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About tsikk

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    Big Tease

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  • Music
    Roisin Murphy/Moloko, Meshell Ndegeocello, Sebastien Tellier...
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    North-East US

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  1. I love that mix of Audio: Galt MacDermot - Coffe Cold Video: The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)
  2. I love going down on my husband but I have to be in the mood for it. I'm lucky he understands the value of an enthusiastic performance. Technique wise the often missing miracle ingredient is perhaps surprisingly - your hand! A successful blow job is equal amount hand job really. It's team work - hand taking care of pressure and mouth texture. Holding a hand around his dick and following it with your mouth up and down also means you don't have to take it as deep in your mouth. This division of labor is great at preventing jaws getting tired and helping with the gag!
  3. The Handmaid's Tale sounds too depressing, so I have stayed away from it. But I've seen 'The Magdalene Sisters'. A drama about three teenage girls who were sent to Magdalene Asylums, homes for women who were labelled as "fallen" by their families or society. Kavanaugh looked like an embodiment of entitlement. He clearly doesn't behave like at a job interview for an ultimate public servant but as though he is owed this position of prestige because of his perfect grooming and calculated social mingling practises...
  4. There two major biological realities that are motivational forces for males to seek to control females. It's to do with reproduction and propagation of genes, so goes straight to the heart of evolution and even deeper than conscious thoughts. One. Males cannot make babies, while females can... So better go get yourself some females! Two. As the saying goes = mamas baby, papas maybe. Males can never be sure the kid they may be raising is theirs and not say postman's. To avoid that genetic fiasco better make sure she wont be able to sneak around.
  5. I am a visual thinker and diagrams help me conceptualize things. What I have in mind in this case is two colors red and blue on the color spectrum. (It is a simplified low resolution model but bare with me...) 1) Now there is a continuous gradation between the two colors. 2) But there is also something we recognize as a third color - purple. 3) While purple is indeed a third and distinct color, it is also a mixture of blue and red. All these three truths can exist together and yes the borders are fuzzy. I propose we can look at gender in a similar manner with male and female at the ends of the spectrum and gradations of genderqueer/nonbinary in between. And we can use the same tool again to look at cis-nonbinary-trans spectrum. And with sexuality straight-bi-gay... well my diagram actually looks a lot like a bi flag, yay!
  6. My worry is that the postmodernist worldview does more than simply explains alt-facts, it also seems to legitimize just making up your own truths as you go to suit your agenda. It may be quite OK when the good people play that game but accepting it means that game is out there for the people with more sinister goals to play too. I'd pretty much second what Ame said here... And pointing to that tautology is spot on.
  7. If everybody is entitled to their own "truth", is there any place left for "wrong" then? Are Trumpians entiteled their own "alternative truths" by that axiom? What differentiates this postmodern view of truth from might makes right?
  8. Sexuality can be viewed as a spectrum that can be summarized in its low resolution form as: straight-bi-gay + asexual. Why not look at gender on a similar spectrum: cis-genderqueer/nonbinary-trans + agender? And why not even extend the concept to biological sex by having the typical xx/xy expression on one end and various intersex conditions with combinations of chromosomal genotype and sexual phenotype other than xx female /xy male? I can visualize these lines as sort of dimensions in the bigger bio-cultural sex(ual?) space... It is not my intent to offend anybody here and I am truly sorry if anybody feels hurt by this! I'm only trying to figure things out and I am more than willing to hear peoples objections and arguments. I wholeheartedly agree it can be a very touchy topic to many people and it is very important to be mindful of that.
  9. That is so true @BenedettaC! I like there is a lovely gang of people here to help out with the misconceptions. I thought that the art commission analogy can help explain a core principle about consent of dom/sub game. I didn't mean to lay out an actual a sequence of action as such so much. As an artist I have actually approached customers and sold my ideas to them... And it is totally true there can be a lot more back and forth between the two sides. The communication doesn't have to be all verbal but it's a good idea to ensure that things are understood the same way about riskier stuff. (I find it a good general guideline about any kind of sex really to stick to things you feel comfortable enough to talk about with your partner if you should wish to. If you can't discuss something, it's a good sign you should probably do some work on it before you attempt to try act on it) I'd also add that a mark of a good dom/artist is to be able to anticipate their partner's likes and to exceed the expectations.
  10. @kairi hit a key point! Its not domination in a literal sense or domination in the common use of the word! Nothing happens, to the outsider the even most extreme looking things, without the submissive's true consent. In the end it's really the submissive who sets the boundaries and has the final word on any given licenses. To add a lyrical explanation. The dom sub game can be compared to commissioning an art piece. The sub being the commissioner who goes to the artist, the dom and tells what kind of art piece should be created. Like the artist the dom will now be the one to produce the piece using her/his creativity and skill. The canvas would be the subs body. And well the payment given not in cash but ass!
  11. This! Only you @lsroses said it better than I could! This was a major attraction about sex with women for me, especially in my younger years. Young men being especially overexitable and ignorant about pleasuring women. Add to that all the societal pressure and the nonsense beliefs about what is appropriate for either gender to like and how to behave. Little wonder I as a young and inexperienced woman felt I needed the freedom a same sex relationship can offer to figure out what I like and need sexually. And of-course I found women simply hot! So lucky me!
  12. Hi! I've had similar thoughts.... I just wanted to add that there's a certain mismatch between male and female sexualities. Male sexuality seems in general rather crude - there's a straight forward, fast and easy path to reach the peak. There is more similarity and hence compatibility between women in general when it comes to sex. Also the focus of receiving pleasure is more on one partner at a time because of anatomical logistics. So it's more of a tit-for-tat affair. Whereas men's ability to easily subtract pleasure from the act can leave women under served. Or they just assume that it feels as good for the woman they're with. In short it's harder for men to empathize and less reasons to bother in general.
  13. Meditation on my homophobic parent(s)

    I used to be absolutely horrified about my parents finding out about my attraction to women. It really did take a toll on me as it was the main reason I suffered from depression and anxiety through my teenage years and early twenties.

    I felt trapped and incapable of exploring my attraction to women. Which in turn put a strain on my relationships with men. (Wonder how you'd like that thought, Mom!)

    I've even come to see my stunted feelings for boys during these years possibly as a result of repression now. The massive unresolved questions about women and my sexuality pretty much sucked up all my mental energy. And a possible serious relationship with a man presented as just another big obstacle.

    But the main problem was my stubborn, ignorant and controlling mother. Ignorant to the degree that she thought my cousin's long hair was a clear sign of him being gay! Meanwhile in the real world he was a very obvious rock fan!

    I have had many arguments, bordering fights with my mother about the way she viewed (and probably still does) gay people whom she really knew none. In her mind they are perverted and apparently cannot be trusted with children.

    My mother's homophobia was one of the reasons I seeked out a scholarship for an exchange year abroad. That's how far I felt I needed to go to have my break! Anyway I managed to hang on and have had some relationships with women.

    I've thought about coming out to my mother since. And to be honest one of my motivations has been anger. To hurt her back by using her own bigotry against her, like a martial arts move. But I realize that anger is not a good place to base this kind of decision on...

    Most of the time I just don't care anymore. I have moved on with my life. I'm happily married to a wonderful man and we happen to live far away. So it isn't terribly relevant these days.

    On the other hand I shudder at the thought that my mother may think she 'fixed' me and guided me to the 'right path' somehow... That it's all ok now thanks to her.

    Mainly I do want her to know how much hurt she has caused with her narrow mindedness about homosexuality. But it's unclear if I can ever get that through to her. She can be extremely stubborn and probably will just get defensive.

    Or maybe I am selling her short. Maybe me coming out and calling her out directly could be the thing that finally gets through her wall of ignorance...

    I don't know.

    I want these crumbs of resentment gone from my heart at least.

    1. BenedettaC


      It sounds as though you really need to have that conversation, but it might be best not to say everything you need to all at one time - otherwise, she will probably just become defensive, and erect a huge wall to avoid having to deal with it (and you). Despite your anger and resentment, it's best to try to be gentle about it, and introduce the topic in a gradual way, a little at a time, rather than indulging in a massive offload, tempting though that may be. 

    2. tsikk


      Thank you BenedettaC for your thoughtful input.

      Re-reading my post, it comes off more bitter than I actually am. It was my recent visit to my parents that brought back these feelings among other things.

      You are right a massive offload from the point of anger and hurt would not help.

      I've tried defending gay people in abstract but even that ends usually in argument with my mother. I've also left enough dots to connect the line about my attraction to women. I've actually come quite close to straight out coming out about a crush I had.

      She should know. I don't know if she is too deep in denial or just deeply ignorant or both. That's why perhaps a considerate but direct approach cold be more successful if I could succeed at that.

      Unfortunately my mother is not exactly an easy person to deal with beyond our differences about homosexuality. She is not that good at offering emotional support in general. Her anxiety and insecurities tend to get the best of her many times.

      Perhaps it would be simply wiser for me to look for understanding about my sexuality elsewhere.

      Or should I try to do it to get a piece of mind that I've done my bit...

  14. This is exactly where I used to be! Stuck with that thick confusion for a decade and more. Then I finally had a sexual relationship with a woman the deep exploratory kind I had craved for. I felt intense feeling of liberation washing over. After that experience to my surprise I suddenly started falling for men like never before. My feelings for them until then had been rudimentary at best. Like there was a wall there I didn't allow myself get behind. I may have suppressed that side of my feelings. I was afraid of being overpowered by men. Plus I really needed to figure out my sexuality and the deal with my attraction to women. Now my thinking has sort of flipped to 'am I a bi woman or a straight one who got tired of men in this sexist society'. I may never know the extent the different influences ran and I'm ok with it finally. I know I will be forever grateful for my experiences with women... And I can feel free in my love for my husband.
  15. I've heard about the owl theory. First I thought it sounded far fetched - an owl, really?! But now it makes the most sense to me as well, as crazy as it sounds. My husband an I went full on psycho analysis on the handling of Michael Peterson's case after. About the way prosecution was playing the game and how come the jury came to their (in my mind stunningly unjustifiable) decision. Did you find yourself wondering the same way?