved like a spouse or children... and I again like you said there is probably no 'one size fits all' solution there too. The more angry homophobia and bi-phobia makes me. All it does is makes more miserable people by showing them into closets and pushing into relationships prematurely or into wrong ones all together. What a waste! Anyway things are getting better, and overcoming adversity can make you more resilient and give you extra depth and perspective. You can also look at your bisexuality as a superpower that helps you swiftly identify and weed out bigots from your life!
  10. Hi Anne, Good advice has already given by other wonderful people. There is one thing I would like to add - you cannot just figure out what you want in your head merely armed with your thoughts. It can actually positively drive you crazy and get you nowhere, I know it did that to me. You have to venture out into the real world! I can relate to many things you say, though my life has had a somewhat different path. I too was teased and was pushed into the closet I was struggling to break out of for a decade. The same fear you have about hurting your boyfriend and has kept you in the relationship made me keep distance with my boyfriends. I knew I had to explore my attraction to women, before I could even possibly entertain a thought of a serious relationship with a man. (But I can see how I could have slipped into one anyway like you.) The struggle to explore has not been easy but the payoff has been great! I’m still not 100% out I see it more like a journey than a destination now. I did have some relationships with women. And even though some were not great relationships they were still of great value to my self actualization and learning. Even to just be in a place finally where you can date women is hugely liberating! I too thought I was more attracted to women and at some point even thought I was a lesbian. But in an ironic twist just after I had finally accepted of being a lesbian to my surprise suddenly feelings for men started to surface. It can be I just repressed them in order to figure out the stuff with women. A year later a random chance brought me together with my husband and I fell madly in love like nothing before pretty much at first sight. But without having the experience with women and all that knowledge about my sexuality and the hard won ability to be open and honest, I would have never had the possibility for that kind of deep acceptance and love from myself and from my husband I now enjoy! My journey is mine and I do not know what yours is going to be. I just wanted to show the importance of lived experiences and how unexpected and gratifying the results can be. Good luck! Tsikk (also Anne in real life)